What is the process of transitioning like?

[FelicityMay]

I have been looking around a lot to find out how exactly people have a sex change. I understand that you go through a surgery, as well as taking hormones to get the final effect, but there are some things that I wonder.

1. How much can they actually change your body? I know you can't actually bare children but is everything else fairly similar? voice, facial features, chest, and body size? is it common for you to fully become a woman, aside from reproduction?

2. How expensive does it get? I imagine it is not common that surgeons will know how to do this sort of procedure, so finding one would be difficult on its own.

3. Is it a very risky operation? I have seen some pictures of some pretty deformed bodies as an outcome of this.

4. What is life like after the final transformation? do you have a new name legally? is it harder to find a job when people know this about you? I can already imagine that it would be hard to find a spouse and have a normal family after that.


I will admit, if I could choose, I would rather be a girl... I would love to do it while I'm young, if ever, because I would at least want to see myself in my prime. But it would take some pretty crazy circumstances for me to do this. I've already lots a lot of family respect for simple cross dressing, and I know for a fact that transitioning would make some loved ones furious. I don't think I will get the chance to go through with this, but I would like to know more about it!

[mary something]

those are all excellent questions for a gender therapist. They will give you great answers and also help you sort out the feelings that you are having in a non-judgemental atmosphere. All I can say is that 18 is a wonderful age to explore this with a therapist if you feel like it's something that you should get some clarity about. Doing this has nothing to do with chance, very little in life should be left to chance. People do this to lead a more authentic life and so their outsides match their insides.

Good luck!

[Nicole Erin]

The deformed outcomes you see are probably a result of some TS getting street silicone done or doing to some back alley doctor. NEVER do that. Eventually it has to be scraped out.
How much can they change your body? Well if you are in decent shape than even subtile changes will look more femme.
How expensive? Not sure.

Life like later? Well, finding a spouse is harder sure. Women typically want a man and men do not usually want a TS, regardless of how convincing she is. They think it will make them gay.
Finding a job - I don't think being TS really hurts chances as bad as people imagine. I mean if you a loser like me and have to work at a slave wage job (regardless of gender), they don't care what people look like. If you have experience and marketable skills, they also are not gonna be worried about gender status. Only time job is a problem is if you are trying to get into a masculine job.

[Ashlyn Brooke]

Hi Felicity,

I'm certainly not an expert and I'm in my 40's. My transition desires exploded about 6 months ago. I am out in public and to a lot of my co-workers. I go to the local Drag clubs and watch the queens perform on all of my nights off of work, and I go in full drag myself. I started hormones on May 1st. At this point my breasts have begun feeling sore and tender at times. Regarding your questions and knowledge that I have acquired (+ I am a nurse),

Number 1: You can change your body to the extent you can afford and/or the exercise and commitment you push for. Voice will not change. You have to train your voice on your own to register higher. Hormones are key to feminine thoughts and emotions, and certain body features but a lot of features, boney structures will require surgical intervention: as in breast augmentation, brow lift, chin and jaw line shaving, shaving the adams apple, etc.

Number 2: No one has told me an actual cost but being in health care and knowing certain cosmetic costs its very expensive just for the preliminary stuff. About $9000 for breasts, $2000 for eyelids/brows, $5000 for a nose job, $100's to $1000 for lazer hair removal total body (many sessions).

Number 3: It's not real mainstream accepted in America so not a lot of doctors have the experience. However, and this is where it gets complicated and more expensive. Brazil and Thailand lead the world in transsexual women with Thailand having the most skilled surgeons. And Yes, Felicity, there is a risk with ANY surgical procedure from an ingrown toenail to appendix to removing your natural genitals and creating new ones.

Number 4: Can't answer this one, I'm not there. I've read where several others get their gender changed legally with a doctors letter. Anyone can go to court and change their name at any time, they don't care. Your gender is the issue M or F.

Finally, baby, you need to do what YOU feel will give you a happy fulfilled life, without regret or remorse. I've lost virtually everyone that meant anything to me (due to other issues) so at this point IDGARA what anyone thinks.

Feel free to chat any time.

