To quit crossdressing

[sammont]

A few of you have probably come across my posts in another thread. We started to get off topic so I thought I'd start a new one.

It occurred to me that the quitting debate doesn't get fair coverage. What I see is the generally positive group hug embrace from these forums and ones like it (just an observation, don't attack).

I then see the moral/religious debate that tells me I'm sinning and all I need to do is replace crossdressing with a healthy dose of prayer. I'm sure this is great for many but its not my thing.

What we don't have is a control group. We don't hear from those who have quit crossdressing, not for religious reasons, not because their wife told them too, but because they made a choice and exercised a great deal of self control to do it. We don't hear from them because they're not here. They're not on the internet reading about and engaging with the cd community.

I'm trying to quit. About a year ago I acknowledged that I spent too much time on a couple of things. One of these was crossdressing. I'm married with two small children. My wife had limited knowledge of my activity, a don't ask don't tell but don't let it take over policy.

I decided to stop not because she asked me too or felt I wasn't being an awesome husband and dad. In fact we're very happy and things are going well. What I acknowledged was that I was spending way too much time, energy and money on it. None of which helped me as a person or my family as a unit.

So what did I do. I stopped. I purged all my clothes, every last item. I deleted all my online presence and I diverted my energy to my family, health and career.

So why am I back on here. Yesterday, after a busy couple of weeks and with a mild hangover I felt the old urge. So I went looking for a positive story to help me though a period of doubt. All I found was the group hug yes or the moral no. So I guess I'm trying to say there's another way.

Anyway, almost 13 months down and I haven't crossdressed in any way. The urge has been there a couple of times. But the absence of crossdressing from my life hasn't caused any major issues. I spend little time thinking about it or longing to re-engage in it. Writing on this forum has given me further resolve to stay the course.

So please feel free to comment but don't misinterpret me. I'm not trying to tell anyone to stop crossdressing and I'm certainly not saying its wrong. I'm saying that sometimes its right to quit. I'm certain it can be done and I'm giving it a red hot go.

Cheers
Sam

[Tracii G]

Can't argue with anything you said, you need to do what is right for you and your family.
I can see why someone would want to quit in certain situations.
Best of luck and keep us posted on how you do.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Sam, I've made that point several times. It is often repeated here that it is impossible to stop dressing, and look, there's nobody here who has stopped, so that proves the point. I'm a recovering alcoholic - and as part of my recovery, I never go to bars. If you go to a bar and ask, 'Is it possible to stop drinking?' the answers would range from 'Who would want to?' to 'Absolutely not.' Same thing - you don't look for people who stopped drinking at a bar, you don't look for people who stopped dressing at a CD forum.

My answer is 'Yes' - you can stop dressing. But I doubt if you will ever stop having the urge to dress. My advice is, make a list of activities you enjoy doing, and can get into at short notice, and when you feel the urge to dress, get involved in one of those activities until it passes. This is what I had to do for several years when I first began recovering. Eventually, the urge will occur less often, but it never goes away entirely.

Good luck!

Deedee

[TeresaCD]

I agree, the urge may never pass, controlling it, though difficult, may be possible.
My history suggests the urge to dress will be stronger at different times, what you do with it is up to you.

Me, I stopped fighting it, and started to acknowledge now that this is a part of who I am.
I believe I am a better husband and father for it, though I would also agree that balance is a hard thing to find.

[Angela Campbell]

I am glad you are happy. That is the important thing.

[Lynn Marie]

Thanks so much for posting this. Your observations are right on the money. I have no doubt whatsoever that thousands of CDs have quit and are doing fine. Look at all the ex smokers and ex drinkers out there. It's been over 15 years and I still occasionally think about lighting up. Of course you can control your life. If you're not controlling it, then who is? Congratulations Sam. You're my hero.

[Kate Simmons]

It's mostly a matter of choice and strong will. I can disengage in it for sometimes years at a time but when I DECIDE to do it again, it's like learning to ride a bike, you never forget, and it's like I never stopped. I used to smoke as well. I could light one up and it would be as if I never stopped. It's just my choice not to continue smoking. I also like beer and mixed drinks but because of my diabetes, I choose to limit myself as I know the result otherwise. In any case, how I choose to express myself is always my choice according to my will power. I guess I would make a pretty good Green Lantern.:battingeyelashes::)

[linda allen]

I've said before that if a person really wants to stop dressing in woman's clothes, he can. It's a matter of willpower and really wanting to. I quit smoking 41 years ago and quit drinking alcohol 4 years ago. No pills, no patches, no AA, no 12 step program.

[Ressie]

I've said before here that family should be more important than dressing. And CDing can become too time consuming. There are other things that need attention first. While purging isn't for most of us, congratulations to you for doing it. One day at a time just like AA.

