Guilt

[Wildaboutheels]

That word seems to appear quite often in this Forum. No "reasonable" person who ever bothers to READ responses, could possibly deny it.

1] Have you NEVER felt it?

2] If you HAVE in the past, and/or still do... WHY?

One very easy guess is because of what happens when you are dressed. In fact, it's pretty obvious. HUNDREDS of threads prove it.

Will figuring out the WHY of putting on the "wrong clothes" clothes [makes you feel bad in some way] perhaps set you "free"? Or has it?

[Debra Russell]

Use to feel guilt / ashamed when I was young but not any more - just more like lacking acceptance and don't feel bad (never did ) just more normal.........................Debra

[Erica Marie]

In past years I have fealt some guilt. It cam from hiding the fact from a SO. Now as things change and time goes by the guilt goes away and it more feeling of confusion and lack of acceptance, or should I say perceived lack of acceptance. Being still hidden and afraid to open up to my family and friends makes it difficult. They may accept or they may shun. Just afraid to take the chance.

[Sabrina133]

Use to feel guilt / ashamed when I was young but not any more - just more like lacking acceptance and don't feel bad (never did ) just more normal.........................Debra

agree totally with Debra. i did feel it when i was younger but I've grown to understand and accept myself. That wa a huge breakthrough for me.

[Stephanie47]

I never felt guilty about wearing women's clothing. I went through a long period of total confusion. Why if I really loved women I liked to wear their clothing? Not just any old piece of clothing. But, the entire deal; dresses (never any sort of pants-yuck), slips, bras, panties, hosiery, shoes, the entire ensemble. Very confusing. To have been branded a homosexual in the most perverse language of the day was confusing. Couldn't be. Finally, in my twenties I came to the realization I just liked to wear women's clothing. Never felt guilt.

Now, yes I angst over the non acceptance. Not of society. I choose not to venture out with my male physic to the mall. I'm content to be an at home cross dresser, and, venture into my secluded backyard. Yes, it would be nice if my wife were accepting. I know it bothers her. So, I don't want to pressure her.

So, no guilt. Just wish there would be more acceptance for cross dressers-period.

[Persephone]

I didn't feel as much "guilt" for the most part as I did "shame." There was no internet when I way growing up, Alexander Graham Bell had practically just invented the phone, so for most of my young life I thought I was the only boy in the world who wanted to be a girl. And I so badly wanted to be a girl!

What I often wonder is how I knew to feel ashamed of my desire. What in the world told me it was wrong?

I didn't tumble to Deuteronomy 22:5 until I was about 14 years old. I was at services, sitting near a woman who always dressed well and whose clothes and shoes I deeply desired, and when we read it I was terrified as I thought God was going to strike me down on the spot!

Years later, acceptance by my spouse (I told her before we were married) and much introspection later, I realized that there was no reason for any guilt nor shame, and I finally began to accept, and even like, myself and to thank God for this wonderful gift.

Today I am out and about and love my life. My continuing travel thread, Travels With My Sister (click here) (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?195599-Travels-With-My-Sister&highlight=travels) probably shows that.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[boink]

Guilt? Sure, who hasn't felt it?

At this point I don't really feel at all guilty about what I do. I'm out to the people who care about me, and they support me, and I can be who I am more or less when I want/need to be. Figuring out the why has never been a big deal to me. My guess is there isn't one reliable cause for any of us, and I have no desire to change either way.

[Frédérique]

Guilt. That word seems to appear quite often in this Forum. No "reasonable" person who ever bothers to READ responses, could possibly deny it.


No, I’ve never felt guilt about my crossdressing, but I carve out a space for myself whereby I can eschew guilt and have fun – this takes skill and practice. Beyond that, what’s there to feel guilty about? I’m not married, I have no children, I’m not a social animal, I work at home, and I am a lifelong hedonist – am I supposed to feel guilt about my…gulp…compulsion? Get real…

As for figuring out WHY I crossdress, and this fictitious event somehow setting me free, I can’t really go along with such a scenario. I assume there is NO be-all and end-all explanation for MtF crossdressing, otherwise I would’ve tripped over it by now. I never look into why I love the things I love, I just continue loving them – any explanation might burst my lovely pink balloon…

You know, I get the feeling that you’re a bit FRUSTRATED about other members not reading what you write, based on recent events. Am I correct? Join the club, my dear! By now, I assume that people are going to make what they want out of what you submit, no matter how carefully worded it may be (to you). Just relax, dump your words in front of everyone, and watch the discussions make a u-turn right before your eyes – try to see it as free entertainment…
:heehee:

[Amy Fakley]

Guilt, by definition is the feeling that you have done some thing you are not allowed to do.

