Going a little crazy...

[Cozmo]

I'm a 25 yr old guy, and love to wear knickers and bras.

I've told one friend about this and she freaked and we don't talk any more, I thought she was the more open minded of my friends

I tried telling my gf but when she got the idea of what I was saying she almost left me. We're still together on the basis I never dress like that again. Which I'm sure many here can relate to this isn't something we do by choice

So under a floor board in the loft are a few items I can wear when I get those precious few hours alone. Although I've occasionally had faint bra marks so have had to be extra careful.

Most of my friends are people we know as a couple so I can't speak to them and my male friends, I just can't bring myself to tell them. I'm not ashamed of who I am, but aware that today's society has a sickened image of so called right and wrong with people's private life's. I think if I was gay I would find that easier to come out with.

Just finding it difficult with no one to talk to about this. I secretly hope someone asks in the street so I can say yes, I'm wearing a bra and I'm a boy. What of it.

With out the support of my gf, how do I live a daily lie, knowing I'm not true to what makes me happy. But how can I be with some who is so anti something because she feels it's wrong!

I just wish I had someone to talk too!!!

[Gypsy Sam]

Cozmo,

The people you get to know here will assure you the thoughts you have are shared by many of us. Do what your comfortable with and reduce the stress and anxiety with those around you.
Everyone needs alone time, enjoy the stirring of the imagination and the mental awareness.

[Karren H]

Being gay would be easier to come out as gay but being a gay crossdresser has the same issues that straight ones have....

[Cozmo]

seems to me like people associate cross dressing with being gay. They can make the mental connection. First thing my gf said was, so your gay then!

Being straight and wanting to wear a bra. People cant explain it away as easily in there tiny minds

But I like the feel off it, there is something right about it. despite having no boobs at all and being a guy. Doesn't make sense to me still that I enjoy it. Who knows how the mind works really

[Tracii G]

Wearing a bra will not make you gay or change your sexual preference explain it that way.
Its just an article of clothing is it not?
I had a bra on in guy mode one day and had a fellow say you are wearing a bra dude whats up with that are you gay?
I said nope and if you would please explain to me how an article of clothing can make you gay I would really love to hear your answer.
He stood there with his mouth open and had no answer.
Can't say I have seen any gay male friends of mine wear a bra.LOL
I really get tired of the "thats so gay" comments people make.

[Alice Torn]

You are not totally alone, as many on here live lonely lives, with the secret. I do not see society ever accepting of this, other than a small minority. It can take over our lives, if we let it, though. I only go out dressed up a few times a year, usually night. I don't have a SO, or wife, so i can dress alone , when i am not too tired. If you are on here a lot, you will find solice, and empathy.

[Cozmo]

I dont see how cross dressing makes u gay either

nor do i get why people can be so really anti something that is so harmless.

My gf was vocal this is just plain wrong, and i should see a councilor if that was the case

between that and loosing my friend over it, trying to tell people about this hasn't gotten off to a great start

maybe I should move out and do my own thing, but that doesn't really help me

[Amy Fakley]

well you've found a wonderful group of people to talk to here :-)

I know what you mean by the gay thing ... it would be easier to come out as gay, because our society is just now beginning to mainstream the concept. In most circles I run in, being gay isn't even remotely considered shocking, it's more on par with trivia ... like the color of your eyes or what kind of car you drive, etc. Of course, you don't have to look far to find prejudice and intolerance, but the situation is lightyears beyond where it was when I was growing up in the 80's. In America, we've had a national political dialogue on the subject for something like 15 years (at least). So if you say "well I'm gay", even if the person you said it to doesn't dig that and is put off by it or whatever, at least they've heard of it before ... they have a framework for understanding it.

I think that framework for understanding doesn't exist by and large for those of us in the CD/TG/TS crowd, because ... honestly ... I think most people in the world haven't heard of this before. That's why the reaction is almost always a comparison to something people do already know about ... hence "are you gay?" ... "are you mentally ill?" ... "are you a dangerous phycho murderer like that dude from that movie?" ... etc, etc.

Things are changing, little by little.
Sometimes ... actually a lot of the time ... I wish I could get in the TARDIS and just pack up my junk and move to 50 years in the future. I recon it'll be a whole difference scene by then.

