My wife now knows and I'm a bit confused...

[Darla Jean]

So today I was getting ready to take my wife to the airport for a trip and I was dressing when, unexpectedly, she happened to walk in the room and see me in panties...she looked at me and said what are you wearing and started smiling...I fessed up and said they were women's panties, not hers, and that it was something I enjoyed doing...she dealt with it in a very funny and light manner (we had played with this years ago) and was neither negative nor angry...now she doesn't know about the shoes, camis, slips, dresses, etc. that I have, but I suspect she'd be ok with that so long as it wasn't an embarrassment to her or the family...I'm a little nervous although my gut instinct is that this is ok and that I might write her a long note while she is traveling and discuss when she returns....would appreciate some thoughts and confidence building...while there a alot of beautiful women on this site, what I have also found is alot of courage....any advice would be most appreciated

[mikiSJ]

You could simply mention that the panties are part of a lingerie set and 'would you like to see the rest - on me'!!! (big smile)

[boink]

My advice is to just wait for her to come back and sit down and have a good conversation about your interests. Presumably the panties didn't bother her too much so you've got some ground to start on. Just be honest with her and let her know how much you love her, and find her attractive, and give her some time and space to think about how you can hopefully work this more into your lives. Best of luck.

[Stephanie47]

I'm not going to give any advice other than to say wearing a woman's panty is a far cry than dressing up in an entire outfit. A panty fetish? Or, a cross dresser? My wife and I played in the bedroom with nightie and stockings for me. She could not understand going any further than that when she found a red Vanity Fair bra. She could not understand why a guy would want to wear a bra when he had nothing to stuff into it. Neither can I. If you and your wife have had an otherwise strong marital bond, you should be able to weather the storm. Just don't pull out all your feminine garb. If you have been keeping the expansion of your panty fetish from her, the best you may get out of your revelation is a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" marriage.

[Roberta Young]

Darla, A note will explain things, but does not show expression like Your eyes, face to face. It will go well. Hugs Roberta

[RADER]

Remember to go slow; Panties are just under wear, the rest is a lot more.
Just tell her you had the desire to wear womans undies for a long time, and
hope for the best. Just do not swamp her with a lot at one time.
Rader

[Ina Girdle]

Darla Jean, Each situation is different, for me, I came out to my wife 2 months ago, after 12 years of marriage. I did not tell her before we got married, as I figured I would purge and just quit. Of course the desire to CD never goes away, so I had allot of guilt. I found this site and realized I was not alone and after seeing many guys had come out to their wive's, I knew I had to tell her. For me I was scared, but I also knew that my wife was a very tolerant and understanding woman. She is accepting, but is also working on how much she will be comfortable seeing. She is ok with me in panties around her. She knows that I have a passion for bras and girdles and we will approach that gently & slowly. She knows I love her with all my heart, I love being with her and would never leave her, she knows I have no desire to transform or become a woman. I have no desires to go out in public, as I could not pass as a woman even if I wanted to. You ultimately know your wife better than anyone else in the world. If you decide to come out to her, you need to be honest and answer any of her questions and concerns and she will have some. If you share your SECRET with her and she accepts you, don't rush her with the new you. You have had allot of time to accept who you are, she is just found out. I was like a can of soda that has been shaken for 40 years, once you pop the top you just want to get it all out there! Go slow at first. Go at her pace and let her learn to accept it. Also if she accepts your cross dressing, remember not to over do it, make sure she gets to spend time with the guy she married too.

I wish you and your wife all the best in this wonderful journey.
You will do what's right for the both of you!
Take care! Ina

[Jenniferathome]

Tell her and tell her now. You didn't come clean and you can fall into the "what else has he not told me?" problem area.

[darla_g]

it could turn out to be something good that she saw you

[MissTee]

That she didn't freak out or throw you out is a good sign. Open up to her and see where it goes. If you love and care for her then you owe her your honesty, anyway.

[Rachelakld]

I would NOT write a note.
I would ask if she would like to see the rest of my collection (actually that is exactly what I did)
She lets me put my stuff in the wardrobe and often they end being borrowed by 1 or 3 of the girls.

