Protecting the neighbors

[Lorileah]

A recent thread here and actually one of my threads here has brought up a point.

Do we stay in the closet because we want to protect the people around us or do we do it to protect ourselves?

The thread I am referring to mentioned how they stayed out of sight out of respect for the neighbors. I can relate because I, too, tried to not embarrass the neighbors and more so my GF. My Gf knew about me from the beginning, she was never uncomfortable with me and we went out often. However the last 5 years I personally worked to NOT dress when I was around her. I felt I was something that would bring unwanted attention to her (that's my story and I am sticking to it...until now). But the truth was I didn't want the attention which I assumed would be shown and by default reflect on her. It was MY issue not hers and just before she died she told me she missed seeing "Lori" as much as she would lie.

Jenniferathome made the point that we hide not because we are worried about what others may think (I think I have proven that a fallacy at least to myself in the last year) but more because we are the ones who are uncomfortable.

So why do you not go out? Is it for the community or is it for you???

[AllieSF]

I don't have that problem because I go out regularly like you. I can understand the need sometimes to think of others, specifically family, close friends and an SO so as to not embarrass them, i.e. burden them with who we are. However, when it comes to neighbors and other acquaintances, I believe that it is self protection versus not embarrassing them. I just do not want to be caught be them. I see no need to come out to them and I have no problem maintaining my privacy, at least up till now when I leave the house partially dressed. If I planned to live my life 24/7 as a woman, then I would have a reason. That is also a totally different situation.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Lorileah, I think this will develop into a great thread. I don't go right out because I don't want the neighbors to think less of me or gossip about me. I really don't need to worry because the two neighbors who could see me love ----- just the way he is and we all get along. I know one neighbor who is home all day would probably love Cheryl. The other I'm not so sure even though I could go out while she's working.

My hair stylist is totally okay and so is the salon owner about me coming there fully dressed. They are a nice country ride away over a few miles.

But I do want to spare my wife any embarassment even if most of her family, including my mother-in-law know about me. I know it's okay with my wife, but something holds me back.

I think there is a lot of conditioning involved. In my first marriage failure people found out about me and made my life hell. So there you have the "approach/avoidance" conditioning.

Would I love to hop in my vehicle and just go out dressed? YES! I probably could now but I do feel that resistance. I live in a very rural wooded area and can freely roam my yard. But at the same time I have one eye looking over my shoulder.

But to answer your basic question, I think I want to protect my wife first, and me second. (Maybe my wife doesn't care? She could care less about the neighbor we rarely speak with who works most of the day.)

Cheryl

[CynthiaD]

I go outside a lot in femme clothes. The neighbors don't pay the slightest attention to me when I'm in drab, and they don't pay the slightest attention to me when I'm wearing a skirt and breastforms. They seem to be much more concerned with their own lives than they are with mine. Funny thing is, I feel exactly the same way.

[ArleneRaquel]

Being a widower, retired, and living alone I go out enfemme many times a day. So far in my new, almost 3 years, digs I haven't gotton any complaints, bad looks, or bad comments, except for my next door neighbor who is an extremely vocal homophob. In fact he "dislikes" ,or worse, anyone who differs from his word outlog. I live as a woman and that life has been fantastic for moi.

[Ms. Laura]

irst and foremost I would say protecting my family from embarassment and repercussions is in my mind. You know, if other parents found out they might classify me as sopme "perv" and make it hard on my child to make friends and there could be professional repercussions for my wife. How well founded that fear is I'm not sure but it's definitely a possibility.

I know my extended family is not the accepting sort and could make life in general difficult.

And finally, I suffer a lot of fear myself. I've only been out twice. Only one of those times involved mixing with the general public though both revolved around a support group meeting. I just did not react well to public scrutiny and have had a real desire to crawl back into my shell, even though nothing bad actually happened.

So, I guess my answer is all of the above!

[Norah_joy]

Who am I thinking about when I decide to limit my dressing to home? My family. My wife tolerates as long as I dress at home and alone and I adhere to that. In my case its about much more than avoiding embarrassment. I can see no good coming from "everyone" knowing I cross dress.