There are few things so utterly despised in the western world as a girly-man, and ... let's face it ... every last one of us on this forum completely fits that description.
The reasons for that ... I don't know ... we could speculate all day, and as you point out, there is a corpus of thousands and thousands of threads full of speculation on the matter. I think it's enough to say "the world at large does not accept us, and is in no way silent on the matter".

Coming up, nobody ever had to tell me that wanting to dress in women's clothes, or to be "girly" in even the slightest way was "wrong". That message had already been pounded into my mind continuously by our culture since the day I was born in a billion different ways every single day. Of course ... eventually I was told just that, but someone had to find me out first. I already knew I was supposed to hide it, and I was like 8 years old.

Of course once we hit puberty there's a whole mess of other things to feel "guilty" about and that does nothing but muddy the waters.

So hell yeah. I feel guilty all the time about it. By now, it's practically instinctual.

The guilt, however is not justified, and I have to remind myself of that continuously as well.

[suzy1]

Guilt? Sure, who hasn't felt it?

.

I was born and grew up to be totally logical [just call me spock from Star trek]:heehee: so I have never had any guilt about crossdressing.
There is no logical reason why it is wrong although upsetting other members of the family or destroying your marriage is arguably a reason for feeling guilty.

But having said that it is not wrong by definition.

The world in general says it’s wrong, I say its not.

[Joanne f]

Yes I have felt guilt, when it affected my family I felt very guilty , not because of what I am but because I let it affect or could not stop it effecting my family and to be honest if I think about it that is what is stopping me from being how I want to be even now , I just cannot see my family suffer any more just to make me happy , I must point out that they are not bothered about how I am it is the bother that they get from other people that would bring back my guilt , they have moved on from all the trouble but for some reason I can not , fear I guess of it all returning .

[Crissy Kay]

Yes, I do feel that every once in a while. Since I am just a part timer, it does not last long.

[Tracii G]

No guilt at all.

[NicoleScott]

Not since my third and last purge 20 years ago. Even then, I'm not sure it was guilt or fear of getting caught.

[CherylFlint]

Never. Never occurred to me, until I read your Thread.
No, how ridiculous. It’s who I am, it’s me and I’ll not be guilty of myself. I really feel more alive than when I’m dressed and out and about, at the mall, driving, walking the dog at a park, then in drab.
In drab, I think about what Cheryl would be wearing, or what she’ll be wearing that night.
When I’m dressed I NEVER think about being drab.
So the answer is NO.
NEVER.
Besides, it’s just too much fun being dressed to feel guilty about it.
I suggest you do the same, it makes life a lot more enjoyable. If anything, you should be proud of the fact that you know yourself and are willing to do whatever it takes to make you a whole, happy person.

[Kate Simmons]

I used to feel guilt Hon but that was while wearing the other "suit" which was nothing more than a fabrication for the convenience of others. These days I figure if someone doesn't like what I look like they can "lump" it, ya know?:)

[Karren H]

I still feel guilt..... for putting my wife through this... she didn't sign up for it.... not her fault... its all on me..... too much of a wuss to tell her early on..... never ment for her to find out the way she did..... that kind of guild will never go away.....

[Beverley Sims]

Yes, and NO, we sorted it out ages ago.

[Wildaboutheels]

So far, so good.

We have clearly established already that "Everyone has felt guilt or shame at one time or another" [or something similar] which appears quite often at these Forums... is a FORUM MYTH. Probably not really good for Newbies to read such statements and maybe become even more confused than they already are?

[franlee]

In the beginning it was just for fun and a dare. Then it became more and with the increase came a type of Guilt rooted in ignorance and embarrassment. But with time and a search for information I came to realize there was no harm to anyone and that guilt was out of place or misdirected in this case. But as a heterosexual CD I guess I have experienced or questioned all the emotions and questions anyone can. And Guilt was nothing more than a self imposed punishment for my own insecurity and ignorance.

[Angela Campbell]

I have had guilt for things I have done but never felt guilty for wearing womens clothes.

[andrea lace]

not guilty your honour that would be my plea. I was just looking to buy some Compact Disks "Cross Dressers" I just stumbled on to this site looking to boost my music collection oh and those legs in the profile pic are not mine how did I ever get those red stockings on? I slipped and fell into them and the black shoes well I had to try them on after I fell into the stockings Cross Dress me NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!. No guilt here a good sense of humour can outrun any feelings of guilt I might have for never Cross Dressing.

[SaraNZ]

My guilt is toward my wife not the dressing, she is the most beautiful person and all this was a bit unexpected/unwanted - this is my guilt. I didnt tell her until after we were married, however I didnt really know it ran as deep as it did either...I thought CDing was a bit of harmless fun; which it is for me but not for her. We can talk quite openly about CDing, she has even purchased things for me, we're just moving slowly toward [total] acceptance (we may never get there but we're in a good space)

:)

[TeresaCD]

1/ Yes, for years - utterly conflicting
2/ Not so much now I know I am not alone, and am starting to embrace this side of me.
Although I continue to be concerned that this won't hurt others I care about..

