Cats out of the bag

[lanell]

3 days ago my wife found a receipt with purchases I made' and she challenged me about it for three painful days, last night it got ugly so finally I told her I have been crossdressing between 11 and 13 years old.
the she stopped yelling and sighed relief she thought I was cheating on her all these years, then she proceeded to tell me she loves me and will support me in whatever choice I make,"???" and if I want to role play, have my own time or have counceling
she would.
I don't know if it was accepting my crossdressing to her it is not nearly as I expected.
I only hope this is true.
I have not slept all night my stomach hurts and I don't know what to think.
This may be a dream coming true or a nightmare waiting to happen.
I appologize for my writing I am so tired and stressed and scared

[Erica Marie]

First welcome to the forum. And hello from another WI girl.

Your wife may be open minded enough to accept this and also if she had suspected something was up for a few years it just may be a load off of her mind that there isnt some one else that she has to worry about. Also that you were honest with her probably gained some of her trust. My best suggestion is if she is willing to talk about it, do so. Be honest but also not too much at one time. Dont bombard her with too many details at once that it becomes overwhelming.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you both.

[lanell]

thank you I plan to after all these years too finally talk be known about it and accepting it is surreal to me I have only shared this part of my life to this forum

[Katie Russell]

Hi Lanell

It sounds like the night I had when my wife found out. I think it sounds very much like a dream come true. I agree with what Erica said. Take your time. I know that I felt a great relief and a bit of the pink fog settled for a while. My wife doesn't want to be involved but at least it's now out in the open.

Best of luck

Katie

[bomba]

you are blessed lanell with such an understanding ,loving wife.your life is about to get soooo much better.go so have fun and make sure you let her no how much you love her every day of your life

[Beverley Sims]

Lanell,
You may be lucky but do not take this as an open ticket to go all out.
Keep it low and come out slowly.
Let your wife take the lead with suggestions as you can easily overwhelm her with your dressing.

[~Joanne~]

I think a lot of us that are out can relate to your story. I use to leave wig hairs on my SO's comb and she questioned it almost the same as yours did. She thought some "other woman" had been using her brush. Thankfully she knew I was planning on going out for halloween so I just showed her the wig. Keep in mind this was before I told her everything. I think it's worse when they think you are cheating on them.

We tend to leave tell tales every where when we are in the closet. We don't see them but Our SO's do, whether they say anything at the time or not depends on what they are thinking at that time. If your going to stay in the closet, and I understand some girls plan on doing that, you better get a lot better at cleaning up after yourselves.

As to where they may go, who knows. she sounds like she didn't flip out so that a good sign. I suggest you just take it really slow and at her pace. Let her adjust to this new information and don't go jumping on the runaway train because you thinks she on board. she may not be just yet but she is probably relieved that your not cheating on her. when all of this sinks in, she may change her tune. be prepared for it.

[Di]

Kinda sucks you took 3 days to tell the truth and she thought you were having an affair. BUT you finally told her and she was relived.:hugs:
But my advice to you from a GG is.......tell her ...I am glad this is out and I was afraid to lose you and from here on out NO MORE LIES.
So you can share this together:hugs:
And one more thing ...please do not just go crazy ( pink fog):pinktornado:.....let her catch up with you.

[Gillian Gigs]

When I told my wife about my CDing, she also was relieved that I was not cheating on her. This doesn't mean there is an open door, just that she is relieved that you weren't cheating. Anything will seem better than cheating! Give it time to settle in, then see how she is feeling about the CDing. In my case it took time to reach the point of full acceptance, but it did come. This is the time to bring reassurance of your love for her in a more open way that she can see, which will help you two connect better. Go slowly in talking about your CDing, the hows and whys, etc. Sometimes in our feelings of freedom to share, we can "puke" all over our spouses when they need time for everything to sink in. We don't see it, but some of our "behaviors" didn't make sense to our wifes, then they see things in the light of our CDing and it starts to add up and make sense. Again, this is the time to re-enforce your love for her, don't forget about those 3 painful days and the evening leading up to all of this, it has been an emotional roller coaster ride for her also.

[kimdl93]

Welcome. Now stop doubting your wife and start talking honestly with her.

[Shapeshiffter]

My GF thought I was going to leave her for another women, when we had the talk. That was 3 years ago. Now she is living with the other women and my male disguise is long gone.

[*Amelia*]

As usual, I agree with Beverly, slow but steady wins the race here.

[erickka]

Lanell, Like the others have said.....start talking, take it slow and easy, let her set the pace, and always remind her how much you love her!