MMMuah,
Ashlyn

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Felicity, :welcom: to the Transsexual Forum

I am going to start by sounding harsh. No-one in their right mind transitions because they just want to be a girl - it is something deep down inside that knows you already are and that you cannot stand being seen as a boy any longer. If that is where you are right now, then you have a reasonable chance of a good physical outcome because you have not had so many years of testosterone poisoning as those of us who transition later in life.

The advice to see a reputable Gender Therapist is good advice - it will help you to ask yourself the right questions; but beware therapists who want to give you the answers rather than the questions.

Hormone therapy will help to alter your body but this takes a lot of time, but don't do this unless you know for sure that you are a woman.

At your age, facial feminization surgery is possibly less important than for someone who is 40 or more because your face has not yet finished defining itself. Your breast size will largely depend on what you inherit from the female side of your family - if they tend to be small, so will you. Your height will not be affected by hormone therapy as far as I am aware.

Your voice is mainly a matter of training, but what is overlooked by many people is that it is not just a matter of raising the pitch, women speak differently to men, from the choice of words through how descriptive you are and most importantly the way you modulate your voice whilst speaking. With very few exceptions women modulate their tone far more than men during a sentence.

In the USA the various treatments can become expensive unless you have the right sort of insurance cover. Although you will not find qualified surgeons on every street corner, the good ones are fairly easy to find because their reputation spreads quite widely.

All surgery is risky - even if it is only for an ingrowing toe-nail. If you use a reputable surgeon, there is no need for any deformity. Without knowing what pictures people have shown you I cannot comment on how those people got the way they were.

The operations will not change your name - you need to do that. Once you are legally a woman, there is no need for people to know that you had a birth defect that has now been corrected. It may or may not be hard to find someone with whom you want to build your life - I know of at least one regular poster on this forum who has done just that.

I will end by giving my usual warning - do not transition unless you need to but if you do need to transition do not let anything stop you.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Rianna is right..if you are rocking both genders live your current lifestyle for longer..
transition is very expensive, it is a health risk but there are very few meaningful studies about how risky...

i won't tell you what YOU are..but there are some "tells" in your OP that hint you are more about fantasizing about this..
I will tell you that if you are not CERTAIN about being a woman and needing to transition, then you will cause big unneccessary problems in your life

its not a bad thing, lots of cds fantasize about being a woman...some ts think they are cd's for quite a while before realizing why they are cd'ing......its in your interest to be sure...

assume all the answers to your questions are the WRONG answers for you...you wont pass, everyone will hate you, finding love in your life will be much harder, it will be very expensive and you wont be able to get good jobs, (altho your pic looks very good!! i'm just playing devils advocate!!!).

then decide you want to transition anyway..and if you do, try your best to change all those wrong answers to the right ones for you...

are you in college?? can you find a therapist there?? do you live in Utah? that doesnt sound like the friendliest place..truly good gender therapy would really help you....

dont take some of our answers as personal or negative...if you are serious about this pls keep posting and refining your questions and be honest with yourself

for example maybe someone here knows a therapist in your area...maybe someone here even lives near you!...

[Angela Campbell]

The cost is staggering.

Just some basics......electrolysis and Laser will take years and will cost upward of $12,000
HRT....well consider months of seeing a therapist, then an endo....then the prescriptions.....depends on insurance but in the thousands

SRS is going to be $20,000 or more....likely more

then there is the legal costs of name change, gender change, problems with employment and more.

So the costs are in the range of buying a very nice house.

[Leanne2]

Dear Felicity, First of all, only women on the inside transition to become women on the outside. We do it to correct our birth defect just like anyone would do. The key is figuring out what you really really are between your ears. That is where therapy comes in. You are young and have lots of time. Find a good gender therapist and get started. Good luck and keep us posted of your progress in figuring yourself out. Leanne

[Jennifer Marie P.]

First you go to a gender terapist then they prescribe hormones and then you make the decision and the cost and time are staggering.

[Michelle.M]

I don't want to sound like I'm nitpicking, but . . .


. . . certain cosmetic costs its very expensive just for the preliminary stuff. About $9000 for breasts, $2000 for eyelids/brows, $5000 for a nose job

Where are you shopping around? Beverly Hills? Where I live figure $5-6K for boob job, $1500-3K for a nose job.

And that's assuming you even need it. MANY members here have chosen not to have face surgery nor do they need it. Breast augmentation is iffy. I had sufficient development to not need it, but BA definitely makes me look better. So, I got it for the same cosmetic reasons that genetic women do.


