So many questions

[Princess Grandpa]

There are so many questions I don't really know where to begin. As I continue to read your posts and home pages more and more come up. This will be an exciting journey of discovery. I am sure I'm asking the same question every girl before has asked. If I were to search the old threads mor thoroughly I would find all my answers, but I need the interaction.

I am very fortunate! My wife, who was also my prom date, is very supportive. She doesn't really understand I think, but that's ok neither do I. *giggles* she is aroused by it and if I had to choose... She has begun referring to me as her bestie. The reality is she doesn't want to give up her man. She is happy to play with me but wants it to remain just that. She doesn't want to replace Him for her, just a swap now and then.

I was shocked at how many of you have S/O's that support and play with you. I am thrilled for you. *hug*. Do you find the need to balance girl time with husband time? As we discover where our boundaries are, I will always defer to her wishes. We are coming up on our 30th anniversary and she means more to me than anything.

Our first point of interest is hair removal. She loves the chest hair, always have. We immediately took that off the table. The last time I shaved my beard was as a surprise for her 24th birthday and she immediately requested I grow it back. I have worn a beard for more years than I haven't. It's part of who I am. *ponders a moment* who I was.

I realize I won't be doing any outings with a beard. At the moment I'm considering shaving it when I'm ready to go out and let it grow in between. I can hear the kids now "Isn't it funny how dad shaves his beard every time they go away for the weekend". The rest of the hair I can hide by careful wardrobe planning no? Although that does rule out most of the prettiest of outfits doesn't it. *looks at herself in the mirror*. Bah shouldn't be wearing skimpy outfits anyway.

I understand every girls journey is unique. With that in mind I still ask a sweeping generalized question. Is this likely to continue evolving? At this point I want to feel pretty. I know I'm not, but I want to feel as if I am. As our skills at bringing Rita to life improve I will want to go out. This I know. As you get what you want, do you continue to need more? Will I reach a point where Rita wants more than my wife can give? When I reach that point and suppress the "urges" will that create the same inner turmoil I experienced all those years when I refused to acknowledge her at all?

P.S. not really sure about Rita, but that's where we're leaning. Wifey reserves the right of naming and isn't going to choose until she sees the girl herself tells her.

[Karren H]

When this came back with a vengeance 10 years ago I one day decided to shave my mustache of 25 years off...... My wife asked why and I told her it was time for a change.... and looking back what a change it has been.... once you start down the path its very hard to turn back let alone stop....

[sandra-leigh]

One of the members of our cross-dressing social club had a beard for several years, and went out and did things anyhow -- at least as far as going to our meetings. It was her compromise with her wife. (The beard disappeared within a few days of her retirement -- I didn't say it was a happy compromise)

Some of the social clubs understand quite well that you play the hands you are dealt. Other clubs, though, do get upset about people who they view as "not trying hard enough to be passable".

Our city has some well-known performers who do "tough drag", with outrageous costumes and beards and mustaches (made out of sequins if they are short on their own hair at the time.) So around here, someone with some self confidence can go out for the evening dressed up and with a beard; that probably isn't the case everywhere.

[Annette Todd]

PG,
I don't want to sound flippant, but a general answer to your general question is each journey is unique. If you look through past threads I think you will see that theme repeated again and again. You really are the only one who can truly say what is right for you. I personally have never been found of facial hair and I have developed a disdain for body hair. It takes a great effort to maintain. But as they say being beautiful isn't easy.
I am sure I didn't do s good job of answering your question. There are no definitive answers.

Enjoy the journey. It's great you have a supportive wife. Congratulations on your 30 years of marriage.

Annette

[Tracii G]

It doesn't have to progress any farther than what you are comfy with.
Doing one thing doesn't mean something else will happen because you did the previous thing.
People think if you dress you must be gay and we all know thats not true.
You can take it as far as you want or get to a point where you both are happy with it and remain at that stage and live a happy life.

[RADER]

My wife also had an obsession with my chest hair; AND i do have a lot of it.
Dress as you want, the chest hair is mine she would say. OK it stated.
Rader

[nethiker55]

Hi PG
You are right that each journey is unique. I can tell you you can keep the beard as long as you want. I myself have decided I will never be passable but when I can I have been out wearing a skirt, panties and hose. I have even worn a bra under my work shirt and all of this while wearing steel toe boots :). I just act like I am not trying to be a woman but comfortable in the outfit.

You are very lucky to have the support of your SO, enjoy and let her have the time she need to get comfortable with the new you. You may find as you need more she can give more. Just remember to give her as much as she gives you.

[MysticLady]

I understand every girls journey is unique. With that in mind I still ask a sweeping generalized question. Is this likely to continue evolving? At this point I want to feel pretty. I know I'm not, but I want to feel as if I am. As our skills at bringing Rita to life improve I will want to go out. This I know. As you get what you want, do you continue to need more? Will I reach a point where Rita wants more than my wife can give? When I reach that point and suppress the "urges" will that create the same inner turmoil I experienced all those years when I refused to acknowledge her at all?


Helllo Princess and welcome. I so happy for you that you have finally have come to terms w/ this and is embracing it rather that fighting it. Embracing it has given me a peace w/ it. As for the many questions you have, We've all had them and will continue to have them. At this point I'm very comfortable and content where I am and I have no desire to become a woman or living as one. I just love acting like one once in a while and that's enough for me. As you move along I suspect that you'll find your niche. We're glad your here.:hugs:

[Barbara Ella]

Hello again Princess. Yes, each one of us has a unique story to tell. There are some consistent threads in each story. One thread to take to heart is you never do anything that you are not comfortable doing and enjoy. You never try to surprise your wife, you always include her in your preparations and desires. You will find it hard, very hard at times to discuss your desires/needs that conflict with the desires/needs of your wife. There will be lots of discussing.

