Soooo friggin' depressed!

[StephanieH]

Hey everybody. Some of the older crowd might remember me, but I rarely get on the board these days because I so rarely get to dress or do anything, and thus, I am soooo friggin' depressed it's starting to get to be a problem.

A lot's happened in the last two years that's led to a slow downward spiral in my ability to dress and to make it short, I haven't fully dressed in well over a year now, most of my stuff is packed away in storage tubs, and I only occasionally underdress a few times a month just to do something. Hurricane Isaac did MAJOR damage to our house and we're still dealing with insurance and contractors to repair it, so that's a good part of it, because my wife, daughter, and myself are all cooped up in the last three inhabitable rooms of what used to be a really big house. No end in sight for the repairs, honestly, at this rate, it will probably be Christmas before they're done and that's IF we don't have another hurricane or two this year.

Had planned a couple of getaway weekends to hopefully get to dress and blow off steam, every one of them has gotten screwed up and we didn't get to go anywhere. So, here I sit having a pity party while I get to watch my wife go off to work everyday wearing MY shoes (we have the same size foot) which kinda' rubs salt in the wound. I know there's nothing to be done about it right now, but geez, just needed to vent and if I suddenly go crazy down here, at least someone will know it wasn't a "sudden" onset of crazy, it's been building up for the last couple of years.

Thanks for listening and take care. :sad:

[Emogene]

Randi, hopefully will cheer you up a bit to know that what comes around goes around!

My wife injured her ankle a bit, so (like yourselves we have the same shoe size) she can't wear her heels. Really chaps certain parts of her anatomy when I cheerfuly make free with her shoes! :)

Deep breath, in though the nose, out slowly through the mouth! Meditate: Think polished toes, wig, make up is bang on, killer open toed bright red heels, stockings (no runs) , nice skirt (just the right length, shows off the legs to a T), warm clear day! OMMMMMM! Oh, and lots and lots of lace!

Best I can do, hope you feel better and have a chance to get dolled up soon! This too will pass!

One of my favorite says is "I got up on the right side of the dirt, everthing else is just details."

[Aly Cat]

I know how you feel. My wife wears my shoes all the time and it totally is salt+lemon juice in the wound. I want my shoes back, but to make things work, I had to sacrifice them. Ugh, I know what your going through in not being able to dress.

[Beverley Sims]

Randi,
progress of repair can be slow, I hope it sorts itself out sooner than later.
If your wife knows maybe she can help with a getaway.
I realize money may be a problem too.

[tealannette]

chin up sweetie, things will get better. we're strong, for we are both woman and man. lot's of love and luck

[Kelly DeWinter]

Hon, It's hard now, and yes you are under a lot of stress, however you're family really need you right now, Christmas is 6 months away, Plan on giving yourself a present sometime that month, If you spouse knows you dress, Ask her for a few hrs alone in the house , and send the family to lunch some place. It'll be a reward for the hard work you are doing !, We are here for you.

[lingerieLiz]

I've been through the hurricane thing. But, you have to deal with it or move to Tucson where nothing happens. Before someone jumps me about Tucson be aware that it has the least weather related issues of anywhere in the US.

Took us a couple years to recover from one, 5 years to get the lawn back, and the trees wont be back in my life time.

When I complained about the delays a friend said your panties are in a wad knock it off. Yes she knew I was wearing panties.

[kimdl93]

Sounds like you have plenty to do besides allowing yourself to b depressed. Keep yourself busy and you won't be.

[Kalista Jameson]

Wow Randi,

So sorry to hear about your home, that has got to be overwhelmingly stressful. I'm sure the financial burden is terrible as well. With all that on your plate, there's a lot to feel more than anxious about, so venting a bit is good. If your wife knows about your crossdressing, I'm guessing so since she's in your shoes, maybe you can talk to her about the two of you going out for a ladies night somewhere and get away from the house. It could be anywhere, a drive to the beach with lunch or whatever. It would be something.

Anyway, good luck with the house and hang in there.

Cheers,

Kalista

[ErinP]

Be strong and keep your head up. Things have a way. Just take care of each other!

[docrobbysherry]

Try to look on the brite side, Randi. U still have a house to live in. No one was injured in the hurricane.

And, u wear the same size shoe as your wife!

[MysticLady]

Hi Randy. I'm very sorry to hear of your misfortune and headaches you must be going through in dealing w/ insurance and repair companies. May I suggest that you tell your family that you just need some alone time and get a room and be you for the weekend. I suspect that will be difficult w/ the fact that you must be there at home trying to get it completed. Hang in there, things will work out.:hugs:

[giuseppina]

Hello Randi

I'm not a mental health professional, but your OP has some of the markers of clinical depression. You'd be well advised to see your doctor about it. The whole picture has to come out. Telling him or here what you've posted here is an excellent start.

