Purging sucks!

[alesha_cd]

I went through a rough patch about a year ago which lasted almost a year resulting in me not CDing for over a year now. Ended up purging some of my stuff about 6 months ago. Luckily I kept all the makeup and clothes but I got rid of my wigs, shoes, and undergarments. Finally starting to feel better and rebuilding what was purged. I've purged maybe 3 times since I began CDing 33 years ago but this was the first purge in the last 25 years (my adult life). Mainly venting here but wondering what has caused you to purge, how you've gotten over it, and what your feelings are on the topic. I'm so looking forward to dressing again! Thanks.

[VictoriaPaul]

I've never been in a situation where I was forced to get rid of the clothes I have (no wife, no gf, no job), but even if I did, I doubt I could do it. I get WAAAAY to emotionally attached to each piece to consider throwing it away.

[~Joanne~]

Guilt, shame, embarrassment, all the usual suspects that show up when a girl first starts dressing is what caused all of my purges. Then I separated from My SO for a bit and that caused the last purge out of pure fear. No clothes, no proof entered my mind but I did keep a few items so there still was proof lol

After joining this forum, and having "the talk" with my SO, I doubt I will ever purge again. You lose too many great items and a whole truck load of money when you do. I have for the most part accepted this as to who I am also so I don't see it happening again.

As for my feelings on the topic, I would just like all the other girls to consider putting their things in a tub or box and storing them some where instead of the trash can. This doesn't go away, it only comes back stronger and you can learn a bit from other peoples mistakes ;)

[Erica Marie]

I have been through the same thing. Purged about 4-5 times. And needless to say it has always come back. It usually was different times that I had started new relationships and figured I could quit or jus didnt need it. Well its not that I need it but it is who I am. I finally came to realize either someone accepts me for who I am or its not going to happen. No more purging for me.

[renaej7]

I agree with Joanne...guilt, shame, embarrassment. I purged a lot in the beginning...especially after we got married because I did not know how to communicate my CDing to her...so she couldn't understand what I was going through. If a person does not understand something...that usually when fear steps in. We had to build that bond and I had to learn how to communicate without throwing stuff in her face. I don't purge at all...unless my size has changed.

[alesha_cd]

This purge had more to do with spiritual reasons (does God approve?) and prolonged low self-esteem/lack of confidence/depression due to the fear of losing my job at the time. My wife has known about my CDing since we've been married (15+ years) so there's no guilt associated with it due to hiding something from her. I would say she's tolerant meaning she's OK with it but she doesn't talk about it unless I bring it up. She's gone shopping a few times with me (as Alesha) and we've gone to the theater once. Definitely wishing I hadn't gone through that. Could have been worse though; I could have purged everything!

[Beverley Sims]

You only had to ask me and I would have told you so.
I never purged for myself.
My wife created a firestorm when she did it once.

It never happened again and we are still married.

[Laura912]

Isn't it interesting that the word "purge" is composed mostly of "urge?"

[RADER]

I have always encouraged to store, rather than throw out.
Put everything into a few boxes, and put it in the attic, Basement,
Friends house, where ever. It much cheaper to just retrieve than
having to re-buy.
Rader

[Darla Jean]

Please don't feel alone - I have purged a few times myself, not so much out of fear as out of the big three - guilt, shame and embarrassment. I still have those pangs of concern and I have now found a big clothes box and keep my clothing stored rather than throwing it out. It's a shame that we have these feelings arise, but one of my gf's (a member here) recently told me that she finds the urge to dress too strong to overcome guilt, shame or embarrassment. I fully understand and think that many of us have been in the same position.

[alesha_cd]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts everyone. A few have suggested putting things away and storing them elsewhere such as in the basement. Well, that's where my stuff was that I purged - in a tote in the basement. My intention at the time was to let my wife pick and choose what makeup she might want but I never got to that point. That's why the makeup stayed. I have some clothes still left in our closet. They remained safe. ;)

[rachael.davis]

This purge had more to do with spiritual reasons (does God approve?) and prolonged low self-esteem/lack of confidence/depression due to the fear of losing my job at the time. My wife has known about my CDing since we've been married (15+ years) so there's no guilt associated with it due to hiding something from her. I would say she's tolerant meaning she's OK with it but she doesn't talk about it unless I bring it up. She's gone shopping a few times with me (as Alesha) and we've gone to the theater once. Definitely wishing I hadn't gone through that. Could have been worse though; I could have purged everything!

If you're dealing with religious issues, and "God must really hate me to have done this to me" Dr. Becky has a wonderful site http://www.drbecky.com/thelie.html. I ran across it when I was in a serious moral/religious/spiritual depression. It helped a whole lot.
Also http://www.transfaithonline.org/articles/defining_ourselves/blue_satin_heels/ was just a morale booster first class.

HAng in there, like they say it gets better