Barbara

[PaulaQ]

With that in mind I still ask a sweeping generalized question. Is this likely to continue evolving? At this point I want to feel pretty. I know I'm not, but I want to feel as if I am. As our skills at bringing Rita to life improve I will want to go out. This I know. As you get what you want, do you continue to need more? Will I reach a point where Rita wants more than my wife can give? When I reach that point and suppress the "urges" will that create the same inner turmoil I experienced all those years when I refused to acknowledge her at all?


Really, it comes down to the fact that some of us need more, because we need more. Some of the people who need the most feminization (i.e. transsexuals who transition) actually get NOTHING from dressing. (Although that is not an acid test. I intend to transition, and dressing keeps me from going out of my mind.)

This really doesn't have to be progressive though - in the sense that if you CD too often, or too seriously, you'll feel a need to do more, and to extensively feminize your body. This is fairly rare - you see a lot more of it on this forum because of selection bias. (The girls who need that are going to congregate in a place like this.)

The fact that pretty obvious male physical tells like facial and body hair don't completely freak you out is a decentish sign that you are probably not going to feel compelled to go too far.

The fact that you felt urges you suppressed, and that this caused you inner turmoil is pretty much par for the course for a CD. Unless the inner turmoil was really severe, you are most likely OK.

Nobody can really answer for sure but you, and really only time will tell. Hey, you already know you can't suppress this - so why worry? What happens, happens! Seriously though, very few of us decide to change sexes. Even if you fantasize at some point "I want to be a woman", this isn't really indicative of being transsexual either. It's when you start to realize "Oh my god, I *am* a woman" that you really need to worry...

Anyway, most likely you'll be fine. Have fun, and I'm really happy to hear your wife is so wonderful and accepting. And yes, you'll likely want to be sensitive and balance her needs for a husband with your need to express your feminine side. Tread lightly while you establish these boundaries between you. And best of luck!

[noeleena]

Hi,

Sandra-Leigh.

I have a ? for you. Ill take it you mean some groups, are they being referred to as dresser's, only . social groups, are there any trans people with in those groups or just only dress'ers. Ill take it they then are all men. if that then is the case my ? wont apply.

As a female who does not pass i would not be wellcome would i & because of my difference as you know, i would no dought be out of place , would other female's be accepted would they be looked apone as invadeing thier space .

From where i see it over the years, i have the feeling that because we are female why would we wont to be there in the first place, One reason was would i be able to help others in dress makeup & such like,

Hope you dont mind my asking if not here in the public forum then a P M would be wellcome, Thank you.

The reason im asking is im looking at the differences between our county's in attitudes how women are seen in the differences with in the different groups, near you.

...noeleena...

[Lynn Marie]

Yes, our CDing continually evolves. The desire to improve in the artform will continue, and the need to maintain a balance will always be a limiting factor. I'm sure you've had other interests/hobbies and pretty much had to cope with the same competing demands and the need for balance. This really isn't all that different at all.

Welcome to our world!

[Beverley Sims]

Hair removal is a big thing, I do not know many hirsute women.

[Jennifer Kelly]

I feel your pain here. Luckily I'm not very hairy but I've had a goatee for the past 13 years. I'm getting ready to shave it off and I know I'm going to get tons of questions. I'm just going to tell people the truth. I've been finding too much grey in it as of late. It's just not the whole truth. :)

I don't have SO right now and the last time I did was before I started dressing again after a 20 year hiatus. So my conundrum is how to tackle that when the time comes.

Good luck in your journey.

[docrobbysherry]

Hair not withstanding, it sounds like your life is good, Princess!

I grow a beard and stach between CDing events myself. And, after so many changes, folks don't think anything about it anymore!

[ReineD]

Is this likely to continue evolving?

Yes. But, as you evolve, your wife will provide a counter balance in the form of "Whoa, Rita!". You may or may not feel constrained and frustrated, she may or may not have moments of being completely scared and confused, but eventually you will both find your balance and then it should remain stable for awhile.

I really don't think that you will want to transition. Or, you may want to eventually, but I don't sense that you will. The progress will be in the form of slight cosmetic changes: body shaving, laser beard removal (or not if you only have gray beard), growing out your natural nails a bit, getting your ears pierced perhaps, thinning out your eyebrows, getting breast forms if you don't already have them, perhaps waist cinchers, hip pads, a wig or three, and a working wardrobe with all the accessories: coats, shoes, jewelry, purses, an assortment of makeup, perfume ... that sort of thing, if you want to blend in when you go out. Plus perhaps having a photo shoot to record it all. It is when all these things are growing and accumulating that wives tend to want to put on the brakes. I had moments of freaking out (silently and internally) since it looked to me as if my SO was turning herself into a woman! lol But, we are not married nor do we live together, so I did not feel it was my place to say anything.

I'm not saying it will happen exactly as I've described, but this seems to be the trend for many couples when the wife is supportive, including my own journey with my SO although everything is balanced now. My SO switches back and forth at will which I support unconditionally. She only is able to go out on average twice per week (schedule permitting), either alone or with me. If she were to retire and want to dress every day, I'm not sure how I would handle that but I guess we will cross that bridge when we get there.

.. oh, and we don't play. lol. At first I thought it was play, but then I discovered that it was anything but. :D