It sounds like you feel rather helpless right now, which is not the case. A pity party will only make things worse. Overcoming your issues takes proactive actions and a change of thought patterns. I realise this seems overly simplistic, but it is the truth. I've been there.

[Kevyn53]

Venting is good. Sharing lets others help with the pressures. the last time I completely dressed was over 5 years ago, and I can relate to the depression. Just know that you're not going crazy. If your wife is wearing your shoes it seems like she know about this and is reasonably understanding. Maybe the two of you can work out a night out. Godd luck and take care.

[StephanieH]

Thanks for all the kind words. Like most of us, I've been in therapy for a looong time (25+ years) so my doc knows all about it, and yep, he said, with his degree shining on the wall "you're depressed." I wanted to say, "no sh*t?" but, I refrained. I'm living in hope things will get better and I can get back to being who I briefly was (had about five years of serious crossdressing fun there, before it call came to a halt. There were other issues that started breaking it down before the hurricane, but that friggin' storm really put a heavy layer of icing on the cake.

Daughter left for church camp last night, so now have four days of semi-privacy at the house. Contractors usually work until dark, so that only leaves a couple of waking hours, but will make the best of what we've got. Bought a new Betty Boop set of PJ's this morning at Wally World just for the occasion and to try and cheer myself up.

Wifey is good with my dressing but rather thoughtless about it, it's just the girl in me, but she doesn't put much thought into much of anything in the last few years and that's made me very depressed as well. She's a hottie, I'm still stunned that she married me, but she'd rather re-read Harry Potter books these days (a serious addiction in the last few months) than fool around or do anything else. She's gone to wearing frumpy PJ's to bed, again, and basically our sex life in in the tank too. LOTS of little things getting to me, again, sorry to vent.

And Liz, BELIEVE ME, if I could leave Louisiana I'd be out of here like a shot! I was born and raised here and I HATE it! I'm highly allergic to shell fish and I despise rain and hot weather, so why the deuce was I born here?!!! I LOVE Mesa and Scottsdale, used to get out there quite a bit, not so much anymore. Wife was born and raised here, family's here, we're not going anywhere, lost that war many years ago. If I had my preference, I'd probably be up in Southern Pennsy - LOVE the area around Lancaster - gorgeous scenery, lots of Amish folks, actual changes of seasons, it's a gorgeous place. A friend of mine who's also a CD is encouraging me as well, he went through the same thing with Hurricane Gustav a few years back - took 19 months to get his house repaired and put back like it was. I am DREADING that scenario, but it looks like I'm in the same boat.

Thanks to anyone still awake after reading all this. Bought two more pair of panties are Wally World this morning too, along with some ammo! This weekend has the possibility of improving my over all outlook! Thanks again and ya'll are too kind.

[Stephanie47]

Randi, I read your initial post and thought, let him rant. He needs to rant. Living under those physical conditions is something I would never want to suffer through. Frankly, I would rather have had my entire home just be washed away and start from scratch. At least around my neck of the woods a new home is done in less than ninety days.

I cannot blame your wife for feeling like shit too! You're both in the same rowboat. You're falling back on your cross dressing. She is falling back on re-reads of Harry Potter. If you can trust your contractors or have a neighbor watch over the house, I seriously recommend you and your wife get out of town. The kid is old enough to stay with friends and relatives. You both need a change of scenery. Take that trip to PA's Amish country. (Don't go to Oklahoma). Get away from the visual mess. If your wife is a hottie, she wants to be treated as a hottie. Make a deal with her. You'll leave your panties at home for the trip, if she leaves Harry Potter at home too! That may not seem like the best thing to do, if you're depressed over not being able to be en femme. However, sometimes it is necessary to just reconnect.

[AmyGaleRT]

Good heavens, Randi! If it weren't for bad luck you wouldn't have any luck at all, it seems.

I think you're coping with the circumstances very well. I'm sure I'd be a complete screaming wreck by this point!

I think you've gotten a lot of good advice from the other ladies here. Hang in there!

- Amy

[StephanieH]

And... the wife just wrecked what little hope I had for the weekend. She graciously volunteered for us to keep a friend of ours' daughter Friday and Saturday night so they can go off and enjoy their anniversary. SH#T! This is getting ridiculous...

[giuseppina]

Randi, you have to speak up that you have unmet needs. Is your wife not accepting? :)