What would you do?

[Greenie]

There is a TV show on ABC called what would you do. The season premiere just aired and the last segment of the show was a set up of a "transgender teen" a supportive mother, and a non supportive father. (all actors) They set it up so that the transgender teen was trying on dresses for prom when the dad storms in the store and freaks out and they tape other peoples reactions. For the most part, it seemed that many of the people in the store stood up for the teen and some even put the father in his place. While this makes me happy to see that people (at least at this shop during prom season) seem to be opening up to the TG community. It also shines a light on it. If you want to see the video it is on HULU.

The last segment starts (http://www.hulu.com/watch/496609)from 31 minutes and goes through to the end.

Any thoughts on this? Have any of you had a stranger stand up for you?

I have these thoughts about when LUCA and I finally go out into the real world of all of the prepared responses to have for people when they say something nasty. I am already on the defense for him.

I have been in other places when I see someone TG and I am watching to make sure they are being treated well. If they don't stick up for themselves what do you do. Watch a salesperson treat another human being like crap?

[Beverley Sims]

I have only been challenged once and my answer was, SO?
There really is not a retort to that expression.

[Jenniferathome]

Kae, with regards to the general premise of "what would you do?" I have seen many of these episodes and I can say that in every case, I'd jump in. I can't stand the idea of "the weak" being prayed upon. I would never stand back and let it happen. It's just not me.

With respect to a transgender issue, there is no question I would jump in but I think the attitude when doing so will make a lasting difference. It would be a teaching opportunity, not just a shaming one. It will happen to you, me, all of us at some time. Ignorance is wide spread. How we choose to react can make a difference. We may want to address such an issue with a stick, but I think a smile will go much further.

[Di]

Nothing has ever happened to us out.
But two times came to mind from my paST.

Back in my hometown at my daughters restaurant some young guys were making rude comments at a tg dining there and I went and got the owner and he made them leave.

Another time a tg support group went to a chinese restaurant and they were friends and I tagged along with one of the other SOs.......well the staff was following some around behind their back at the buffet and giggling making fun so I went to the buffet after they came back to the table and without making a scene gave the guilty employees what for and told them if I see anything else at all I will call the manager out and tell him how they are treating 12 customers.

add...I prob would have called the manager out....if it was not for for many of the support group it was THE FIRST time out somewhere besides the support group meeting AND I wanted it to be a FAB experience for them NOT something that would hurt their feelings.
Yes there are jerks and ignorant people out there but I would like to think it is rare.

[aprilgirl]

Well, it was prom season when the show was filmed ;-)

The program mentioned did address another gender related topic last season by staging a mom shopping with her child for a Halloween costume. That episode depicted a girl wanting a Spiderman costume and subsequently, a boy wanting to go as a princess. At the very least these are interesting social experiments, ones that I can’t imagine being addressed by network television 20, 15, or even 10 years ago. In that regards, I’ll take that as a positive for our community.

To answer your question Greenie, I never had a stranger “come to my defense” in that fashion, but I’ve been extremely fortunate in my past, albeit limited, public outings. I have picked up non- verbal cues from others, as well as a few less than emphatetic reactions, though nothing bad enough to keep me from expressing this part of who I am. I do agree totally with Jenniferathome that a smile can be more effective in disarming any potential situation encountered.

[Kate Simmons]

Unfortunately, there is no shortage of people with "tunnel vision" in this world. The greatest challenge to us is to get them to embrace diversity rather than shun it. No easy task but we do become examples by how we live our lives if nothing else. The other part as was already mentioned is to get folks to stand up for themselves because for the most part no one else is going to do it for them.:)

[Tracii G]

Di you are wonderful !
There was an episode with a TS waitress too.

[Sabrina133]

Not having seen the show i cant comment on the specifics but ... here is my $.02 cents worth.

The father's reaction appears to have been out of place .. not because of his obvious displeasure with his son trying on a prom dress but for making such a scene in a public place in which he is a guest. Frankly, the issue of his son trying on a dress is a family one that should be resolved at home or in private. Having said that, the fact that strangers took it upon themselves to voice their opinion is just as wrong and probably made the situation worse. IMHO, it was just as misplaced as the father's. The exception to this would be if the father was physically arming the teen. As it was not that situation, It was not the shoppers place to interfere or provide their opinion. It was the shop owner's/manager's/SA's responsibility to tell the father that his reaction was disruptive to the business (a private enterprise) and as such leave the premises immediately or the shop manager would immediately call the police to have him evicted.

I know that this may seem like a cop out but i am a huge advocate of privacy and respect for privacy by the state and others. By doing what he did, the father certainly acted like a jerk because he clearly took a private issue out of the privacy realm into the public arena but the customers clearly overstepped their bounds by getting involved in what is clearly a family issue. I suspect in real life, such a circumstance would have helped neither the long term situation nor the short term one.

This may seem counter intuitive by i think its a clear cut case of two wrongs dont make a right. I cant wait to read some of your comments.

As i said, just my opinion.

Bree

[Sabrina133]

...The program mentioned did address another gender related topic last season by staging a mom shopping with her child for a Halloween costume. That episode depicted a girl wanting a Spiderman costume and subsequently, a boy wanting to go as a princess. At the very least these are interesting social experiments, ones that I can’t imagine being addressed by network television 20, 15, or even 10 years ago. In that regards, I’ll take that as a positive for our community...

I agree. In the last few years i've seen an increasing number of talk shows that focus on the issue of pre teen TGism and parents reaction aod courses of action to help their child through a very difficult time in their lives. I salute those parents immensely. I think doing what they are doing will help settle what would have been a very rough and tough road for their children. I also thank the media for covering this in a mature non sensationalist approach that will have possitive impact on the entire TG community as it brings the issue out for open discussion.

