Public announcement at work this Friday - nervous!

[Jhustagurl]

Hello-
I have been progressing along the transition path for almost three years and, and will be officially transitioning at work shortly ( i have been FT in all other aspects of my life for a little over a year). I work in a very large public company and have been working closely with HR for the past 10 months to make my work transition happen. Their support has been incredible! Things are quickly coming to a head, as I have FFS in 16 days and will return from convalescence as my female self. This Friday I will make my first broad public disclosure to approx 50 people on a conference call. I hate the call format, but my team members are all over the country. I proceed the following with four in person site visit meetings around my region. The face 2 face meetings don't worry me so much, but the conference call really does. I am fretting over the fact that i won't be able to read faces and body expressions and thus not know how the message is being received. Have any of you had a similar experience, and, if so, how did you handle it and how did it go?

Thanks
JG

[Jorja]

Your nervousness is understandable. Just be strong and confident in yourself. Things will go better than you are imagining. Congratulations on this big step and enjoy.

[groove67]

have to say all mine was done at work with hr and myself face to face witrh people in my department and other depatments at the co. that was 18 months ago and all has gone very well. i am living as a woman 24/7 both at and away from work. many of the ladies at work have friended me and ask me out with the girls many times and have always made me feel comfortable. in my department i am only woman lol well will be soon, i hope things go as well for you jg.

[Leslie Langford]

I admire your courage, JG, and wish you all the best as you take this huge and daunting leap into somewhat unknown territory. Yes, such a conference call has the potential for being extremely nerve-wracking, not the least of which will be the long silences in between as people digest this significant news and search for the right words of acknowledgment. And while this is going on, your mind will be racing, wondering what the negative fall-out might be.

That said, there is also safety in numbers, and peer pressure will dictate that everyone on the call will feel the expectation to respond in the obligatory politically-correct manner, regardless what their inner-most feelings about such a revelation/on-the-job transition might be.

Your real challenge will occur later, when you will meet these people face-to face for the first time, and then be able to gauge directly how they really feel about all this. But by then, this will all be old news, and they will have had a chance to adapt to the new reality, even if it still makes them uncomfortable for whatever personal reasons they might have.

[Kathryn Martin]

I came out by email to clients, colleagues, Courts and professionals in my area. I could not judge a damn thing. It will be fine, just be aware that you will ultimately judged by your appearance. Don't give them any reason to be distracted from the jobs that you do.

[traci_k]

JG - I pray all goes well for you. Best wishes as you move forward with the next step in your transition and your surgery.
Hugs,

[Jhustagurl]

can't you compose a letter/email and send that out in advance of the conference call?

Deborah, i am actually send my letter to the attendees immediately after the call.

[DaniG]

JG, congratulations on your milestone. How very exciting! I'm sure you'll be fine. You seem to have planned everything well.

And welcome to the forum!

[Jhustagurl]

Why not send it before?


I want people to hear it from me directly. I am a fan of direct conversation when it is an option, and i dont want to appear as if I am hiding behind an email. I have worked with these people for almost a decade, and I owe them that. I would expect it of them

[Kathryn Martin]

I had to inform over 450 recipients in one shot. So Face to face was not an option.

[Angela Campbell]

I am just hoping I can announce it at work instead of an e mail going out telling everyone I no longer work with the company.

[emma5410]

I agree that face to face is better if possible. I have been in my current job for 13 years. I had about 60 people to tell and I did it in two large meetings. One of all the women and one of all the men. I told the women first and then went straight into a second meeting and told the men. The women gave me a totally unexpected round of applause and the men just stared at me. It was a pretty scary thing to do but I have had great support from everyone at work since I went full time. A lot of people said they were amazed by my courage in standing in front of them and telling them. Many said they could never have done it. Perhaps it brought home to them how serious and desperate I was. An email was sent out later explaining the situation in more detail. It was definitely the best way to do it. I think I won a lot of people over by telling them personally. I would not worry about not being able to see their faces. I did not learn very much from the faces of the men. It may even be a plus.

[Jhustagurl]

Thanks, Emma. Your words are inpirational. I have had a lot people tell me how brave they think i am, too. I ask them if they think that it is courageous to jump out of a burning building.....

