Walking in the dark!

[phplayr]

Last night I left my hotel to go for a walk. I wore my skirt, suntan pantyhose and flats under my workout pants, carrying my 4" beige heels and searched for a dark and quiet place to walk around. When I found a nearly deserted park I took off my running pants and put on my heels on and walked around the park for about 30 minutes! I love the feeling of the cool night breeze on my legs and up my skirt! I was very nervous I would come across other people but realized how dark it was and felt very silly being so scared at first! It didn't take long until I was comfortable walking by a group of people sitting on a picnic table. It was almost totally dark but still scary for me.
It's not the first time I have been out at night but it was only about 9:00 on a Friday night so i thought there would be a lot more people out. The other times I went out was very late at night and I just sat on my front porch.
Isn't it crazy how nervous some of us get, or at least got at one time, going out in near pitch dark? Someday I will venture out at night but through the streetlights!

[Stephanie47]

I may be the first to say it, but, I'm sure I will not be the last. Walking around in a dark deserted park at night is not a good thing. First, you may become a victim of robbery and assault. Secondly, you may be viewed as a "women" plying her trade or a man dressed as a woman looking for a homosexual hookup. You don't have to walk through a mall to get a thrill. I walk through a residential neighborhood at a time when it is expected homeowners will be coming and going. It's easy to avoid contact if you pick the right place.

[Jenniferathome]

Women do not walk alone at night. You will actually be less conspicuous if you walked early morning or late afternoon

[phplayr]

I have never been concerned about walking around at night as I am 6'-4 260lbs. I choose deserted parks for that reason, no one around but point very well taken! Thanks for your concern!

[AshleyW]

This might be slightly off topic, but...

The whole "women shouldn't be out alone at night" thing really bugs me. I feel like it's a part of the whole victim-blaming rape-culture we have. The cause of rape isn't women who are out alone at night, it's men who are rapists. Saying women shouldn't be out alone at night shifts the focus to the potential victim, who is not doing anything wrong. I know people give that advice out of a genuine concern for others' safety, but it's not helping our culture to change.

I think this applies to non-genetic women and crossdressers, too.

Anyways, that's just my thoughts, sorry if they're a little naïve. :)

[Rachelakld]

Not a big fan of going out in the dark, our drunks and youths looking for trouble tend to gravitate towards dark areas, as to prostitutes (GG & TV).
Having breakfast tomorrow at 10am at Columbus Coffee shop with friend in my new leather look skirt, that's what I like - Their pancakes, bacon and maple syrup is an extra bonus.

Thanks Tiffany, while you are correct, I still wouldn't recommend wearing a bullseye at a shooting range, or you might become another victim :)

[Lorileah]

This might be slightly off topic, but...

The whole "women shouldn't be out alone at night" thing really bugs me. I feel like it's a part of the whole victim-blaming rape-culture we have. The cause of rape isn't women who are out alone at night, it's men who are rapists. Saying women shouldn't be out alone at night shifts the focus to the potential victim, who is not doing anything wrong. I know people give that advice out of a genuine concern for others' safety, but it's not helping our culture to change.

I think this applies to non-genetic women and crossdressers, too.

Anyways, that's just my thoughts, sorry if they're a little naïve. :)

Very naive. No matter your size weight, political affiliation walking alone in the dark, especially wearing a Skirt and heels makes you a target. No one is blaming the victim here, blame society. Two things 1) you appear female (at least from a distance And in silhouette. 2) you are a male in women's clothing and often attackers do not work alone. It is not wise to be in this situation in any gender ALONE. No one here mentioned in any maner that the OP was asking to be attacked, they just said it wasn't a smooth move. You don't want to be noticed? Don't do something that is unusual..that is all they said.

So we agree that it is dangerous to be alone in a dark park at night? OK?

Now back to comments concerning to OP...thank you

[AshleyW]

Sorry sorry sorry if I derailed this thread off-topic, I know that's bad forum etiquette. I probably shouldn't even have said anything but my inner feminist was getting b-tchy and I felt compelled. :)

Lorileah, I appreciate your comments. Of course I was intending to address a general mindset rather than individual cases, (which, of course, is off-topic and I apologize for that). Thanks for pointing it out and I agree: back to comments concerning to the OP.