Bree

[~Joanne~]

I never had to have anyone one stick up for me as I have only been out 3 times. Two of those times were pretty controlled situations, the third I was at a CD store and fully prepared if anything should have taken place but really? in a CD store? what is likely to happen there?

If, or when, I do start getting out more, I would hope that I am confident enough to ignore other peoples short comings. if not, I am confident enough that I could handle the situation by whatever means are necessary.

I was glad that the people in the show, for the most part, did the right thing. If I come across a sister being mistreated, or any person for that matter, especially by a salesperson, I most certainly would step in whether it's my business or not. I would never be able to let it just happen.

[marlenesexton]

I haven't watched, but these seem somewhat contrived. I generally agree with Sabrina. I'm all of acceptance and tolerance, but these are rare situations and meant to evoke a visceral reaction. It sounds like more of a social experiment than a real life situation. How would I react, I'd probably mind my own business in 95% of the situations. I've found family disputes have dynamics that make them much more than they appear. It's like the battered women that bail their abusive man out of jail and go right back after you call the police (seen it happen). In the other 5%, truly dangerous and violent situations, I'd get involved. For all we know, the little morality play ends with dad kicking your ass, jail time and dueling lawsuits when what might have happened is dad and his son go home, have a heart to heart and dad agrees to try to understand.

[Leah Lynn]

It's my nature to back the underdog. As Leah or Lee, I'd have taken pops to task.

Leah

[Tracii G]

Here is one with the real TS person.
http://youtu.be/zNq5EBnA8ho

[Sami]

I just watched this and there are more accepting people these days than you think but there are also a hell of a lot if people out there with tunnel vision the thing is a lot if people who can't accept gender issues stay quiet thankfully and people who are accepting will often chat to you well that is what I have found. I get out clubbing from time to time in Auckland and have always chatted to people the real GG's often laugh at the fact I take 2 hours to get ready in general I have so far only met good people and not the negative ones luckily though I was walking into a club with a few of my CD friends and a group of guys did comment I heard them saying I think they are guys dressed up and one was saying what all 3 of them etc anyway it wasn't directed as an insult just guys chatting about us I guess. I am of the opinion all attention is good attention it's better to be noticed and remembered than not at all.

[Jenniferathome]

I haven't watched, but these seem somewhat contrived. I generally agree with Sabrina. I'm all of acceptance and tolerance, but these are rare situations and meant to evoke a visceral reaction. It sounds like more of a social experiment than a real life situation.

Maybe you should watch it.... It's a REAL situation, with real reactions

[Aly Cat]

If someone was making a scene, id intervene and let them know its not the appropriate setting in terms of the father/son situation. In the case of the real TS in the diner, i would intervene and let the guy know he needs to take his business elsewhere. Big arguments can escalate quickly into violence and violence just simply isnt tolerated. Ive jumped over a barista bar to separate a couple who was arguing in starbucks. Threatening comments were made from the man to the woman insinuating violence soon to follow and that was enough. He found himself on his ass just outside the front door and a phone call to local police was made to ensure he didnt enter again.
Anger leads to hatred...hatred leads to the dark side...i say get your inner jedi in those cute robes ready and prepared for whatever comes your way. "Evil prevails when good men do nothing."

[Sabrina133]

Maybe you should watch it.... It's a REAL situation, with real reactions

Doesnt really change my mind as to the reaction/action of the other customers unless there was a threat of physical violence.

[Greenie]

I think the most interesting reaction from the show was from the young kid his own age. Trying to tell both the dad and the kid that he knew where they were coming from. The old lady's response was interesting. I just watched the segment in the diner. That was heartwarming how many people came to her defense. :)

[marlenesexton]

Doesnt really change my mind as to the reaction/action of the other customers unless there was a threat of physical violence.

Yeah, not a gender/trans issue. It's a mind your own business issue. Physical violence, highly abusive language, I'd take the guy to task. Short of that, let them work it out. It's not a comment on the appropriateness of his behavior as much as a desire to mind my own business. I've intervened several times in my life when I felt things went too far. Reacting negatively is one thing, putting yourself in the situation is another. I watched it and some of those people were out of line in my mind. It's a personal thing and had nothing to do with the transgender storyline. Maybe I'm old fashioned.

[docrobbysherry]

Greenie, thanks for the info. Nice to hear the media may be becoming more sympathetic RE trans issues?

But, if dressers go out often enuff, we all must learn how to handle ourselves in our own way when things get dicey. Or else we may become too fearful to go out in the future!

Personally, I don't have a planned response to negativity when out. It would depend on my mood, the attitude I was up against, and who it was coming from!

[Frédérique]

I have been in other places when I see someone TG and I am watching to make sure they are being treated well. If they don't stick up for themselves what do you do. Watch a salesperson treat another human being like crap?

No, I would step in, even if the TG individual was one of the occupants of my ignore list. :doh:

But, if a salesperson was treating ANYONE like crap, intervention would be most certain – let’s be fair across the board. Of course, I would be very sympathetic to any “variety” of crossdresser – I could empathize with what the person is forced to endure for the sake of following one’s chosen path through life. However, if the person fielding the abuse “stood” his or her "ground," like many give lip service to around here, I wouldn’t lift a finger, or say a word – I would figure they could take care of themselves by regurgitating or revisiting those birth gender characteristics they are so loath to acknowledge, at least until threatened…
:straightface: