Sales Assistants

[AnnabelleBethanie]

Hey everyone,

I had an interesting encounter with a sales assistant yesterday. This was my second ever time buying female items in a shop (or ever for that matter), the first one was a nerving experience (buying bra's and knickers) but when I went to pay nothing was said about who they were for.

However, yesterday I decided it was time to buy some nail varnish so I went into the Boots chemist to buy some and some nail varnish remover so I can remove the nail varnish. Having gone in intending to only buy the remover and one or two bottles, I ended up buying the remover and 6 bottles. But the interesting encounter came when I got to the checkout, the first thing the sales assistant asked me was if it was for me. Being nervous about it (and her being similar to my age and very attractive), I quickly invented a story about it being for my sister's birthday (she probably saw through that immediately!).

This was my first experience of this; in retrospect I'm kind of wishing I had just been honest and said it was for me (partly to see the reaction).

I have a few of questions for others though:

1) How would you have responded in the situation?
2) How long did it take before you were comfortable enough to be honest and say they were for you?
3) How often do sales assistants ask you if it is for you?

Hugs,

Annabelle-Bethanie

[DeeArel]

1. I would have told her they were for me given she was attractive and of similar age. Who knows where that would have gone.
2. I have been purchasing items for over 40 years. I can't remember when I was comfortable with the honest answer but it has been more than 39 years.
3. It is not often that an SA asks if it is for me.

My favorite repsonse if some one asks if the items are for me is "Everything I purchase is for me but I am not always the one that will be wearing it."

[aprilgirl]

Had it been only my second time buying some feminine items, like you Annabelle, I would've conjured up some excuse about them being for someone else. Chances are, particularly if you were exhibiting signs of nervousness, she more than likely did see the ruse. All I can say is it will get easier over time for you. If that happened to me tomorrow, more than likely, I'd smile and say "yep...it's for me".

[Sabrina133]

I think the first time an SA asked me if it was for me was at a Frederics's of Hollywood. I'd been buying clothing in stores for awhile then so was used to it. The SA was my age (or there abouts) and am assuming i wasn't her first cross dresser. I answered that yes it was for me. She complimented me on my choices - was buying lingerie. She made suggestions for and showed me some other stuff as well. She made some serious money on me that day. As i was paying i remember her asking if I was going to "Have the Operation?" When i told her no, she seemed disappointed. :sad:

[Nicole Erin]

Mostly the sales clerks do not care who buys what or if anyone buys anything. They get paid by the hour and all they care about is wanting their shift to be over. Only if they are getting some kind of real commission do they care about sales.
Even if you had said, "yes it is for me", the worst that would happen is she would giggle about it after you left but her thoughts would quickly turn to, "Is it time to leave yet? This place is boring".

[Sabrina133]

...They get paid by the hour and all they care about is wanting their shift to be over ...
Even if you had said, "yes it is for me", the worst that would happen is she would giggle about it after you left but her thoughts would quickly turn to, "Is it time to leave yet? This place is boring".

How so very true. reminds me of the scene in Pretty woman when she's shopping and the snobby SA wont serve her...

[rachael.davis]

Hi AnnaBelle
a quick defuse in the situation is to give a genuine smile, and ask her if she wants the story that you lost a bet, or the story your wife is sick, and you're doing her shopping

[boink]

The first couple of times I bought things at a store and I got asked (which was infrequent) I would usually make some excuse about it being a gift.

But that is long gone now and I have no problem buying items, trying on things, etc. when I'm out and about whether en femme or not. The vast majority of the time the sales associates don't even ask about them, and when they do I have no trouble saying they're for me.

