Maybe I am trying to over compensate?

[Christine.Lolita]

I just took stock and I now have 32 dresses, 6 petticoats, 3 pairs of shoe, 1 pair of boots, not sure but I think 12 wigs, 15 pairs of pantyhose, at least 24 pairs of panties, 1 bra (I just realized I want to have breasts), 4 camisoles and a very good stock of makeup, plus many other various other accessories.

With all of these clothes I should be content, but I am still driven to buy more and more. This is making my wife very upset because of the money I am squandering. I am not sure why I keep buying more.

In my last therapy session I told my therapist that I have always felt that I should have been born female and that I feel ripped off because I was born male.

Maybe I am trying to over compensate by buying all these dresses?

[Jolene Robertson]

Hi Christine

I can understand, that's one reason I buy most of my clothes at thrift shops. I have more womens clothes and other things in the closet than mens, and just discovered there was no mens socks or underwear in the drawer. :heehee: Soooo like I say "you're going to need a bigger closet". :doh:
On a more serious note, not knowing how long you have been out about this it did taper off with me after a couple of years. I now only buy what I know will look good and fits, so I'm a bit more selective about what is bought now than it first.

Hugs
Jolene

[kimdl93]

I don't know why you're driven to buy dresses, but I'd say that your wife as a very strong argument. That's a lot of stuff and I can't imagine the total expense. At the very least, you're dealing with a compulsion that has become destructive, both financially and in terms of your relationship. It seems that you've developed an addictive relationship to these clothes. I think its a bit too pat an answer to say that you're doing this "because you felt ripped off". If that were the case, then everyone here might have similarly excessive consumptive habits.

[VAWyman]

I agree with Kim. You can't use the "ripped off" excuse. With 32 dresses and only one bra, you have a compulsion and need to back off a little. You wife is long suffering to have let it go this long and has every right to feel upset. Talk to your therapist, he/she is there to help.

[slamddoger]

and why do you think that

[Jana]

Have you told your therapist about this behavior? He or she should be able to help you address the situation as well as identify what triggers it. After all, from your words it seems to impact you, your relationship, and maybe even your finances.

As for feeling ripped off... welcome to the club. I guess almost everyone with gender dysphoria feels ripped off to some extent.

[Lynn Marie]

Every hobby has it's compulsions. Shooters are always buying more guns, RC flyers often have kits and motors under the work bench that they're going to build someday. Camera nuts are continually adding lenses and camera bodies and flash attachments and tripods. There's just no end to it!

I don't see that we're all that different. Add to the compulsion the fact that a girl doesn't like wearing the same outfit twice but keeps it in the closet for when the next opportunity arises and it looks new again, and there we are. The best solution I've found is to designate a limited space for your wardrobe and stick with it. Cull the old when you buy something new. Keep your hobbies at a manageable level and you should be fine.

[Erica2Sweet]

Hi Christine.

What's been very helpful for me has been to set myself up with a monthly budget of what I allow myself to spend on "girl stuff". That includes makeup, clothes, shoes, accessories, and intimate apparel. Personally I use my Paypal account for that, so once the balance is gone for the month, I'm finished with shopping until I replenish the funds the following month. On slower sales months where I make a bit less in income, I place less in that account, while on months where I make more in sales, I add a bit more so it remains mostly proportional to my income at the time. I always inform my wife how much money I place in the account, but at this point of being married nearly three years, she knows I'm responsible with our money, so she is good with this system.

Another detail that I find is helpful is to be sure to purchase things that actually get used or worn out-and-about at some point. Accumulating stuff that never sees the light of day is something I shy away from simply because I can't justify those purchases. This helps to steer me clear of compulsive buying... and I do love to shop. It works, it just takes a little will power to resist going over-budget.

Best wishes.

[amy101]

Thats far to many clothes for just one girl so I think you should send me one or two bits lol and tell your wife to take a chill pill a girl has to look good

[Alexis.j]

I see a big problem... only one bra.....
I don't think you can get enough clothes etc,
Woman are never satisfied with just one pair of shoe... or am I wrong? ????? Lol

[Tracii G]

If the compulsion is causing financial issues yes you need to curb your appetite for more.
Setting up a budget is always a good thing.Speak with your wife and set up a budget that works for both of you personally for the small things like clothes but addresses the household expenses first.

[Sister Rachel]

I certainly found that whilst going through a mild depressive episode recently I started to shop (online) a bit more than I should have, and ended up with, among some nice things, a pink peplum top and a "firm control" slip, neither of which, having tried on once,will be worn again,:doh: and also a hugely full, stiff, 4 layer dress-net petticoat which is absurdly impractical!:o Wasted money :sad:

I have three bras, which I consider a minimum, a simple soft comfortable white one, one the same in black, and a rather more fancy and lacy affair for when the mood takes me:) Need some forms to fill them out now!

[ReineD]

With all of these clothes I should be content, but I am still driven to buy more and more. This is making my wife very upset because of the money I am squandering. I am not sure why I keep buying more.

