M

[Wildaboutheels]

M - the word - of the 12 letter variety. Os without a partner. Os - a part of many CDers dressing.

A VERY recent post prompted this question.

For those of you WITH partners. Do you ever find it necessary to literally "take matters into your own hand/s"?

IF you do, do you think that it's WRONG? That you should simply WAIT till your partner is ready? Or that it is Ok, but ONLY if you "do it" in a certain way. Like say using a pic of your SO?

[Greenie]

I don't have any problem with M. I think its unreasonable to wait till your partner is ready and not take matters "into your own hands." It becomes a problem when M becomes so often that then you cannot satisfy your partner. While I do not have a problem with M, I do not like the use of video enhancement tools for M. That makes me uncomfortable. I know many a GG feels the same way about it as I do.

[Amy Fakley]

Well from time to time ... but it's certainly not an integral part of crossdressing for me (though it was when I was a teenager, but then ... it was an integral part of just about everything in those years).

I haven't found it "necessary" in about 20 years. I think if you're in a relationship and you are finding it "necessary" then you may have a problem you need to work through with your SO.

These days when I decide to have a go on my own as it were, I never go there if I feel it's going to take something away from my wife. The fact of the matter is that I have an appetite for these things that far outweighs my wife's appetite for the same. Which isn't to say that we don't have an F-ing spectacular sex life together (we do!) ... whenever she wants that she can have it in spades (and does!) ... but the reverse is not true, and I wouldn't expect it to be ... because I could eat at that buffet all damn day ... the manager would eventually kick me out if you get my drift.

It's just like anything in life that gives pleasure. There is always such a thing as too much, and if you find yourself indulging in something to the exclusion of those you love, then you have a problem.

[deebra]

When the urge arises "do it" with or without visual stimulation or clothing; just make sure you leave enough for your mate.

[Aly Cat]

In all honesty, i dont have much drive for any kind of stimulation. When prompted by my wife, i perform the best i can and think i do a pretty good job of satisfying her, but on my own, it just seems like more work than its worth. Im not really in the best position right now though as my wife only initiates things maybe 2 times a month. I used to do it a lot in the past. It doesnt really go hand in hand with Cd for me and if i do anything on my own, i dont use external means of stimulation in regards to images etc.

[sandra-leigh]

My partner is no longer able, so it would be a very long wait. :sad:

[stephNE]

For me crossdressing is not related to sex.

[boink]

Masturbation?

It's a fun and perfectly normal thing whether you're partnered or not. I have a partner and both of us masturbate (semi-frequently) and neither of us have a problem with it. It is a problem if you not able to fulfill your partners needs because of it, or if you include outside aids that your partner doesn't approve of. But for us it's a totally fine and normal part of who we are that for me is almost totally unrelated to my need to crossdress at this point.

[Karren H]

It keeps your prostate from getting all clogged up.... and getting prostate cancer.... you know.... for health reasons! and that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

[Angela Campbell]

Do you think this is why I need contacts?

[Sheren Kelly]

On this subject, Woody Allen once said: "Its sex with the person I love!"

[AllieSF]

It keeps your prostate from getting all clogged up.... and getting prostate cancer.... you know.... for health reasons! and that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Karren, I did all those prevention exercises very regularly and still got the damned cancer. Maybe it was something that I ate? Hmmmmm .....??

[Tracii G]

Must be why I have to shave the palms of my hands then.
IMO its a pretty normal thing.My ex wife did it when I wasn't home at that specific time.I did it when she didn't want the real thing.
In a relationship its about talking and coming to an agreement.

[Jaymees22]

Sex is Sex and any way that you can get it is fine, life is too short to feel guilty. Jaymee

[docrobbysherry]

----------------

I haven't found it "necessary" in about 20 years. I think if you're in a relationship and you are finding it "necessary" then you may have a problem you need to work through with your SO. -------------
I cannot disagree with u more, Fakley! In the early years of our marriage my ex asked if she could watch me enjoy my morning shower quickie occasionally. That seemed to prime us both for a "fun" evening that nite. Our sex life was as good as it gets for about 7 years.

The thing is, people have different sex quotients and desires. U need to do whatever keeps BOTH of u happy! Not only can M be a necessary thing in a relationship, in mine it ADDED to our sex life!


I don't have any problem with M. I think its unreasonable to wait till your partner is ready and not take matters "into your own hands." It becomes a problem when M becomes so often that then you cannot satisfy your partner. While I do not have a problem with M, I do not like the use of video enhancement tools for M. That makes me uncomfortable. I know many a GG feels the same way about it as I do.

How do u feel about chemical enhancements, Greenie? U MAY find that after you're older, and with a partner for many years, it is the only way to get past ED. Been there!

[RADER]

I have been told that a "MAN" should get that "Poison" out of you as often as you can.
Well thats what I remember anyway.
Rader

[jayme357]

Since my partner has chosen not to deal with the menopause issue it is my only source of relief. A poor substitution for a quality relationship.

[jjjjohanne]

Consider having an arrangement with your spouse to help you M. If she is not interested or able, she can still help. Figure out what she is comfortable with. I find that it keeps me from doing it alone and it helps me avoid the temptations to think about and look at dirty stuff. It helps me be more like the man I want to be.

[Beverley Sims]

I started to grow hair in the palm of my hand....
I was very young then.

