Help please

[Mvilla88]

Hello, my name is Maria, and i am new to this site. Last June I found out my boyfriend likes to dress in woman's clothes when i stupidly went on his computer. We were dating a couple months and I had just realized i was in love. I was so happy and couldn't even believe a boy so sweet, thoughtful, considerate and hot existed! I guessed it was because he was from the mid west which is a total 180 from my nyc boys, and it was It was the best sex i had ever had! I had never even enjoyed sex before. It only happened in my past relationships because you can only kiss and cuddle with boys for so long before they start to wonder whats going on, but i never enjoyed it or initiated it. I actually couldn't wait for it to be over. This new boy was something else. Just the thought of him got me excited! My girl parts were so confused in the best way possible and i was always hoping to get lucky when hanging out with him. We had non-stop sex, it was amazing, he was in control and i loved it so much and i could tell that he did too. I thought i was the luckiest girl on the planet and then he told me he loved me and soon after i realized that i too was in love. It was fireworks and butterflies and rainbows and sun sunshine! It was true happiness for the first time.

Until one day, i had to go and ruin my own life, because that is what i do, of course.My boy was at work and i was at his place after class. I was doing homework and needed to use his laptop. What i found was pictures of him in dresses, make up, press on nails and high heels posing in the mirror. I freaked out hard. I started crying uncontrollably and searched for more pictures to show that this was some Halloween party or a joke something. Instead i found craigslist posts and messages between him and guys. I felt like i couldn't breathe, my hands got numb and i got so dizzy. Even worse, i had to get ready for my first day at a new job which i was supposed to be at in the next 45 minutes. My brain and my heart had just exploded all over me, i was a mess. I went from the most amazing feeling to the most painful in a matter of 5 minutes. Thinking about that day right now makes my stomach hurt. I got in a cab and went home. I told him what i had seen and he left work and came to my house right away. When he go to my house it was still him and he hugged me and it still felt like him and for a little bit i was able to stop crying. He tried to explain but i couldn't listen, my brain was burnt out. I took two Valium and slept for a bit. I couldn't go to school the next day and called out of my other job. That week was the worst. I felt terrible about my reaction and didn't want to hurt him any more than I'm sure i already did so i tried to break up with him because i didn't think i could handle it anyway. He said he was not ready to let me go and then the truth was i wasn't either, but at the same time i couldn't stop thinking about the pictures. That month we almost broke up like 3 more times. It was so stressful and has been since then. He says that everything i found was from three years earlier and he hadn't dressed in that long. He had been seeing a therapist and was trying to put it behind him because after dressing up and achieving an orgasm he feels guilt and disgusted with himself and then depressed in days following. This may sound mean, but i can see now why he is not married at 40. He says he never acted upon any of the posts and messages, it was only for masturbating and claims he does not like guys. But how can he not be into guys if messaging them and sending them pictures of him dressed up and dirty talking about sex what they would do to him turns him on???? I don't believe him and he doesn't like to talk about it that much :,( I just have one of those feelings like when you know something in your heart, you just know you cant be wrong, that he has definitely had sex with guys before. I am so confused.

So i had him put on some panties in bed and then i found out that it actually really turns me on. I don't know if its because it turns him on so much, but i think about it all the time. Then afterwords i want to cry and cant look at him and we don't talk for a few hours. The whole thing is sick and we keep saying we're not going to do it anymore, but its the only thing i can think about when we have sex. Now he only wants to have sex as a guy, but I don't believe him anymore, i feel like it was all fake so i just try to get him to dress up and he gets mad at me and then we don't have sex at all. Him dominating me used to turn me on so much, i am so sad, it was the best sex i had ever had, but its gone. I feel like i don't really know him completely and i probably never will. He says he probably would not have told me about it and i don't know if that would have been better or worse because i wouldn't want to think i am in love with someone who knows me completely in and out and then there is this huge part of them i have no clue about. It makes me not trust him if he can hold something like this from me, what other things can be going on that i don't know about. This though drives me crazy! He is also 16 years older than me so i feel like there is so much of his life that i will never be able to catch up on and he doesn't seem to want to tell me about. Then i just feel stupid for being in love with and wanting to know so much about someone who doesn't mind keeping in the dark about so much. Now I am also very insecure with myself and how i look and i hate how i look in all my clothes bc i feel like he is always judging and i see him check out other girls and it makes me feel terrible about myself. This has been such a hard year sometimes i wish i never met him, but i love him so much and i know he loves me too and he makes the effort to make me feel better and always tells me we can get through it, but it has been a year already, i don't know how much i can take.