Try to get a handle on this. You can be a CDer without having a compulsion for buying clothes. It is not easy to be the spouse of a compulsive person since it is easy to feel as if the objects of the compulsion are more important to the CDer than is the spouse.

The oft-read rationalization in this forum seems to be, "But GGs shop like this all the time!", or "There's nothing wrong with shopping ... it's so girly!" which is nonsense. There are women who do have shopping addictions, but for the most part, GGs who have an average income do not spend undue resources, time, and energy on accumulating and storing clothes.

Even if you decide to economize and purchase your clothes at a fraction of the price at thrift shops (sorry Jolene), you will still eventually run into storage issues. And if you ever do need to pare down in order to move, or to make room for the other things that you need in your life, it will be difficult and it will again seem as if the objects are more important to you than anything else. You do not want to find yourself in the position of having built a mausoleum to the clothes.

Sorry if this seems harsh, but I think that you need a realistic outlook since by the mere fact that you posted about this, you perceive it as the beginning of an issue. So again, this is not about the CDing, it is rather about getting a handle about a shopping addiction and there is help for that if you seek it.

Good luck! :)

PS. If you do discover that you no longer enjoy the CDing unless you continually have new dresses, then the CDing is not about expressing an inner femininity but is instead a fetish. It will up to you and your wife as to whether a fetish has a place in your relationship.

[Christine.Lolita]

Thank you all for your input and insights. I know that I have an issue with buying more “stuff” for Christine. I talked to my wife about this and we have made a plan to deal with it and how I will proceed in the future is this:

1) Make a budget. We agreed that $200.00 dollars per month is acceptable to both of us.
2) I will try to sell some of my older dresses that I never wear anymore on ebay. This will reduce the dresses that I have to a reasonable number and it will bring in extra cash for new dresses.

As for the feeling of feeling of being “ripped off” I know I am not the only person here in this forum that has a sense that life is not exactly fair. It never is and I really need to get a grip on the self-pitying nonsense. I am very thankful for the good things I do have in my life and I have keep focused on that.

And just one more thing. I think you are all awesome because you take the time to say what you really thinking and only by speaking truthfully from your heart is there any value in saying anything at all.

[CherylFlint]

The ONLY way to go is thrift and consignment shops.
The more you shop at them, the more you’ll realize that there’s some great bargains out there.
Also, they usually have sales once in awhile.
There’s some around me that, at the beginning of every month, have a 2 for 1 sale.
Can’t beat it, and what you buy and don’t like, just return it next time you go in, they won’t give you any money but it’s how to get them on your side so maybe they’ll save something for you now and then, or lower the price on an item or two.
It’s the only way to go.
YOU'LL SAVE 80%!

[linda allen]

If your wife is upset because of the money you're spending on feminine clothing, you are headed down a road that may lead to serious problems including the end of the marriage.

I have as many or more skirts and blouses as you have dresses, but some of what you list (including 12 wigs) seems excessive to me.

My wife and I shop for clothes together and I make sure she gets whatever she wants. Sometimes she gets a lot and I get little, sometimes the other way around. We can afford that and it avoids problems.

You should probably work to control what you buy and limit it to what you can reasonably use. Maybe your therapist can help you with this.

[Beverley Sims]

I have more than you and I am not in therapy.
Just go with the flow.

[Leslie Langford]

Christine, my first inclination upon reading your post was to reply "What? Only 3 pairs of shoes and 1 pair of boots? And you call yourself a crossdresser? Get with the program, girlfriend!" ;)

But seriously - I hear where you are coming from, and my recommendation is that you don't beat yourself up too much over this. Studies have shown that there is a direct correlation between crossdressing and OCD, as our "hobby" is just that. Not necessarily an addiction, but a compulsion nonetheless, and most crossdressers have other compulsions in their day-to day lives that they also have to wrestle with.

It's usually not a question of "if" but "how much?" and to what degree we let our compulsions take over our lives. I, too, have my compulsions, but I have also developed strategies to manage them as I know that they will never go away - just like my urge to crossdress occasionally won't either.

I've made my peace with it, and have since come to the conclusion that I'm mentally better off spending whatever disposable cash I have on my female wardrobe rather than on ineffective counseling or therapy, because there simply is no "cure" for crossdressing except coming to the realization that this is fundamentally who you are, and dealing with it in the best way possible.

Or to put it another way, "When life hands you a lemon, just make lemonade"...

[Christine.Lolita]

Christine, my first inclination upon reading your post was to reply "What? Only 3 pairs of shoes and 1 pair of boots? And you call yourself a crossdresser? Get with the program, girlfriend!" ;)

...

I know I am way behind in the footwear department. I need to address this.:heehee:

[monalisa]

I think part of it is the thrill of shopping but also there are new colors and styles of dresses and it is nice to keep up with current trends. Plus many times there are terriffic bargain sales that prove irresitible. I have bought many dresses too and wore them once but hate to part with them if they still fit.

[Lexi_83]

I own more bras than my ex-wife. She's ahead in all other categories.