[junetv]

there is something liberating when you say "it's for me" - for the most part sales attendants relax as if you've told them a secret that you trusted them to keep or they focus on how to get you to buy more stuff. Nevertheless, I think telling stories doesn't really work well, at least not for me.

the usual banter goes something like this when i shop en drab:

SL: can I help you with anything?
me: i'm just looking
SL: is it something for a wife or a girlfriend?
me: no, it's for me
SL: {smiling} {informs me of all the store specials}

I don't have to do that much, unless the personnel changes at my usual stores. But I develop a relationship with them and actually buy stuff. After i've "broken them in" they just start a room for me when I have an armful of clothes.

[Sindy Lovelace]

Annabelle,
Shopping in drab is no reason not to try on the garments. I go shopping often and when browsing the oft approach from a sales assistant is "can I help". Of course, the answer is "Do you have a size...". When the converstaion goes to "well you can always bring it back if it does not fit her", the reply is "well, actually its is for me.. may I try it on?" Provided that you are not out to make a spectacle, most shop assitants do not mind, especially if the shop is quiet. Of course as for our femme sisters there is no obligation to buy (especially if it does not fit, or look right). Trying on lingerie in Knickerbox, Jacque Vert in Selfriges, evening dresses in Evans will help you explore your femme fashion sense.
Have fun and live the life
X X X

[CherylFlint]

After many years and way too many frustrating experiences with, this is what I’ve come up with that works for me:
When shopping in drab, I carry a couple of nice photos of Cheryl in my wallet.
I walk up to a saleslady and say “Hello, this is me (show her the photo) and I would appreciate some help on stockings, makeup, whatever.”
If she gets all flustered and nervous, I say “Sorry to have bothered you” and leave, and go and spend my money somewhere else.

[suzanne]

By all means, DO go into any store you choose and tell the SA you're looking for yourself. It helps if you can be somewhat specific about what you are looking for, because they usually have a suggestion or two. I go dress shopping regularly, dressed as well as in drab, and have always been treated in a professional, nonjudgmental manner. I have never been refused a fitting room and the SA is always willing to tell you whether the fit, color, style are right for you.

Shopping like this is an extremely uplifting experience (even if you're not bra shopping - lol). The thrill of seeing yourself for the first time in that perfect dress is amazing! Then, for an added bonus, ask your SA for her opinion. The boost of affirmation will have you walking on air. I know, it's partly salesmanship just to ensure closing the deal, but still, it's an addicting, liberating experience. GO!!! NOW!!!! And leave the cover stories at the door!

[Beverley Sims]

I lied my head off for years and then just accepted it, it was easy.

[carolinewalker_2000]

It takes time to build self-confidence but, with time, I have found it much easier to say "they are for me". When I have "owned up" I have received nothing but curtesy and help from sales assistants.

[Dianne S]

I think the question was out of line; it's no-one's business why you're buying anything.

My response would have been: "Why do you ask?"

[Angela Campbell]

I have not ever been asked who anything is for. If I was I would just say yes it is for me.

I dunno....maybe it is obvious who it is for.

[stephNE]

Every now and then a sales girl will ask me "are these for you?" in a way that is sort of making a joke. When I tell her yes, they are, their expression usually changes to suddenly serious.

[Tracii G]

Never had a problem saying its for me when asked.
Most SA's don't seem to mind, some get into it.

[mikiSJ]

Six months ago, I wouldn't even go into a store to buy something feminine. Now, while I don't go dressed, I always announce I am buying for Miki.

Last Friday I visited a bareMinerals store and told the SA (Loni, one of the cutest ~25 y/o SAs I've met) that I was buying for Miki and $200 later I walked out feeling giddy.

I have had only one somewhat bad experience and that was at christmas last year in a Nordie's where I probably ran into a holiday temp.

[STACY B]

Next time get a scrap of paper an hold it up in front of you an act like your reading it at the register an they will think your shopping for your wife ,, The List ,,, The ol dreaded Man list ,,lol,,, Works every time !!
You can buy anything with the Man List ,, An they will help a Poor Dummy Man in distress everytime !!

[Jennifer Kelly]

Never had a problem saying its for me when asked.
Most SA's don't seem to mind, some get into it.