[mary something]

how often do you see each other? Do you live together or close to each other?

Do you ever wear one of his tshirts? How do you typically dress, what is your fashion style at home, work, school, etc.

thanks,
Mary

[Annaliese]

You are letting the stereotype of what you have heard about crossdresser blind you, you love him all of him even his fem side, so stop fighting it and enjoy the man you have fallen in love with. Talk to him and take it slow, you will learn that the stereotypical crossdresser that socially and the media portray is not even close to what you have.
Good luck

[steeve]

annaliese , I could not of put it better ! very wise words

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Maria

Welcome to the forum
I would say the first thing is dont panic. You have come to the right place as we have a "female at birth section" as some of those ladies have experienced the same or similar things in the past. "You need ten posts before you can apply" You both have a lot of talking and listening to do. This is not something that you can sort out quickly but it can be done. I am sure a therapist can help him if they have experience in transgender issues.

Take some time to read what is here and it will hopefully help you.

[Tracii G]

I would say the man you fell in love with is a caring gentle person.
Some guys just have a fear of revealing the femme side of their personality to someone for fear of rejection.
He may feel embarrassed about it many do so thats normal.
If this was something he did before you met then do you have the right to be angry? Not really.Is he hiding anything form you? Probably not since you saw his pics on his lap top.
Nosing in his lap top thats not a good thing you violated his trust right there so keep that in mind.
Its not the end of the world for your relationship just a twist in the road.
If you tell him its OK and you want to learn more about his other side and maybe spend time with "her" he will come out more and tell you more about it.
Most male to female CD's are heterosexual so I don't think you have to worry about his online sex talk with guys.I would say a lot of CDers here have done that before its pretty harmless really.
Nice to have you here and welcome this is the best site to help you come to grips with all of this.
I wish the best for both of you and hope you two stay together.

[Beverley Sims]

Try just working on your love for each other and read further about the cross dressing,
I think love will win in the end.
I hope for a successful future between both of you.

[Aly Cat]

Here is what I would suggest. First of all, take a look around the forums here and read them. A lot of us share our personal experiences and you will see that there is far more to us than just an average stereotype. First, I want to address the issue of him and craigslist. I was actually just reading a post yesterday talking about fantasies, flirting with guys, among other things. Some people in the posts are bi but if my memory serves me correctly, the majority of them are fully heterosexual with spouses. There is something about feeling the need to be desired and to feel attractive when crossdressed. Its a positive affirmation for us. You mentioned that your SO has stated that he is not into men at all so I would say that he is falling into that search for positive affirmation and finding it wherever someone will give it.

As for him hiding this from you, please do not take it personally. It is very very common. Based on my own experiences, I myself hid it from my wife for almost 10 years before explaining my desires. For me, it was a deep rooted fear of being rejected. I was raised in a very conservative family and when you keep a secret for the majority of your life from everyone (even those closest to you), it would make sense he would want to hide it. Based on what you were saying, he has not fully accepted it himself so hes probably terrified of those he cares about not accepting him either. Its a lot easier to show who you are inside to a complete stranger than it is to those you love. If a stranger rejects you, than meh...no big deal. If someone you love rejects you, it causes wounds. That is why those on this site speak so openly. Because even if someone here says something negative, we are not fully invested in those peoples lives and can choose to take it personally or not.

