Just told my wife

[Kitty D]

Hey girls! New to the forum. Well, I did it. After nearly 9 yrs of marriage, I told my wife that I am a CD. I feel so liberated.

She is completely supportive. She isn't ready to actively participate, but at least I can be Kitty without the fear of her catching me.

[Kay P]

Kitty, I am so glad that she is supportive. There is a link though, on better understanding what she is going through and that might help you be prepared for the roller coaster...if any...that you might be getting on. I'm hoping its smooth sailing for you though. I will find the link.

[Sianna]

Kitty....

No push back.....no OMG you're kidding.......just a "Hey thats great dear!" from her????

Very surprised, and I think everyone should hear a play-by-play as to how you did it!

Way to go!

Sianna

[Kitty D]

Thank you! I'm kinda relegated to just wearing clothes under work clothes right now. It's gonna take some time for her. Her biggest concern is seeing me dressed fully as Kitty and no longer being attracted to me.

[Kay P]

Maybe youve already read it, but if not, its very helpful.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?12890-Now-I-Like-It-Now-I-Don-t


...no longer being attracted to me.

I thought the same thing at first, will I be attracted to him still? The answer for me was yes, I hope its the same for you.

[4mymichelle]

Kitty, good for you to come out to your wife. A real big step in having a healthy relationship. I know this is a great relief not having to hide things from her. Always take each step slow and not rush her with anything she is not comfortable with. Most of all never let her forget how much you love and appreciate her. Welcome to the forum. We all support each other here.

[Kitty D]

K, here's how it happened:

I was in Florida on business and called her one night crying. I couldn't take it any more. I felt like I was being unfaithful to herby dressing. I didn't explain what I was crying about. She just said she would pray for me (we are Christians).

The next day, I texted her (too embarrassed to talk) and hinted at cross dressing. She came out and asked me if that's what I want to do. I told her yes. She understood and said that it is fine and she just wants me to be happy.

We talked about it every day until I got home. It was weird seeing her at first. She did say that "full time" is a deal breaker, and she wants to go into it slowly. She also asked that the kids not know until they are old enough. She told me, though, that "whatever floats your boat" and that she just wants me to be happy.

[reb.femme]

Hi Kitty,

Sincere congrats on your successful announcement and that your wife is still by your side. However, and I know many will testify, acceptance can vary as the weight of the situation is fully appreciated. My wife is great with me but is not happy to hug or kiss Rebecca, as after all, the contract she signed up to was for Bob mode me. Her involvement waxes and wanes between advising on and helping me buy clothes etc., to looking as though she doesn't want to know. Just be careful not to overload her at this point i.e. I personally would hold fire on too much activity (going out en femme) until she has had more time to digest the reality.

Baby steps is the oft quoted standard, and it is stated from sometimes, bitter experience. Go slow my friend at this point in time and see how the lie of the land is over a few months. Inundating her with your joy and being let off the leash so to speak, may well cause a 180 degree shift in attitude.

Rebecca

[traci_k]

Kitty, Give her a big hug and take it slow. My wife is a Christian too. She did not take finding out about CDing well. Mentioning that I was thinking of transitioning went even worse. Hug on her, Love on her and make her know she's #1 to you.
Best Wishes,

[Kitty D]

Thanks everyone. She hasn't seen me even in panties yet. Been too nervous for that, even though my ass looks amazing hehe.

Will definitely take it slow.

[Beverley Sims]

You are off to a good start with a supportive wife.
Take it slowly and try to avoid the roller coaster ride.
It can be confusing. Days of acceptance and then days of total denial.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Kitty, First of all I and probably many of us here are happy that you could finally admit to your wife your most inner self. It isn't easy! Second, it is remarkable that you have such a supportive wife. Many are not so lucky. Third, you better take it slow and probably allow your wife to take the lead and let her move along with this at her pace for now. Don't push anything upon her but instead allow her to be comfortable with any subsequent steps. Communication is key. You have already demonstrated that you and your wife can do that. She sounds like a lady who is receptive and accepting to the committment of your marriage. Take it slow, and talk honestly with her! Your future is partly in her hands.