$100's to $1000 for lazer hair removal total body (many sessions).

Hardly anyone gets TOTAL body hair removed, any more than genetic girls do (yes, some do, but most women shave or epilate in some way). It's the BEARD you have to remove. I've invested $12K so far on electrolysis; I figure another few grand and I'll be done.

[Inna]

From your post Felicity, your desperation to embrace womanhood is nearly non existent! However, said that, there might be evidence deep beneath your conscious mind. BEFORE YOU CALL ANY SURGEON...............Call transgender specialty therapist! Go for a few sessions, it doesn't deform your body, all it can do, is uncover the truth about your self. You May Be Surprised what you find! :)

For info on transsexuality click on my banner, good reads :)

[mary something]

Felicity, if you are curious about what transition will do to you physically there are lots of youtube videos of other people who started at around your age that show their physical transformation over time. It can be stunning what will happen at the age you are at, but there are no guarantees. Folks with bad results don't make videos on youtube ;)

If these feelings and thoughts have been with you for a long time then you should investigate them. A lot of the issues that the posters speak about on this thread are because we thought things would change with age, or marriage, or a job, or kids. They usually don't. Sometimes all the things that we do to be "normal" only make us feel worse and worse, and then we decide to explore transitioning and the fallout is much more severe than for someone in their late teens. You are just beginning to live your adult life, now is the time to try to find some clarity on this.

Like Rianna said, beware of therapists who will tell you what you are. If a therapist talks about integrating yourself that is a very good sign.

[FelicityMay]

Thanks for all of the info about the subject, but like I said, I doubt I will get the chance to go through with this...

I have only really been thinking a lot about it for the past week actually. I found cross dressing out about myself 2 1/2 months ago, and it has gradually grown more and more on me, and am to the point of just thinking about future transitioning.

I am not necessarily miserable being male. I put up with it, and don't have too many problems, but whenever I see myself in drag, and feel that happiness that comes from changing myself, sometimes gets me excited and want to live like that all of the time!

Throughout my whole life, I have basically just gotten used to not getting what I want a lot of the time. I remember even wishing I was a girl around when I was 10-11, but just thinking to myself that that isn't really an option I could possibly go for.

I would like to go through this process, but I don't think that the ends justify the means for me, at least at this point in my life. It is just such a serious thing to go through, just to be like some people who were lucky enough to be born that way!

Thanks for the help everyone, I will still be going through consideration over months/years...

[mary something]

Life is a serious thing to go through no matter what the choices you make. You are young and your priorities are what they are right now. As you grow your priorities will change. please reflect on this quote

three things cannot be hidden long: the sun, the moon, and the truth

That is why everyone keeps saying talk to a gender therapist. You can even do it over email. You will lead a happier life if you find your truth sooner than later no matter what it is.

[CharleneT]

There are better replies above mine, but here is the gist ( assuming you have to transition, do not ever consider it unless it is a desperate need)

1. Surgeries and hormones can make many changes, especially SRS. BUT the most important changes are in your head and actions and emotions. Docs can only change some things on the outside. You have to do the rest and that is the hard part.

2. If you look at the total cost of complete transition the answer is surprisingly simple! How much ? All that you have. I'm not joking, unless you are very rich.

3. Yes. I am curious about your word "deformed". The point of the surgeries is radical change ... most of the surgeons are good to great at this (or they would be out of biz fast). Where did you see these images ?

4. Yes, if you change it yourself. Yes, in general there is a LOT of prejudice out there against TS folks. Finding a spouse varies, but the general trend is that you will have little luck at all. Normal family ? What do you mean ?

Good luck, you'll need it.

Don't transition, unless you HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE.

[Badtranny]

You know what? I would have asked all of those very same questions at 18. I would have asked them at 40 when I finally came here looking for answers.

Unlike most of the replies so far, I don't have an immediate sense that you are fantasizing. The whole idea that you think it's something that is just impossible rings very true to me. In fact of all the people who have come here thinking they may be interested in transitioning lately, I actually identify with you the most for some reason. Probably because I remember being just as naive and curious only a few years ago.

