hengyr
05-21-2013, 03:15 AM
Hello, it's been awhile since I've posted on here, but just to reiterate: I'm Ryan, I'm 20 years old and I attend my local community college. What I haven't shared, is that I have very mild Asperger's syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism. Despite being evaluated as having an above-average verbal IQ, superior vocabulary/articulation and acute visual-spatial reasoning, I have mild social anxiety and am very shy.
In my day-to-day social interactions, most of my classmates, co-workers and friends/acquaintances probably wouldn't suspect it, but I would think that I come off as a bit quirky or eccentric sometimes, plus I have a deadpan, sardonic, dry sense of humor, which is deliberately enigmatic when you're first exposed to it. Most girls describe me as being "adorable", "cute" or "sweet" and occasionally "hot", but I was typically friend-zoned throughout high school.
When I asked a girl out from my Western Civilization II course earlier in the semester, sometime in February, she was a foot taller than me, so it was quite intimidating, but afterward, she leaned down, told me she had a boyfriend, but said I was "really sweet" for showing interest, I felt like she was talking down to me as if I was a few years younger than her, but she still smiled at me whenever we crossed in the hall, so at least she tried to act friendly.
On another occasion, there was this cute redhead at the movie theater I work at, named Liz, she told me she thought I was "an 8, and really ****ing hot" and that she would "**** me in a heartbeat if it weren't for being co-workers and being awkward after", I wanted to quit afterward just to sleep with her! :heehee:
But anyway, after she kept flirting I eventually figured out that she had no intention of any sexual/romantic interest in me, and I felt kind of depressed. One of my co-workers (Matt) told me he knew the whole time but didn't have the heart to tell me.
Later on, she apologized, almost teary-eyed, that I felt "led on" by her flirtatious advances, and Matt told me she felt really bad about it afterward, but I feel like she views me indifferently, if not condescendingly, for not being able to intuitively sense whether or not her flirtations were actual interest in me or just for the thrill of it.
Anyway, so since early April, I've started seeing a therapist, Jeanne, who specializes in ASDs (autism spectrum disorders), and I like her for the following reasons:
- she's female and 32 years old, so I feel like comfortable getting a perspective from the other side of the enemy trenches
- she's very pretty and attractive, I actually fantasize about banging her over that leather sofa in her office (that's an exaggeration), but she does remind me of Jennifer Connelly's character in A Beautiful Mind, so I feel like her attractiveness is a plus
- whereas social situations are intuitive and instinctive to most people, she will help me by assisting me in analyzing the linear, cognitive thought process of mediating my social anxieties during a therapy session, even though it's probably just as well instinctive for her as well than it is for me being logical/analytical (more like a game of chess, military strategy, sudoku or computer programming)
On our first session, one of our 'thought experiments' was if I was talking to an attractive girl in-class versus talking to an attractive girl in which the outcome would be irrelevant (i.e. say a bar two thousand miles away) in contrast to my intentions. It reminded me of my relationship with the SAs at Victoria's Secret, knowing that our relationship is friendly, but professional, I feel like that scenario at Victoria's Secret fits into the scenario, but I kept quiet about it.
So, I've had two sessions with her so far, and my next one is with her this Wednesday at 2:00 pm, and then the next Wednesday after that at 2:00 pm. I think it might be a bit too early to tell, but I'm really eager to have another female to confide into about my sexual lifestyle, so I'm not sure if I should wait a few more sessions. Considering I should be totally open with my therapist, what would be the best way to bring it up during a therapy session?
In my day-to-day social interactions, most of my classmates, co-workers and friends/acquaintances probably wouldn't suspect it, but I would think that I come off as a bit quirky or eccentric sometimes, plus I have a deadpan, sardonic, dry sense of humor, which is deliberately enigmatic when you're first exposed to it. Most girls describe me as being "adorable", "cute" or "sweet" and occasionally "hot", but I was typically friend-zoned throughout high school.
When I asked a girl out from my Western Civilization II course earlier in the semester, sometime in February, she was a foot taller than me, so it was quite intimidating, but afterward, she leaned down, told me she had a boyfriend, but said I was "really sweet" for showing interest, I felt like she was talking down to me as if I was a few years younger than her, but she still smiled at me whenever we crossed in the hall, so at least she tried to act friendly.
On another occasion, there was this cute redhead at the movie theater I work at, named Liz, she told me she thought I was "an 8, and really ****ing hot" and that she would "**** me in a heartbeat if it weren't for being co-workers and being awkward after", I wanted to quit afterward just to sleep with her! :heehee:
But anyway, after she kept flirting I eventually figured out that she had no intention of any sexual/romantic interest in me, and I felt kind of depressed. One of my co-workers (Matt) told me he knew the whole time but didn't have the heart to tell me.
Later on, she apologized, almost teary-eyed, that I felt "led on" by her flirtatious advances, and Matt told me she felt really bad about it afterward, but I feel like she views me indifferently, if not condescendingly, for not being able to intuitively sense whether or not her flirtations were actual interest in me or just for the thrill of it.
Anyway, so since early April, I've started seeing a therapist, Jeanne, who specializes in ASDs (autism spectrum disorders), and I like her for the following reasons:
- she's female and 32 years old, so I feel like comfortable getting a perspective from the other side of the enemy trenches
- she's very pretty and attractive, I actually fantasize about banging her over that leather sofa in her office (that's an exaggeration), but she does remind me of Jennifer Connelly's character in A Beautiful Mind, so I feel like her attractiveness is a plus
- whereas social situations are intuitive and instinctive to most people, she will help me by assisting me in analyzing the linear, cognitive thought process of mediating my social anxieties during a therapy session, even though it's probably just as well instinctive for her as well than it is for me being logical/analytical (more like a game of chess, military strategy, sudoku or computer programming)
On our first session, one of our 'thought experiments' was if I was talking to an attractive girl in-class versus talking to an attractive girl in which the outcome would be irrelevant (i.e. say a bar two thousand miles away) in contrast to my intentions. It reminded me of my relationship with the SAs at Victoria's Secret, knowing that our relationship is friendly, but professional, I feel like that scenario at Victoria's Secret fits into the scenario, but I kept quiet about it.
So, I've had two sessions with her so far, and my next one is with her this Wednesday at 2:00 pm, and then the next Wednesday after that at 2:00 pm. I think it might be a bit too early to tell, but I'm really eager to have another female to confide into about my sexual lifestyle, so I'm not sure if I should wait a few more sessions. Considering I should be totally open with my therapist, what would be the best way to bring it up during a therapy session?