Going overboard? I'm asking for your help....

[Sonia_cd]

I'm dealing with an issue a lot of you might have faced/dealt with in the past or continue to deal with. And I would really like your inputs/suggestions/advise, doesn't matter how out there you feel it is owns without any worry of me being offended. In short you have carte blanche.

For the longest time, and by that I mean nearly 12 years, my dressing was limited and the opportunities far and few between. Even when I did dress it was rarely with full makeup, which I might have done twice an year at the most. Perhaps the knowledge that I was limited to a room meant it was too much effort to glam up when merely wearing the clothes was sufficient to keep me happy.

But I've got my own place recently and with it has come the security that I will not be disturbed in whatever state of dress I choose to be. This has caused a pink fog of gargantuan proportions that is wrecking havoc with my sleep patterns, diet, and work discipline. The vicious cycle of insufficient rest causing drowsiness through the day at work causing me to take work home where I dress with makeup almost every time. I find myself not wanting to get undressed and compel myself to get to the office in the morning without conveniently working from home.

I need to break this cycle. I know how important it is to be fresh at work and yet some part of me just doesn't care! Oh...I am kinda my own boss so that might be one reason. But that is no excuse and I'm horribly stuck between the pink fog and my responsibility to myself and my life. Am I scared? At some level, yes. That this part of me is becoming larger than life.

Let me not spew anymore. I would really like to hear any suggestions that you feel might help me put the discipline back in my day. Consider this a cry for help, from me to you; because you understand.

Xoxo....sonia

[~Joanne~]

It sounds to me that your making up for lost time and your new found freedom has you clearly stuck in a pink fog. You now have all the free time in the world to dress so why push things when it comes to work? I suggest that you concentrate on work and leave the dressing at home. Without a job, which eventually will happen at the rate things sound to be going, you will lose the freedom that you have finally found. slow down a bit. You don't have to be dressed 24/7, if you do then maybe your a TS and not CD at all and is something you should look into on your free time, not work time.

[Sonia_cd]

Joanne, you're right. Like I said I am a self employed professional so I remain acutely aware of my responsibilities to my clients and ensure their needs come first. What I'm trying to do is get my mind off dressing while working so that the focus on tasks on hand is absolute. That I haven't gotten a weekends break in many weeks owing to work is perhaps also weighing heavily on my actions.

Interestingly this experience has made me appreciate the value of SO's who set boundaries and rules for their cd partners. :)

[Emogene]

Sonia, as to sleep patterns: how about purchasing yourself some very nice vintage feminine night wear? Pink fog lives!

That way you can look forward to putting on a long, soft, silky, flowing, oh so terribly delightful nighty. The physical and mental sensation of being so dressed and snuggled up warm and safe in your bed is really scrumptious! You will be drawn to the bed. I sleep really well when I have the opportunity!

[GaleWarning]

You sound like the sort of person you is used to self-discipline. So work out a daily schedule where work gets sorted, then the rest of the day is free to CD. Sleeping in a nighty ought to assist you to get a decent night's rest.

[Tracii G]

Maybe actually going in to the office and not working from home will help you separate the issue.
Moderation is a key portion of a healthy life.

[Angela Campbell]

Delayed gratification.....do not allow yourself to do the fun things until you earn it by doing the things that need to be done first. Then as a reward do the fun stuff.

[Sabrina133]

Sonia,

Believe me girl, i know the feeling. My own life's experiences matches yours somewhat in that after being repressed for many years, i was able to move out on my own providing me the abilty to be (although not 24/7) as often and for as long as i could. Until i was able to get used to that freedom, dressing up pretty much consumed my life. Eventually, i settles into a routine which allowed Sabrina to come out but i controlled her - well almost. as everyone else here as already said, balance is the key and finding the balance will come with practice and discipline.

[ninadiva]

Dear Sonia, I am also self employed and share the same problems with time-sharing between Nina and the Professional Male. Nina likes it that the professional male goes to work hard so that Nina gets what she wants, ie, time, shopping money, etc. The professional male has to remind himself that he is doing this work for Nina. Sometimes that is how I get through the work day, knowing that Nina will be out to play soon. Nina does not work, she is a lady of leisure. Its just a balancing act, but I know what you mean about messing up sleep patterns and such. Sometimes when away, I go to sleep fully dressed because thats how I want to wake up. Then I have to get drabbed down and go to work. I am still very much in the pinkiness of the fog. But it will even out. Do Not lose your Job, Security and Freedom. Try limiting your CD time to weekends to start with and then allow yourself to build up to what is safe and convenient, if you have spare time when all else, work and errands, are finished.