My wife is the only one I've ever told about my dressing and gender issues, and I don't feel the need to go beyond that. As Laura said, each situation is unique. As for me, its all about family. Norah

[Lorileah]

Protecting your children is always a priority. But there is a key word there in the sentence
other parents MIGHT Is there an indication they WOULD? Or just your feeling they MIGHT?

I fully understand that in today's society the general consensus is that TG people are Clowns, Perverts, Deviates or just flat crazy. And I fully understand tat we fear that we will be in any or all of those categories. And we want to protect ourselves from that. But who are you really protecting? Usually it is yourself so you don't have to explain or defend yourself. Ihave been there. I am still there with a couple of neighbors (see other thread abut being a secret no more). I don't KNOW that they would be adverse to me. I just feel they would. I am not forcing it to find out, but since the rest of the neighborhood now knows it is their call.

My wife knew about me and she had one "rule": don't embarrass her. That is a wide rule. Some would feel that just the act of dressing is embarrassing. Some would say the act of leaving the house is. Some would say that getting drunk and arrested is where the line is. But we are the ones who set the line on that.

This isn't a "you must come out" thread. It is just to make some think about the real reason they are staying "hidden". It is a perceived fear. It could be real. It could be all in our minds. Usually the mind is the main reason. As I stated I was more fearful of how people would react to me when I was with my GF. So to avoid putting her (in my mind) in that position, i went away. I know she didn't see the threat, she was very comfortable with me. I was the issue. I know that now. We all have been there and there isn't a right answer. But just for those who fear what will happen (not teh ones who have no desire to get out), is it a real or imagined threat?

[shayleetv]

When I was young, I mean young, in my single digits I would go out all the time as a girl. When I was 11 I grew out of my sisters size shoes so fully dressed and in shoes that were falling apart I caught the bus for downtown Salt Lake before my mom got home from work and went shopping for some new shoes. I was wearing a dress of my sisters and stuffed one of her bras with some rubber falsies. I looked pretty good and looked about like a girl of fifteen. Bought four pair of shoes did some window shopping caught the bus home so that I would get home after my parents left for their evening out with dad's club. I did things like that all through my teens and into my early twenties. After that for some reason it had no appeal for me and it doesn't even to this day.

I came out to my wife when I retired because my daughters accidental finding of me dressed on different occasions they told me I had to tell her and they were right. The only time in over forty years I have been dressed as a girl outside was when the psychologist had me come dressed up so she could talk to me about how I felt while dressed. My wife has supported me in my dressing and she gave me this rule of not dressing in public only in our home or somewhere private.This is the easiest rule to follow because I have no need to be in public. I only show my pictures here because.....You, friends are the only ones who can appreciate my efforts. I guess this falls into the category, we are all different in the things we do or in other words we are all a different shade of pink. Please don't try to make everybody the same shade of pink it will be boring after a while.

[~Joanne~]

I think the reason I don't go out is more for myself and my SO than my neighbor's. I could careless what they think.

[mikiSJ]

I have recently come out and have no where the confidence of Lorileah or Allie. But as for my neighbors knowing, I think if I were on my own, I wouldn't particularly care if the neighbors knew or not. My only concern would be if the knowledge brought out some bigotries I wouldn't want to meet.

My current concern centers around my wife's privacy issues and her not wanting anyone to know about Miki. Fair enough, and I don't dress at home - and I am ok with that.

[kimdl93]

I agree. I don't believe the reaction of others...or fear of their disapproval is nearly so powerful as self doubt.

[Beverley Sims]

There is a bit of I do it to protect me from my neighbors.
I have little to do with neighbors in my area and this is the least thing I want to share anyway.

[AllieSF]

"I fully understand that in today's society the general consensus is that TG people are Clowns, Perverts, Deviates or just flat crazy."

Lorileah, This statement of yours does not seem accurate to me. I do not believe that the general public thinks like that. Yes, many do. However, I believe that most just think that what we do is significantly different from the norm as to make them wonder why, maybe think that we have a couple, but not all, screws loose. I do not think that the majority would use the terms that you use. I have been out in 3 different States and read about others going out all over the place. Very few of those ever really says that is the reaction they get form strangers. It is like the point you are trying to make that what other people really feel and what we may correctly or incorrectly perceive how they feel are probably two totally different things.