[Karren H]

Its all a mater of priorities ..... Family and work.... crossdressing is near the bottom.... though I can quit crossdressing if I stopped taking my medication ... the urge to live superceeds the urge to stop crossdressing.... I'm trapped... I have no choices except manage it.....

[Tina B.]

Sam, a year, congratulations! I agree, I believe many crossdressers might be able to quit and depending on why they dress in the first place.
I believe there is a difference between a habit, like smoking and drinking, and a compulsion. I know why I took up smoking, and drinking, and why I quit at least I quit the smoking. But I started dressing as a very young child, and have no idea why I did, why I feel compelled to still do it 63 years latter.
I also have quit, a number of times in fact, I've gone a long as 5 to 6 years with out dressing, and for at least three of those years I was the most depressed individual, I considered many ways out of that depression, suicide, running away from family and friends and start over somewhere else, and a few other crazy ideas, then I got a good one, I told my wife about myself, started dressing again as I felt I needed to, and have lived a very happy live every since.
If you can quit, and that's really what you want for you, I wish you all the best of luck at it, wish I could have, but just didn't find it worth what it was costing me as a person.

[Amanda M]

Well Sam, it all boils down to choice, and you have made it abundantly clear that you have the will power to make that choice. Basically, we humans do whatever we do either because we are forced to, or the behavior brings us a reward. When the behaviour stops bringing a reward, or the consequences of the behavior become more unpleasant than the reward, the behavior will be modified or stop altogether. I wish you peace of mind and wisdom.

Amanda

[Barbra P]

I quit for approximately six years and for most of those years the urge to dress was either non-existent or very mild. I don’t know why the urge suddenly returned but return it did and stronger than I remembered it ever being. I felt depressed and spoke with my Physician about my depression and mentioned that I had a gender issue that might be connected with my depression. While in Medical School my Doctor wrote a thesis on crossdressers and she may have a better understanding about crossdressing than your average Physician. She referred me to a Counselor that she works with and after a lengthy two-hour session the Counselor reported back that in her opinion I should see a Licensed Therapist in the Psychiatry Department. My Doctor put through the necessary papers and the Counselor contacted several Therapists and chose one that she felt I would feel comfortable with and who had experience dealing with gender issues.

During my first visit with Kelly, my Therapist, she explained that if I was there seeking a cure I was wasting both her and my time. Medical science didn’t know the cause of crossdressing and didn’t know a cure for crossdressing and that was also true for transsexuals. I learned that not all men who wear women’s clothes are considered crossdressers; some do it simply for the sexual stimulus they feel, others may have a fetish. I also learned that transsexuals and crossdressers have one of the highest suicide rates, several times higher than the general public. Suicide is usually a result of not being able to transition for transsexuals or not being able to dress for crossdressers.

One thing I have learned is that stopping dressing and quitting smoking are totally different. Smoking is a chemical addiction, a physical habit, and a craving. There are several effective ways to break the chemical addiction including just not smoking for a period of time. Finding a suitable physical activity to take the place of the physical activity involved in smoking may be a bit more difficult for some people. Most smokers will never forget the pleasure they derived from smoking and at various times throughout their lives they will undoubtedly feel a graving to smoke. What they crave is the release of endorphins caused by smoking and probably the old familiar physical aspects involved in smoking.

According to both my Doctor and my Therapist this is totally unrelated to the underlying cause of crossdressing. Admittedly medical science doesn’t know the cause but they do know that it does not have a chemical addiction from an outside source. It probably involves pleasure causing endorphins but the release of those endorphins is not caused by injecting, inhaling, or consuming a mind altering substance.

One theory that is gaining some support is that the cause may happen in the womb. Normally gender is determined by the father at the moment of conception. However chromosomal abnormalities do occur and the chances for chromosomal abnormalities increase with age. All babies start out with female sex organs and the male organs form from chemical stimulation of the female organs. The theory is that something may go wrong during this transition period that develops some years after birth into the “I feel like a woman trapped inside a man’s body.” Depending on the intensity of these thoughts the person may develop into either a transsexual or a crossdresser. Either way the situation is a lot more complex when it comes to not dressing than quitting smoking.

[Amy Fakley]

Rock on wit' ya bad self! :-)

You can easily quit crossdressing. Put yourself in a situation where you can't have access to women's clothes. Done and done :-)

now ... of course ... for some of us this just puts our brains in a pressure cooker until the frustration and depression or whatever seeps out of our pores. For others it doesn't, and I don't think it's said often enough around here, that there are people in the world for whom this is completely optional.

Speaking for myself ... my kids are at day camp for the next 15 minutes and I've been dressed to the 9s the last hour because that's all I'm gonna get this week. Given long enough without, I do begin to get the pressure cooker effect, but I find that when I need to, I can keep it at arm's length for extended periods of time without completely loosing my grip on reality. I once went nearly 5 years without any dressing ... but like an old friend that always comes around eventually ... I wind up back where I started.