Good luck!

[Shari]

Lanell, as one who has been exactly where you are, I strongly urge that you take it slowly.

Remember, baby steps and pay attention to her reactions.

[lanell]

Thank you all for the advice, she came home last night and went on as if nothing ever happened, my fingers are crossed

[Tina B.]

Lanell, I know it's scary, but when I told my wife, around 37 years ago, I was ready for anything, I figured after a little hollering and a few tears it would all be over and I'd be alone again, that's what happened with my first marriage. But I knew I could not spend my life living a lie, it's just not me. So I told her all about me, I started dressing around age six. When I got done telling her, she just sighted, and said is that all, would like to go shopping and get you something you could wear, and we did that afternoon. Life has been good every since! You see, for her it was no big deal, and if it made her man happy, that was enough for her. We have been together for 42 great years and I've always regretted not speaking up sooner.

[DonnaT]

You may want to buy her some flowers or something, and apologize for causing her to think something bad was going on.

[kimdl93]

Welcome, and now allow yourself to breath a sigh of relief.

[STACY B]

Welcome to the jungle ,,, Oh yea ,,, Meowwwwwwwwwww

[lanell]

3 days of bliss I wish I were to come clean years ago.
she wants to shop, she wants to understand and after hour she has not been her self and playing hard.
she welcomes councling and will go as far as me cutting anything off.
she has been the aggresor of the subject .....
this is a lot to handle in one week but if it is true I get both gyrls, myself and her.......
slow is the word, but in a perfect world ???

[Stephanie47]

After the initial shock of finding out you are a cross dresser, and, the sigh of relief you are not cheating on her, it will take some time for all this to digested. Initial acceptance doesn't necessarily confer continued acceptance. Take it slow. Let her set the pace. If she is the 'aggressor' on the subject, I suspect she really needs some individual as well as couples counseling on the subject. You may get both girls, but, at different times.

[lanell]

was my thoughts also I can't believe how relieved she is that I don't cheat. I feel bad I love her I may be blessed or .............

[Tracii G]

Take it slow and let her take it from here.

[renaej7]

Take it slow and let her take it from here.

I agree. Definitely don't try to do surprise show and tells. Give her time and then have another conversation to her any concerns she may have, answer questions, and set expectations. Stay strong. You all will get through this.

[RADER]

You are a lucky person, but take it slow, and get her some presents now and then,
Just to say you love her. It worked very well for me.
Rader

[shawnsheila]

I'm very glad to hear she seems very supportive of it. My wife stumbled upon my stash and thought I was cheating too but when I finally came clean, she switch from being angry about me possibly cheating to angry about me lying and then freaked out about my CDing. It took a few years of hell and counseling but after her first session with a TG support group, it turned 180. She is still not 100% (more like 50% there) with my CDing and she gets angry when i buy stuff but she and I are slowly making progress :) I hope you guys do well (I can't wait for my wife to be my gal pal and we both go out shopping)

[giuseppina]

was my thoughts also I can't believe how relieved she is that I don't cheat. I feel bad I love her I may be blessed or .............

That doesn't mean you can dress at will. Best let the dust settle for a while before doing anything along this line.

[anonymousinmaryland]

SLOW. SLOW. SLOW. And while you're telling, mention this site. Let her read, too. It'll make things a lil' bit easier for the both of you. SLOW. SLOW. SLOW.

[Tracii G]

Remember its not all about YOU its about both of you as a couple.
Too much too quick and she could turn on a dime and not be OK with it.

[Brenda Freeman]

When I told my wife I crossdressed after 25 years of marriage. She was upset I found out later scared that she might lose me. (We are just so darn good together.) I told her because I was going to a Tgirl event for a weekend needed for my sanity,( I had not been crossdressing except in my mind up to then) and as I told her I would not lie to her about the trip. It took a couple of weeks but she told me one night if it makes you happy you should do it. We talked about it set boundarys that we both agreed on and 9 years later we are happy we can talk about it she prefers not to see me dressed but I do not have to hide anything and we can talk about style and the latest in womens make up clothes the works. We have found our comfort zone, I feel so lucky. It was the fear of the unknown that scared her so much, why are you a crossdresser what else are you going to do with this. I wonder with so many stories about nonacceptance how much it has to do with the fear, fear of the relationship changing, ending, others finding out. vs just finding it weird unacceptable disscusting.
I am so happy to hear you are on the positive side with your wife. Find the comfort zone for the both of you, take your time and cherish the fact that your best friend in life is there for you! Wonderful