[Beverley Sims]

Yes it is an adrenalin rush.
I do caution walking out in the dark though.

[Jean 103]

I find when I am traveling out of the area as the hotel may imply, Goodwill is a good safe and fun place. I feel at ease going thru the racks wile dressed, and the clerks are always nice. I am uncomfortable talking show I also like stores that I can self check.

[Tracii G]

Do what you want but a secluded park in the dark isn't a place I would want to be dressed, its just common sense.
I understand your train of thought, late at night less people, dark no one will see you up close.At first that makes sense but really a very dangerous practice.

[FionaO]

I would never walk around in a park at night but I'm only 5' 6" and 145 lbs so I would be a target but I don't have to go out at night as I am quite passable and have often gone shopping as a woman. However phplayr is a lot bigger than me so would have a very hard time passing but is also big enough to be much less of a target. To each his/her own.

[JamieQ]

I find when I am traveling out of the area as the hotel may imply, Goodwill is a good safe and fun place. I feel at ease going thru the racks wile dressed, and the clerks are always nice. I am uncomfortable talking show I also like stores that I can self check.

Oh I agree...I feel most at ease in a Goodwill store too.

"Do what you want but a secluded park in the dark isn't a place I would want to be dressed, its just common sense.
I understand your train of thought, late at night less people, dark no one will see you up close.At first that makes sense but really a very dangerous practice."

I believe that going out in the daytime attracts way less attention that going out after dark. If at dark then I would say a residential neighbourhood with sidewalks...maybe when its just getting dark...not very late...:)

[Jenniferathome]

This might be slightly off topic, but...

The whole "women shouldn't be out alone at night" thing really bugs me. ... I know people give that advice out of a genuine concern for others' safety, but it's not helping our culture to change.

People should be nice too but there are many who are not. Addressing an issue like this by saying culture should change is irrational. Yes, it's unfair and it's also a fact. Women should not walk alone anywhere they have no protection or an outlet for immediate help, like a crowd. What needs to change is: men should not rape women. Scum exists, unfortunately.

[slamddoger]

it not good to go out late you could fine your salf in bad place

[HannahF6]

Tiffany is right, it bugs me too, yet it is a fact that a woman walking alone in a park at night is rather like a peson wearing a bullseye at a shooting range. You would really be less conspicuous and attract less atention at noon. nevertheless, that is how I started going out, then when I realised my error, and realised I was less conspicuous in daylight, I switched.

Hannah

[Jenniferathome]

I have never been concerned about walking around at night as I am 6'-4 260lbs. I choose deserted parks for that reason, no one around but point very well taken! Thanks for your concern!

News from the weekend: Mike Adams is 6'7", 325 lbs.

An offensive tackle for the Pittsburgh Steelers was stabbed twice during an attempted carjacking early Saturday on the city's South Side, police said.
Police said 23-year-old Michael Adams told officers he was standing near his truck shortly after 3 a.m. when he was confronted by three men, one armed with a knife and one armed with a handgun.
Adams told police the trio tried to carjack him, but he didn't have his car keys. He said ''the situation escalated'' and one man pointed the gun at his face while the other stabbed him twice before all three fled, according to police.

[linda allen]

It's been posted hundreds of times by many people including myself - Don't go somewhere dressed as a woman where a genetic woman would not go. This includes walking around in a deserted area at night. Not only are you putting yourself at risk for personal harm, you are much more obvious than if you walked down a busy sidewalk in the middle of the day.

As far as the "The whole "women shouldn't be out alone at night" thing really bugs me" comment above, let's be realistic. Are you willing to be a victim to make a point? There are many places I don't go dressed as a man because I don't feel safe there. A woman is no different.

[Rileyaz]

Check your Car! I have had two flat tires in the last 30 days. I keep my car in top condition, so this is just a fluke. Having said that, I am sure glad I wasn't dressed at the time!

[linda allen]

Check your Car! I have had two flat tires in the last 30 days. I keep my car in top condition, so this is just a fluke. Having said that, I am sure glad I wasn't dressed at the time!

Bring along a "boy bag". Men's shirt appropriate for the season, jeans, socks, men's shoes, whatever you need to remove most of your makeup, and nail polish. Just keep it in the car in case you need to make a quick change back.