Cheryl

[Kitty D]

Thank you all so much for the kind words and support. I have a feeling I'm going to be a frequent guest here. It's refreshing to not be inundated by those only wanting sex.

[Tracii G]

Get off those other sites and stay here if you wife sees those other sites she will assume this site is just the same.
Get away from those icky sites and remove them from your history on your PC.
Be open and honest and bring her here and if she needs support let her get it here.

[Kitty D]

Thank you. I'll sit down and show her the site tonight.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Kitty, shower her with love!!!!! I do that with my wife because she absolutely deserves it! It has made for our awesome relationship!! I've never been happier!

Cheryl

[kimdl93]

welcome and congratulations on coming out to a supportive spouse!

[Alice B]

Great for you and you have a wife to really appreciate.

[slamddoger]

thatis good news

[Sabrina133]

Congratulations Kitty -- i know it was a hard thing to do. Take it slow, dont force her into anything she'll feel unconfortable with. Most importantly -- keep talking.

[linda allen]

The relief of your wife knowing (and approving or at least tolerating) is beyond words. No fear of being caught, no fear of leaving things around the house that you can't explain.

Tell her and show her how much you love her.

[Ina Girdle]

Kitty, Congrats! It's a huge step. I recently did the same
after 12 yrs of marriage. I will join the chorus here, slow
& steady wins the race. First instinct is to go on & on
about how great it is to be out. Give her a chance to
bring it up in conversation. Pay attention to her, pamper
her and use a balance of the New (to her) You and the
MAN she married!

All the best to you both!
Ina

[Kitty D]

An update:

My wife had been acting "off" whenever the subject came up. I talked to her this morning about it. I asked her if she's having second thoughts. She hasn't seen my Kitty side yet because the vibe I was getting from her. I do not want to rush her at all, and I told her that I just want her to always be honest with me about it. The last thing we want it to hurt our marriage and friendship.

She told me that she feels betrayed. Not because of Kitty, but because i kept it from her for so long. She said she understands why I kept it secret, and that she's dealing with those issues. She told me that I need to just "come strutting out of the bathroom" so we can break the ice between her and Kitty.

Truly am blessed.

[MysticLady]

She is completely supportive. She isn't ready to actively participate, but at least I can be Kitty without the fear of her catching me.

Hey Kitty
That's great you told her. That is tackling fear head on. I'm well pleased with you. That's eliminates one heavy burden off you back. Now, prepare yourself for the ups and downs and constant talking and insecurity. I can't advise you on doing what I did because I don't know you or your wife, but I hope she will be able to handle it well. The so called boundaries may work for you but in my case they didn't. I felt caged. Peace of mind to both of you my friend.: hugs:

[MsRenee]

Congraduations on coming out to your wife and that she supports you on it.
I dont inow if coming out of the bathroom fully dressed would be such a good idea tho.
Sit down and just let her know that you dont wanna put that much on her at once. Its realy gonna hit her that first time and she may hreak down and wonder what she did wrong for you to do this.
I would take it realy slow from this point ad slowly bring Kitry out for her to see.
Reee

[ambigendrous]

An update:

She told me that she feels betrayed. Not because of Kitty, but because i kept it from her for so long. She said she understands why I kept it secret, and that she's dealing with those issues.

that seems to be the single most common issue between us and our spouses - they don't seem to have an issue with our choice of wardrobe; rather it's the feeling of being betrayed, or lied to, that hurts the most. Honestly, I don't know what the answer is on how to fix that. In my case, being completely and totally honest with her, and assuring her that there are no more secrets between us seems to help. One way to try and show her your honesty is to be open about looking at clothes, or other girls, while shopping: don't be afraid of mentioning that you think a certain outfit looks nice to you, especially if you think it'll look nice on her! Don't try to go behind her back to look at clothing - she'll figure it out! Above all - keep talking to each other, and make sure she knows how much you love her!

