Did your wife come around?

[Paula_56]

My wife over the years has started to become more accepting. We have progressed from "sicko" to "my little woman" "princess" and "Paula" granted thought she doesn't want to see me dressed we have a DADT policy that works.

My question have any of you had experiences where your wife surprised you did a 180 on the her cross dressing stance?:):)

[Christy Diane]

Yes. She still doesn't want to see me dressed and doesn't want to talk about CDing all the time, she has surprised me a few times. When I first told her (7 years)we went through the typical rough times for about six months. Lots if late night crying and some screaming. I got home from work on day she told me that I had a present on the bathroom counter. She had purchased me a pair of lace panties that day. She told me that she still wasn't crazy about it, but that she loved me and if wearing panties to bed on occasion helped me relax than she was OK with it. I usually purchase 2 to 3 outfits a year my (bday and Christmas) and while she doesn't want to see me dressed she has wanted to see the outfits. And a few months ago while we were "in bed" she grinned at my a told me to put on her panties(hope that's not to much info).

[DanaGirl]

My girl and i have been on and off for years and years. we started getting into CD a few months ago and so far she has been really supportive. we have gone clothes shopping together, she has helped me with makeup, not to mention incorperating it into the bedroom. So far she has been great with it

[Raychel]

When I firs told my wife, she was very upset. Not a good time.
She said she never wanted to see me dressed.
Now she has seen me dressed, and we have gone shopping together
So yes she has become more accepting, there are still some boundaries.
But for the most part, she is more comfortable with it, I think.

[Norah_joy]

Its been 13 years and my wife has not changed one bit. She tolerates but does not accept. Our initial agreement (dress only at home when she isn't), is still in force.

[Karren H]

She can't get past the "liar" part of the equation.... like not telling is really lying.... but if it were just the crossdressing I think we could have made progress... but we haven't and I doubt we ever will... sigh....

[bridget thronton]

She has accepted to the point of going out with me dressed (if we are going outside our home town) and not being concerned that I dress at home most days

[Tina B.]

I'm one of the lucky ones, when I told my wife 37 years ago, she handled better than I did. It took her about 10 minutes of talking to decide it's no big deal, just do it. I spent 35 years hating myself, scared wearing these clothes would ruin my life, and end another marriage. She took me shopping the day I told her, and I've been dressing around her every since.

[Aly Cat]

Do any of you have younger children in the home? I am struggling with that dynamic. My wife had given me an ultimatum 2 months ago telling me that im free to crossdress on my own...like on my own on my own....no family. Or stay and stop. My kids are everything to me so i stayed...and stopped. As i knew it would, these have been the hardest 2 months of my life. For our 10 year anniversary, my wife gave me some womens pj bottoms. On top of that, i have been making a point to wear her flats in the backyard to let the dog out or whatever the case might be. I do it openly with the kids there and everything and the only comment my wife has given me about it is....you better not stretch those out. They are my favorite pair. So it seems like a bit of progress. Im working it in super slowly but how do i handle the kid situation if they ever make a comment like...arent those mommys shoes? They are 6 and 9 so they are super observant and inquisitive. My wife seems to be making baby steps which is more than i could have hoped for. Any advice with the kids? I just want to be prepaired.

[Beverley Sims]

Mine was a gradual acceptance all the way through.
There were some reversals over the years due to over zealous activities on my part.

[kimdl93]

Certainly not a 180, but a gradual acceptance of more openness. My wife knew before we were engaged and at first didn't want to see me fully dressed. Later, and gradually, she came to accept and embrace me as a whole. It took time, but it's been worthwhile.

[Alice B]

My wife accepted from the start, with a attitude that it was OK, but don't involve me or dress around me. That changed quickly and now I can be dressed around her and can freely go out dressed when time permits.

[CherylFlint]

My wife picks out what she wants me to wear that night.
She lays them out on the bed in the second bedroom.
While I'm dressing she's in the kitchen and by the time I'm done the food is ready.
When the weather is nice we sit out on the patio and the girls in the apartmnt complex take great interest but we just act normal, two women enjoying each other's compay.
When we first met I told her I was a crossdresser, it was a part of me and there was no "cure" and that I enjoyed dressing up and going out.
We we married about six months later.
She still picks out my dresses and bouses, and has even purchased stuff that she would like me to wear, which I most gladly do.
She also checks my makeup to see if I've got it right and when I don't, she shows me how to fix it.
She's had me sleep with my bra on (but not my stockings).
We are best of friends and we're still married and are happy.
The dressng isn't everynight and has slowed down over the years, but whenever she wants Cheryl to talk to and go to bed with, she lays out the things on the bed includng the nightgown. Fredericks of Hollywood has nice gowns.
My crossdressing has enriched our relationship. I hope your wife can see it in the same way my wife does.