Now...since I have opened myself up to my wife, I realize what an idiot I was for hiding it in the first place. No, my wife was not accepting of it. No, she does not tolerate it even now. But yes, it was wrong of me to hide it from her, all fears aside. This is something that if you truly do love him, than you will have to forgive him for it and not let the mistrust eat you alive. From the sound of it, you are already further along the road of acceptance of him than even my wife is. I truly commend you for that. Please dont feel guilt or anything negative for accepting him. It sounds like you do love him. If this is something that you believe could be lived with and accepted, than I say to continue on the road with him. Just keep in mind that this will not change for him. He is who he is. Once again, read through our forums to hear about different conversations on this topic.

Take it slow. Tell him to take it slow. Be open with him about what you are feeling and let him know that he can do the same. Communication is the most important thing. If something makes you uncomfortable, let him know that you are not ready for that yet. Remember that he is looking for positive affirmation. Does he tell you that he loves you? Does he tell you that you look pretty today? In all honesty, he is looking for the same kind of comments from you. They will go a very long way with him. Even if he doesnt say those things to you, if you continue to be positive and make positive comments, he will reciprocate those over time. Build each other up.

If you do plan to stay with him, you guys can have the most amazing relationship (as you can find from others in these forums). He can be your closest friend, someone who can share interests in, regardless of feminine or otherwise. You will see a softer and more caring side of him. That is something I think most of us in the crossdressing world have in common. Build up both sides of him. Let him know that he is the man you want, and compliment him (when you are ready) for the feminine side he has.

The biggest thing is STAY OPEN WITH EACH OTHER. Communication! Remember that crossdressing is a part of his world, but not all of it. It doesnt have to be a 24/7 conversation. When it comes up, talk about it, but otherwise, continue on with your every day lives and enjoy each other for who you originally fell in love with. You guys will do fine. Just hang in there.

Also, I would like to suggest exploring some of the GG(genetic girls) forums on this site. There are many women here who have gone through the exact same thing you are going through now and they have a wealth of knowledge and advice.

[Tracii G]

Wise advice Eva.

[Vickie_CDTV]

On a purely practical level, do not get married, mix finances and property, and certainly do not have children together unless everything is resolved and you are both on the same page. At this stage, if you get married etc. I guarantee it will not end well. I don't mean to sound too hard on him, but to be frank... he should have told you, and he had an obligation to tell you, so you can make a decision with all the cards on the table whether or not you wanted to get so emotionally invested in a relationship with him.

A majority of TVs dress for men, but only one man, themselves (they are heterosexual.) I'd be leery of his involvement with men on craigslist, I'm not saying he has actually been with men physically, but it is something you really, really need to get him to address that if you want a monogamous relationship (not to mention teasing men like that on craigslist can also be dangerous!)

[heatherdress]

Maria - Sorry for your pain. Based upon what you have shared, there are too many red flags in your relationship:

1. He hid his crossdressing from you - you have a right to feel betrayed
2. He did more than crossdress if he was involved with men on the internet for sexual satisfaction
3. You have gut feelings that he actually may have had sex with men - there are reasons you have those feelings and that suspicion will continue
4. He is 40 and seeing a therapist for his feelings of guilt - do you want to continue to deal with his issues? He has probably been crossdressing for 30 years - his crossdressing is not going to go away.

You are only 26 and your love has not resulted in intimacy and happiness. Instead you are dealing with pain, worry, doubt, disappointment, betrayal. He is probably a good guy who crossdresses but he may not be the best person for you. Sorry for your pain.

[Greenie]

said he wouldn't have told me if i didn't find out about it the way i did.