I've learned to enjoy the ride and not get too hung up about it.
It's just who I am ... best of luck on your journey :-)

[Melissa73]

omg! this hit home big for me. I gave up dressing when I got married in 2011. figured my wife wouldn't want man who dresses. And at first it was all good with it. but the urgedid come back and I was stuck without a way to indulge it! I admit I went to goodwill. salvation army just to try on clothes. And outside that, I relived my crossdressing through dreams! (and man were they very sexual dreams. But with that as my only way to express my urge.... I was getting very moody and very irriated! it lead me and my wife to separate (course she is gay now), but not b4 I finally had to tell her that I wear womens clothes. when I said those magic words, my irriation subsided and I was more calm and reasonable.

moral: crossdressing is apart of us and we cannot give it up for anyone! we must embrace it..........

and as for the religion aspect, I sincerely believe, God is not gonna punish me and not allow me in heaven cuz I wore womens clothes.


melissa

[StevieInALilyetteBra]

Although you may be able to stop the activity for some period of time and the desire may wax and wane I think it is dangerous to not realize: 1. It is part of who we are and 2. It is harmless to all but judgemental traditionslists. Gender (not sex) is a prison.

[Farrah]

Im with you. I stopped about 4 years ago. I'm not saying i will never do it again, but I don't see doing it in he foreseeable future. I still come here from time to time to live through he dressing of others. It really comforts me when I get the urge. I'm glad I'm not the only xcrossdresser that still logs on to crossdressers.com. Good look in all you do!

[Frédérique]

It occurred to me that the quitting debate doesn't get fair coverage. What I see is the generally positive group hug embrace from these forums and ones like it.

Well, you see, this is a lot like going on a forum for model airplane builders and stating that you’re trying to stop all the nonsense – how well do you think you’re going to be received? I’m on an artist discussion forum, and I’ve never seen someone say they would like to stop painting and do something meaningful with their life. I know, you’re equating crossdressing with other, more debilitating perverted sexual practices, and my argument must make NO sense to you, but you’re on a site where people are the way they are, through no fault of their own (for the most part), and the idea of stopping crossdressing is, to them, like considering cessation of breathing…
:naughty

[Beverley Sims]

In order to stop, you have to find an interest that transcends crossdressing.

[Dianne S]

Sure, it's possible to stop cross-dressing. If you really want to and if you have the willpower, you can do it.

On the other hand... I don't want to stop. I enjoy it, it's harmless, and (at least for me) it's relatively cheap as pastimes go. My wife is sort-of OK with it (she knows and tolerates, but doesn't particularly encourage.)

As far as religion goes, I have no religion. I guess I'm somewhat militantly atheist, so thoughts of what "God" might think about cross-dressing never cross my mind.

[kimdl93]

A year is a moment in a lifetime. You're welcome to choose a path that works for you. Just plan on coping with recurring "urges "

[mary something]

Almost all women who I know crossdress, matter of fact it is so accepted that they go out in public like that all the time! They see each other shamelessly wearing jeans that were initially designed as only for men. They even wear short sleeve shirts that were made for men to wear. Over the last 50 to 75 years they have even forgotten to feel ashamed about it anymore. All of the women I have dated in my life were always wanting to wear some of my clothes, every girl I have ever been with was a crossdresser. Matter of fact I've even had some girlfriends who I wasn't even intimate with that wanted to wear my shirts sometimes, what a bunch of weirdo's right? ;)

I don't think you have a crossdressing problem, I think you have a problem with personal shame. Sure society will take away your man card if they find out you like to crossdress just like every woman on the planet almost. I doubt your need to crossdress is really that strong though is it? Just do it every now and again if need be and close the blinds. Heck, Cary Grant almost exclusively wore panties and he was still quite a man.

Don't let societies misguided and completely ignorant views on some topics make you feel bad about yourself.

[RebeccaLynne]

Sam, thanks for starting this thread. I find it quite refreshing, as there have been many past threads inquiring as to why we rarely hear from those who've decided to quit.

I believe you need to do whatever it takes to make you happy and contented. If eschewing CD'ing is what you need, then I wish for your success. :)


Well, you see, this is a lot like going on a forum for model airplane builders and stating that you’re trying to stop all the nonsense – how well do you think you’re going to be received?

Nothing nonsensical was uttered in the OP, nor was it a call to cease and desist. I, for one, am quite receptive to entertaining the notion of living a life without crossdressing, although it wouldn't work for me...

Frederique, Sam is stating that quitting is an option for some that feel the need. Not that you or I do; he's merely presenting the viewpoint of one who's decided that crossdressing may be an impediment, rather than an enhancement, of one's enjoyment of life.