I've never been asked that question yet, although I did get a knowing look one time in Kohl's. From what I've read on this site, it seems to be the younger SA's who have no problem with it.

[AnnabelleBethanie]

In all honesty Suzanne, I would love to leave the stories at the door - ideally the door of the house not the door of the shop! I would much rather have the confidence and honesty to say it was for me when asked...

Excuses are a little bit hard to come by, being only 19 I'm not able to use the wife excuse... Yeah, she was definitely a younger one - she must have been somewhere between 18-20.

It is a little bit of a comfort reading some of these posts though!

Maybe one day soon I'll actually be able to say the things are for me... With how nervous and awkward I find it at times they probably see through any story I try to invent anyway! Which is why my first shopping experience was marginally easier since there was no question asked about who the items were for! I don't really mind being asked - I just wish I was more convincing with the excuses or had the confidence to be bold and tell the truth that it was for me...

Annabelle-Bethanie

[Jennifer Kelly]

I hear you, Annabelle. When I'm shopping I usually I have my phone out so I can act like I'm looking up something my wife/girlfriend said she liked. And actually used it one time when I couldn't find a pair of jeans I was looking for. I showed the SA the picture on my phone and said "I'm looking for these jeans for my girlfriend for her birthday, do you have them in size 16?". She pointed me to the proper section and all was well. Maybe some day I won't need to make up stories anymore.

[Amanda M]

A nice little tale from some time ago. My wife wanted a particular handbag from a chain of shoe stores. I went to get the bag for her, and thought a pair of matching court shoes would be a nice gift for her. Asked the SA, who told me she could not help, but would check their other branch - they had the shoes, so off I went to the other shop, where I showed the SA I wanted a pair of shoes to match. I asked for a size 5, which she brought, and asked "Are these for you? I said no, in fact they're for my wife. "Why do you ask", I said, and she replied "Well I reckon yo take an 8 and these would be too small for you. When I asked if she regularly had men buying ladies shoes for themselves, she said "Practically every other day, so if you ever want a pair, you know where to come", with a smile and a wink. This, in the tiny town of Oswaldtwistle in Lancashire! What a great girl!

[julia marie]

One way to diffuse most questions like this or any concern about getting funny looks: If you're in a general department store, pick up all the girlie stuff you want, and then spend another two bucks on a pink gift bag (save it for a real gift for someone). Or, ask for a gift receipt.

[Jodi]

I worked as a retail SA in a women's clothing store. Most all excuses given by men are seen as the lie they are. The "man list" as stated above is a joke to an SA. All SA's are there to assist and sell. Let tem do their job.

I was shopping in a White House/Black Market in drab last Sunday. I was looing for a nice pair of skinny leg white jeans. The SA came over and offered to assist. Told her what I wanted and she took me over to the appropriate rack. Told her a size 8. She got a size 8 and I asked her about length. Her response was, how tall is she? I answered that they were for me. Se responded OK and held them up to me and said the length is great. Do you want to try them on? Sure beats the heck out of any excuses.

So, it's time to put your big girl panties on, go out, be honest, and shop till you drop.

Jodi

[Sabrina133]

I worked as a retail SA in a women's clothing store. Most all excuses given by men are seen as the lie they are. The "man list" as stated above is a joke to an SA. All SA's are there to assist and sell. Let tem do their job.

I was shopping in a White House/Black Market in drab last Sunday. I was looing for a nice pair of skinny leg white jeans. The SA came over and offered to assist. Told her what I wanted and she took me over to the appropriate rack. Told her a size 8. She got a size 8 and I asked her about length. Her response was, how tall is she? I answered that they were for me. Se responded OK and held them up to me and said the length is great. Do you want to try them on? Sure beats the heck out of any excuses.

So, it's time to put your big girl panties on, go out, be honest, and shop till you drop.

Jodi

Am with you 100%. Especially the shop till you dro part.