[Cozmo]

well you've found a wonderful group of people to talk to here :-)
Things are changing, little by little.
Sometimes ... actually a lot of the time ... I wish I could get in the TARDIS and just pack up my junk and move to 50 years in the future. I recon it'll be a whole difference scene by then.

Anyone who likes dr who has to be alright lol, love that show

Glad u got my point tho. I just don't want to have to hide it. If it was accepted to the degree homosexuality is then I'd be a lot more comfortable telling people.
There is no right and wrong in people's preferences. It's just who u are

As great as the forum I have no doubt is. Doesn't help with day to day life does it? I get not knowing ur alone is great. But I need to find a way to be open with it outside my attic lol

[~Joanne~]

We all have felt the way that you are currently feeling at this point in time. Some really embrace it and don't care what others think or say, some have accepting and supporting SO's which makes a world of difference, and some live their lifes in the closet. I am kind of in between the last two myself.

Wearing clothes of the opposite gender doesn't make you gay or we would have a world full of lesbians running around as women wear men's things all the time. I am sorry that your one friend that you thought would understand let you down, it happens and though she won't talk to you anymore, it's for the best as she really wasn't a friend to begin with.

I'm not ashamed of who I am, but aware that today's society has a sickened image of so called right and wrong with people's private life's.

I agree with you 100% but I think this also goes well beyond one's private lives.

As for the girlfriend, I would make her an EX. Life is too short to live under a floor board in the loft. If she REALLY loved you, this would not be an issue. She would take the time to understand what this is for you, what CDing is really about and understand that it never goes away just because she wants it to.

[I Am Paula]

Girlfriends are easy to find. A truly great fitting bra is a keeper. LOL

[Tracii G]

If your GF doesn't like it send her packing there are plenty of women that are accepting you just have to find her.
I will never let a woman/partner tell me what I can and cannot do.

[ninadiva]

My SO was completely shocked when i confessed about three years ago. She still is, and looks at me with hatred that gets worse as time goes by. And as such the last three years have been a waste of time. We are separating but its very complicated with finances, family, etc. I am still in the closet so to speak, but have moved my stash to another location that I can visit when the pink fog, or purple (favorite color) comes over. We do not discuss my needs as they are, as far as I am concerned, irrelevent now to my SO. The confession cannot be taken back and I will be forever resented. But having been slandered to extended family and the feelings of betrayal that go with it, I feel positive about what the future holds, as I will be left in control of it. And possibly find someone more open minded. I hope things work out for you. The pink fog never goes away, although it may change color. I used to keep my stash in the loft also but it was too much hassle with loft ladders, lights, cobwebs and dust. Then I hid items in a cupboard, but they were discovered when SO went snooping. I wish I had found this site back then and directed SO to it, but its too late now as the subject is TABOO between us.

[Wildaboutheels]

Here is the REALITY. Most folks are closed minded, on at least a few things. If not many. And many of them will CLAIM to be open minded.

You told one female and she freaked and bailed on whatever kind of Relationship she had with you. You then told your GF and learned that "Love conquers all" is a MYTH. [and one vey popular here] She basically told you it's HER way or the highway.

You are clearly unhappy that she won't allow you to be yourself. Is your Relationship with her WORTH IT?

Here are your choices.

1] TRY to talk to her again and maybe part company over the matter.

2] Continue to dress privately and hope for the best.

3] Start having a few slipups with items left out. When or if she says anything, tell her you think it unfair to have to choose her OR the clothes and you won't. Then she has the ball once again and will have to do something with it. DADT is a choice and it DOES work for some people here at the Forum so don't believe the boo birds here that will tell you it doesn't/can't work.

As to how you have worded your post, you NEED at least "someone" to know? It likely won't stop with just one person knowing? And you WILL find some that don't disaprove if you tell enough people. Is that likely to sway your GF? Unlikely.

You are only 25 and seemingly the "force is strong" with you. That makes your choice simple to me.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Cozmo, I feel you should take a very close look at what your goals are for this relationship. Your GF probably has many fine qualities, except she can't accept your crossdressing, an aspect of your life that is very important to you to fulfill your needs. You're still young. Try to envision a restrictive relationship over several years. Ask yourself if you will be content and happy living like this unless your GF does a 180-degree turn to totally accept you the way you are. It's safe to say that being a CDer is deeply rooted in our personalities. We most likely cannot change WHO we are. The pot may eventually boil over.