Every topic benefits from a point-counterpoint discourse... that's what keeps it interesting, and keeps us all staying tuned to see what happens next...

'C'mon, Freddy, this just has to provide material for your next engrossing thread... I know you'll generate one worthy of discussion... don't wanna let boredom set in, now, do we? :heehee:

[marlenesexton]

Are you truly quitting forever? I curtailed my dressing as my kids got older and it was harder to find time to dress. Both my wife and I felt uncomfortable with my dressing when they were old enough to understand and at home. That went for her too. No more dress up nights for either of us. We relegated that kind of adult fun for when they were gone and thankfully my parents took them often. I never planned on quitting forever. We made a choice to have kids and accepted the limitations that put on our lives. But when they are gone, anything goes.

If this is what you truly want, good for you. But quitting doesn't have to be forever. Your wife might become more accepting when the kids are no longer a factor. She might not but may not care if you engage privately since your kids are on their own and you have the extra money, time, energy. Just a thought. Ultimately, its up to you. If it makes you happy, fits your life's priorities and your doing it for the right reasons, sounds like you're making the right decision.

[Andiblue]

I quit crossdressing in college, but stopped going out and being active in high school.

I'm not sure this forum is exactly right for me, but a few years later, I'm still having trouble letting go of it.

[Wildaboutheels]

We ALL have choices. Choices as in SOME things we have control over and some we don't.

Problems ONLY arise when the things we DO have control over, make our lives "unpleasant" in one form or another. [almost always due to other Humans acceptance or lack thereof]

How much is one willing to "sacrifice" in their own life to please OTHER people is the real question and/or is it worth it.

[linda allen]

.................................. One theory that is gaining some support is that the cause may happen in the womb. Normally gender is determined by the father at the moment of conception. However chromosomal abnormalities do occur and the chances for chromosomal abnormalities increase with age. All babies start out with female sex organs and the male organs form from chemical stimulation of the female organs. The theory is that something may go wrong during this transition period that develops some years after birth into the “I feel like a woman trapped inside a man’s body.” Depending on the intensity of these thoughts the person may develop into either a transsexual or a crossdresser. Either way the situation is a lot more complex when it comes to not dressing than quitting smoking.

People don't become crossdressers in the womb. The unborn and newly born have no concept of clothing belonging to one gender or the other. It's society that puts blue clothes on the ones with penises and pink on the ones with vaginas. There might be some sort of gender confusion in the unborn, but it has nothing to do with wearing heels and mini skirts. That is something that is developed later by interaction with society. Perhaps as an infant you noticed that babies wearing dresses got more attention and love than you did. Perhaps it was something else. Perhaps it's different for some of us than it is for others.

In any event, wearing women's clothes is something that you consciously do. Don't buy them, don't wear them, and you have quit.

[famousunknown]

Well, you see, this is a lot like going on a forum for model airplane builders and stating that you’re trying to stop all the nonsense – how well do you think you’re going to be received? I’m on an artist discussion forum, and I’ve never seen someone say they would like to stop painting and do something meaningful with their life. I know, you’re equating crossdressing with other, more debilitating perverted sexual practices, and my argument must make NO sense to you, but you’re on a site where people are the way they are, through no fault of their own (for the most part), and the idea of stopping crossdressing is, to them, like considering cessation of breathing…
:naughty

I don't see anything wrong with this thread. AFAIK, there are no forums for ex-cd's. This is the closest thing to dealing with the subject at hand. what about a separate section for ex-cd's?

[Andiblue]

I don't think there's anything wrong with crossdressing, but crossdressing in high school and the sexual experiences that went with it have probably had a bigger impact on my sexual identity than I ever thought it would. Is it wrong to discuss that kind of stuff here?

[sammont]

See you later team.
Thanks for the comments.
I'm out!

[bimini1]

Here is a loooooong treatise on the subject of quitting. Much too long for me to read right now. But it might be worth checking out.

http://mycdrecovery.wordpress.com/

[Jamie001]

Don't let societies misguided and completely ignorant views on some topics make you feel bad about yourself.

Mary,

Thank you for your word of wisdom and points about women wearing men's clothing being quite acceptable to society. We need to stop accepting and creating shame for ourselves because there is nothing wrong with us or what we do. Crossdressing is not a problem; it is part of who we are!!

Jamie

[famousunknown]

We need to stop accepting and creating shame for ourselves because there is nothing wrong with us or what we do. Crossdressing is not a problem; it is part of who we are.


It is a problem for some. And it might be part of who you are but not everyone else.

[Tracii G]

We are all different so maybe a place for ex CD's to discuss the issue is of value.

