Safety?

[Jaylyn]

I have a question. It seems lots of us on here are always saying stay safe or if someone is going out for the first time on here the gals here always said just be sure and go somewhere safe. What do we mean as safe? Is it a place that is CD friendly, the owners are CD's or that we might get beat up impersonating a woman. I hope it is not that we would get arrested, although I have heard that was the case at one time and that could be a rumor. Safe as in hiding from the SO, Bullies, or what. Just curious..... I changed my avatar and showed my face it is a big step for me at the request by a few of my CD friends on here ( Now they can see how really bad I look. Is posting my face safe?..... Define what we mean by safe? In Texas we all carry concealed not just concealer on our faces. I feel safe most every where... But by the same token I have not been in public dressed yet..I know Arlene has had a neighbor say some things about how she dresses. Is she still safe? A wondering mind wants to know what you mean by safe.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is usually in the context of physical safety. Some people, especially newer people, tend to want to go out at night... alone... and often in rougher side of towns where the gay places tend to be. It is why I always advise people to go to a mall, or a movie theater or someplace well lit with plenty of security. One might get laughed at by people in mainstream places... but it is far less likely you will be mugged, raped, beaten to death etc.

It is not illegal to crossdress anywhere in the US, that I am aware of. But, you could be harassed by the police, if they really had some strong inclination to want to do that (you look suspicious, your taillights looked like they were out etc.), but that is really pretty unlikely. You could get into trouble when it comes to restrooms, depending on the locality... so know before you go, use safe2pee.org to find safe restrooms where you are going, if you have to use a multi-person ladies room avoid going in when children are in there etc.

[Lorileah]

Safe means what it says. Physically, you should remember that when presenting as a woman you will be at a disadvantage and you will be target. So when you are in male mode, you don't think about your surroundings as much but you need to when you are dressed. Safe also means when you meet people. It is fun to meet new people but again remember that as a woman you are a target. Where guys would not do something if you were a guy they have no second thoughts of doing it when you present as a woman (and they will touch and push the envelope). They also will believe that you are dressed for sexual reasons and even if you say "no" they will try anyway (and you will be at a disadvantage there too because the assume you won't tell anyone).

Safe also means if you decide you do want to participate sexually you protect yourself. It means don't put yourself in a situation where you will be compromised, don't over drink.

Being dressed in normal clothing (and I say normal as in what people wear daily..men OR women) is not illegal in the US, Canada, Europe. Be careful with fetish stuff though, decency rules vary.

[NicoleScott]

When I first started going out (decades ago, and things were different then), everywhere was unsafe (in my mind) but the pull was too strong. To me, safe meant being able to retreat to my vehicle if I was pointed out in public. I didn't want anybody (co-workers, family, anybody!) to know. As the years went by, my fears eased. Dressed en femme or not, I always avoided places I considered dangerous, so I never feared for my health when I went out. I just wanted to be out, but nameless. As for online photos, I never worried that I would be recognized, and so far I haven't.
I did have a close call. My brother may have seen me in my car. Well, he DID see me, but he never asked about it, so I can only assume that when he saw a blonde woman driving, he assumed she had a car just like mine. Funny, that when I considered my car as my safe place, it was my car that could have busted me.

[Wildaboutheels]

The simple answer is daylight and/or well lit, "unseedy" places with others around or nearby. No matter how we are dressed. Of course this will depend on confidence level AND just how ready, willing, and able [or wanting] we are to adjust the attitudes of ignorant people. Skulking about like a criminal or like a dog with it's tail between it's legs while dressed is a quick way to attract those bullies that look for opportunities and people they can intimidate.

REALITY? We can only do so much... I live in the lightning capital of the US [Florida] if not the world. Just within the last week within 2 days of each other, a woman was struck and killed by lightning and another man [who just happened to be a well known and apparently well liked drag queen] was also killed while at a woman's house trying to help her. The police still think he was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time based on numerous factors. They say the odds are one in a million of being struck by lightning...

[Jaylyn]

I didn't think of the disadvantage of being a woman, especially in heels, it would be hard to fight away an attacker. I really had always thought of safe as a place where numerous CD's hung out and the fear of being found out was very limited. The seedy sides of towns are always dangerous and I guess a guy or girl could be raped anywhere even in a well lighted mall parking lot. I bet though that us CD's would have a better chance of fighting than most women would especially after the intruder found out we are not what they thought they were getting.

[Tracii G]

Them finding out you are a guy when they thought you were a woman and they were hitting on you presents new problems so be aware of that.
I still don't go where I know its not relatively safe.
Malls are good restaurants too.
Going out with other CD's is always a safe bet IMO.
Don't dress like a hooker either.

[Frédérique]

What do we mean as safe?