I was divorced in 1985 when I was 32 and now I'm 60 married to a wonderfully loving and accepting wife who would do anything to accept other changes I would wish to make and I can dress anytime and it's okay. She even surprizes me when she comes home from shopping trips. I do give back to her in many appreciative ways and to assure security for her life and her goals. When I did find her, I found her after a long string of dating other women discreetly getting a feel for their acceptance levels. If the acceptance and support didn't exist, I felt that I'd only be repeating all of the things that made my first marriage fail.

I'm not telling you what to do, but I want my example to illustrate what was possible for me. Today I couldn't be any happier! No stress over me CDing. I can be myself and focus on the other finer things for me and my wife and family.

Cheryl

[Beverley Sims]

We all learn to live with it until the right time comes along.
Yes that will happen..... One day.
You are among like minded people here and your situation is not unusual.

[Tracii G]

Being 25 and a guy don't be one of those thats feels they have to be in a relationship to be happy/complete.
The right one will come along just be open about your female side and the right lady will find you.
Any woman I have dated in the last 10 years I told about my femme side, some said well thats nice CYA later, some said wow thats pretty cool dress up for me.
A woman that demands her needs be met and yours thrown to the side as if you don't matter you don't want to be with anyway.

[Stephanie47]

If your girl friend is so adamant about cross dressing, I recommend breaking of the relationship. At 25 it will only get worse. Your natural inclination to explore your feminine side will conflict with her non acceptance. It's one thing for a long term girl friend or wife to consciously weight the attributes of the boy friend or husband, and, it another for a short term relationship, wife or girl friend, to act abruptly.

Don't make the mistake in believing you can stop. You'll be deceiving yourself and her.

[Kaz]

Hi Cozmo... This will sound crap but it is true. Life is a journey not a destination. I am not just talking about yours, but theirs'!

Real life? You are in a minority and many will not like it. Want to be liked by all? Lowest common denominator. Look at the world of TV and media in general. Want to be special and express yourself? Expect to be attacked... But those who love you as you... will truly love you, and you them.

Kaz

[reb.femme]

seems to me like people associate cross dressing with being gay. They can make the mental connection. First thing my gf said was, so your gay then!

Being straight and wanting to wear a bra. People cant explain it away as easily in there tiny minds

But I like the feel off it, there is something right about it. despite having no boobs at all and being a guy. Doesn't make sense to me still that I enjoy it. Who knows how the mind works really

Hi fellow townie,

Time will probably reduce the need to explain the what, why type of questions buzzing around your head right now. I really don't worry about it. I just am!

It's other people that are the 'problem' as you say, but this is where the compromise side of life comes in for most too. All you can do is be honest as far as your SO/family is concerned, where you are out that is. Natural assumption always seems to be that you must be gay though. One of my sons is.....does this count? :heehee:

Rebecca

[Diversity]

Hi Cozmo,
You have come to the right place. This is a wonderful forum with very understanding members. You'll find you can talk, share, and learn virtually anything you want to know about here. Welcome!
Di

[Cozmo]

I get what your all saying, I really do

I just wish it was that easy to end it. And I have to say, ending it so i can wear womens underwear sounds so wrong. But its not, i guess it would be ended it so I could be me

I dunno. I guess ill venture with it for now. And if it gets worse then the time will come when I will have to move on from this relationship

And yes, I need someone to know. And if that was met ok I could see myself outing this part of myself a bit easier

[PaulaQ]

I just wish it was that easy to end it. And I have to say, ending it so i can wear womens underwear sounds so wrong. But its not, i guess it would be ended it so I could be me


The bad news:
1. Your desire for this will not go away
2. You are unlikely to be happy keeping this secret from your SO - you sound freaking miserable now.
3. Suppressing this stuff is not a particularly successful strategy - you'll likely fail
4. Over time, odds are, your SO will catch you anyway.

Why is it hard to end it? Are you married? Have children? Other types of entanglements that are, in truth, difficult to unwind? Ending a relationship because you can't be yourself is exactly why you end them. It's sad, but it's the truth, too.