Transition is a major commitment no matter how you look at it but it gets MORE major as the years pass. My transition was risky and expensive, yours will be much less so. No career to risk, no financial commitments, no 40 year old male body, etc etc.

Explore who you are. Test your fear, and if you feel your heart pulling you in this direction, then announce it to the world. If you don't have the strength to come out, than your heart isn't in it. Perhaps later, perhaps not.

A gender change is about being honest with the world about who you are. That is the reason we do it, and that is the most difficult as well as the least expensive part. That is the first step and it's a doozy but if the that first step is too daunting, than the next steps are probably not for you.

[Nicole Erin]

When you say you will probably not be able to go thru with this - why not?
I am gonna assume you are worried about costs. Well guess what? If you cannot afford fancy surgeries, then y6ou have these choices -
Keep living as a man and maybe be unhappy.
Live as a woman best you can with what you have. That is what I do.

I know you probably seen some she-male in porn or seen a TS on television and what you see is the exception instead of the rule. Kind of like genetic women - a few are really hot but most are just not.

YOu are still young enough that you can actually look really good.

So here are things you can do for transition with little money -
Keep your body in shape, this is real important. In shape looks better, period. Develop your female style. Adapt a femme hairstyle, can be short or long. Learn to socialize as a woman. Work on confidence. And most important - train your voice. You would not believe how many TS spend $1,000's on surgeries etc and don't even bother with voice and wonder why they get read. Voice training is FREE! Let me say that again - Voice training is FREE.

For some gender therapist - OK fine, if some TS need someone else to tell them how to live, let them go to some "therapist".

[stefan37]

As others have mentioned transition is serious business. You would be well advised to take your time and explore. Go out often, and socialize. If it for you your heart will tell you. Fear is a powerful emotion. It can stop us from pursuing our dream, it can motivate us to do things. You have a fantastic advantage. You are young and can plan for your future and expect a very good outcome without all the baggage that accumulates when you transition later in life. Explore, research, find a good gender therapist and you will find yourself. Money can be an issue, but can be overcome with proper planning. We are all here to help and support you however your path may lead.

[KellyJameson]

I agree with Melissa nothing about your questions strikes me as being driven by fantasy.

I hope you spend time on the forum and start a dialog about why you "prefer to be a girl"

In my opinion this is as important to discuss as the actual methods and costs of transition.

I would also suggest you be very clear about your sexuality because sexuality can confuse gender identity by forcing you to try and suppress your true gender for a sexual relationship and chance to have children.

If you are heterosexual and enter into a sexual relationship with a woman she may strongly resist your later need to transition, keeping you locked out of your gender as a compromise to keeping her in your life. This will bring all sorts of drama into your life so tread carefully concerning sex.

I suspect this is one of the reasons for late transitioners. Your sexuality could be a potential trap by the sexual relationships you enter into.

There are many ways to bend the rules to save money and more surgeons are practicing in this area because of all the money to be made so the costs will probably start dropping as supply catches up with demand.

Hormones are plentiful and readily available but please do not use the internet to buy them without proper care because you could damage your liver, heart or open yourself up to a potential stroke plus there is no quality control so you have no idea what you are injecting, patching or consuming.

There was nothing in your words that implied you were going to do this by I say it to everybody because of what I have witnessed in the past.

The desire to be beautiful or a sexual object to others should not be the foundation that builds your desire to transition. You cannot make identity about the superficial or you will not survive the change.

It is wonderful to be thought of as beautiful and to be sexual as a woman but it first and foremost must be about your own personal relationship with yourself. Who you are at your very core and this person was always there but you had no name for her.

There should be a calling inside of you that demands to be manifested, independant of others.

Something always with you as "you" that does not require an audience but still needs to be lived to feel integrity.

The voyage inward is just as important as the one outward.

[Jhustagurl]

A gender change is about being honest with the world about who you are.

This statement is a profound as it is simple. To be honest with the world, it is really helpful to know who you are and like who you are. When I reached the point where i could truthfully say that i liked who i was, trans-ness and all, i started the process of transition. Three years later, I still like myself. Tomorrow, I tell the world (the part that doesnt already know)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I like the way Melissa put it too..before you are honest with the world, you have to be honest with yourself..

