Telling My Therapist About CDing

[hengyr]

Hello, it's been awhile since I've posted on here, but just to reiterate: I'm Ryan, I'm 20 years old and I attend my local community college. What I haven't shared, is that I have very mild Asperger's syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism. Despite being evaluated as having an above-average verbal IQ, superior vocabulary/articulation and acute visual-spatial reasoning, I have mild social anxiety and am very shy.

In my day-to-day social interactions, most of my classmates, co-workers and friends/acquaintances probably wouldn't suspect it, but I would think that I come off as a bit quirky or eccentric sometimes, plus I have a deadpan, sardonic, dry sense of humor, which is deliberately enigmatic when you're first exposed to it. Most girls describe me as being "adorable", "cute" or "sweet" and occasionally "hot", but I was typically friend-zoned throughout high school.

When I asked a girl out from my Western Civilization II course earlier in the semester, sometime in February, she was a foot taller than me, so it was quite intimidating, but afterward, she leaned down, told me she had a boyfriend, but said I was "really sweet" for showing interest, I felt like she was talking down to me as if I was a few years younger than her, but she still smiled at me whenever we crossed in the hall, so at least she tried to act friendly.

On another occasion, there was this cute redhead at the movie theater I work at, named Liz, she told me she thought I was "an 8, and really ****ing hot" and that she would "**** me in a heartbeat if it weren't for being co-workers and being awkward after", I wanted to quit afterward just to sleep with her! :heehee:
But anyway, after she kept flirting I eventually figured out that she had no intention of any sexual/romantic interest in me, and I felt kind of depressed. One of my co-workers (Matt) told me he knew the whole time but didn't have the heart to tell me.

Later on, she apologized, almost teary-eyed, that I felt "led on" by her flirtatious advances, and Matt told me she felt really bad about it afterward, but I feel like she views me indifferently, if not condescendingly, for not being able to intuitively sense whether or not her flirtations were actual interest in me or just for the thrill of it.

Anyway, so since early April, I've started seeing a therapist, Jeanne, who specializes in ASDs (autism spectrum disorders), and I like her for the following reasons:
- she's female and 32 years old, so I feel like comfortable getting a perspective from the other side of the enemy trenches
- she's very pretty and attractive, I actually fantasize about banging her over that leather sofa in her office (that's an exaggeration), but she does remind me of Jennifer Connelly's character in A Beautiful Mind, so I feel like her attractiveness is a plus
- whereas social situations are intuitive and instinctive to most people, she will help me by assisting me in analyzing the linear, cognitive thought process of mediating my social anxieties during a therapy session, even though it's probably just as well instinctive for her as well than it is for me being logical/analytical (more like a game of chess, military strategy, sudoku or computer programming)

On our first session, one of our 'thought experiments' was if I was talking to an attractive girl in-class versus talking to an attractive girl in which the outcome would be irrelevant (i.e. say a bar two thousand miles away) in contrast to my intentions. It reminded me of my relationship with the SAs at Victoria's Secret, knowing that our relationship is friendly, but professional, I feel like that scenario at Victoria's Secret fits into the scenario, but I kept quiet about it.

So, I've had two sessions with her so far, and my next one is with her this Wednesday at 2:00 pm, and then the next Wednesday after that at 2:00 pm. I think it might be a bit too early to tell, but I'm really eager to have another female to confide into about my sexual lifestyle, so I'm not sure if I should wait a few more sessions. Considering I should be totally open with my therapist, what would be the best way to bring it up during a therapy session?

[PaulaQ]

Considering I should be totally open with my therapist, what would be the best way to bring it up during a therapy session?

"I think, in the interest of being totally open with you, that I need to tell you that I am a cross dresser" Follow this up with what you feel this means to you, how much you dress, how often you dress, or whatever other questions she has. I can assure you that you will not be the most unusual patient she has had. Not by a long shot. She is bound by confidentiality agreements and privacy agreements you signed with her. She is totally safe to tell, and she will not judge you. (If she does - you need a different therapist, stat.)

[audreyinalbany]

I don't think you need to worry about the timing of 'coming out' to your therapist. She's not your SO. You're not dating her, and please don't get confused and start believing you are or will. She's there to provide counseling and crossdressing is a topic that needs to be addressed.

[Laura912]

Professional opinion...well stated by the two above.