[Joanne Curl]

OMG, my story exactly. The cross dressing repulses her but its the lying about it that I don't think she'll ever get over. I was/am weak and couldn't and didn't tell her until 3 years ago May 1st. I don't know if she'll ever accept me or my cross dressing.

[Stephanie47]

When my wife and I were first married there was a little bedroom play with lingerie and stockings. Then both of us discovered my interest in women's clothing went further than that. We had the 'discussion.' I think she finally accepts the fact that she has nothing to do with it. She felt I may be rejecting her. Self esteem issues on her part. For years I hinted at exploring cross dressing together. I finally decided I was being self centered and probably seeking her affirmation for my cross dressing. It was torturous for her. I stopped hoping I would get a pair of panties from her for my birthday. She was uncomfortable seeing "Tootsie" and "Mrs. Doubtfire." There use to be some unintentional or intentional barbs thrown my way if there was a television show with a cross dresser in it.

Now? It's DADT. She knows I do it when she is not home. Does she know of my stash stored in boxes "in plain sight?" Probably not. Am I hiding my stash from her? Not really. She has chosen to ignore that aspect of my gender identity. I would gladly share it with her. I don't mean dressing in front of her, but, just having a somewhat mature open conversation with her.

So, life goes on. My wife says she intends to work part time several days per week until age seventy. That's eight years from now. What will happen then? Maybe, I'll lose my cross dressing interest. Maybe not. I will pass that hurdle when it comes.

[Luna Nyx]

I was lucky. My wife fully accepted me almost right off the bat. I think it took longer for me to accept myself than she did to accept me. She was the first one to give me an outfit and shoes. :)

[Bonnie J]

My wife has supported me from day 1..and that's some 30 years ago. She has been with me through the purges, the tears, the booze just everything. I don't deserve her, but I got her. I do treat her extra special. We have both passed our 60th year and 35 of those as a married couple. I quit trying to remember the $$ is tossed away during one of the many purges. I am settled now and can live easier with it. She is happy for me. God, I wasted so much time.....so much time.

[Christine.Lolita]

My wife has come around. When I told her I was a cross dresser over 8 years ago she said that she would never want anything to do with it. We are at the point now where I can be dressed and both of us have a nice evening at home together. There are still boundary issues that we need to work on, and we are both getting counseling to deal with the fact I am transgendered.
It is never easy and our councilor has told us to just take things slowly and never talk in terms of absolutes. We both love and respect each other so we are really trying to give the other what they need.
The thing my wife told me that has made her change her mind is that she has come to understand (through research and counseling) that transgendered people do not have choice about how they feel. We are born transgendered.

[Dianne S]

Do any of you have younger children in the home?

Yes. Background: I told my wife about my crossdressing before we were married. She was surprised, but not repulsed or disgusted. Alas, she has become less accepting over time, so although I do crossdress at home when the kids are out, she doesn't like it much and it causes tension.

Now for the kids: I have never told my kids and I don't intend to while they are minors. Maybe when they're all adults I'll reconsider.

This means extremely limited opportunities for dressing. :( I think my youngest may have had a suspicion or two, but no-one has ever said anything. In my male mode, I don't look at all feminine or girly, so I think my two older kids would never suspect in the slightest.

Until the kids move out, I'll have to crossdress only occasionally... it's a rare treat like chocolate.

[marlenesexton]

I told my wife almost 20 years ago before we were married. She was accepting to a point. She worried I was gay, that I'd want to become a woman, etc. It never caused much strife but it bothered her. Now she is fully supportive and encouraging. When I told her I wanted to go out she wondered what took me so long and was excited for me. I'm glad I told her when I did. I'm lucky to have her.

[Cheryl James]

My wife sees this as a perversion and me as a pervert. Hell will freeze before she ever accepts or reaches a DADT status. The end is around the corner, I believe.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Did your wife come around?

When she first found out about it 7 years ago, she told me to go to a shrink and "get fixed".

We progressed to don't tell me about it, I don't want to know.

Now, I can tell her about it, but she still gets creped out thinking about it.