If it is easing the pain whatever you need to do it.
I have an active erotic fantasy life to keep me alive.
I engage in healthy activity that keeps the blood circulating.

[Frédérique]

M - the word - of the 12 letter variety. IF you do, do you think that it's WRONG?

Pushing the boundaries again, Heels? :heehee:

No, I don’t think it’s wrong to be monopersonal. Since I am a displaced metropolitan, my magnificence knows no bounds. It certainly helps to be multititular. My momentaneous needs are easily met - I mineralogize in my spare time, you know. Do you crave ministration?

Moral: NEVER give Freddy a straight line, or an opening...:clap:

[Wonderwho]

Lately almost everything i do is wrong on some level. That being the the case could i buy
some other letters?

[Wildaboutheels]

Well at least no one [thus far] has said we should just bite the bullet and WAIT on the SO. And no ne has said they think it's "wrong". And only Greenie volunteered a tool for O that she would find distasteful.

On the other hand... "I find that it keeps me from doing it alone and it helps me avoid the temptations to think about and look at dirty stuff" ... implies that WE have CONTROL over what turns us on or pushes our buttons. [In plenty of other ways also]

This very Forum disputes that train of thought clearly I believe.

Also, Evolution is simply not going to stand on the sidelines and allow all people TOTAL control of their actions.

[NicoleScott]

Partners have different sex drives. If both are getting what they need, what's the problem?

[Lisa Gerrie]

As Emo Philips said, "I've tried my hand at sex."

And from the Kids In The Hall: "I wasn't playing with myself in the shower. I was cleaning it and it went off."

[ReineD]

I don't have a problem with M either, in fact, I think it's healthy as long as it's the supplement and not the main course.

Issues arise though, when M takes over with the help of anything that is not the SO, and it becomes the preferred way to achieve Os. Unfortunately, a lot of single people go there with the help of distinct fantasies, online porn, or cybersex, etc, and then they have difficulty achieving Os when they do meet a flesh and blood partner. The saddest situation is when someone is in denial over having made M the preferred release to the fantasy of something other than a flesh and blood SO, and is in denial about it, even if the individual can still perform with the SO, but it just doesn't bring the same heights of sexual gratification. Even if nothing is said, the SO can feel there is something amiss.

[~Joanne~]

There's is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is a natural act and anyone who says they have never is lying. I find it more wrong that people think it's wrong than the actual act itself. Sometimes a spouse may not need, or can not have sex, as often as the other or their drive doesn't require it. So wait till they do? I'm calling BS on that one. For the record though... I have never needed pictures or video for the act, I have all the stimulation I need right here in my gutter of a mind lol

[alwayshave]

Very seldom if ever do I need to resort to self-abuse, to use long abandoned euphemism. My SO's needs outweigh mine, and for the first time in my life I'm in a relationship where my partner's libido is not the throttle on the frequency of carnal relations.

[Karren H]

Karren, I did all those prevention exercises very regularly and still got the damned cancer. Maybe it was something that I ate? Hmmmmm .....??
Probably all those Pasties! lol

[sandra-leigh]

Consider having an arrangement with your spouse to help you M. If she is not interested or able, she can still help.

I once waited 18 months before again expressing an interest. When I did, I was told I was oversexed.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Issues arise though, when M takes over with the help of anything that is not the SO, and it becomes the preferred way to achieve Os. Unfortunately, a lot of single people go there with the help of distinct fantasies, online porn, or cybersex, etc, and then they have difficulty achieving Os when they do meet a flesh and blood partner. The saddest situation is when someone is in denial over having made M the preferred release to the fantasy of something other than a flesh and blood SO, and is in denial about it, even if the individual can still perform with the SO, but it just doesn't bring the same heights of sexual gratification. Even if nothing is said, the SO can feel there is something amiss.

Reine, but the thing is... that does not mean the person does not want to be with their SO, or experience that with their SO, and certainly that they don't love their SO. Some folks are just wired differently, because of experiences, lack of partners available to them in the past, etc. and sometimes it isn't their fault.

[ReineD]

Vickie, I've just finished reading an article that explains why men are wired to enjoy sexual variety. The article helped me to understand that having sex with the long term SO eventually stops being exciting and this is why a guy's attention turns elsewhere (possibly masturbating to fantasies). The article also discussed the time frame when sexual imprinting occurs in men (during childhood/adolescence) and how deeply rooted it is … for life. This is when fetishes are formed if this is the primary source of adult masturbation. I'm using the word "fetish" not pejoratively but to describe anything that is not a human partner, even if it is a fantasy or porn.

But, understanding these things does not help a GG SO come to terms with a partner who loses interest in her over time, or who prefers masturbating to a fantasy rather than making love with her. This is where the difficulties come in ... when it causes issues in a relationship, when the SO feels left out.

Or if a young male, through either fetish or a lot of porn watching, gets to the point of not being able to have sex with a real-life partner ... or sex with a real-life partner doesn't come close in intensity to the sex he has alone, he might end up having a lonely life since few new partners would put up with being second fiddle. So it might behoove him to not masturbate too much over fetishes or porn, since this reinforces the alternative sexual imprinting. But, if a guy prefers his fantasies over being with a partner and he is happy with this situation for life, then he should have at it! :)