[suzy1]

So far, so good.

We have clearly established already that "Everyone has felt guilt or shame at one time or another"

Missed my post then?:straightface:

[Samantha_Smile]

Back in the days when CDing was exclusively part of masturbation, then yeah, every time.

These days, with no masturbation, in my own clothes, wig and makeup and full knowledge of my SO...
Never. I don't really have anything to feel guilty about.
Makes getting dressed all the more enjoyable.

[Alice Torn]

Yes, My life has been toxic guilt, and shame from the day i came home from the hospital 59 yrs ago. Guilt and shame for being alive, from my brothers, from my dad, from kids at school, guy on jobs. I have religious guilt and shame, family guilt and shame, lack of success, lack of wife and family shame, crossdressing G and S. I have tried everything , to change, and there has been less of it about dressing, but, i seldom feel good around others, ever, in drab or drag. I hope God is understanding and merciful in the next world. Some never had a chance.

[Dianne S]

I've never felt guilt about crossdressing. When I was younger, I did feel shame and disgust sometimes and went through a few purges (de rigueur for crossdressers, it seems).

Now I don't feel guilt at all. I've realized that a lot of unstated rules in society are just there to control people rather than to make the world a better place, so I ignore those rules and I ignore what other people might think.

[tifftg]

I still feel guilt..... for putting my wife through this... she didn't sign up for it.... not her fault... its all on me..... too much of a wuss to tell her early on..... never ment for her to find out the way she did..... that kind of guild will never go away.....

Captured my life perfectly

[kimdl93]

Certainly I felt guilty...for needing to dress in a way I wasn't supposed to dress. Guilt, shame, self loathing, embarrassment and fear of rejection...all parts of the baggage we had imposed upon us.

No, I no longer feel guilty. My life is my own. Sure, my wife, kids, other family and friends didn't sign up for this...but neither did I. I'm being honest with myself and others about who I am, so I'll not feel guilty anymore!

[Barbara Maria]

The only times I felt guilt were before I actually started dressing.The woman in me was screaming to be recognized,louder all the time,and for having those thoughts and feelings I felt guilty.Once I accepted her and started dressing on a regular basis,the guilt went away and never returned.

[Audrey34]

Sometimes I feel guilty. Especially when something really emotional happens in my life and all I want to do is stay home and dress so I can feel better. Then I imagine what my siblings or my long deceased parents would be saying of my being dressed up all day instead of being outside doing something "manly" or "normal".
-Audrey

[Prissy Linda]

no guilt here. My mother knew I liked to dress and act like a girl, she never made me feel guilty or shamed me because of it. I told my future wife when we first started dating that I liked dressing up like a girl so it was up to her to accept or reject me, thankfully she accepted.

[bobbimo]

Even the amazing Jessica Who, in her latest Vlog series, knew she was doing something wrong as a kid when when she would get dressed up.
I think its just because we are pretending to be something that we arent.
Bobbi

[Tina B.]

I felt it in my younger days, but every since I told my wife about it, and she was so understanding and accepting The feeling of guilt went away years ago, and have never returned since.

[NicoleScott]

It seems that the older ones of us (before the iinternet) tend to have had more guilt that the younger ones (who grew up with the internet).

When I was a child, long before any thoughts of sexual excitement, why did I try on my first female things behind a locked bathroom door? Somehow, I just knew it wouldn't set well with my parents and others. How did I know? Why did I feel guilty even before I tried on anything?

[Kandy Barr]

None what so ever! I believe I would feel guilty if I didn't crossdress, or had to suppress something that is very much a part of me, AN IMPORTANT PART!!! Besides, what is there to feel guilty about?

[MysticLady]

Being still hidden and afraid to open up to my family and friends makes it difficult. They may accept or they may shun. Just afraid to take the chance.

Erica, I believe your inability to share this is because you don't want to hurt your family. I admire that and sometimes it the best way in some situations. You carry a heavy burden since I was there before I told my wife. You have decided to carry the weight by yourself and I see no reason to feel guilty about that.


I didn't feel as much "guilt" for the most part as I did "shame."
Persephone.

I believe that shame is a byproduct of guilt.


[COLOR="black"]No, I’ve never felt guilt about my crossdressing, but I carve out a space for myself whereby I can eschew guilt and have fun

Well done



There is no logical reason why it is wrong although upsetting other members of the family or destroying your marriage is arguably a reason for feeling guilty.