[Kristy 56]

I always just tell them it's for me. It was no big deal to them , and the majority of times they'll give you good advice and help. however,there was the one time at Victoria's Secret that the SA just wouldn't believe it when I said it was for me. go figure.

[Sabrina133]

I always just tell them it's for me. It was no big deal to them , and the majority of times they'll give you good advice and help. however,there was the one time at Victoria's Secret that the SA just wouldn't believe it when I said it was for me. go figure.

Thats funny. I would think we are a huge customer base.

[KaraK]

Like Annabelle I can't use the "wife" to buy something. I used the "sister" one sometimes for clothes when I don't find what I want. For make-up like concealer, powders… it's easy to say it's for us, I mean if the SA is questioning I tell I have to look fresh for work (you can tell her working in a club, TV...)

[suzanne]

How about this one, then? When asked by the SA, reply, "It's a surprise for my (wife, sister, mom, girlfriend, whomever)" Because that's true isn't it? They will be surprised when they see how amazing you look wearing it!

[Linda St. John]

Gave up lying to shop people a long time ago....they've mostly seen it before and besides it's nice to talk to another person about your choices.
Any way ,when you sit down to try on some shoes - the games pretty much up ! Incidentally, I find Payless one of the most helpful stores and never a rude comment- just pleasant service ....and NO I dont own any shares.:heehee:
Now ,I'm thinking ...Mmmm shoes..

Linda

[BillieJoEllen]

For the few times I've bought large quantities of make-up the SAs all gave me a funny look as if asking, "what is all this for?"
I've always answered that I'm a photographer (which was true) and that I was picking out different shades of makeup, eye shadow, etc. for some fashion photography I was going to do (me, was also true) and that I preferred to do the makeup myself (true). They always were satisfied with that answer.

[suchacutie]

Ah, I'm so jealous! I haven't had an SA say anything to me in 5 years, so all the snappy comebacks I've got stacked up waiting to be used have just been wasted!

I would love the situation you were in, coming back by sticking out my hand and saying, "oh...don't you think those colors will work for me?" Not only are they then off guard, but a lovely conversation can start that keeps them guessing after you have left! :)

In fact, a sharp SA will never ask that question!

[AnnabelleBethanie]

With the fingernails that I've got I wouldn't dream of that... Too much nail biting... As a result the polish is for the toes, for me it would be a waste to use it on my fingernails...

I'm kinda wishing I had a supply of witty replies to use, it would make it more interesting and would probably ease the nerves! Only been accepting for a couple of months so it's a miracle that I've got as far as purchasing it!

There's always next time! Just wondering what the next purchase will be?!

Annabelle-Bethanie

[Paula_56]

I worked as a retail SA in a women's clothing store. Most all excuses given by men are seen as the lie they are. The "man list" as stated above is a joke to an SA. All SA's are there to assist and sell. Let tem do their job.

I was shopping in a White House/Black Market in drab last Sunday. I was looing for a nice pair of skinny leg white jeans. The SA came over and offered to assist. Told her what I wanted and she took me over to the appropriate rack. Told her a size 8. She got a size 8 and I asked her about length. Her response was, how tall is she? I answered that they were for me. Se responded OK and held them up to me and said the length is great. Do you want to try them on? Sure beats the heck out of any excuses.

So, it's time to put your big girl panties on, go out, be honest, and shop till you drop.

Jodi

Please Ladies listen to Jodie, First change you mind set that you are doing something "wrong", you are transgender, and that's ok, you will feel so much better when you say "They're for me". Like a weight of a 1000lb has been lifted.