[Frédérique]

Do we stay in the closet because we want to protect the people around us or do we do it to protect ourselves?

I can honestly say it’s a little bit of both... :thinking:

I feel I have to protect myself. I want to be happy, and I am responsible for my own happiness. Since others have a hard time understanding me, or what I do, I keep to myself. This is based on many personal experiences. I don’t wish to end up turning my back on crossdressing, you know...

On the other hand, my neighbors have four small children, and we all live in a very conservative area. I don’t wish to embarrass anyone, or jolt the kids into a wider reality, or force the parents to explain MY behavior to their children – I would imagine they are ill-equipped to tackle such an undertaking, and I’m not interested in preaching to the sentient-challenged around me...

Meanwhile, I can keep to myself and not bother anyone. It just makes sense. Protection is a noble cause, if you ask me... :straightface:

[Chickhe]

Its both and neither. I just want to preserve my current lifestyle with my neighbors and friends. Its to protect my children from bullies and its to protect myself from loss. And, yet also I'm out in full view sometimes when going to parties because it something fun to do and its plausible.

[GaleWarning]

I am a teacher. I work for a ministry of education with serious double standards in a country which, on the surface, seems LGBT friendly, but in fact is quite the opposite.
So ... am I in the closet for myself or to protect the neighbours?
What do you think, Lori?

[reb.femme]

Personally, I couldn't give a rat's bottom (keeping it clean) if the neighbours saw me, save for the fact as I always quote in these types of thread, I like my windows with glass in them. It has happened.....fact! My neighbours would obviously have a giggle over it behind my back if they knew or know :heehee:, but ultimately, I'm pretty sure they would be OK, with the exception of one family.

Plus, the other oft quoted worrier, but seriously true for me, 'I will not visit problems on my wife of any order', due to my lifestyle choice!

Rebecca

[Lorileah]

It is like the point you are trying to make that what other people really feel and what we may correctly or incorrectly perceive how they feel are probably two totally different things.

So true. In actuality, I have found just the opposite when I am introduced. There is often a curiosity or intrigue. There is the wonder of "why would you do that to yourself?" But I live in a place where for the most part, people are more open. I can tell you that where I grew up I would be considered a pervert or deviate (even by my own family). Then again they still believe most of what they have heard of other minorities. (caveat-my observance of older people in the area...I have no idea how the younger generation would react).




On the other hand, my neighbors have four small children, and we all live in a very conservative area. I don’t wish to embarrass anyone, or jolt the kids into a wider reality, or force the parents to explain MY behavior to their children – I would imagine they are ill-equipped to tackle such an undertaking, and I’m not interested in preaching to the sentient-challenged around me...



And what you are saying is exactly what I tried to explain to someone a few weeks ago. I said that I could "Go anywhere I wanted to go." I just would not go to "Chucky Cheese" because I would not want to put teh parents into a bad situation (I wouldn't go there anyway...the place scares the bejeesus out of me). But was I protecting the children? ...from what..life? that there is far more Horatio than is dreamt of in your philosophy? Or from me having to explain something they have been told is wrong?


I am a teacher. I work for a ministry of education with serious double standards in a country which, on the surface, seems LGBT friendly, but in fact is quite the opposite.
So ... am I in the closet for myself or to protect the neighbours?
What do you think, Lori?

Certainly not the neighbours Clay. You have to protect yourself and your job. As I said there is no correct answer. You have to protect what you have and what is important to you.

The hardest person to come out to would be your SO. Because you believe that your investment in them is bigger than any other group or person you know. And that fear is what keeps people from telling early. You fear you will lose the best thing you have ever had. And yet later that is exactly what happens, but far bigger.

[Jenniferathome]

My cross dressing can't affect the neighbors, so the only reason I hide it from them is for me. So, I dress at home and go out discretely. I do not want to deal with explaining or justifying. It makes life easier for me.

