the tipping point

[vicky V]

This is a cautionary tale.

I joined the forum in October, and very much enjoyed participating. I must say that with all the positive feedback I felt a bit emboldened. For a reference point, my wife and soul mate has been accepting of my desire to wear panties and hosiery. I have tried not to be in your face with it, but I have been wearing panties 24/ 7 for more than 20 years. Back to feeling emboldened - - in early November I decided that I might like to try wearing a bra, so I purchased one on line. To make this brief, the company upgraded my shipping, the bra (oh, I forgot to mention that I also ordered breast forms) arrived and my SO mistakenly opened that package. Well the shiitake hit the fan. I have had to agree to counseling and also to forgoing my beloved panties and hosiery until we get this sorted out. So, my sweet friends, remember to go slowly with some inclinations and I would suggest discussing with your SO when you are going to indulge your desires in a different direction.

Happy holidays to all.

love,

vicky v

[Julia Cross]

Hi Vicky,

I am sorry to hear about your wife's rather negative reaction. It would appear she knows very little about crossdressers and why they do it, and much more. There are some really good books you can order from Amazon which are geared towards the wife, just typoe in crossdressing and they are usually the first to appear. Very well written and not expensive. Perhaps, as long as she has an open mind, this approach will help her understand your needs and desires. Good, clear and honest dialogue would also be very helpful.

Julia

[Sam-antha]

Vicky,
There is always the chance that your counsellor is sufficiently understanding to involve your SO in his counselling. That he/she ( I hope it is a he) will point out to your SO that it is rather difficult, if not impossible for you to give up the fem desire and that it is not unhealthy, that it is nrmal for many many more people than is considered there are around.

Hugs and be brave

[Shannon]

Hi Vicki -- I'm sorry that events took this turn. Perhaps the counselor can help you and your wife come to terms with CrossDressing, and the tipping point will turn out to favor both you, your wife, and your relationship. You know I'm thinking about you, gurl!

[SandraInHose]

I had a similar situation with a pair of 4" pumps instead of a bra and breastforms. She was just getting over the initial shock of finding out my obsession with wearing pantyhose, and was becoming more accepting. Kind of a '3 steps forward, 2 steps backward' kind of progression toward acceptance. But I pushed the envelope by ordering the shoes online, and although she's never seen me wear them, she can tell by looking at them that they didn't stay brand new very long.

She says she can accept the pantyhose, but cannot accept me wearing heels, skirts, and the rest. It's a compromise I can live with, but like I said...it is certainly a compromise.


PS Shannon, immediately after I originally posted, I saw your quote about compromises! So true!!

[BrendaChristine]

I wish a time would come when the S/O would opt to sit down and discuss it BEFORE the knee jerk reaction of counseling.

[Jillian310]

I am the stay at home while my SO (wife) works (I am retired), and I am first to see the incoming mail. I have been holding back ordering online because of the minute possibility that I may not get that mail or express service delivery first. My frinds Harry and Vinca permit me to send stuff to their house, which is 90 minutes away. Nevertheless, I buy most of my stuff in stores, partly because I like to try things on before I purchase. The breastforms are another issue, which will be delivered to my friends. I was at the mall today scouting out what may be on sale after Christmas. I found a plus size store in the mall with some really neat dresses and skirts. The charge card will get a work out! :angel:

[kathy gg]

Hi Vicky,

I want you to know that I am not trying to be harsh on you, sounds like you have enough on your hands right now....but if I may I hope you dont' mind a gg pov....

panties....pantyhose....not really that 'out there'. Alot of women might just put this in the same catagory as their guy reading a girly magazine (play boy, penthouse). For many women it might seem a harmless fetish. Some little kink their guy has no biggie. To be honest, I know plenty of women who have told me they caught their guy wearing their undies or pantyhose and did not give it a second thought, nor even considered it 'crossdressing'.

BUT....bras, breast forms....now this is not just a little quirk then. At least to me it signifies a desire to be able to emulate a woman. Not just put on an item of clothing for sensuality sake or because it feels nicer than boxers shorts.

This is quiet common for guys to learn everything they can online, start to feel good about themselves and then think "whoops' forgot to mention that I have been learning and growing" and then you find you are on a whole other new level and she is still where you last left off 'panties and hose'. And you are on the new "bra and breast form" level ... you can't just jump levels and NOT expect some sort of repurcussion...right?

I mean had she been kept in step maybe things would be different. And I hope that I dont' get someone saying that for every new move a guy makes he needs 'permission' from his wife. I am not saying that....but you can't expect a different outcome when you are only sharing 'half' the story and only being 'half' honest with your intentions.

I am not telling you anything you probably dont' already know. But this situation seems totally understandable to me. Everything that happened totally makes sense and I would be COMPLETELY surprised had she NOT reacted in any other way.

I just wonder sometimes if guys dont' desire to share more because they kinda fear all the work that might be involved in having to help educate your SO's. I mean everyone gets really bummed when they get busted and have to go to counseling. They happen because women don't know about these issues. I can't remember our mom's giving us the low down on our guys getting into our stuff? gg's, help me out here??....we only know if we WANT to know or HAVE to know, otherwise why learn a subject which has nothing to do with 'you' personally? Most women (gg's) only know about crossdressing if they are married to one, have a family member that is one, or have some other link which merits their involvement. I mean every time I was out in a tg bar when I was single or have gone into a tg chat room, people (cd's included) can't imagine why a woman would want to be in that environment.....just some food for thought.....

anyway....I hope counseling turns out to be enlightening for both of you!

[vicky V]

Thank you for your comments.

vicky

[Marla GG]

So, my sweet friends, remember to go slowly with some inclinations and I would suggest discussing with your SO when you are going to indulge your desires in a different direction.

Good advice, Vicky.

Just because your SO is okay with you wearing panties and stockings, that doesn't mean that she will be cool with breastforms. I have had CDs tell me that they can't see any difference.....but ask any SO and she'll say that breastforms are in a whole other category. A lot of women who are otherwise accepting feel disturbed by the idea of their guy having realistic-looking boobs.

As with most CD issues, I think the keys to helping an SO feel less threatened are (1) education and (2) time + exposure, or "getting used to it." I remember when my first CD partner wore a bra and forms in front of me for the first time....I thought it looked really odd! And it bothered me on some visceral level that completely bypassed my genuine desire to be open-minded and reasonable. It was only after seeing it dozens of times that it started to look "normal." Eventually I even began to find it sexy! But that didn't happen overnight.

I think going to counseling is a wise investment in your relationship. Good luck to you.