I think as much as it kills me his masculine and dominating traits that turned me on so much before are gone

1st part: who knows when and how or if he would have told you. But you know now. I think that for both of you its best to move on from this aspect. I hee and hawed about not being told sooner and felt betrayed and everything. But then I realized. This secret is a BURDEN. When you tell someone else it only releases the burden from their shoulders and MOVES it to you. It then become YOUR secret and YOUR burden. I think waiting to tell someone until they are sure that they can keep this secret and hold this burden is important. Its nothing on you, but think about how many people CDs keep this from. Family, friends, streams of significant others. He wasn't read to tell you. But now you know, take it in stride and move towards acceptance. Remember it hurts him to keep it just like it hurt you to have it kept from you.

Second: his masculine traits are not GONE. It sounds like he is a "plain old CD" with some "bisexual tendencies" Only you would know if he did a complete 180. but unless he starts dressing full time and becomes more TS than CD, I doubt that they are gone. Sometimes all it takes is to tell them that "I fell in love with a man and today I need my man" Luca knows when I tell him that I need him to be a "man" for me today.... That it means I need his masculinity to make me feel feminine and dainty. Just talk about it.

:)

EDIt: also... don't worry about your post being edited. I have moderated forums before (not this one) but it looks like yours was edited for too much info. Probably something sexual that came across crude. They mean no harm, but they have to try to make this a safe place for EVERYONE. Posts get edited here. Don't take offense hunny. Rules are rules. :)

[Brenda79135]

Maria, we all have our little secrets. Some are bigger than others. Just look at the troops coming back from war and you can see what I mean. Most of them do not want to talk about what happened to them during that time. It hurts and they are trying to get their life back together. Would you push them for details of what went on? The past is a tricky thing. It can't be changed and it always comes back to haunt you. He is trying to move on from his past and make a better life for himself and anybody who would share it with him. The future is what you should be looking at. What if his job required him to have a security clearance. Would you expect him to tell you the nature of the secrets that he keeps in the name of national security? I would on the present and the future with him. The past will take care of itself in its own time.

[MissTee]

For what it's worth I enjoy CD-ing and am very comfortable with myself doing so. I prefer to remain private and the only "out" I am is here on this forum. I love my wife dearly and am faithful to her. She understands and supports my dressing, so I am fortunate there. All that said, I've have never dressed up and floated pictures out to guys (not into guys) or anyone else as I see that as unhealthy solicitation of ones self. My moral compass simply doesn't chart that way. Craigslist hookups are the worst. I suppose if I were in your situation that I would wonder how to make sense of it all, too. Certainly don't get tangled up in a relationship unless you are absolutely sure all of this is resolved to your satisfaction. Good luck, sweetie.

[Roberta Marie]

Maria,
I cannot speak for your boyfriend, and I would not presume to understand your feelings. But, I think that the fact that you are still with your boyfriend and that you are trying to understand his crossdressing and his motives for keeping it hidden from you shows that you are not willing to give up on your relationship with him just yet. While we are all different, many crossdressers have common threads woven through our lives. Your boyfriend’s motives may be vastly different from mine, but I suspect that some of those common threads are shared by our lives.

I think that if you were to ask most of us why we have this overwhelming need to dress in women’s clothes, few of us could tell you that we truly understand our motives for crossdresssing. After a while some of us just accept the fact that the need exists while others live in a sort of self denial, isolating that part of our life from who we allow the world to see and know. We do this mostly out of fear. We are afraid that if the world finds out about this side of us we will be labeled as freaks, that we will lose much of what we have come to value in life, that we will be alone. So we choose, rather than to risk losing everything, to isolate part of who we are from the rest of the world. My wife and I were married for 29 years, we had raised up our family of 5 kids, and we had two grandkids before I came out to her.

I felt guilt and shame on many levels. I was ashamed that I could not control this need, I felt shame that I was not the man that I was supposed to be (despite the fact that I was a career firefighter). I felt guilt that, according to my understanding of my faith, I was being immoral, not a good Christian. I felt guilt that I was keeping this from those that I love, but I was sure that if they ever found out about this side of me, I would lose them. My family is my life, I could not imagine my life without them. The fear of losing them was stronger than my guilt of deceiving them, so I kept this part of my life buried deep in the closet, an isolation cell that protected the rest of my life from this thing that threatened my existence.