[Kate Simmons]

The neighbors (and such) are really on their own with this one. They have the choice of whether or not they want to associate with me and/or talk to me. Nobody is strong arming them in any way. That having been said, I just have fun being myself usually.:)

[Taylor Ray]

Over the years I have lived in different cities and communities and neighborhoods. Some of the more artistic cities and neighborhoods welcomed the diversity. Some of the more conservative communities were very judgmental. My artist friends are very accepting of different lifestyles. If some of my extended family knew, I don't think their minds would be able to process it.

I usually find myself dressed in the early evening and realize there is an errand I forgot to run and get tired of having to change. But my current neighborhood is conservative with lots of families, so for some reason I change before going out.

[whowhatwhen]

It's both and neither, sort of.
While I genuinely don't want to hurt, upset, or lose my family they also provide a convenient excuse to keep myself locked away out of fear.

In the end it always comes down to fear.

[Jamie001]

In the end it always comes down to fear.

At some point in our journey, we eventually come to the realization that the majority of the fear is in our own minds. In other words, we create a lot of our own Demons and some of those Demons are really very large in our mind.

[Launa]

I don't want to embarrass my family so I never leave the house dressed.

I really could careless about the neighbors even though I'm good friends with most of them.

[Miriam-J]

An interesting question, and one that I've been reconsidering recently. In my current home situation, I'm pretty cautious for various reasons. I don't want to deal with the unknown reactions of neighbors and coworkers in an area with predominantly very conservative (and judgmental) attitudes. I don't want my son to have to deal with this at his age since he has plenty of issues to address anyway, and any public knowledge could easily widen the circle to include him.

But we're now seriously considering a move to a new job in a new state, one with much more liberal attitudes, hundreds of miles from my son. Perhaps in such an environment I could be more open about my crossdressing. Perhaps. Definitely need to explore this possibility with my wife. Thanks for the food for thought.

Miriam

[lingerieLiz]

I have found that neighbors are much more accepting than one might think. I've had a lot of neighbors as I've moved around the country. I dated the girl next door who knew. The first room I rented after I was on my own, had a woman who didn't like finding my clothes and asked me to leave. At the next room I rented the landlady not only accepted but encouraged me to dress and date as a girl, my friend knew. Later, I lived in a complex with drapes, little did I know, that hid nothing. One day a neighbor said they enjoyed the show. I've been walked in on and had neighbors walk into my drive or backyard while I've been dressed.

In all my many years I really haven't had bad times with neighbors. HOWEVER, I do understand the fear of embracement one or one's SO might feel. Children are especially subject to ridicule about one's parents especially if the rumor gets to school.

[Stephanie47]

Until recently my wife would go to Chicago to visit our daughter. She has recently relocated back to Washington. While she was in Chicago for 7-10 days I had all the opportunity to be en femme and I essentially tried for 24/7. I did go out in the evening for strolls and drives. I had no real place to go to take care of any type of pressing business. I found the entire experience was overrated. I have much more enjoyment being en femme around the house and backyard doing things I enjoy.

As to protect the neighbors? No. To protect my wife and kids from ridicule? From being shunned? Yes. Years ago my wife told me it was alright with her if I chose to attend a support group. I didn't take her up on it. I don't feel I need support to justify myself.

I guess it all depends what one is searching for in life.

[Barbara Ella]

My wife asked me not to go out in our town, and not to leave the house dressed. I am free to take a road trip, get a motel, and go out as I please. I haven't, even though I found it quite relaxing the four times i went out last year.

She does not want me to be ridiculed in any way. or our family to be bullied (her word) over this being spread around town. If not for them, I would be going out. The gossip would spread like wildfire in this town.

This was brought home to my wife, and set her back a bit in our dynamic. Our hairdresser, while discussing weird, brought up the gossip that a well known and respected member of our community was a crossdresser, and he would go to a close by town when he was dressed. NEWS TO ME, but I don't go around trying to figure out who is or not. Of course the hairdresser went through all the stereotypical things associated with cross dressing, and added a new one that if they are not gay, they are all bi sexual. Wife presented facts without seeming to know too much. Her takeaway from this was that even for a University town, the populace is not very friendly to us and I needed to be very careful.

I respect her feelings. She has to truly accept me before anyone else will.