Its not the any of us can know what is in Felicity's mind.....Whether it is or not fantasy doesn't matter...It in fact, when i was young, i viewed it all as a fantasy...i was certain it was a fantasy that i could live as a girl when i was young..

if you read my post you'll find that it was a challenge to her to look at some of the things she wrote about and decide what they meant because the way she expressed it as something she was wondering about, not something she really even wanted..

Its clear Felicity from your response that you are working to be yourself and really that's all you can do...i hope you make great choices for yourself...

[mary something]

Throughout my whole life, I have basically just gotten used to not getting what I want a lot of the time.

Felicity I don't think anyone here has any preference at all what choices you make regarding transitioning, crossdressing, etc. This sentence that you wrote however has stuck with me and I wanted to simply make a point about it. Kaitlyn and Jhustagirl are exactly right that no matter what you pursue in life it is very, very important that you are honest with yourself and learn to know yourself. At your age it is not uncommon to feel that way at times, however you are beginning your adult life now. In the next 5 to 10 years the choices you make will shape what happens for the rest of your life. I'm not talking about what clothes you wear or what name you want people to use for you.

A very important part of learning to be a happy adult is being able to make choices that are true to your inner nature while also satisfying the obligations you feel to others. Like most other skills it is something that is learned and honed with practice. Start with small choices and focus on finding the balance that works for you. As time passes and you get more skillful at knowing how to find the balance between your needs and others expectations to make choices that you can be happy about you'll find that bigger choices become easier to make. This is an essential part of growing from a teenager to an adult for everyone. Some people learn to do this in their twenties, others in their thirties, some people never find that balance and wind up in mid-life wondering what the heck happened to them. Don't let that be you. Choose the career that makes you happy, choose to live where you can be happy, choose a mate that you can be happy with.

Life is much easier when your choices are in harmony with your inner nature. Everyone faces limitations in their life choices but be honest enough with yourself that you can know the difference between self-limitations based on fear or inexperience and what you're capable of achieving.

[Andrea J]

First of all, only women on the inside transition to become women on the outside.

I did see a woman on television that had transitioned male to female but identified as genderqueer. I don't know how common this is but it does mean that there is some leeway in how much of a woman an MTF TS feels.

[Sandra1746]

Most of the previous posts have addressed the details of your questions so I won't repeat their comments. However you appear to be "new" to the feelings of CD and TS issues so maybe I'll offer another "path" to consider.

Any transition that involves medical intervention, even hormones, produces permanent effects if continued long enough. Estradiol will feminize your body but it will also "chemically castrate" you and leave you sterile and likely impotent after even a few months. This step is NOT something to approach casually and MUST be monitored by a qualified physician. DIY hormones can lead to death!

A good thing to do is educate yourself. Do a GOOGLE search on keywords such as transgender, transsexual, sexual reassignment surgery and any others that you see and follow the links. They will give you much to consider and explore in further detail. Also, you can research the effects of both male and female hormones and learn a lot of anatomy and physiology in the process. If you are near a decent medical library your horizons expand greatly but the internet is good too. Educate yourself from more than just this site.

A 'reversible' path to test your degree of wanting to be a woman might be to dress and live as a female for an extended time, not just now-and-then. Likely a therapist will suggest this step too but you can do this in a DIY-mode with little risk, other than time and a little money. If at any time you decide this is not for you, just revert to male mode. You don't need to do anything like a name change early-on, I know a GG whose name is Kevin and she has 3 children so names are flexible. Dressing as a woman is not illegal but restroom use should be handled with care. Bars and nightclubs can be friendly or dangerous, use good sense. Depending on the area, police can be OK or not...

Others may disagree with some of these points but asking some gender therapists if you need to transition may be like asking a barber if you need a haircut. For myself, I did a LOT of study first before I consulted a doctor about estradiol. Get the information you need to make an informed decision first and; above all, DO NOT do anything that is non-reversible without qualified professional advice.

Good luck and hugs,
Sandra1746

[celeste26]

In the dark ages while I was growing up to approach a Dr and ask for HRT and GRS would create so much antagonism from the medical community that it resulted in arguments and required a great deal of persuasion. In that era they just did not have the background and training like they do today. Now when approaching a Dr. about this topic most all of them will know how to proceed, which other doctors to send you to and there just isn't the antagonism there used to be. (except of course if you go to one the "Christians.")