I guess that's some kind of progress.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Paula, Over the past 49.5 years it's been a 180 then a 360 about four or five times right now it's a 360
my wife tolerates it but it's a DA--DT kind of thinggie right now.

[MysticLady]

My question have any of you had experiences where your wife surprised you did a 180 on the her cross dressing stance?:):)

Not yet...............but I'm working on her:heehee:

[Greenie]

Lucky for luca I did that in the time span of a week. It is hard for us when we first find out. Most of us anyway. I was depressed, hurt, I felt like it was a perversion. This all kind of happened for me in a week or two. I think my 180 happened so fast because I joined the forum almost immediately, started talking to most of you and realized... This isn't as awful as I think it is.

I feel like some of your wives need to get on here and talk to some of the active GG's here Di, Reine, Dawn and I. We will tell them whats up. :)[Hey look at that. Am I actually an active GG now? ;) ]

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

I told my wife 2 years ago this month and for the first 6 months our marriage was hell she has come around and has gone to events with me
but our marriage will never be the same as before I came out to her and if I had my time over I would stayed in the closet.
she doesn't say so but she will never trust me again as she feels(and has every right to feel this way) that I lied to her and married her
under false pretenses. I appreciate her coming to events and conferences with me but in reality I have destroyed a great marriage and
basically ruined her life.

[MysticLady]

I appreciate her coming to events and conferences with me but in reality I have destroyed a great marriage and
basically ruined her life.

I don't believe this to be true Giselle. What fuels destruction for a marriage is insecurity, self doubts, the inability to trust a spouse and so on. Don't feel like this is completely your fault, your wife is also responsible for her negative feelings toward this phenomenon and her actions towards you. It will eat at her until she erases it with unconditional love which for many is hard to give.:sad:

[Jaylyn]

I must really be the luckiest one not bragging but my wife knows everything. She and I have never broke our marriage vows but yet we have experimented together in every crazy feeling each has had, by living out each others sexual fantasies. We say we complete each other. She is my rock and I try to be her foundation where she can feel attached and secure to. We have at one time tried the swinging sexual scene. We have tried threesomes and moresomes. It all has really been a wild and crazy but loving ride. She says she knew I was like this early on, by me wanting some panties or wearing hers under my jeans or when we were married only a few years we bought matching hose and panties so we'd go out shopping wearing the same thing underneath. We progressed in love for each other in so many ways and never kept a secret from each other or a private fantasy. Guess I'm wondering here off the track but trying to let ya know that we kept love as our goal and wanted to make each other happy in life. Too many marriages don't start with their true soul mate in life. One is more demanding or needing. When we are secure in who we are then the new exciting things can be experimented to enhance the marriage. We tried to make it a rule (actually all this is in the Bible) to never go to bed angry at each other. Did we have some ups and downs? YES every marriage will but even if it took all night stay there till things are worked out. We said the only option not in any solution to any problem we had was separation or divorce. We kept that as a rule we would never decide on. With the easy part of getting a easy solution not an option then we had to make our marriage work. I love her more than life itself and she feels that way for me. Dang all I can say is it worked for us.....you know I am a lucky guy and gal.

[StephanieH]

My wife accepted it very quickly - got her a few books, let her read stuff here on the forum, and she' been good with it. Took her about two or three weeks to really let it sink in and deal with it, didn't push her, but after she'd done her studying and we did a lot of talking, she was fine with it.

[Allison Chaynes]

When I first told mine, about 9 years ago, I thought it was just a lingerie fetish. She was OK with it as long as that was all it was and I no one else found out. I should mention that I told her while we were both drinking so if it didn't go well, I would blame the alcohol. I started having some issues with my leg a couple years later, and when it was recommended to try compression socks, she bought me some pantyhose. About five years ago, I realized it was more than just a simple lingerie thing and while on a business trip, I bought a couple dresses and skirts and wore them in the hotel room. I also bought a copy of My Husband Betty and read it. When I got home, I put the book in my library and forgot about it. The wife wanted to read a couple of my management books about a month later, and so as we were going through the library she found it. We talked and she seemed fine with it. As some GGs have mentioned, this doesn't mean she always likes it, and there's always the fear of "How far will this go?" One day she seems to embrace it and really like it, mainly in the bedroom, and then there will be a day where she doesn't want anything to do with it. She sometimes will "steal" some of Allison's clothes which I don't mind in the least, and she will comment on things I wear if she likes them. I've learned she prefers Allison to wear less girly colors and clothing that doesn't scream "I'm a girl" to the world.

[Gwinnie]

My wife was helping me look for wigs this morning.

Gwendolyn

[CherylFlint]

I was on a internet dating site and I mentioned that I was a cross dresser and I got a hit a week, but most of them were too far away, but then one day this girl writes from close by so we meet at a restaurant and a few months later we were married.
She sets out what she wants me to wear that night and when she doesn’t either I choose my own style or don’t dress at all.
When I choose my own style it’s a lot more sexy than what she chooses, but we’ve gone to the mall and out in either style. To the mall is mostly jeans (woman’s) or slacks and blazer.
She has come to realize that I’m the same person in drab or drag, so she sees me as such.
However, when we go to the mall and she wants to “window shop” in ladies stores, she dresses me and off we go. I think I have a better time than she does because I can linger and not get any looks, because she’s trying on stuff.
Once in a while she’ll have me try something on but most of my stuff comes from thrift stores. You can get ten blouses for the price of one from a thrift store, at least. Same with necklaces. And shoes, coats, you name it.
There’s a couple of high-end consignment stores nearby and I got a $300 winter coat, full length, for $25. I know how much everything costs because I subscribe to at least ten women’s catalogs.
If your wife ever “comes around” her life will improve. There are a lot more women out there who would like to dress up her guy than you can possibly know, but they’re afraid to admit it.
They seem to think it’s “kinky”.
As for me, it’s nothing more, or less, than who I am.
Good luck.

[mikiSJ]

I told my wife of 38 years (this month) before we married that I CDed. She was accepting and I told her, at that time, that I didn't have an interest in going public with the dressing.

Then, 7 months ago, I told her about Miki and how I wanted to explore the outside. She came unglued and told me about the "promises" I made 37 years ago. I tried to explain that things change over time and how about all of the promises she had made, like not having our two adult children (1 married) living at home.

We have a tenuous compromise at work at the moment.

[April_Ligeia]

Unfortunately, my ex wife couldn't even accept what was more of a goth style than crossdressing. Ironically, every time I compromised with her about many issues besides crossdressing, I lost another piece of myself and she still complained. After getting divorced, it has taken me about three years to start to feel like myself again. My current girlfriend encourages me to crossdress, so I have actually gone much farther with it than I ever planned to back when I was married. Of course, your situation is different. So far, my girlfriend has not pulled a 180 and I don't think she will.

[Jennifer in CO]

how 'bout a 180...from way past supportive, to doesn't mind panties and gowns for bed, and my "guy-ish" tops and pants, but if it looks remotely fem, she has a cow. This from a woman that 40 years ago bought me my first matching bra/pantie set. This from a woman whom 36 years ago married me - and we were both under-dressed identical for the ceremony in trousseau's she bought us (plus our going away outfits were identical); This from a woman who quite literally pushed me into taking hormones 33 years ago. This from a woman who lived with her guy as a girl for almost 5 years....we could go on....

[Kevyn53]

My wife's 180 kind of went the wrong way. Being artistic, she encouraged me to glam it up. There was a period where she had me wearing steel grey nail polish and eye makeup to work. When I asked to push it just a little more, she freaked and we closed the door to THAT closet. I miss the me of that time period. Now I'm in ND and part-time working on farm machinery. None of that would fly too well here.

[Michelle (Oz)]

My wife over the years has started to become more accepting. We have progressed from "sicko" to "my little woman" "princess" and "Paula" granted thought she doesn't want to see me dressed we have a DADT policy that works.

Paula

A timely thread and very interesting to read replies. I posted on Loved Ones today this week's miracle of my wife moving from CDing was 'abhorrent' and a deal breaker to entering a true DADT policy that she knows I dress but doesn't want to think about it.

The breakthrough is that she accepts it is not something I want but it is part of who I am.

[Taragirl427]

My wife knew about my proclivities before we were married, but she had forbidden me to have anything to do with it. I tried to quit dressing for our relationship. We got married and I made a valiant effort but ended up relapsing (and getting swiftly busted). Needless to say, that didnt do much for her trust issues. I would love to be accepted for who I am by her. Having to fight back the urge to dress puts a lot of strain on me. I think its probably the hardest thing in the world to do. My wife currently despises crossdressing and makes sure I know it. She is actually pretty damn crude in the way she slings slurs at me sometimes. She has almost made me end the marriage several times. Despite these things our marriage is still good in almost every other respect. She just wants me to be "normal" but cant grasp that I cant do that and simultaneously suppress a major part of my being. Do I think she will ever do a 180...fat chance. I find myself thinking about life alone more and more each day.