[Joanne f]

The sales assistant would no doubt assume it was for me as I usually already have some on so I have never been asked that question but if I was then I would just say "Yes it is " and I have only ever had two responses from wearing it , one was many years ago when a local checkout lady asked " why are you wearing nail varnish" I actually knew her and I knew that she was being sarcastic so I just smiled, the other time a young sales assistant said," Oh I like your nails" I just said "thank you " I gave up worrying a long time ago , just funny thing happened on Monday in a clothes shop with a male sales assistant , I went straight to the females clothes section and was looking through the tops when the assistant noticed me and said " the men's clothes are at the back of the shop " without thinking I just said " I never go in that section " he just laughed and said " OK" so don't worry no one really cares .

[Brenn]

The first time I admitted it was for myself was completely liberating. The result was a very positive shopping experience trying things on (I was in male mode). My guess is that most of the time when the sales assistant asks the specific question, "Is it for you?", they have long ago figured you out. They are probably asking the question because they want to be helpful by being able to show you things they think you might be interested in. Just go with it. It will most likely be a lot of fun!

[StephanieH]

I've bought tons of stuff retail before and it's always a lot of fun and very exciting. I've never been asked by a cashier if the stuff was for me, since I'm always wearing a wedding ring, I have noticed a few of them look at my hand for a ring - I suppose that may set a few of the curious ones at ease - don't know. If I was ever asked, I suppose I'd say it was for my wife or daughter, but that's never been an issue before.

[AnnabelleBethanie]

That is probably very true Brenn... I did have a feeling that she did already know it was for me and wanted me to answer the question honestly...

It reminds me of something I read that said, "if a woman asks you a question it's because she already knows the answer" this is probably true for this... She probably asked me because she knew it was for me and wanted to see if I'd give the answer that she already knew

Annabelle-Bethanie

[Lorileah]

Today when I was at Penney's I had pulled three dresses off the sale rack (you have to that or they will get nabbed by someone else) and was looking through the rest of the store with the dresses draped over my arm. A SA smiled and asked "How did you get chosen to carry all that?" I smiled back and said "because it is mine." She just laughed and said "cool."

[STACY B]

Tell you Lady's one thing for SURE ,,, Its a lot cheaper to Fess up ,,, You get to WEAR what you got ,, Because it fits an you already tried it on or them on ,, Makeup ,, Clothes ,, Shoes ,, Whatever ,,, Ones thing that will get EVERYONE is Money ,, You save on gas not having to bring it back ,, Or save because you can wear it or use it an won't have a closet full of junk you can't use ,, I learned the hard way ,, Got my Mind right FAST !! Once they know what your looking for an why its all out in the open an we all know where each other stands .

Long story short ----- STACY you need to get your Mind right ,,, Yes sir ,, Shaking it up here BOSS !!! Trying it on here Boss !!

[AshleyW]

This happened to me today! I was at a thrift store and it was only my second time buying girly clothes. The cashier asked me "These are for you?" and I giggled and said "Yep!". She told me she loved the heels I had picked out and then proceeded to tell me about a friend of hers who's a musician who performs in drag. It was a conversation we wouldn't have had if I'd lied about it.

[Emma500]

Hi Annabelle,

I absolutely love shopping for women's clothes (and obviously wearing them later!). In my experience, the best thing to do is try and develop a state of mind which affirms that you have an absolute right to go into any shop you choose and buy whatever clothes you want. Once you start feeling like that, you will be happy to chat to a sales assistant and tell her openly that the clothes are for you. Best of luck. Hugs, Emma

[AnnabelleBethanie]

Well, I just went out shopping again... Ended up with two multipacks of knickers (5 thongs, 5 regular ones) as well as two multipacks of tights (3 nude sheer and 3 opaque black). No questions this time which made it slightly easier - the hard part this time was actually finding a sales assistant operating a till!

The downside is it no longer all fits in the same converse shoe box, so I'm now up to two shoeboxes of stuff...

Annabelle-Bethanie

[SamBrook]

I always lie and say they are for my gf. I donno if they believe it or not haha

[Madeline80]

My awesome gg/f is always happy to go shopping with me, so it never looks strange for us to go to the register together. Of course she always talks me into buying something for her ( fair enough) which sometimes leads to a nice and helpful cashier pointing out that there are two different sizes. At that point I just walk away and let her handle it. She's a hell of a wingman.