[Melanie Sykes]

In the earlier days of my CDing I used to go out to lonely places in the dark too, usually from hotels dotted around the country. Yes, it was a total thrill, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone now. Instead, I would highly recommend going out where there are lots of people around. Note that "lots of people" doesn't automatically mean "safe", but you can choose your venues wisely. Supermarkets and decent-quality shops that aren't cheap are generally OK in my experience, especially in the middle of the day. In the UK, you're unlikely to come to any grief in shops like Marks and Spencers, for example. There are no circumstances in which a man dressed as a woman in a dark, secluded spot would not look highly unusual and noteworthy.

[Rileyaz]

Great idea. I will have to remember that.

[docrobbysherry]

Do NOT do this! U r actually better off and safer walking around a park filled with with people! In the middle of the day.

Being one of the shiest dressers, I would choose to do neither!

[Rileyaz]

AACK! I was talking about having a boy bag with me! Sorry.

[Asche]

Well, I'm with tiffanyw. I'm tired of the steady drum-beat of "don't do this, don't do that, or some evil mugger/rapist/gobble-un will git you!"

Whatever people may think their intent is when they say this stuff, they're participating in a kind of mob that is telling people, especially women, to limit their lives. It's the whole "be afraid. Be very afraid" movement, and if you listen to it long enough you'll spend your life cowering in your Panic Room. And you won't actually be all that much safer.

I think it's exaggerated. I remember when I moved to NYC and because some of the things I liked to do were at night, I would find myself walking across 42nd street to take the subway home at 2:00 a.m. All the "real New Yorkers" I knew were convinced I'd get mugged or killed, but I did it once or twice a week for years and never saw anything happen (unless you count turnstile-jumping.) The people I knew who got mugged got mugged in broad daylight, with lots of people around. I can't count the number of people here at CD.com who insist that I'll get beaten and killed for walking around in public in a skirt presenting as a man. I've had my life threatened numerous times, but not for wearing a skirt -- it's been for the high crime of riding a bicycle on a public road.

It's also the voice of privilege. Some people may be able to hire 24/7 bodyguards, but an awful lot of women (and men) don't have any choice as to whether to walk alone in the dark. If the only job you can get ends in the middle of the night, and your employer isn't willing to send some beefy guy to walk with you until you get on your bus (or walk all the way home with you, if there's no bus), you walk alone in the dark. They might get beaten or raped that way -- but the statistics say it's far more likely that they'll get beaten or raped by a husband or boyfriend than by a stranger who attacks them in the dark.

No matter what you do, no matter how many precautions you take, you're gonna die. And no matter what you do, it can happen at any time. At what point do the precautions you take in the (possibly vain) hope of staving that day off end up destroying the value of the days you have left? That's a decision each person must make, in accordance with his/her own values and needs. Blanket advice to enslave yourself to your fear -- or other people's -- is, IMHO, not really for anyone's good (except maybe the people who make a buck off other people's fear.)


Paranoia strikes deep.
Into your life it will creep.
It starts when you're always afraid.
Step out of line, the Man comes to take you away.

[rachael.davis]

This might be slightly off topic, but...

The whole "women shouldn't be out alone at night" thing really bugs me. I feel like it's a part of the whole victim-blaming rape-culture we have. The cause of rape isn't women who are out alone at night, it's men who are rapists. Saying women shouldn't be out alone at night shifts the focus to the potential victim, who is not doing anything wrong. I know people give that advice out of a genuine concern for others' safety, but it's not helping our culture to change.

I think this applies to non-genetic women and crossdressers, too.

Anyways, that's just my thoughts, sorry if they're a little naïve. :)

A friend of mine is Jamaican, he made a commnet once "it don't matter none if you throw the rock at the clay pot, or the clay pot at the rock, the pot gets broken"
yep, you're right, muggers are evil bastids, rapists are evil basids, packs of inner city "yoots" out for mayhem are a pack of evil bastids.... which does exactly what for you when you're in the ER with a broken face?

Way back when I was trying to prove something to myself I studied, trained in, and instructed armed, and unarmed combat in a number of styles for a number of decades, I was kind of obsessed at the time. In the park, in the dark, all by yourself in heels and a skirt is dumb.