[Deedee Skyblue]

"moral: crossdressing is apart of us and we cannot give it up for anyone! we must embrace it.......... "

Not, this is not the moral. Your moral is "Crossdressing is a part of me and I cannot give it up for anyone!" But you are not qualified to speak for everyone. NOBDOY is qualified to speak for everyone. My moral is "Anything I can choose to do, I can also choose not to do."

Deedee

[tiffanynjcd24]

Ladies plz with me there are times when I want to give it up because maybe it wasnt me anymore and I am focusing on everything else but still its a part me that I cant change. Just be happy with yourself and dont change for anyone else

[Valerie1973]

I'm at a point in my life too whereas I should just quit, OR go full time woman. Kudos to you for doing what is best for you. Dressing is not the center of my life or does my life evolve around it.

[Annette Todd]

So maybe there needs to be a forum as you suggest here that gives support for those who have been cross dressers and for one reason or another have decided to repress that practice.
For me I am who I am and the feminine side of my personality has been dominant for most of my life.

Annette

[Tracii G]

We should support those that have or want to quit somehow but that is up to the mods not us.

[tiffanynjcd24]

We cant change that about our selevs

[tiffanynjcd24]

Correction I cant change about giving up crossdressing

[IngeInCO]

2 Legit to Quit... Sorry
I'm mostly sure that I will wear female clothes at times from here on out. I still think of it as dress up, and so fun!

[tiffanynjcd24]

2 Legit to Quit... Sorry
I'm mostly sure that I will wear female clothes at times from here on out. I still think of it as dress up, and so fun!

I Agree with you hun

[bimini1]

So maybe there needs to be a forum as you suggest here that gives support for those who have been cross dressers and for one reason or another have decided to repress that practice.
For me I am who I am and the feminine side of my personality has been dominant for most of my life.

Annette


http://cdreflections.wordpress.com/


well here you go.

[docrobbysherry]

Asz Sam said, we shpend rots of trime, enargy, and momey on dreshing!

Sho, just frind someshing else that will commands your atteshion in thoshe tings.

It worked for me! I threw everyting inrto drinking and compretery gave up dreshing for neary a month. Wel, I'm brack drssing again. But, I'm not doing it vewy well. Wonder if da drinkin has somsing to dru wit dat?:drink:

Maybe I chould ttwy model twain shets next?:brolleyes:

[tiffanynjcd24]

Me I living at gma house for time being til I get my own place

[ShelbyDawn]

Maybe I misread the OP but it seems to me what she is saying really has nothing to do with quitting dressing. Rather it is an attempt to get us to realize that society, in many ways, already openly accepts crossdressers and what we need to work on is our own feelings of inadequacey and guilt that we CHOOSE to associate with our dressing.

Mary, please correct me if I am wrong but I feel you were saying to choose whatever clothes you want to wear and don't let what society thinks determine how you feel about yourself.

BTW, I agree 100%!!!

Hugs.
Shelby.

[Ressie]

Maybe I misread the OP but it seems to me what she is saying really has nothing to do with quitting dressing. Rather it is an attempt to get us to realize that society, in many ways, already openly accepts crossdressers and what we need to work on is our own feelings of inadequacey and guilt that we CHOOSE to associate with our dressing.

Mary, please correct me if I am wrong but I feel you were saying to choose whatever clothes you want to wear and don't let what society thinks determine how you feel about yourself.

BTW, I agree 100%!!!

Hugs.
Shelby.

Who's Mary? Yes, Shelby you must be over-reading between the lines or responding to a different thread.

Sam is trying to quit, has been CD free for over a year, but has been having thoughts and urges to dress.

[Promethea]

We should support those that have or want to quit somehow but that is up to the mods not us.

Maybe this forum isn´t the best place for that. Not because it would harm our poor sensitive eyes, but because reading about the rest of us could be too tempting for those quitting. If Sam does take it up to himself to create a support forum for ex-crossdressers, that would be great, and maybe it could be linked to somewhere in this forum.



We cant change that about our selevs

Well, you can´t, I can´t, but other people can, because it´s not a part of themselves, just something they do for reasons different than gender identity. They have all the right to feel different about crossdressing and to try and quit it when they want. Nobody is telling you to quit. We shouldn´t try to project our own experiences on everybody else.

[sabrinaedwards]

A prominent psychologist told me that there is no cure to cross dressing. By cure I mean that the desire will no longer be there. I quit dressing for over 5 years, but mentally or the desire to cross dress remained. I wish you success on your efforts.