[UNDERDRESSER]

An update:

She told me that she feels betrayed. Not because of Kitty, but because i kept it from her for so long. She said she understands why I kept it secret, and that she's dealing with those issues. .The red, yes, that's a problem. The blue? That's the sign you have a good partner and a good marriage. We all piss off our partners sometimes, we all have trust or anger issues, the ability to look into ourselves and understand the others point of view, and our own responses, that's golden!
She told me that I need to just "come strutting out of the bathroom" so we can break the ice between her and Kitty. Not so sure about that, I would wear some panties that aren't too over the top, and just get undressed like that, see how she reacts.


Truly am blessed.I would say so! Hugs to your wife!

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Kitty, give her some time. It seems like she needs to sort this out. You could explain to her that you took so long out of fear of rejection or fear that you didn't want to hurt her and your relationship. You might want to allow her to take the lead in any further conversation? Above all, emphasize all of the positives and that you want to not only meet her needs, but that you also have your's. You can also tell her that many stories here reflect the idea that maybe all have feared that rejection or worse.

Cheryl

[Zaack]

An update:

My wife had been acting "off" whenever the subject came up. I talked to her this morning about it. I asked her if she's having second thoughts. She hasn't seen my Kitty side yet because the vibe I was getting from her. I do not want to rush her at all, and I told her that I just want her to always be honest with me about it. The last thing we want it to hurt our marriage and friendship.

She told me that she feels betrayed. Not because of Kitty, but because i kept it from her for so long. She said she understands why I kept it secret, and that she's dealing with those issues. She told me that I need to just "come strutting out of the bathroom" so we can break the ice between her and Kitty.

Truly am blessed.

Firstly, congratulations on telling your wife! I can understand how it feels to be completely vulnerable to what they say after you bring it up -hugs-
My wife also had that feeling of being betrayed. I agree with everyone else here, about taking baby steps. Also, try and gauge (from body language) whether a day is 'good' or 'bad' to talk about or being Kitty. That way, if she is having a bad day, it does not get associated with your dressing.

Stay strong, these things take time :)

[Barbara Ella]

Kitty, good for you to bring yourself out to your wife, and good for her to be so willing to share herself. It is so hard on them. My wife cried for 2 - 3 weeks, then for 3 months was totally accepting and we did everything together. Then she got fried from seeing me, and now will not ever see me dressed. She supports me, intellectually, but still worries about our future together, and it gets to her every so often. It started for me 19 months ago, and told her two months after I found out about myself. Married 42 years at the time.

Slow and steady wins the race. You both have such a long wonderful life together ahead of you.

Barbara

[AmyGaleRT]

Kitty, your story sounds a lot like mine. When I finally opened up about my femme side to Sabrina (or, as she puts it, when she finally dragged it out of me :)), her response was basically, "So?" She really didn't have a problem with it. It was just a short time later, in fact, that I appeared in front of her dressed for the first time. Her reaction was, "I'm jealous, you look more feminine than I do!" She has never had any problem seeing me as Amy, she just wants to make sure "her man" is still in her life. (There are some times she prefers Amy...it's easier for her to get me to get up and do things for her in that mode.)

I hope it works out like that between you and your wife. If so, you have a lot to look forward to!

- Amy

[VAWyman]

Pleased for you both. I hope it works out for you.

[CherylFlint]

From a girl who has been there, done that.
Rule #1. Never, but NEVER EVER NEVER, wear any of your wife's stuff, including make-up.
She can wear your things, matter of fact, let he know that her wardrobe just got a lot larger.
Just have fun, that's the key.

[Zaack]

From a girl who has been there, done that.
Rule #1. Never, but NEVER EVER NEVER, wear any of your wife's stuff, including make-up.
She can wear your things, matter of fact, let he know that her wardrobe just got a lot larger.
Just have fun, that's the key.

Dont wear things, except when she asks or wants you to wear something :P. She may want to join in on your experience - let her :D

[MysticLady]

Thanks everyone. She hasn't seen me even in panties yet.