[Beverley Sims]

I think we will encourage you to tell your wife, and hopefully inject more courage into you.

[Greenie]

Definitely tell her sooner than later. But I wouldn't tell her right before her trip. She wont enjoy herself and be thinking about it the whole time. But you do need to tell her so she is clear that this is CDing and not a panty fetish. That's what I originally believed and then was kind of surprised when it was more. It is easier to accept the underwear than the full get up. Give her time. I think that most women okay with panties with enough time and positivity can become accepting of CDing. It took me a little while. but I am there. So I think it is definitely possible. :)

[Barbara Ella]

Darla, please no note. The love of your life deserves to see your face, and hear the intonations in your voice as you talk about something so personal to you, and so influential to her life. She has seen you in panties. She might not be ready for the full effect, so slow is better, but she needs to be aware of your feelings and desires.

Best of luck to you,

Barbara

[docrobbysherry]

A good marriage requires good communication. Among many other things! If you have no problem talking frankly with your wife, tell her.

On the other hand, if u r uncomfortable starting that discussion, let her do it. Just be prepared to listen to her carefully. Answer her questions directly and to the point. I suggest u don't add on to or embellish your replies until u gauge how she's taking the news!

[kimdl93]

I'd agree with waiting till she comes home. Just start up wher the two of you left off...and be prepared to answer the usual questions.

[Juliea661]

Hi Darla, I completely agree with all the girls who said "Please no note." Yes, face to face at some fun familiar setting where you can have some privacy and time. As I mentioned to others, get Helen Boyd's My Husband Betty and offer it to her to read, or better read together and discuss.
I have a hunch that wonderful things will happen for you and your wife regarding your dressing. But go slowly and lovingly, as there is a lot of "stuff" for your wife to understand, and hopefully embrace.
Sending you hugs and good wishes!
Jules

[stephNE]

...and I agree with the majority too. When she gets home mention it and see where it goes. If she doesn't want to talk about it, let it go for while. But I expect she will pleasantly surprise you! Best of luck!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Darla, Please don't do anything to upset her trip wait till she returns home.

[MsRenee]

I wouldnt write her a note about it.
If your gonna bring it out into her life the best thing to do is to sit down with her and have a full discussion abiut your dressing and how faryou would like to go with it.
You need to be fully open to her as this affects her life too.
Wish you all the luck girl.
Renee

[Tina B.]

No advice, just wishing you much luck, When I came out to my wife, she didn't seem to think it was a big deal, hope you are as lucky.

[Jana]

Wait until she comes back and then have a serious and honest conversation. Let her ask questions and answer truthfully. My two cents.

[Darla Jean]

Ladies, thanks for your kind words, advice and support. So far things are going fine with a reaffirmation of our relationship. We shall see how this transpires. Much appreciated!

[shawnsheila]

It is best to tell you wife in person when she gets back. I went through telling my wife the hard way after she found my stash. There was a lot of pain and loss from trust from her but we did manage to put things back on track and she has even come to accept my cross dressing now. I feel it is better to tell her first before she finds out fully on her own, even if you think she will negatively respond... she will REALLY respond negatively if she sees you have been hiding something from her.

[Claire Cook]

Darla,

As Ina said, no two relationships are the same, and it's hard to say what will or what will not work in a given situation. It sounds as though your wife would be understanding, and I definitely wouldn't keep hiding this from her. I think Barbara and Jules are close to the mark -- always consider her feelings, and make it clear that your relationship comes first. You mentioned family; if there are kids around, that is another consideration.

[linda allen]

I would NOT write a note.................. .
I agree. Never put anything in writing that can possibly be used against you at some point.

A note telling her how much you love her, how much you appreciater her, etc. is fine. It's good actually.

A note explaining why you dress up in women's clothes is not a good idea.

[Jenni Yumiko]

Agreed there is a big difference between panties and presenting yourself. D not write a letter to her, but write down everything you want to say and organize it clearly.
Use a serious tone, wait until she gets back and face to face.
You have a long road ahead of you, good luck!
I also was just recently down your road, and currently we are in stasis. :-(