“Safe” to me means not being detected or bothered as I practice my BE-ing. It means not having to explain myself to others, and not encountering anything that will burst the beautiful bubble I have constructed for myself. I would rather just float along, undisturbed, in a safe zone that has been self-built for my own benefit…
:straightface:

[VictoriaPaul]

It sucks that we live in a world where this is a problem even in fully developed western democracies.

[Jessica86]

I know that almost all of us go out and want to present as a woman while out. The truth is, you are two people. To be safe, to me, is to use both sides of you. A woman would never go into a bar, alone, and sit right next to a bunch of drunk guys. The male side of you doesn't think twice about it, but you should. As a guy, you know what situations you can handle, and what situations you can't. As a woman, you should know what situations would trigger a problem. Just use common sense. Some times just because you can handle trouble if it arises, doesn't mean you should make yourself more vulnerable to it.

[Beverley Sims]

Walking in dark streets at night alone is a no, no.
During the day in the shopping mall only stares from others would be disconcerting, but no danger.
It has been said in all the other posts so no need to repeat it.

[Rachelakld]

My biggest un-safe area, would be where lots of drunks turn up, so I don't do nightclubs, I don't do areas near prostitutes who are working the street.
Actually I feel safest between 8am and 4pm, and I don't hear about malls or little coffee shops etc having drunken fights in them.

[Nicole Erin]

Don't dress like a hooker either.
That means don't go out wearing a leopard print top with a waist belt and short black shorts with dark hose.
Oh wait, nevermind...

[Kate Simmons]

Typically they are referring to homophobic people we may encounter while en femme, especially if they are intoxicated. Some people are just plain nuts normally. Throw in a few drinks and the situation really becomes a crap shoot. The best thing to do is use your eyes and ears and know your surrounings. Have a quick escape route planned just in case. Like any scenario in terra incognita really. It's nice to go out and have fun but common sense is a must to bring along if we want to play another day. :)

[VictoriaPaul]

Sorry to be extreme, but maybe a simple solution would be pepperspray/mace and a tazer (and perhaps even a gun).

[linda allen]

Good advice above.

When I reply to a post about being safe, it's usually to someone looking for a place to go out for the first time dressed. It's been said, but again, go where and when a woman would go. Don't be prancing around a darkened parking lot at 2:00AM in your wig and heels. It's unlikely that anyone will mess with you in a public place in the daytime or early evening. Mall, park, the business or tourist section of a city, etc. I wouldn't go anywhere where I felt like I needed to carry a weapon.

If you're using the term "safe" to refer to being outed, that's a different story. Anything you put in writing or on the Internet could get you outed. It's a matter of what risk you are willing to take. A photo on this site where you're made up and hard to recognize is probably pretty safe. Anything you put on Facebook concerning your dressing is definitely not safe.

[Debra Russell]

Safe = thnking ahead and common sense ..............................Debra

[Stephanie47]

When I had the urge to go out en femme, and, that means getting out of my car and walking, I always chose a residential street in a quiet part of town. Each side of the street has sidewalks, so I could cross if someone was coming toward me. I carried a grocery bag from the supermarket in the neighborhood. Time? Usually in the evening, but, still the time one would expect foot traffic. Was I afraid of physical assault? No. I was not ready for a verbal barb thrown my way. I have not had the urge to mingle with the masses. I cross dress in home because that gives me the great amount of serenity.

Of course, I shutter when I read about those who go out a 2 AM and maybe look like those women who are out at that time and in that location practicing their trade.

My recommendation for any crossdresser is to check out the locale before strutting your stuff. If you want to just walk the street as a woman who belongs in the neighborhood, try it at night as a male. If it's a bar or club, check it out as a male. I have always been able to gauge the locals of any establishment. Maybe, it would be very safe going into a woman's shop after checking with the manager or owner to see when the best time is to shop en femme.

Having attended school or worked in some of the worst crime ridden parts of New York City you learn how to evaluate your chances of survival.

[junetv]

When I think of "safe" places to go, I think of places where there are hardly any men or teenagers. So I don't get to go to Hooters, even though I want to ;) to name a few places. But almost everywhere I go dressed, I have been en-drab prior to that.

[SometimesDiana]

Fortunately, I haven't been the target of any hate. That's probably because go out in open-minded neighborhoods. However, a more common problem is creepy stalkers. Sometimes, a guy will get a little too frisky on the dance floor, or he'll follow me around and stare. GG's have the same problem. The best solution, is to go out with friends.

I'll add, that shoes are my biggest handicap; the only thing that prevents me from fight or flight. If I'm expecting a long walk to the car, late at night, then I'm more likely to wear sandals that I can kick off. I've never had any problems, but the thought has crossed my mind.

Don't be afraid to go out, just use a little common sense and have fun.