[Jessica86]

I guess I have a bias on this since I have quit before for almost four years. All it did was waste money MORE because I had to buy the things I threw out. I had to get help again since, I thought I was seriously trans....since the thought wouldn't leave my mind. My family suffered and I got divorced from a wife who knew NOTHING about my dressing. I gave it up for her. Every day I gave it up, I regret it. It is denying yourself the pleasure of being who you were born to be. No person, place, or thing should make you change that. You don't change for family. Family accepts family because...they are family. I am happier now that I have embraced myself and allowed myself to be who I am. Times are hard, but aren't they in any relationship? Nothing in this world is worth changing who you are. Kids want to love daddy, not a pretend to be this or that daddy. A corporation wants employees who cover up NOTHING. If any sense of covering up is detected, forget your shot at promoting. If you do quit, know that this isn't cigarettes. There is NOTHING that can benefit you from changing yourself. In the end, you miss it. You want it. Some of us, like me, realize they NEED it. It is who we are. Whether you purge, move, divorce, transition, or whatever, it is still a part of your life. More people would be upset you said you changed, and didn't versus telling people you can't change. ***All of this is from my opinion through the events of my own life. This is just how I view it.***

[FionaO]

One of my friends quit dressing completely for 4 years. Within a few weeks of starting back again, she went to the other extreme and is now living as a woman full time. I think she is now happier and actually is a very beautiful looking woman.

[kimdl93]

People don't become crossdressers in the womb....

It's highly misleading and innaccurate to suggest that CDing is just a learned behavior.
The growing body of evidence would suggest that both gender identification and sexuality are indeed established, or at least significantly influenced by hormonal conditions in the womb. Certainly individuals can choose to deny, repress or in some other way avoid expressing ingrained desires or preferences.

[Andiblue]

A prominent psychologist told me that there is no cure to cross dressing. By cure I mean that the desire will no longer be there. I quit dressing for over 5 years, but mentally or the desire to cross dress remained. I wish you success on your efforts.

My desire to crossdress stopped being, like...a compulsion...once I stopped being able to successfully pass as a girl.

I still have the desire, but I could never do it and be worries anyone suspected.

[abbie_lynn]

I quit.But not everyone wants to or should quit. Occasionally I check sites I visited, personally I find it refreshing to look back at occasional fond memories but have little to no interest to going back where I was, not so much the pleasure I found in creating a female persona, but mostly the feelings of being lost and directionless.

For me the erotic nature of wearing panties and women's clothes evolved into a relationship with myself. While I enjoyed myself and truly began to love my alter ego, I neglected other areas of my life as I focused increasing amounts of time nurturing the relationship. My guy friends began to vanish. I began to want to "be a girl" to escape the empty male life I had inadvertently created.

Like any relationship I could have put the time in to make it work. But it wasn't "wear" I wanted to be. So I stopped. I view it as a breakup. I learned a lot and am definitely a better person for it. I am much more tolerant, easier to get along with, and at peace with myself. As a bonus, I have no problem buying purple or pink things or more realistically take my appearance as a man seriously.

But before I realized this about myself, first I did the opposite. I had embraced the dressing. I started wearing panties all the time. I pretty much lived as a woman at home, googling about wigs, makeup tutorials, erotic fiction, or making tg friends. I hit rock bottom as I realized that path conflicted with a desire to "be a man" and start a family. This drew me to break it off with my female self.

I hate to rant, but if anyone is reading this that was like me then please realize you aren't alone. I wanted to share my path. Just do it. If you want to dress do it, explore. If you don't then stop, explore. I found I was just as happy or more so after stopping. It really isn't a big deal to buy or wear panties, dresses, or pretty things as a guy. Do you really want to live your life based on what others think or what you think?

Just be yourself whatever you feel it is. But for me it wasn't a crossdresser.

[ShelbyDawn]

>>>Dee: OK... My bad. When I opened the thread, the first post I saw was the one from Mary Something..Must have been a browser error or a loose nut between the keyboard and chair...

>>>Sam, I have tried the path you are on and after almost of a year CD free started dressing again. I hope you find what you are seeking.
I wish you the strength to stay the course and the best of luck.

Shelby

[Alison1842]

If you want to stop by all means do. Some of us have spent most of our lives trying to find what makes us happy - who we really are. IMHO to stop would be about akin to stopping breathing right now im finally starting to work out just who i am after all these years.

Equally i really don't see why you can not be a dad and a cross dresser. The 2 are not mutually exclusive. You can be both, you just have to be strong enough to deal with the rest of society's narrow minded views.

Don't ask don't tell is hardly the kinda approach you want to be using to bring kids into the world either. Open, honesty and truth are key corner stones of a relationship.

[ReineD]

So please feel free to comment but don't misinterpret me. I'm not trying to tell anyone to stop crossdressing and I'm certainly not saying its wrong. I'm saying that sometimes its right to quit. I'm certain it can be done and I'm giving it a red hot go.

I do think that some people can purge once then quit. I agree that we wouldn't see them here and this gives us nothing to compare to the members who have purged and started up again.

