Mixed Feelings

[haleycole]

Hi all,

So I am engaged and going to be married in October. My dressing is down to next to nothing, but the desire is always there. Sometimes I wish I could be girly all the time whenever I want. I am also bi and have been having real strong urges to hook up with a guy or another CD. Does or has anybody else ever felt like this.

Thanks,
Haley

[Angela Campbell]

Sounds like you are not really ready for marriage.

[Bonnie Stone]

I agree with almostalady's comment, sounds like you are not ready...

[Wildaboutheels]

A very easy guess is that your fiance does not know???

My advice?

1] Tell her today or...

2] Cancel the wedding and save everyone a lot of grief. [and probably a ton of money?]

[Jaylyn]

There are many doubts before one gets married some are natural and some are very important to consider before the I do's take place. Don't go into a marriage unless you are certain this is what you want 100%. Marriage is tough sometimes without starting out with mixed feelings.

[traci_k]

Haley
Talk to your fiance today
Tell her about CDing
See if she is interested in swinging
If Yes try a 3 way, If not put the wedding on hold.

Best of Luck!

[Joy3]

I cannot believe you are thinking of marriage! Only if you tell her you are a CD and BI and she can accept that should you go further!

[Beverley Sims]

I can understand your dressing going into hiatus with an impending marriage,any other activity will distract you away for a time and then it comes back.
The question I ask Hayley, is does your fiancee know of your sexual tendencies and are you serious about getting married feeling like this.
If your answer is yes then I can only wish you well.

[Asp]

Sounds like you are not really ready for marriage.

What she said. Be sure that is what you want to do with your life.

[ronny0]

I cannot believe you are thinking of marriage! Only if you tell her you are a CD and BI and she can accept that should you go further!

Well a few months later we will be reading about how the new wife isn't accepting..........
Then about the divorce!
>> Hope her lawyer doesn't find out about this site! <<

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Looks like you dont know what you want yet.

[Karren H]

If you already planning to be unfaithful after wedlock.... thats just wrong.... and wearing a dress won't justify it.... imho...

Personally I may be a pervert to some but I'm a faithful pervert... lol

[Vickie_CDTV]

This is a no-brainer... she has a right to know you dress, and that you want to be with others... unless she knows everything and is absolutely 100% ok with that (very unlikely)... DO NOT get married, do not mix money and property and certainly DO NOT have children together. This never, ever ends well... take it from someone who has seen this time and time and time again.

[Stephanie47]

Checking back into your old posts I see you're 29 ish. I don't know if your still involved with the girlfriend of 2008, who did not know of your cross dressing. If cross dressing were the only issue, then you'd only be guilty of 'sin by omission' as some have characterize it. The urges will not go away. Maybe your wife would be receptive.

BUT, to throw bi-sexuality into the mix, if she is not aware of it??? Not good! And, to be a CDer into a bi-sexual affair, well. you are definitely NOT ready for marriage. I could never understand one last fling that guys allegedly have before their wedding, let alone this.

[mikiSJ]

If you got this far, go back to the top and re-read the very good comments, and re-think who you are!

[Tracii G]

I think you need to think about who you and what you want first.
If she is pressuring you to get married don't.
If you tell her she may say OK but in her heart she may think she can change you but we all know thats not going to happen and you know it too.
Don't put her thru that its not fair to her.

[Kate Simmons]

I have of course felt that way Hon. I can fulfill either role with little problem. When I'm with someone, however, such as my girl friend now, I am exclusively devoted to that person. If we really know ourselves and our own capabilities it's more or less a total choice what we do.:)

[slamddoger]

your futer wife need to know about your dressing as women some time. it would not be fare not to tale her

[Amy Fakley]

I remember the night before my wedding. These nagging thoughts at the back of my mind ... "what if this doesn't make it go away? what if we have kids? how am I gonna handle that if they're girls ... or if they're boys? who am I to be raising kids of any kind?".

Both of us, and most of our extended families were already flown half way across the country ... the honeymoon had been booked long ago, and we'd spent the day picking out flower arrangements and talking with the pastor. We, and our parents had already spent a small fortune ... well it seemed like it to us at the time ... in reality it wasn't that extravagant, but we were young and dirt poor. I didn't have a very developed sense of what my gender issues meant to me, and by this point there was no backing out anyhow.

Not that I particularly wanted to. I didn't want to. I wanted to get married! That's what we were there for! I loved this woman (still do!), and that silly crossdressing horsepucky was kid stuff. I was growing up now, finally and for real, and all of this had to go.

So I never told her ... and it didn't go away. So I hid it like the Batman hides the Bat Cave. Day in and day out, year after year, having to hide more and more of myself from the woman I love most in this world. We had two little girls. They started to grow up. There were neighbors, and PTAs and mortgages and church groups. Every day, the list of potentially dire consequences that would result from revealing this part of myself to my wife grew and grew and grew.

I still haven't told her today, after 15 years of marriage. Our oldest starts high school next year. It's still a secret that eats at the edges of my mind. Day and night, the fear of discovery, the battle against my own good intentions ... keep the secret, spare the ones closest to me the pain it will inevitably cause, or relieve myself of the weight and watch the chips fall where they may, as my life and the lives of everyone I love in this world surely become turned inside out.

But it never had to be this way. Or maybe it did. I don't know.

There is a tradeoff. I've had some of the most wonderful experiences of my life ... the ones that really matter ... watching my kids grow up, moving into our first house ... the list is endless. Maybe if I'd spilled my guts 15 years ago, I'd never have had those experiences? Maybe my life would have taken a completely different direction.

Or maybe she'd have said "that's odd, but I love you, and we'll work through this together". Maybe I'd have had the good sense to mention this to her before we even set a wedding date. Maybe we'd have still had a wonderful life together and I'd never have had to carry this weight.

Only you can make the right decision. Speaking from my own experience, I can tell you that without a doubt, if I knew then what I know now, I'd have outed myself to my wife long before we were ever married, before there were any real consequences to deal with.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I won't repeat what everyone has said because I agree with it all. You had better be very up-front and honest with your fiancee and pour it all out before you make those vows. Either she will accept or reject it. Best to find out NOW! A marriage is based upon honesty and trust. My wife supports my CDing and knows I have BI tendencies though I'm not acting on it. She knew it long before we made our vows.

Cheryl

[MsJanessa]

Haley
Talk to your fiance today
Tell her about CDing
See if she is interested in swinging
If Yes try a 3 way, If not put the wedding on hold.
Good advice---don't make the commitment if you don't think you can live up to it---it also sounds like your fiance doesn't know of either your CDing or bisexuality---my advice is to put the marriage idea on hold--tell her about your desires, then see if it works for her before you get married.

[Taylor Ray]

I would ask myself why I wanted to get married. There must be some reason to want to get married. Married? Wait, did you say you were getting married? I would ask myself why I wanted to get married. Married? Wait, did you say you were getting married?

[Erica Marie]

Haley please for your sake and your fiances sake. Unless if she fully knows your feelings its time to do some serious thinking. I have been down the same road with my exwife and my last gf. If they understand and accept your feelings things may be ok. If you are suppressing your feelings hoping it will go away, it wont. Dont go through life wondering "what if". Been there, done that and its not fun.


ps: Remember SHE gets to wear the wedding gown.

[Dana921]

I agree with what others have said! You need to decide whom you wish to be and do so before marrying someone else. Your present mind set is a recipe for disaster and will cost both you and her good years of which neither of you can replace. Come clean and allow both her and you to grow and be the people you were and are meant to be! If it is together then great, if it isn't then you can find the one person whom you are truly meant to be with.

[laurawulff]

No good from keeping secrets...if you really want to have a life of peace, be sure of what do you want before involving another person in your life. That way, anyone can choose if he/she wants to walk besides you, even more, they have the right to choose as much as you do.

[Juliea661]

I feel like I might appear to piling on - but, I must say that I agree with all the girls who see numerous red flags here with regard to your up comong marriage. Marriage by definition requires two people. Keeping one of them in the dark is both unfair and unkind, and setting you both up for hurt and difficult problems down the road.
Wishing you all the best.
hugs, Jules

[Marissa V]

First of all i would like to say that with the dressing part of the OP is nothing wrong, we all have the urge to dress, some even to live as woman 24/7, some go even further. There is nothing wrong with that. However....

I cant even begin to describe what bad idea this marriage is. You wrote 5 lines, of wich 1 was a question and 1 the statement you were getting married. The other 3 are relationship death traps if you dont come clean. And i agree, they might be the cause of a break up now too, but what you will cause if you go through with this marriage concidering all the red flags...you will start your own personal hell once she finds out. And seeing that you know all those things now, since you wrote them, just remember that when she finds out (wich may take years, but she will find out) everything that happens to you...you had it comming. And she might forgive you the dressing, she might even accept it if you tell her now, for all you know she might even support you. Or she may not. But this is a devorce before you're even married if you go through with it without telling her. And being bi is no shame but again...your fiancee needs to know all this. If you ever give in to those feelings and she doesnt know you are bi...betraying your wife is betraying your wife, period. Bad foundation for a marriage...

Now for your question. Yes i do have the need to live as woman 24/7, wich is why i made my appointment with the gender team here and am seeing a councellor since its obvious im more than a CD, but thats another matter. Dressing sure didnt make me bi so having the urge to date another CD...cant say i do.

[Jenniferathome]

No, I don't. Come clean BEFORE you get married. Also, cheating on your spouse is a deal breaker in most marriages. I'm with Ellen, you are not ready.

[CherylFlint]

Tell her the truth, you owe her at least that much.

[amy101]

R u out to your intended if so what's her thoughts on your bisexuality. I came out to my wife when I first started dating her and I do sometimes feel the need to be with a man so rather than hide it from her I keep her informed by letting her know I have a date
she's. Very open and understanding

[JenniferMBlack]

I have to agree with everyone else here. It is ok to be bi and a cross dresser, and to even want to be a girl 24/7, and be married, as long as your wife knows about all of it before you are married. I told my wife a month into dating I am a cross dresser, and well she found out that I am bi, as she read a text from a guy I was dating. Though I don't go out with guys as much I am permitted this by her and her by me to go out with girls as she is bi too, because we both knew beforehand it is now a non issue.

You need to either tell her or cancel the wedding it will not end well, starting on all this hiding and deceit.