One day though, I discovered that I am not the only one that was trying to suppress these feelings. I was able to communicate with others like myself, and thus learn more about myself, I realized that I was not the freak that I had thought I was. I came to understand that being transgendered is not the curse that I had believed that it was, it is not a sin. The true sin was what I did, or did not do with what I was beginning to understand as a gift, being transgendered.

Until the day that I came out to my wife, I thought that the toughest conversation that I could ever have was telling parents that their child was dead, something that I had to do far too often over my career. But I would find this conversation with my wife, the woman that I loved more than anything in the world, to be much more difficult. I started by asking her to forgive me, not for being a crossdresser, but for keeping it from her for so long. Being the Grace filled Christian that she is, she was able to forgive me. And though it’s taken a few years, she has come to accept and support this side of me.

The only advice that I will give you at this time is to communicate with your boyfriend. And remember, the most important part of communication is listening. Listen with the intent of understanding his feelings and his reasonings. And share with him, openly and honestly, your feelings and reasonings. And give him the chance to earn back your trust.

[junetv]

Now I am also very insecure with myself and how i look and i hate how i look in all my clothes bc i feel like he is always judging and i see him check out other girls and it makes me feel terrible about myself.

Maria, your feelings are valid. The confusion, the attraction and repulsion. It's not what society's used to. As cross-dressers, we've learned to deceive up to a certain point to avoid scrutiny and social scorn, but we generally don't deceive the depth or genuineness of our love. As far as the judging aspect and checking out other girls, he's probably not doing it as a 100% guy. He's studying them and taking mental notes like a girl checking out another girl.

I think he's lucky to have found a girl like you. Someone open-minded enough to even come to a forum like this and ask questions. As far as your future together, you either need to release certain demons and in your mind to get over "not knowing." or find a way to have him open up about his crossdressing in a positive way where he doesn't feel embarrassed or you don't feel sick about it.

I hope you find happiness together.

[Tiffanyselkoe]

I agree with many on this forum about being open to our wives about crossdressing. I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 22 years and it took me 20 years to tell her about this side of me. During this time I hated this part of myself and felt there was something wrong with me. I took part in all the macho activities, motorcycles and cars, etc.. But I still wasn't happy.i felt like I was leading a double life and was so afraid of what my wife would think of me if she ever found out. Depression finally got the best of me and I started seeing a therapist and the crossdress issue came out. After about 6 months of counseling I took a chance and told Kim about it. Her exact words were "that's it? I thought you were having an affair and didn't want to be with me". The crossdressing itself was not an issue with her but the lack of communication and the distancing I placed between the two of us was a huge issue. I had to learn to accept the CD part of me more than my wife did. What I am trying to say is that being totally open with each other and communicating as well as accepting each other as they are today will save a relationship. I wish I would have been more accepting of myself and told my wife years ago but that can't be changed. Our marriage has become so much better after I told her. It is like we are newlyweds again. I am comfortable in telling her anything and being totally honest with her. It is a huge burden that has been removed. I also found that I did not have the desire to dress as much by keeping in mind that she needs the masculine husband too. She has been so supportive and this makes it all that more important to keep her needs in mind. Your boyfriend has not changed. He is still the same person you fell in love with and you can use the knowledge of his masculine and feminine traits to make your relationship become so much better if you allow it to. Our children know about my dressing also and I am still the same dad as I have always been but I am a much happier person as a whole and the change in our household has been amazing. You can have a partner who will do everything he can to give you the masculine husband you need as well as relate to you in more feminine aspects. It is a win win situation if you can get past society's stereotypes of how men and women are supposed to act. I wish you the best and welcome you to our little family. Hugs, Tiffany

[Briana90802]