Nothing is absolute, everything has a bell curve including the strength of the desire to dress, the motives, and the degree to which it impacts a life negatively. Obviously people who have strong desires and are motivated by the need to express an inner feminine identity, and whose lives have not been impacted too much negatively will have no need or no motive to stop. But someone for whom it is a fetish that has gone overboard and who sees a negative impact like you did, will have a greater motivation to quit. Or, someone for whom it was a mild interest and nothing more, will find it fairly easy to quit if they marry a girl who is against this.

If it is a compulsion that has gone overboard and is causing issues, it makes sense that it would be difficult to quit just like it is difficult to quit any other compulsion. The brain still wants all that dopamine. But as with every other compulsion or addiction, continued abstinence makes it easier to not start up again, than having relapses. I know that some members here will not like to read what I say, but I'm not saying it is a problematic fetish for everyone. I'm saying there are a great many CDers for whom it is nothing more than a fetish (re all the fetish or sexual sites on the web) and it is these people who quit at various rates of success depending on their circumstances ... just as there are over-eaters who manage to quit over-eating at various rates of success, depending on their personal circumstances.

[linda allen]

It's highly misleading and innaccurate to suggest that CDing is just a learned behavior.
The growing body of evidence would suggest that both gender identification and sexuality are indeed established, or at least significantly influenced by hormonal conditions in the womb. Certainly individuals can choose to deny, repress or in some other way avoid expressing ingrained desires or preferences.

Wearing any sort of clothing is a learned behavior. We are born naked and if our ancestors hadn't discovered that they were more comfortable draped in the skins of the animals they killed, we would still be running around naked.

The choice of slacks or skirts, shirts or blouses is also a learned behavior. We are taught (in Western society) that men wear slacks and women wear skirts. Most of us make the choice based on what's between our legs. Some make the other choice or something in between. These are the crossdressers, the transgendered, etc.

One more point: It's often said that "The clothes don't make the man." Well, they don't make the woman either. If we go past the secretaries, receptionists, etc. in their pencil skirts and heels, we find women (100% female) working in factories and maintenance jobs, dressed in the very same clothes as their male co-workers. My point is, you are what you are and what you wear doesn't change that.

[Jamie001]

We are taught (in Western society) that men wear slacks and women wear skirts. Most of us make the choice based on what's between our legs. Some make the other choice or something in between. These are the crossdressers, the transgendered, etc.

One more point: It's often said that "The clothes don't make the man." Well, they don't make the woman either. If we go past the secretaries, receptionists, etc. in their pencil skirts and heels, we find women (100% female) working in factories and maintenance jobs, dressed in the very same clothes as their male co-workers. My point is, you are what you are and what you wear doesn't change that.

I have a different take on these thoughts. We are taught in Western society that men wear pants and drab, clunky clothing so as not to attract attention to themselves, while women wear pants, skirts, and beautiful, colorful clothing. Women in maintenance jobs wear the same clothing as their male counterparts, but the opposite is never true. Why aren't men that work as secretaries required to wear skirts? There is a huge double standard.

[famousunknown]

I have a different take on these thoughts. We are taught in Western society that men wear pants and drab, clunky clothing so as not to attract attention to themselves, while women wear pants, skirts, and beautiful, colorful clothing. Women in maintenance jobs wear the same clothing as their male counterparts, but the opposite is never true. Why aren't men that work as secretaries required to wear skirts? There is a huge double standard.

You always say the same thing. The silly archaic analogy…“double standard” of women wearing pants & shirts AGAIN? Please…this comparison is totally meaningless in 2013. Crossdress if that’s your choice, but don’t try and justify it by saying this.

[Jamie001]

You always say the same thing. The silly archaic analogy…“double standard” of women wearing pants & shirts AGAIN? Please…this comparison is totally meaningless in 2013. Crossdress if that’s your choice, but don’t try and justify it by saying this.

As much as you don't want to admit it's true, it really is true! If you don't believe me do some research on google and you will find a lot of information regarding this double standard in many different forums and blogs.

[famousunknown]

As much as you don't want to admit it's true, it really is true! If you don't believe me do some research on google and you will find a lot of information regarding this double standard in many different forums and blogs.

Call it a double standard. Call it whatever you want.
There's nothing to admit. there's nothing to research.
It's a no brainer.
Women wearing pants are accepted by society.
Men wearing dresses are not accepted by society.
That's the way it is and that's the way it will be.
Everyone knows this as FACT. Everyone accepts this as the TRUTH.
The fact that you keep repeating this like it's some big startling revelation, is what makes it pointless.

Bottom line, if you want to quit cd-ing. Just quit. Simple as that.

[ReineD]

There is a huge double standard.

The objection isn't to men wearing skirts. Skirts are worn by men all over the world, in the form of kilts, sarongs, pareos, etc. These skirts are made and tailored for men just like women's pants are made and tailored for women. There is a contemporary designer, Jean-Paul Gauthier who is introducing a more contemporary man-skirt. I've seen similar items online and they're called utility skirts. They don't look frou-frou-ish or frilly and they don't come in pink. :p So men who wear such skirts with male socks and shoes, even though they are rare, would not get the same looks as men who attempt to wear clothes that were designed and tailored for women's bodies.