Barbara

[Eryn]

I'm not close with my neighbors, but I don't want any word-of-mouth to splash back onto me or my family. Therefore whenever I venture out dressed it is to drive into the next valley or further. Luckily, I am pretty well shielded by physical barriers when getting into my car so getting out of the driveway and down the street is relatively easy.

[Amanda M]

I am 'closeted' in my very small, conservative Spanish town. I do this (a) to protect my wife from ridicule and (b) to protect her, and my, professional standing. We are very close to our neighbours. One couple might be accepting, but the other would not. Indeed yesterday, the male part of the couple was going on about 'homos' and 'poofters'.

I'm not happy with that sort of conversation, but apart from his apparent homophobia, he is genuinely a great guy. It's horses for course, isn't it?

[mikiSJ]

Amanda, I am not sure how long I could live next to someone who refers to gays as 'poofters' - yuck!

[noeleena]

Hi,

This will depend on how im dressed, what clothes or the time frame they represent, 1900-14 or 1400 -1700 then it could be in Scottish ,

three different groups, i belong to.

Now the ? will be neighbours , all know many of the clothes i wear. so are very used to me on that score, down the streets here of Waimate, all know,

So who would be embarrised, those i know or myself & then family. 16 of us, if any one is embarrised it will allways be myself & you all know why.

I have people come up to me not just those i know , strangers & say how lovely we ...i... look yes i get embarrised, more so when they wont to take pics of us & myself,

I enjoy what we do. we plan for we do our displays & people appressiate what we do so its worth it, if you see us i know youd be blown away with our clothes & how we present our selfs,

i dought many here if any would dress like our groups yet i know many would love to & how you'd look would be pretty neat, makeup & all. if you could you'd only see me behind my camara, doing & knowing my place as the camara woman. the look is in the 1860's though for this group its the 1900 -14, Edwardian times,

...noeleena...

[Sandra1746]

I live within the "mid Atlantic corridor" but have a fairly-rural location; see my post on foxes in my yard. The neighbors are well away from the house and so they are not much of an issue. As long as I'm not waltzing across their yard in my skirt I feel they can fend for themselves. Mostly they either don't notice or don't care.

Just living,
Sandra1746

[Princess29]

I've been really trying to analyse most aspects of my crossdressing lately. I feel that due to one of my neighbours having an extended period off from work and therefore is home pretty much all the time and him having a tendency to want to come out for a chat when he hears my front door opening (at any time of the day or night), I'm very reluctant to go out. Nobody else in the block does this. Its none of his, or anyone's business what I do but I worry that if I just say "screw it" and go out wearing what I like, when I like, when my parents come for a visit or someone from work does too, that he might blab or say something to them and I wouldn't want them to do that. I just want to dress, go to my car, go do my thing, come back home and then go into my apartment and not have to worry about anyone in unit block wanting to talk about it or how I may be dressed.
I realise that gives him too much power.
I wonder that for something that is supposed to feel good, do the added stresses associated with the experience still make it worth doing?

[Kalista Jameson]

Hello,

I think it may have to do with the time each one of us decides to move forward with our crossdressing. Is it during a time when we are young, and lay all the cards on the table for the world to see, before we get too entrenched in relationships and life? If I could go back in time that's what I'd do and then go about my life dressed as I pleased, making new relationships along the way with that forefront all the way. But we all know it doesn't work that way. For many, the courage to crossdress openly seems to come later in life, when we've gotten some world experience, good or bad, and often times when we're involved in relationships and building families and careers - all of which adds an additional layer of worries about actually expressing ourselves openly.

I can only share my story and how I am going about it. I knew I had this side of me since grade school in the 1970's and did my best to keep it hidden all through the 1980's and '90's. When it never went away, though I'd had a few girlfriends, I knew I was working too hard to deny part of myself and questioned the healthiness of that. When I met my ex-wife in 1993, I told her about myself months before we got married and she was okay with it privately but not around the family and friends. I was elated to have that, so I took my bone contentedly and buried it in the back yard. While in that marriage, I often fantasized about going out enfemme, but did not, partly because of fear, mostly because of what it would mean to my marriage. I loved and respected my ex-wife and had no wish to embarrass her in any way.

Time rolled on, other forces took us apart, and now I am single with a sixteen year old daughter who knows nothing of this side of me. So now I am in a balancing act of trying to figure out how to be Kalista and not bring stress and confusion into my house. I think I've come up with a satisfactory solution for now. I've decided to keep my femme side on the DL until she is out of high school and then share it with her. Until then, I dress privately, and have opened up to a handful of trusted people in my life, mom, brother, two close male friends, pretty much my inner circle and the only ones I care about the most when it comes to knowing the fullness of me. Only my kids remain to be filled in, and I have a stated plan for that. So in the meantime I keep this part of my life selectively hidden.

As far as the outside world goes, the UPS guy, neighbors, store clerks, passersby, I genuinely don't care about them. When my kids know, then I'm all about unrestricted expression, save for work. That area stays as is. Should anyone there find out about Kalista, I'll just keep it professional and let them know my private life is not up for discussion. There are all kinds of "what if's" that could be noted, but, isn't that true about anything?

So that's where I am as far as the OP's question goes as far as why I don't go out. It's not for the neighbors or community, but rather something more personal to me. My kids.

Cheers,

Kalista

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Kalista, you've made many great points. I couldn't come out young growing up in the '60's and '70's so I repressed it and hid my activity. Would have been nice to come out before building relationships, etc.. My first wife was okay with it but we eventually divorced in 1984 because she finally couldn't deal with it thinking I had to transition. I admire anyone who faced the struggles back then. Eventually the ex told my daughters the reasons we divorced and I just found out a year ago, and they are fine and still love me regardless. They are in their 30's. I've been with my 2nd wife since the late '80's and who has been nothing but a supportive angel. Today at 60 I recently learned that my in-laws knew about me before we married. We all have a loving relationship.

Today it's much easier for me to have confided in some trusting friends. It has reduced my stress to hide it and yet explore what I can do to experience a liberating feeling. Earlier in this thread I posted about neighbors. But with anything I do I will protect and try to spare any embarassment of my wife with her family, my family, for myself, and maybe the neighbors who either won't care, or have something to talk about. It's a fine line tightrope.

I know a Fedex delivery guy who, while not specifically naming or outing anyone, has told me he's seen it all, and so what?

I'm also retired so I don't have to worry about the one paying my salary although for those who whispered behind my back when I was working, they're history. They cannot hurt me now. Besides, my attitude if I needed to respond would be, "Believe what you see and half of what you hear."

Cheryl

[kimdl93]

Barb, You can't judge a whole community by the comments of a gossipy hairdresser. She may simply be echoing what she thinks is the attitude of her customers, particularly if she has an older clientele.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Here's another golden rule for those of us who choose to disclose to people we might trust, or who may have detected our preferences. It took me awhile to learn that if someone is talking to me about someone in a negative way, they're probably talking about me too. That's why I listen carefully to people.

Cheryl

[Sam-antha]

It is hard to generalise about anything, least of all the neighbours and others who get lumped into the category of neighbours in this thread. However, certain groups must be perhaps exempted from the chat. For instance, teachers who are never (?) entirely free from observation anywhere in there home area. Ministers too cannot stray too far from the norm. Doctors of the GP variety and Dentist are what could be perhaps described as a moveable feast in as much that if one of two of their patients do not like what they see/hear, then they are free to go elsewhere.
There is also the neighbourhood and to me the main factor is simply answered by the query ; “Are any of the neighbours associated with is that which concerns life inside a married home and that can only be answered by the individual.
Outside of these groups there is the question of age and therefore of tolerance and the very necessary ability to pass in the world. With age comes an increased sort of selfishness in this and most other areas of life. My feelings are best described by quoting Otto Klemperer’s retort to his record producer when the latter disagreed with Klemperer’s reading of a certain passage of something.


You will get used to it”


That being said, the disapprovers are accounted for and the majority of acceptors are still happy, (Possibly in ignorance)

.~Samm

[Barbara Ella]

Kim, you are exactly right, and I put no stock in anything she said. I was just concerned that such a prominent person who seemingly tried to go unnoticed, was "out" to the town (well, maybe everyone but me. God I am really too closeted....lol). My wife then takes the position that this opens him and his family to the uneducated bigoted barbs of the community, and this is one of her biggest fears, and it did set her back in our discussions of me doing the things I need to do.

You can't protect yourself once you are "outed" to the community, and I wonder if protecting the neighbors can really be accomplished if the rest of the community knows.

Barbara

[Cheryl T]

The only people we avoid finding out are the family and close friends. As for the neighbors, even my wife says the heck with them if they don't like it. We go out from the house when we go and sometimes we will just take a walk around the neighborhood together. I don't care if they know, but I was always protective of my wife till the day she said she didn't care if they knew or not.
That certainly freed things up for me.

[Jamie001]

I am 'closeted' in my very small, conservative Spanish town. I do this (a) to protect my wife from ridicule and (b) to protect her, and my, professional standing. We are very close to our neighbours. One couple might be accepting, but the other would not. Indeed yesterday, the male part of the couple was going on about 'homos' and 'poofters'.

I'm not happy with that sort of conversation, but apart from his apparent homophobia, he is genuinely a great guy. It's horses for course, isn't it?

I don't think that I could consider a person that is a bigot to be a "great guy". I certainly would not be friends with him. I really believe that we need to stand-up against bigots and let them know that their bigotry is not appreciated and that they will be ostracized for promoting bigotry. It's the least that we can do.

[Tracii G]

Interesting question Lori and some great answers.
I'm single and I dress as I please so my neighbors see me in both modes.

[Leah Lynn]

I'm late to the party, as I was on the road. In the town (pop. about 5,000) where I live, there has been reputedly, two or three cd's before me. I know who two of those individuals are, but have never talked to them. Whenever one of these people come up in conversation, or the conversation gets to cd's, everyone in this town that I've talked to that mentioned them, has acted like a leper had moved to town. Without exception, every one has acted like it's creepy, perverted, disgusting, and most any other adverb that fits. EEEWWWWWW... Oh, ick. Nasty. Ah, yes, and we're all gay. That's the clean version; I'd be kicked off the board if I gave a direct quote. Needless to say, I'm protective of myself. I'll dash to the car to go elsewhere to go out. I will walk about as androgynous. But NEVER fully dressed.

As a matter of fact, I am looking to relocate. I want to be ME!

Leah

[linda allen]

Some background is necessary here. I have gone out dressed a few times in the past few years. All before my wife knew about my dressing and all when she was out of town visiting family. I had a cheap wig and boobs, shoes, etc. hidden away just for those occasions. I never told her about those outings.

Now that she knows about my dressing, I haven't been out. Not because I'm afraid to, but because she would be embarassed if anyone saw me or knew I was a crossdresser. I was close to getting her to take me out dressed and just drive around in the dark but I could tell she was really uncomfortable with it so I backed off.

To be honest, I don't want anyone I know to know I'm a crossdresser or see me dressed so I would take steps to get out of the house and neighborhood and return unseen like I did before. I've always gone places where I'm unlikely to run into people I know like downtown in the tourist area.

She may be going out of town again to visit family so I may get a chance to go out again. I imagine the subject of going out dressed while she is away will come up before she goes. My guess is, she won't be thrilled, but she will be OK with it.

edit: After reading the rest of the responses, I have to say that if you have young children living with you, it's important to protect them. That probably means not letting them see or know about your dressing and as someone pointed out, not letting the neighbors or parents of your children's friends know or find out. Like it or not, most non crossdressers think of us as "strange" at best and "perverts" at worst. You don't really want the neighborhood children not being allowed to play with your children because you are thought of as a possible pervert.

As for neighbors. well my wife and I are friends with neighbors on both sides and across the street. Not close friends, but close enough that we bring in each others mail and mow their lawns when one is out of town, help with home repairs, and take care of each others pets when necessary. Coming out to them as a crossdresser would be uncomfortable fo me and for my wife. Strangers - I don't care what they think.

[Amanda M]

A little point about my bigoted neighbour. I suspect that most of us have attitudes and opinions that are less than perfect. Her is a guy, for whom nothing is too much trouble when help is needed, a great family man and so on. Perhaps with time and education he may well change his spots. Since I am less than perfect, I find it reasonably easy to overlook this tiny part of his personality - after all, the only person who loses by it is himself.