I agree..........my friend:)


I still feel guilt..... for putting my wife through this... she didn't sign up for it.... not her fault... its all on me..... too much of a wuss to tell her early on..... never ment for her to find out the way she did..... that kind of guild will never go away.....

And you didn't sign up for rejection from the woman you decided to spend the rest of your life with......................either:hugs:


So far, so good.

We have clearly established already that "Everyone has felt guilt or shame at one time or another"

I believes it depends on what's at stake.


The only times I felt guilt were before I actually started dressing. The woman in me was screaming to be recognized, louder all the time, and for having those thoughts and feelings I felt guilty. Once I accepted her and started dressing on a regular basis, the guilt went away and never returned.

Hello Barb
I'm so glad that you have gotten past that stage in your life. Time for a little fun.....YAY


Like everyone else, I was there with the guilt trip when I was younger. My time spent en femme ended on a happy note and then the sad note would chime in. Crossdressing is unbridled in the beginning but must be tamed as a wild horse is. Once tamed the control you have over it makes a much more pleasant experience therefore never wanting to release it(purge). Over the years I have become very comfortable w/ it and now it serves me well. The future is exciting and unknown regarding this but I'm experiencing a commanding Peace of Mind because of it.

[Kristy 56]

I still feel guilt..... for putting my wife through this... she didn't sign up for it.... not her fault... its all on me..... too much of a wuss to tell her early on..... never ment for her to find out the way she did..... that kind of guild will never go away.....

My thoughts exactly Karen.I just came back from a 2 yr purge,and my wife still thinks I quit.Either that,or knows and chooses to ignore it.

[Emogene]

Guilt, of course, I was socialized as a boy from the moment of birth. The nurse wrapped me in blue and it has continued ever since in one way, shape or form. That aside, guilt, of course. I spend family resources on CD which in some measure deprives others in the family. I could enumerate further causes of personal guilt if necessary. They are personal and situational.

Guilt about dressing per se, never. Best thing that ever happened to me. And happen it did, not a choice on my part. Just is! I am a much better person and companion for having become a CD. My SO of 40 years has confirmed that to me on numerous occassions.

Huh?

"One very easy guess is because of what happens when you are dressed. In fact, it's pretty obvious. HUNDREDS of threads prove it."

So give me a clue, what was your inspirational insight (guess?)? What hundreds of threads, pretty broad and unsubstantiated conclusion unless they are specifically cited. With 48,786 strings in this forum to review, kind of hard to pick out your specific evidence. Muddy thinking at best, in my opinion.

"If only people would READ"; people probably would be willing to read if you were a bit more concise in your statements and supporting evidence.

Just my unsubstantiated opinion, but I did read your comment.

[suchacutie]

I'm with Suzy on this.....never one moment of guilt. The reason is simple: I've never been alone on this issue, and never had anything but complete support and interest by my wife! I was 55 when Tina suddenly appeared to us one day, and the emotion from both of us was curiosity and "omg, that's amazing!". I don't feel an ounce of guilt or shame for being me! If we had any wish, it would be that we found Tina soonder than we did!

[Jaymees22]

I'm sticking with "life is too short to feel guilty", which I had just said in another post about DIY sex. Jaymee

[heatherdress]

No guilt, no shame.

[Jacqueline Winona]

yes, like almost all of us, I have felt it, still feel it occasionally, and try to live with it. Whenever I think this gets in the way of my family I really feel guilty, fortunately I really don't allow that to happen any more.

[Chickhe]

Guilt is a result of what you learn when you are young. Its very powerful, but once you learn that you are not alone and there really is nothing wrong with CDing, you can begin to repair your ego and start feeling a whole lot better about yourself. Then, I think once you feel good about who you are the need to dress may be less.

[Raychel]

Sure when I was younger, There was some guilt and shame when I dressed.
But now that I am older, My wife knows about this other side of me, and I really
don't care what people say or think. The guilt and shame is gone.

Life is a lot easier when you just accept yourself.

[Joanne Curl]

Yes I felt guilty and still do. I 've hid from everybody important to me. Why do I hide it? Because it's weird, and I don't want people who I care about to think less of me. I feel guilty that I can't stop, that I continue to dress and that dressing brings me so much joy and satification yet I cannot share it with those I love. Damn straight I feel guilty.

[Vanessa5]

I feel guilty but at times it goes away. Those are the times I feel like this is what I am and I accept this part of me. When the guilt comes around is when I realize what I have put my wife through over it. I know she didn't sign up for this but at least a little acceptance would help aleiviate some of my guilt and shame. For me it is kinda a vicious circle. When I dress I feel sooo awsome but when I put it away I am reminded that my wife does not approve and has no tolerance for cd.

[CutieJulie]

constant.. but it's more of a guilt of disappointing the people i love.