Hi Maria,
I Just wanted to point out a few things that are very important. Firstly, the reason you like him so much is probably because he is in touch with his feminine side. He's sensitive, caring, etc... All qualities that most of, if not all of us share. We all just express it more freely and openly. Secondly, we are all brought up to think that things are either right or wrong. But as adults we learn that this isn't true. For example, showing Janet Jackson boob on tv is wrong, but in Europe boobs are seen in tv commercials. We think its wrong but actually it's just a different culture. Or like us eating steak, the Indian culture believes it's wrong to do so. SO WHAT does this mean? It means that you are judging him by cultural standards. And we all do it. What is needed is understanding. My advice is to not look at things as "right" or "wrong" but in terms of happiness. You love him, it makes him happy.
One other thing, all the things that you are feeling, guilt anger, embarrassment, etc.. He has felt this way about his CDing too, except that he can't deny the feelings, he can't walk away from it like you can.

Also you are experiencing what is known as "culture shock". Usually this refers to being exposed to a new culture like France but it also applies to crossdressing since we are a culture too. Look it up and the stages of culture shock and I may help you deal with things too.

[MysticLady]

This has been such a hard year sometimes i wish i never met him, but i love him so much and i know he loves me too and he makes the effort to make me feel better and always tells me we can get through it, but it has been a year already, i don't know how much i can take.

Hello Maria
Welcome and I admire your courage on coming here and joining us and sharing your story. I'm not a GG but I can truly sympathize w/ you on this because of what I'm experiencing w/ my wife.

Remember how your intimate experiences were in the beginning. This man made Love to you and gave himself to you completely which included his whole inner being which in turn made you fall in love w/ him. At the time, you didn't know about his CDing and it wasn't an issue. Same w/ him, it wasn't an issue because you didn't know. Now, a part of his inner being has been revealed to you and it's something your not comfortable with it because it doesn't agree w/ you. You may feel insecure, confused, betrayed, inadequate and so on. I believe that these are normal feelings that a woman in love w/ a man that cross-dresses experiences. You're young and wondering about your future which is understandable. If you truly love this man then your road will be difficult and very emotional. This is not for everyone. My recommendation is to support him and try very hard to be yourself w/o the thoughts of society may have placed in your mind regarding a man that does this. Love him no matter what and check in w/ him on his feelings regarding this from time to time but don't overwhelm him by prying. He's experiencing his own hell regarding this if he's having trouble accepting this as you mentioned. You will find many different situations here and some may relate to yours and some may not. You and him will need to find the best means of handling this matter if your relationship is to last. I would suggest to imagine yourself as a mother and you have just realized your son is a cross dresser. In most cases, that kind of love is the kind of love you'll need to move forward as a couple. I hope that the negative thoughts cease and you both realize what is truly important in a relationship and that would be the unconditional love that is very rare in our world today. I wish you both peace of mind and strength through your ordeal. :hugs:



But then I realized. This secret is a BURDEN. When you tell someone else it only releases the burden from their shoulders and MOVES it to you. It then become YOUR secret and YOUR burden.

I agree Greenie,My thoughts are

Maria has stumbled on a deep secret unintentionally. She now has a burden on her regarding this but, he still carries another which is the fear of rejection. Maria is relieving some of his stress but her decisions regarding the way she handles this will greatly affect the relationship.

[CONSUELO]

Hello Maria and welcome to this forum. I think you will find a lot of useful information here and many sympathetic listeners. On looking over your initial post I wonder if a visit to a therapist might be a useful way of talking through all of these issues. If you do decide to go along that path, choose a therapist with care and make sure that they have treated couples with these issues before.

That said I wish you all the best and hope that you find contentment and happiness soon.

[Karren H]

I think your like my wife who equates not telling a secret to lying.... which it isn't imho..... Once he has lost your trust its really hard for him to win it back... no mater what clothing he likes to wear.... speaking from personal experience..... but if you can't get past that then game over.... kick him to the curb and move on.... Maybe the next relationship you need to add crossdressing to the list of questions you ask potential candidates... lol.