Our last shopping trip, last weekend, I wanted some real makeup in the right color and intended to spend some real money on it. So we walked in to the counter at Macy's, I plopped down on the stool and my g/f said we need this, this,this to match HIM. The SA didn't bat an eye and $300 later we were all happy.

[jjjjohanne]

I am of the opinion that when an SA asks you a question about who the clothes are for ("Are these for your wife?"), she is trying to find out if they are for you. It could be really awkward to ask if they were for you. If she was wrong, it would be like asking a straight man if he was gay or a overweight woman if she was pregnant. It would be a faux pas.

With that said, I have been asked by a saleslady at the cash register while I was in line with other people about the panties I was buying, "Are these for someone else?" I was caught off guard. I wasn't going to lie. I was not at the point where I felt comfortable admitting that they were for me. I, with a shocked expression said, "No." Then she became awkward. Seeing my expression, made her realize that she had outed me. She apologized and stammered that she thought I was shopping with someone else. We both awkwardly finished the transaction and I left without making eye contact with any other shoppers.

[Paula_56]

I am of the opinion that when an SA asks you a question about who the clothes are for ("Are these for your wife?"), she is trying to find out if they are for you. It could be really awkward to ask if they were for you. If she was wrong, it would be like asking a straight man if he was gay or a overweight woman if she was pregnant. It would be a faux pas.

.


You are exactly correct with your above statement, They are giving you the option to come clean, the pregnant women, example is excellent, An SA might ask a female shopper, "who are these for?" "Oh you congradualtionals Ahhhhhhhh".

In our case, Listen to every post up here, it's a non issue, glad to help, pleasant and fun.

[Paula_56]

I always lie and say they are for my gf. I donno if they believe it or not haha

you don't have to lie, because you aren't doing anything wrong, nor is it the first time for the SA

[EllieOPKS]

I think my response would be "why do you ask?" followed by more questions. But, I have found that the easiest way to buy ANYTHING, even the most seductive intimate apparel is to be engaged in a conversation on your cell phone when you hit the check out line and have your credit card or cash in hand. The only conversation with the SA that occurs is a whispered goodbye as you walk out with bag in one hand and cell phone next to your ear.

[Tracii G]

Just fess up and say they are for you,Its more fun that way.

[AnnabelleBethanie]

For me it's just not that simple... You say it is more fun; but when you are new to purchasing things then its not as easy as just fessing up... For me the braves are a lot bigger at the moment than anything fun could be.

Annabelle-Bethanie

[ambigendrous]

How about if you live in an area where the local government has decided that bags are evil, and the stores no longer supply bags to carry your purchases? Most people carry their own shopping bags now, but if you're prone to impulse shopping you may not have an empty bag with you - then you get to show your purchases off all the way out to your car!

[Princess Grandpa]

Please Ladies listen to Jodie, First change you mind set that you are doing something "wrong", you are transgender, and that's ok, you will feel so much better when you say "They're for me". Like a weight of a 1000lb has been lifted.

Hard though it will be at first, I intend to force myself to do this! I have to hide from business contacts. For now I choose to hide from all my family save my wife. But a clerk in a store? *pretends she feels confident until she truly does*

[STACY B]

Just fess up and say they are for you,Its more fun that way.



YEA !! That will Shake things up ,,, Make there day ,, Hook them up ,,Maybe there board at work an want some ACTION !!!

[xd-tigger]

1) How would you have responded in the situation? I would have said yes to the question. (i wore purple nail varnish to a metal gig)
2) How long did it take before you were comfortable enough to be honest and say they were for you? I think I would have said it to gauge the reaction.
3) How often do sales assistants ask you if it is for you? I have never had them ask. I went into a charity shop to try on skirts and shirts, they didn't bat an eyelid.