[emma5410]

I ask them if they think that it is courageous to jump out of a burning building.....

That is exactly what I say but people still think I am brave. They are very well meaning but they really do not understand. Telling people that I was going to transition took courage but actually doing it was just something I had to do.

I know you cannot do it face to face but I think telling them verbally and following up with an email is the best way to do it if you can. Telling them personally seemed to work very well for me.

[josee]

I plan on sitting down with my boss in the next few weeks and starting the conversation. I am really nervous also.

[Maiko Newhalf]

Good luck JG. I respect your courage as it must have been difficult as the leader of large group of employees to come out. Let us know on how it goes~~

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Good luck

what you are doing (in person) is BY FAR a better thing to do..sending the letter afterwards will provide people that care time to absorb your decision..

[mary something]

Good luck, it seems that this is the culmination of a plan that you have been executing for a while. The only advice I can offer is what I would say to anyone giving a presentation like this and that is to practice out loud what you are going to say and record yourself. Listen to yourself and hone your words and emphasis to the exact meaning you wish to make. In a previous job I would sometimes have to give speeches or presentations to large groups of people and the preparation work I did beforehand really reduced my anxiety.

I think the call followed by an email/letter is an excellent idea!

[Jhustagurl]

Thanks for the encouragement, Mary. This definitely i nerve-wracking!

[Nicole Erin]

I wouldn't really worry. There are a few possible outcomes -
No one will even hear or care cause they will be too busy playing on facebook or texting.
A couple people might ask if you are planning on having what CIS folks call the "full surgery". That kind of probing question. Get it? "probing?" HAR HAR har haaarrr... uh, har? Yeah, anyways...
Hysterical laughter and derogatory jokes about gays or trans. This is not too likely though.

Just do like this -
Say, "Also, I have an announcement to make... then the intro to "man, I feel like a woman" plays and about the time the lyrics start, the music fades and you tell them what is up.

[Jhustagurl]

Well, Friday came and went and the world did not stop spinning (you may have heard!). My conference call with my work colleagues went extremely well, and i have recieved many emails, texts, and phone calls of support. I have several more meetings like that this week, all in person this time. By the end of the week i will hav informed everyone I need to and my name will change officially in the company HR records. Ten days until surgery!!!

[Rebecca W.]

Dear JG
It is great to hear that you are receiving all of that positive support from your company. I wish you a safe and a healthy recovery from your surgery.

[emma5410]

Congratulations. I really happy it went so well. When I returned to work everyone carried on as before and no one said anything. To be honest I found that a little weird but I should not complain.
When I first talked to my therapist about transitioning I told her that very few people at work would accept me. I was so wrong. At least on the surface. I guess they have their own lives and problems to worry about.
It is strange that other people are not as obsessed with me as I am. :)

[Jhustagurl]

It is strange that other people are not as obsessed with me as I am. :)

That is so true! This has been consuming an ever greater part of me for years, to the point now, right before the big day, it is everything to me. But for everyone else, it is just some other blip on the radar. I am looking forward to getting back to those days

[Stephanie-L]

I am so happy for you, it is such a relief when you can tell people and not have to hide any more. When I made my announcement at our bi-weekly staff meeting, I was surprised by a round of applause. Since then I have had no issues at work. Much luck and happiness to you..............Stephanie

[Jhustagurl]

Stephanie, your post is very reassuring to me. By the end of this everyone in my organization that needs to know will know and my name will be changed in all HR systems. It will be such a relief to finally live one life, the one that fitS me inside and out!

[Marleena]

When I first read this thread I was thinking what a huge moment for you. I didn't know how it would turn out and know I'd be worried. I'm happy it went so well for you so congrats! It helped restore my faith in people but I'm also sure they knew how cool you were even before your announcement.

[Ann Louise]

Jhustagirl,

May we know more details of just what you said in your presentations to the women and men, and also, the overall content of your email letter to folks?

I have a similar event coming up in the not-too-distant future, before 40 to 50 people probably, and I am totally without ideas about how to open this type of thing. And I'd sure like to get a round of applause! How did you prompt that?

And also, did you take questions, too, or just make a statement?

Thank you very much in advance,

Ann

[Jhustagurl]

Ann, this is the content of my prepared remarks ( i read a prepared statement on the conference call, but spoke freely during the f2f meetings:

*
I am pretty sure that what I am about to share with isn’t on your top 10 list of possibilities of what this meeting might be about.
*
I have asked to impose on your time today because I respect you all and consider you as my friends. What I am about to share with you, you deserve to hear from me directly
*
Very few people, until now, have known, and I have worked very hard to keep it that way, that I have had a lifelong struggle with my gender identity. As hard to comprehend as it may be, when I look in the mirror every day, the man in the mirror looking back at me is not who I feel myself to be *inside Through much soul searching, prayer, and counseling, I have made the decision to undergo gender transition - a sex change if you like. *This is a process that began several years
ago and will be complete upon my return from medical leave. *My last day as Xxx will be June 3rd, and I *will return to work June 24 as xxx, my chosen and, and now legal, name. *
This is a significant change and is likely to create some uncertainty and maybe some discomfort. *To help ease that, I want you to know a few things to expect.
*
First, you can expect that I will continue to meet, and hopefully exceed, the professional expectations that you had of me *before I shared this news with you
Second, *I will continue to be ready and eager to help you in any way that I can.
Finally, you can expect that I will be open to questions that you may have - though I may not always choose to answer them - and fully understanding that this will take some getting used to for all of us. *I know that there will be times when the wrong name or pronouns will
be used, but I will certainly assume that it was an honest mistake. *Just remember- from this point forward I am a bitch, not a *******!
So what do I expect from you in return? Simply, *I expect that you will continue to treat me with the * same level of professionalism and courtesy that you always have, and that you will continue to hold me to the same high standards that we all hold each other to.
*
A year ago, it was my full intention to leave Xxx, complete my transition, and then figure out where to go from there. *However, after a few conversations with some people in our diversity and human resources organizations, as well as my senior managers, *it quickly became clear that it might be possible to complete my transition AND continue to contribute to the this company that means so much to me. *As this part of my journey ends, I am left with the profound knowledge that what makes Xxx a great company is that it is made up of a whole lot *of really good people. *That certainly includes all of you. *
*
Thank you for listening to me, and I forward to continued success together

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

This is my transition letter, which I will be sending to those I did not reach otherwise:


*
Dear Colleague,
*
I would like to share with you something with you that is deeply personal to me while also very public. *I have been under the care of a physician for some time and have been diagnosed with a condition known as gender dysphoria. *In simplest terms, this means that my inner gender identity is inconsistent with my birth sex. *Gender dysphoria has been portrayed in the media as a mental illness or a deviance, but it *is neither of these. *It is a bona fide clinical condition for which established and effective standards of care exist.
*
This condition *has been present since my earliest years and has presented an ongoing struggle in my life. *While I outwardly function well in a male role, inwardly I have struggled with the inconsistency between who I am and who I appear to be. *This has placed a great strain on me in my personal life as well as on those who are closest to me. *To definitively treat this, I am undergoing a gender transition (“sex change”) and will continue my life from this point forward as a female. *The process of transition began several years ago, which may explain for you physical changes you might *have already noticed. *It will culminate June 24, when I will return to work from medical leave as a female. *My name has been legally changed to Xxx and my physical presentation, such as dress, will be as you would expect for a professional woman.
*
I fully appreciate that this is likely unexpected and that you may find it at odds with your personal beliefs. I respect this and will make no effort to convince you otherwise. *I will, however, continue to deliver excellence in my role at Xxx and strive to be an effective member of your team. *In return, I ask that you treat me with the professionalism that you always have and the respect that you would afford any valued coworker. *While a change such as this may be difficult to assimilate, I ask that you refer to me by my legal name, Xxx and *the pronouns “she” and “her” , as the situation and your personal comfort dictate.
*
You likely will have questions about this, now or in the future, and I will be happy to address these to the best of my ability. *There are also many good external resources available, and for convenience I have listed a few for you. *I have also attached a white paper that I have authored on the topic of Transgender.
*
Sincerely,

[Ann Louise]

Justagurl, you have my standing ovation with tears in my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing these. BRAVO!!!