[JamieG]

Maria, I can tell this is hard for you. I'm glad you came here because you'll get lots of good advice from this forum. Here's my two cents as a happily married, 40-something CDer. It took me many years (3 dating + 1 married) before I came clean with my wife about CDing. She took it much in the same way you did: she thought her man was gone and couldn't look at me anymore without seeing "a clown in a dress." We had a very rough patch, but eventually by talking and crying together a lot, things began to thaw. We came to an agreement that respected both of our needs (I wouldn't dress in front of her, I wouldn't spend too much money, I could go out to a TG support group, I would have some time alone at home to dress, etc.). We've been married for twelve years now, and I think our relationship is stronger than ever. If you think, you can get past this, it is possible to have a happy future together.

Now it sounds like your guy is a CDer and bi-sexual. Don't get your hopes up that the CDing will go away. He might try to bottle it up, but it's likely to come back at some point. As for the bisexuality, you need to get him to come clean about how far that goes. Then get him to promise you that he will be monogamous. Some say that you can't be bi and monogamous but I say that's pure BS. It's one thing to be attracted to someone other than your partner, it's another to act on that attraction. If he agrees and you can live with it, then the ball is in your court.

Jamie

[StephanieH]

Karren has it right, as always, regardless of everything else that's been said. If you don't trust him anymore, you cannot have a relationship with this guy. Doesn't matter who was right or wrong, whether he deliberately fooled you or not, all of that is now a moot point. If you do not trust your partner, you CANNOT have a partnership. Talk if you like, cry if you like, do whatever you like, but if there is no trust, you're both in for nothing but misery and trouble - sorry.

[Aly Cat]

"To thine own self be true." You know yourself better than anyone here knows you. Only you can decide if this is something you can live with or not. Keep in mind that your happiness is just as important as his. Do what you feel is right for you. No one will blame you one way or another. We are all here for you, and will support you with whatever you choose. You can consider people on this forum as your friends if you will allow us to be. We want you to be happy no matter what. Good luck in whatever decision you choose.

[Tracii G]

This really is a tough situation for you and I feel for you I really do.
Maybe he is looking at what the other women are wearing and not lusting after them. I do that all the time and not the women in them thinking could I make that outfit work?
I can see how that could effect how you feel about yourself and how the other women see you and your man.
Explain to him how that one action makes you feel maybe he doesn't realize he is doing it.Long shot but maybe.
You are very attractive and he is a lucky guy.
Maybe you should find a therapist that deals with gender dysphoria and go together.
I wish I could help you in some way but I have never been in a situation like that.I always tell the lady before the first date that I'm TG.

[MysticLady]

here are some pics (the blond are not the most recent, idk what i was thinking, my natural color is brown, those are the most recent and the last pic is the most recent from my 25th birthday in April)

You're a very beautiful woman. I don't believe you have anything to worry about. I would toss out all insecurities out the window. As far as talking about this matter, I support your argument in that he most definitely needs to discuss his feelings with you w/o clamming up. I'm sorry that I have no advise to give you to help him with this problem. Make him aware that this is something that is very important to you.

[Alison1842]

IMHO your biggest problem is your not talking to one another about stuff. A key cornerstone of a solid relationship is to be able to at least discuss stuff even if you end up with conflicting views. Ignoring problems does not work, nor does keeping secrets. Sounds like the cross-dressing is just a minor part of this bigger problem and is just what has brought it to the front.

Checking out other females unless there jogging past naked IMHO is damn near totally out of line in any relationship. Even then its more something you can both get a laugh out of than either of you looking for a new potential mate! If hes looking for someone else, there's few other ways you can interpret that.

Appearance wise you do indeed look amazing, heck more than a few of us here probably wish we could look that damn good in the final dress :-) IMHO you could do a lot better than having to put up with the above kinda treatment. There could well be a reason why your partner was still single for so long. Really might be time to try finding mr right, not someone that you can just keep up appearances of having a partner with. Life is too long to be stuck in a relationship that does not make you happy.