[Joanne f]

My wife at first thought that it would be OK but then because she knew nothing about the subject and had different people saying to her that they would not accept it decided that it was not for her and did not want anything to do with it but she could see that it got at me when I could not dress so she said it would be best if I wanted to wear something to wear it in another room away from her which I did, but then after a while said it was silly to be in separate rooms so I had just as well sit in with her , now she completely accepts it/me to the point that she accepts it even more than I do and takes no notice of it at all whatever I am wearing apart from , that looks nice or when did you get that , I could walk out of the front door in a little mini skirt and she would not say anything ( don't panic I am not going to do that ) :heehee:mini is little so why did I say that :doh:, shopping is the worst time as she will see me looking at something and straight out and say " do you want that one " being shy like I am :o I soon colour up :o
( Oh by the way she calls me Joanne )

[Lee Andrews]

A 180? I guess so. Back in our dating days after a year of being together I told her. She was a bit freaked out but came around slowly to the point of having fun with it. Over the years she accepts me for who I am but generally doesn't want much to do with it anymore.
She doesn't say much when she see's me in nylons or a skirt but you can tell from her face she would rather not see it. I long for the days when it was fun for both of us but I am also grateful she hasn't put any restrictions on me either.

[Joanne Curl]

I told my wife, after 12 years of marriage, about 3 years ago. It has been touch and go ever since. I don't don't know if we'll ever be able to recover. I think the fact that I hid it from her all those years is the biggest issue, I don't know if she'll ever trust me again. She also can't accept the fact that I like to wear women's clothes- it was and is a total turn off to her. She won't wear anything "suggestive" because she thinks I'll be aroused by her clothes and doesn't feel comfortable dressing up in front of me. I love her deeply and don't want to lose her but I don't know how long we can continue this way. She has done some research on cross dressing, she knows I'm not a deviant but she also knows I'll never change and doesn't know if she can live with that. She said she'd go to counciling to see if she can learn to accept it but talking about her feeling goes against what she's comfortable with. I pray every day that she'll learn to accept this side of me.

[MysticLady]

Do I think she will ever do a 180...fat chance. I find myself thinking about life alone more and more each day.

I suggest you let her know these feelings right away. Hopefully she'll understand that this is not a FAD. She hopefully may get the notion that you're having major issues w/ her rejection. Good Luck to both of you.

[petticoatlisa]

This is exactly where I am. My wife has absolutely no desire to hear me out, etc. we are only together now because we have a 3 year old son. We have not had sex or even kissed since she found out ( a few months before he was born). The impending divorce is the 800 lb. gorilla in the room. She says she will never get the vision of me dressed up out of her mind. Those of you who have an SO who is even tolerant are EXTREMELY lucky...

[danielle.cd]

i told my wife about 6 years ago what was going on , she would find my little makeup stashes or an skirt that i hid but she never said anything , at that time i hadnt peirce my ears or bought any wigs or shoes . (lord kows that i wanted to ) so my little stashes were hiden , then one day i went bought some shoes wig and the whole outfit and makeup , dressed like twice while they were away and finally had the courage to say something to her about it. she was just glad that i wasnt fooling around on her, but she didnt want anything to do with it at all , i was to do it at my own time ant the kids are not to find out , about it. after about three years i had finaly went outside dressed and after a few small trips talke to the wife about going out one day as ashley with her shoping , she was very hesitant but didnt really say yes or no , we went to mnt pleasent got a room i got dressed, as she watched me get dressed she looked more interested in the whole thing and i started to see a change in her. so we go shopping for a couple hours and she seemed ok with it . then i had the dreded perg. she wonderd why i was so upset so i let her know about all the other purges, and how they never help and i just spend more money on ashleys stuff instead of what we need. about a year goes buy with me buying more things and she hasnt said a word about ashley and i havent dressed for a while so again anouther purge, well to my amazement two weeks later im looking tosee what i have left for ashley to wear and i look on our top shelf and she saved all my clothes from being discarded . so when i asked about it she said she would rather me not spend more money on stuff when i already have things and to not throw them away unless they need to be . so on that note about a week later i decided we should go shoping again but at the local mall and when we got there she was haveing such an attitude but didnt tell me why till we got back in the car , she said she was embaressed by ashley and didnt want anyone in town to see her and me together . outside of our town was fine. what a low blow i thought so i tried to give it up for good and well lets just say now she knows that its part of me like it or not