You see ... men can wear skirts as long as they are men's skirts and not women's, just like women can wear pants as long as they are women's pants and not men's. Go to any office and I can guarantee you that if a woman showed up wearing a suit made for a man's body and men's shoes, especially if she bound her breasts and thickened her waist so as to make her body look like a male V shape and if she wore a fake moustache, and if she packed, people would look at her funny.

You mentioned women in warehouses wearing the same overalls as the guys. This IS perfectly acceptable because of the work involved. Practicality prevails here and not fashion. Neither women's nor men's skirts would be very practical for people doing physical work. Can you see the difference? The women in warehouses are not trying to look like men in the same way that the vast majority of CDers try to look like women.

So you might say that you don't want to look like a woman, you just want to present as a guy who wears pretty clothes. If there were the same number of men who wanted to do this, as there were women during the 40s and 50s who wanted to wear pants (almost all of them), then you wouldn't have a problem. The sheer number of men going for a feminine look would redefine men's wear. But, most men in our society do not want to be feminine. They enjoy differentiating themselves from women, just as women enjoy differentiating themselves from men even if women do wear pants.


We are taught in Western society that men wear pants and drab, clunky clothing so as not to attract attention to themselves ...

Take it from a GG ... nothing is more attractive to a GG than to see a man who is dressed well, whether it is in an office environment and he wears a nicely tailord jacket and shirt, or if it is a casual environment where he has on well fitting (preferably tight :p) jeans with maybe a tailored or bomber leather jacket and a good quality but casual shirt. If he is other wise well groomed and he keeps his weight in check, believe me, he will have the attention of every woman in that room!s

The idea that no one looks at guys I think fits when guys pay no attention whatsoever to how they look. This applies to women too. A woman in a mall wearing sneakers and a loose sweat suit will not be looked at as much as a woman who has well fitting, coordinated, and stylish clothes, even if they ARE pants. :p

[kimdl93]

Wearing any sort of clothing is a learned behavior. We are born naked and if our ancestors hadn't discovered that they were more comfortable draped in the skins of the animals they killed, we would still be running around naked.

The choice of slacks or skirts, shirts or blouses is also a learned behavior. We are taught (in Western society) that men wear slacks and women wear skirts. Most of us make the choice based on what's between our legs. Some make the other choice or something in between. These are the crossdressers, the transgendered, etc.

One more point: It's often said that "The clothes don't make the man." Well, they don't make the woman either. If we go past the secretaries, receptionists, etc. in their pencil skirts and heels, we find women (100% female) working in factories and maintenance jobs, dressed in the very same clothes as their male co-workers. My point is, you are what you are and what you wear doesn't change that.

Wearing clothes is a learned behavior...but as you said, some people make a choice contrary to what they have been taught. Why do you suppose that is. It certainly isn't learned, nor often even remotely accepted, and yet there it is.

And to your last point, the clothes don't make the person....exactly...you and I are who we are, in this particular case, not because of what we learned or were told was acceptable, but in spite of both. In this case nature prevails over nurture.

[busker]

I found the post interesting in that there is AA for former alcoholics, so why not a part of the forum for men who no longer dress. A place to cope with giving up, as opposed to a place to cope with dressing.
More interesting are the posts indicating a reluctance to admit that it is possible to quit cross dressing, and by that I mean, dressing in women's clothing. The OP said nothing about the gender issues that might underlie dressing, and I am assuming that that was not the intention--to abandon one's feminine leanings however strong they might or might no be.
If one accepts the notion that it is possible to quit, it does put those in a bind who swear that it is not possible. Is" impossible to quit" the permanent excuse?. If enough people say it is impossible, does that make it true? If the suggestion that not dressing somehow diminishes the expression of one's femininity (and that of course doesn't apply to all, because there are fetish dressers here and perhaps some who just choose to "play act" a bit--to experiment) that would be like saying that a doctor can't be a doctor unless he is wearing his lab coat, or a fireman can't be a fireman unless he is wearing his uniform. Utter nonsense. A woman is still a woman whether she is clothed or not, and if it is the mental issues that concern us, than clothing is or should be optional. it is how one feels inside that makes them feminine--not their jeans (sorry Karren).
A compulsion can be justified by saying "one can't quit." Clothing, is just that, and thinking otherwise is simply mistaking the menu for the meal. However one is dressed does not diminish nor enhance one's perceived gender.
I think it would be a grand idea to have a place for "quitters" to have a place to talk with others about how they are coping with their choice. It isn't the same as going to a bar to talk about sobriety.