Hi Kitty, Now some girls are blessed w/ their wives being able to handle that and even fully dressed, But, I suspect this image just sometimes just sits at the pit of their stomach and comes back to haunt them. I would recommend never to let her see you in any femme items. It may come back to bite you. Like I told mine, It's strictly a private matter but she still freaked out anyway.


An update:
My wife had been acting "off" whenever the subject came up.
She told me that she feels betrayed.

It's damned if you do and damned if you don't. They'll feel betrayed when you didn't tell them because they feel you didn't trust them and betrayed after you told them because this is not something they signed up for. It's a rough situation either way.


that seems to be the single most common issue between us and our spouses - they don't seem to have an issue with our choice of wardrobe; rather it's the feeling of being betrayed!

See, there's that issue again...............



My wife also had that feeling of being betrayed.

Hmmmmm..........there again


Kitty, good for you to bring yourself out to your wife, and good for her to be so willing to share herself. It is so hard on them. My wife cried for 2 - 3 weeks, then for 3 months was totally accepting and we did everything together. Then she got fried from seeing me

Barb, after reading many threads I've come to the conclusion that this is just hard for a married GG to ever embrace this with open arms. It's just the way they're hardwired. It causes a short of some kind.:eek:


Dont wear things, except when she asks or wants you to wear something

Even if she thinks she's ready to see you dressed I'd say don't do it. I believe you'll be able to get away w/ the panties but I would stop there.


Hello Everyone,
I hope I don't sound discouraging but I speak from my experiences and though mine are not the standard, I believe it's mostly the case w/ married women, especially if you've been married a while. Now some have it all w/ the wives being completely ok w/ it but I suspect that these women have experienced much more in their lives that has (hardened?) them to where they do not feel insecure about their husbands in women's attire. They are blessed but I believed they have earned that right because of a hard life experience. Just my thoughts only:straightface:

[Selena Bright]

Hello Everyone,
I hope I don't sound discouraging but I speak from my experiences and though mine are not the standard, I believe it's mostly the case w/ married women, especially if you've been married a while.

MysticLady, I totally agree with you. Better to err on the side of caution than to go too far too fast and put your SO in a situation where she can never "un-see."

[Juliea661]

So happy for you Kitty!!!!
Hugs, Jules

[Jaylyn]

My wife really didn't have any problem accepting my CD, but a few days ago said she had a dream that I had ran off with someone on here. I know it is hard on the wives, especially since we have always been their strength and base for many years. We finally talked about her dream and the reason she dreamed it. During the talk I remembered her asking me a few days before if I thought the gals on here were beautiful all dressed up. I honestly told her there are a few on here that if they were a woman for real and anything happened to her (my wife) I wouldn't mind perusing if they were available. I made a mistake by telling her I thought several here were beautiful as ladies and they actually turned me on just thinking they are real ladies. Just be careful as I almost ruined a perfect set up for my wife and I. I do love her and don't think I would survive without her.

[LeslieDDcup]

Hey girls! New to the forum. Well, I did it. After nearly 9 yrs of marriage, I told my wife that I am a CD. I feel so liberated.

She is completely supportive. She isn't ready to actively participate, but at least I can be Kitty without the fear of her catching me.

Hey so pleased for you !
It's such a relief. Enjoy and don't expect to her to jump through hoops to soon.

Leslie

[Kitty D]

Hey ladies! Another update:

She had originally wanted me to surprise her, but due to your advice, I asked her to help me and to take it at pace she felt comfortable with.

She gave me a pair of pink/black ruffle panties, I put them on, and we sat there going through her panties to see which ones she wanted me to have. We found about 10 adorable pairs, she had me try them on, and I placed them in my very first panty drawer.

Then we cuddled up in bed while I wore some cute blue lace boy shorts, and watched tv together.

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Kitty thats great.Now you have a supporter and partner.

[Kitty D]

She's not comfortable yet with wig and makeup. Those things will come. Hoping by my birthday in September that she'll be good enough to go clubbing with Kitty. If not, oh well. Have our whole lives to progress.