[Barbra P]

I’m always a bit amazed when someone who is seeing a Therapist states that they have a secret they haven’t told their Therapist and they are asking if they should reveal this secret. Here on the forum that secret is generally that they are a cross dresser. I’ve been in therapy for a little over two years now; I didn’t have to come “out” to Kelly (my Therapist) as she knew before I walked in her door. I mentioned I wanted to talk about a gender issue to my Personal Physician, she put through a referral and I had a pleasant two-hour session with a Counselor who also works in the Primary Care: Family Medicine Module. At the end of the session the Counselor said she thought I needed to talk to a Licensed Therapist and she would have my Doctor put through a referral to the Psychiatry Department. The Counselor I spoke with took the time to talk with a few of the Therapists and chose one she thought I would like and be comfortable with.

Both the Counselor and my Doctor told me that if I couldn’t be up front and totally honest with the Therapist then I was wasting my time and the Therapist’s time by going. One of the first things Kelly said during our first session was if I was there for a cure I was wasting my time, there was no known cure for cross dressing, there was also no known cause for cross dressing – medical science doesn’t know why we cross dress. She also told me not to lie to her, if there was something I wasn’t comfortable talking about just tell her “I don’t wish to talk about that at this time or that’s private or even that’s none of your business.” So far I haven’t found anything I wasn’t comfortable telling her.

You like her because she is 32 years old, she is pretty and attractive, and you think she can assist you with your social anxieties. However her reasons for being there are completely different, she is there because she is a professional doing her job. She is there to first determine to the best of her abilities what your problems are, what is causing your problems, and how best to help you solve your problems; she can’t do that if you withhold information from her. I was a programmer/analyst for many years and we had a saying that you may have heard “GIGO” Garbage In, Garbage Out and that is appropriate here, her assessment of you will be garbage if you withhold information that may well be one of the underlying root causes for some of your problems.

As a professional Therapist she is not going to judge you based on your cross dressing, well she probably won’t, and if she does she isn’t the right Therapist for you in the first place. If you withhold information she also isn’t going to properly analyze you either. She is there strictly to help you; she is not playing a game of chess, military strategy, Sudoku or computer programming and withhold information may jeopardize her final evaluation of you. Bottom line – you are wasting both yours and her time by not telling her. GIGO

Babs

[I Am Paula]

For therapy of any type to work, there can be no secrets. CDing is part of your life, and shapes who you are right to you soul, or inner spirit. Tell her at once. Please tell her you have sexual fantasies about her, because that can't go anywhere good, and is an unhealthy situation. Openness and dialog are what make therapy work.

[Beverley Sims]

Follow your feelings and I am sure your therapist will allow you to open up to her in the fullness of time.

[Tracii G]

You are 20 and your hormones are still raging sounds like and you have been led on by women so whats new? I think that most guys have lived thru that with out therapy.
The term for being led on is used.We have all gone thru that trust me.
We all go thru social anxiety as we grow up nothing new there either.
My situation thru HS, college, work sounds a lot like yours to be honest and I was never diagnosed with having anything other than told I need to grow up.
Not all therapists deal with gender identity issues keep that in mind.
I would still tell her you are a CDer I don't see that hurting anything.

[Stephanie47]

I have a close family friend who is just graduating from high school. He is highly functioning. He is also very well educated. He is socially awkward. You mention a lot of interaction with women in your immediate circle; school and work. As several have stated life is full of minor rejections. In college I met several attractive young women who would not date any male who did not have a car. Kind of shallow I thought.

If you are seeing a therapist to gain insight in interacting in general terms, your counselor being kept in the dark about your cross dressing will not be able to give adequate advice. Think about it. For those of us without Asberger's it is difficult enough to go through life as a cross dresser. With cross dressing thrown into the mix, I suspect that will complicate things further.

Tell her.

[Chickhe]

I read what you said and to be honest, I don't see anything unusual that many other guys your age experience. You sound like a pretty normal kid who is just shy and lacking experience with the other sex. Just be yourself and become friends with the girls...you might not find your match on the first try, but if you have a lot of friends someday they might discover someone they think is a good match for you. If what I understand about autism is correct, then you are more logical than most, but relationships are often unpredictable and girls at your age are very fickle so don't be too concerned if it doesn't work out all the time. Don't try to find a girlfriend, eventually it will happen on its own. You are better off just learning how to socialize and if you have some special abilities then use them to your advantage...people respect others who are a little different and who are comfortable with who they are.

[hengyr]

Okay, based on the consensus, I've decided to tell her on my following appointment for next Wednesday. Thanks!

[tiffanynjcd24]

i agree hun with me i found my therapist to be very attractive but i told her i was a crossdresser which it was good. I agree with everyone else tell her as much as you can she is there to really help you