Negative runins with women, dressing less.

[Alice Torn]

Lately, I have had some less than pleasant exchanges with some women. Not all of them, but several. Ranging from indifference, to physical attack (by my sister). This week, several negative incidents. I notice, that when these events happen, I often lose my desire to dress up and look like one! Retreat into my male world. Any of you care to com
ment?

[kimdl93]

Yes,Alice, I would. I know that your family, to be kind is something less than supportive...dysfunctional is even generous. And your family's religious beliefs are uncharitable to transgender individuals. Given what you know, is there any reason to feel surprised by their reactions?

[Marlena-4now]

I think it's a natural reaction to withdraw into your shell after you have been attacked, rejected or emotionally bruised in some way. When we show our feminine selves to the world it leaves us somewhat vulnerable and exposed. If this emotional openness is met with indifference , attacks and negativity as you described - it hurts - so we retreat to safety.

I know you are hurting but just remember, life is short . You have evry right to be yourself. Don't withdraw into your shell for too long. These people have no right to dictate to you how you should live your life .

[Kelly DeWinter]

Alice,

I really believe that what you describe is true for just about anything. At work I take on all of the hard and demanding projects because I have confidence I can do them. This week I had 3 executives criticize my work and tore it apart, I lost confidence in myself and my ability to resolve my customers issue, thankfully my manager supported me and submitted my resolution, and we saved the client, but it still stings that people who should have stayed out of it, could rattle my confidence. (I'm usually a hard one to rattle)

So I hope you continue to be yourself, go and do what make you happy and enjoy the support of those here who support you.

kelly
Kelly

[Alice Torn]

I wasn't only referring to my family. I have had several negative experiiiiiences with women, one in my "support group" 12 step meeting, and one from a woman that lives near my dad, who was supposed to visit him. She know him well, and likes him, but never keeps her word. I have given money help, and a lot of free food, to her and her husband, but can't anymore, as i have no savings. She , and the woman at the support group both told me off. One, for "forcing" my cat on her. She has a cat, and never blasted me before. It is a rude awakening, when we find, that the creatures we so adore, , like men, have dark, mean sides. When i see an angry woman, or one is mad at me, i suddenly lose my desire to dress up, or desire a mate!

[Violetgray]

Hmm. I wouldn't classify indifference as a negative reaction. Was any of this aggressive behavior a result of your TG tendencies?

[Eryn]

I don't try to make my boy world friends into girl world friends. The only people who know me in both modes are my immediate family and close CDing friends. Everyone else knows me only as the gender that I present. This seems to minimize negative reactions.

[Alice Torn]

i must clarify. I was not in lady mode, in these situations!!!!!!!!!!!! Indifference was not a good choice of words. Hostility is a better word, and whether it was mt fault or not, what i meant to say, is that whenever i do have a negative experience with gg's, i lose the desire to dress up like one for a while! It takes time for the unpleasant experience with the women, to go away, before i fell like dressing as one.

[Chickhe]

I try to remember that I can't control what other people think and it shouldn't affect my mood. I dress because I can, its what I get out of dressing that counts. A lot of people have negative attitudes towards other people they don't understand so I just mark it down as ignorance and I tend to keep my distance.

[Beverley Sims]

Alice every situation is different and you have to temper your activities around others to suit.
It is better to stay passive than to assert yourself in these situations.

[amy101]

You need to get yourself a new crowd. Of girls to hang with as for your sister next time she hits you have her charged

[noeleena]

Hi.

We could look at part of this as being more of a rejecting of one wether its to do with how one is dressed wether male or female. for some it is a personality or a clash of just not liking another person & for what ever reason.

This is more towards myself in this aspect how i look facial wise, that has become an issue in a group i am / was a member of, out of a group of over 60 women i have been rejected by 3 out right, to the point of if i were to come to our meeting they would leave, in this group of 25,
of 15 of us who went out for the evening these 3 had for what ever reason made it very plan of what they would do. its a wont change thier minds ,

yet the moto is , offer frienship , encourage leadership ,help others be involved with our community, plus other things women do,

even though the other 11 wonted me to remain a member,

I have had a few others who have not been friendly & yet these people will not come to me & find out or allow myself to give an account of myself,

I know some men are very much the same,

yet the other group i was a member of wont myself to be part of them & though we have disbanded our group for lack of numbers i still talk with & are friends with those i know.

no easy answers

This to myself is rather strange i was told its the older women who have issues with myself when my friend told me that, i said well its the older ones i have more incommen with & they are more than happy being around me & as friends, or is it they accepted so easyerly my miner difference,

its like cricket you never know who's going to bowl you out, so treat itin the same way , you must carry on hard as it is we must take the knocks & show those ones we dont need to treat others as they do. maybe theyll come round & that has happened to me on another account i did not retaliate or cause a storm as i felt like it.

i won the guy around, some 5 months later, yes i was totaly embarrist in front of 15 other women in an other group. he layed in to me that night. the other women stepped between him & myself. & he was sent to Covenrty = be quiet . & simmer down,

I do have many friends about myself who really are lovely. just you get the odd one cause a stir.

I understand how you feel because a few times i just wont to hide away not go out you know, yes its hard, just remember we are who we are, no matter our differences, no matter how we feel dont get down & dont let them get to you, you know after do they care no they carry on & could care less ,

Why should we take on thier indifference so they can gloat after, they then have won dont let them yet hard as it is just allow for thier out burst & walk away .
yes its tough sometimes . well whos stronger they or us. you know that answer .

As a after thought i know im very sencitive allways have been yet we can be strong just not in this way of toughen up or harden up. no. we should just be who we are.

...noeleena...

[kimdl93]

So these negative events happened in male mode. And the criticism and physical attack by your sister has lessened, at least for the moment, you interest in dressing. Its hard to say ...maybe you dress in part to emulate women out of admiration and these experiences diminish that admiration.

[linda allen]

If someone physically attacked me, I would attack back if I thought I could win the fight. Or, I would have them arrested for assault, depending on the situation. In any event, I would do my best to avoid that person in the future even if it was a relative. You don't have to put up with that.

As for strangers and negative comments, again, I would do my best to avoid the situation.

You don't have to let other people control your feelings and desires unless they are illegal or cause a problem for someone.

Ignore these people, stay away from them, and dress as often as you wish.

[STACY B]

I see what your saying ,, Maybe just don't try an dress up like the mean ones ,,lol,,, Just keep all the nice ones in your memory bank an try an look like them or act like them ?

[Alice Torn]

Kim and Stacy, I think you get it. and good advice Stacy, to try to dress like the nice ladylike ones, and not at all like the angry ones.