[Zaack]

We are all really happy for you Kitty :). Im glad that your first 'dressing' session went smoothly and she got to help you choose things.

Congratulations!

[Kitty D]

So confused lately. I have limited myself to only panties, so as to not overwhelm her, and she's fine, but I can't get over the awkwardness of walking across the room with a pink lace thong in front of my wife. I talked to her last night about my feeling uncomfortable. I told her I think the reason is that I want to wear more than panties under work clothes.

This is going to be a long road.

[kimdl93]

What was her response to your feeling uncomfortable in front of her?

[Kitty D]

She said I have no reason to be uncomfortable. I also told her my girl name, Kitty, and she loved playfully teasing me about it. I think I'll lace up one of our corsets tonight and take the plunge.

[kimdl93]

Ask her to help you overcome the feeling...she may have some fun ideas of her own!

[Jill Devine]

So confused lately. I have limited myself to only panties, so as to not overwhelm her, and she's fine, but I can't get over the awkwardness of walking across the room with a pink lace thong in front of my wife. I talked to her last night about my feeling uncomfortable. I told her I think the reason is that I want to wear more than panties under work clothes.

This is going to be a long road.

Rather move 6 months too slow than one day too fast!
Baby steps!

[marlenesexton]

Glad to hear it seems to be going well. This is the double edged sword, the fear of rejection by telling them and hurting them by not telling them. Sounds like she is getting more comfortable. She'll come to realize that dressed or not, you are still you. She may choose not to participate but at least she won't have the fears. Good Luck!

[MsRenee]

Dont jump too fast girl, you need to take it slow otherwise there may be some unseen consequences.
Like the girls have said here. slow and steady is the way to go.
You need to resist the temptation to jump all in. Otherwise it could go from a enjoyable experience to something gone drastically wrong.
Renee

[Kitty D]

Well, my wife met Kitty tonight. She said it neither turned her on or off. She simply saw it as her husband playing dress-up.

[andrea lace]

I told my wife just after Christmas last year the secret was too much to bear in the end. I naturally assumed it would be the end of our 17 year marriage. How wrong I was she was cool with me cross dressing and since then we have been on this journey together. I have read alot of posts regarding failed relationships due to this compulsion of ours and feel blessed that my wife has decided to stick by me. You are truly lucky to have an accepting SO. The only advice I can give you is take things slowly and try not to overwhelm her.

[Zaack]

Did not read all posts0491]Rather move 6 months too slow than one day too fast!
Baby steps![/QUOTE]

I TOTALLY agree on that one! I have been realising that more and more with my wife. Because I am not pushing things, every now and then she surprises me with stuff :)

I am glad, Kitty, that your wife did not dissaprove of your girl name and a bit of fun with you. It is filled with good signs :)

EDIT: I need to make sure I read all the way to the bottom before replying -blush-. Im glad your wife wasnt turned off by Kitty. Hopefully, in time, she will become attracted to her :). -hugs-. Keep being patient!

[Keri L]

Dear Kitty,

Congratulations on telling your wife. I am sure it was a huge relief--it certainly was for me.

I have also been married for about 9 years, and once I realized my urge to dress was not just a fetish, I had a talk with my wife, and she has been incredibly supportive. But, I will echo what I have seen elsewhere on this thread. It has been a little bit of a rollercoaster betweeen my wife's acceptance and even my own acceptance of this part of me. And, while it may seem obvious, it's worth repeating that it cannot just be about you. Try to be there for your wife too, and don't let this part of you demand center stage all the time.

When you are ready to go out fully dressed, drop me a PM, if you like. I often go to a meetup in the Heights and then out for dinner and drinks with some local T-girls. It can be a lot of fun. And the initial meeting place is at a salon that sells wigs and offers makeovers and clothing for sale to help you get started.

Best,
Cate

Edited to add: Your wife would be welcome too, of course. Mine has acoompanied me a couple of times so far and had a blast.

[Sister Rachel]

Good for you! It's the only thing to do, really, and let's face it, most females are coooooooooooool! :)