[ReineD]

My SO went through something similar. She reached a point where just dressing at home became boring. She has a very busy work schedule and when she started to go out in the mainstream, she gave herself permission to cut back on the work while she was working on making her outings a part of his everyday life, without having them be so distracting as to not be able to be productive. Eventually with time, her outings did become more "ordinary" psychologically and then she decided to combine dressing with taking work and laptop with her to coffee shops, etc, so as to get back to her old levels of productivity. In the beginning this was hard. She told me that it was hard for her to concentrate when she was out dressed. But, eventually it all fell into place. I think it took a few years, maybe.

So I think that it's just a question of dressing until you have your fill, and the elation or euphoria (or however you define those feelings) will abate quite naturally if you do care about your income and providing a quality service for your clients. Beware though, if you're not going out yet, the desire to do this will likely come (if you feel that you can get away with blending in the mainstream), and when you reach that second level you'll go through this all over again, like my SO.

I agree it's hard to maintain a balance. But if you don't lose sight of your other priorities, it will happen through the course of your natural progression with the crossdressing.

:2c:

[Dianne S]

Funny! Since discovering this forum ~1 month ago, I check it compulsively 7-8 times/day. :)

I'm sitting at work with my door closed... productivity is tumbling........

[Rachelakld]

Hi Sonia,
When I get to that state, I tend to force myself up at 5.30 am and swim at my local pools for 30-40 minutes.
Not only does is supercharge my morning, after a month my bod shapes up beautifully, I get my abs back and I'm fitter than all the young bucks hanging around my girls.

[Erica2Sweet]

...You don't have to be dressed 24/7, if you do then maybe your a TS and not CD ...

OK, wanting to wear the opposite gender's clothing often does not mean one is TS. Please don't make that assumption based on such little circumstantial evidence!

I'm self-employed as well, and work from my office here at the house, so this is something I'm definitely familiar with. Like it was mentioned earlier, it does sound like you're overwhelmed for the moment having found your new freedom to dress up at home. The highs should smooth out a bit once the newness wears off some, and you should then be able to focus on other things once again. If that doesn't happen soon enough, then you're surely going to have to separate dress-up time, sleep time, and work time via some sort of schedule that works for you. There's not much else you can do, really, since you probably need to be able to self-motivate for work since you are after all the boss. :)

[CherylFlint]

Don’t worry, the novelty will wear off.
They’ll come a time that the only time you’ll dress is when you go out, and none of us goes out every night.

[nethiker55]

Sonia, I think we all know how you feel and have to some extent been there. Partly the novelty of the freedom will wear off in time but in the mean time try taking Emogene's suggestion and aquire some sleep wear. You might also try wearing some foundation garments under your boy clothes at work. This will help keep the feeling going all day without giving away your secret. Enjoy but keep your life in perspective.

[Sonia_cd]

Thank you all!! Really helpful suggestions there. As for sleeping in sexy nightwear, I love the comfort of my boxers too much :D
But yes, I've resolved to earn my sonia time and dedicate the focus and time that work needs; just a case of doing both in the time that each deserve. I guess if I have the freedom to be Sonia at anytime, then it doesn't always have to be NOW!
Tracii, I do make sure I go to the office everyday irrespective of the workload for the day. This keeps the lines clear.
Nethiker55, I prefer keeping boy and girl separate not because i have to but because i want to. The most I allow myself is painted toenails.

I'm going to extract each reply and keep a print out handy to give me perspective every time I waver :) big hug to each and everyone of you :)

Xoxo....Sonia

[Alexis.j]

Funny! Since discovering this forum ~1 month ago, I check it compulsively 7-8 times/day. :)

I'm sitting at work with my door closed... productivity is tumbling........

Yes Dawn it is so, and the main reason I would think for that would be that most of us have the same problems or interests. Unlike the real world and unsuporting public/friends/family.

[Beverley Sims]

A bit of self discipline is needed.
You do need to break the cycle.
When the work piles up the cycle will be broken.

[~Joanne~]

OK, wanting to wear the opposite gender's clothing often does not mean one is TS. Please don't make that assumption based on such little circumstantial evidence!

My assumption that maybe she is TS came from this one line:


Am I scared? At some level, yes. That this part of me is becoming larger than life.

Since getting her new found freedom, she feels this is consuming her on a daily basis. It effects her sleep, her work, her day to day routines. It may be more than CDing, it may not. She is the only one who will know where her road is leading but it gave her something to think about and may supply the answers that she is seeking.




Interestingly this experience has made me appreciate the value of SO's who set boundaries and rules for their cd partners. :)

I have never experienced this myself but from the sounds of what I read around the forum, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

[Kathi Lake]

Sonia,

You may not know me. I used to post quite a bit here in the past. Lately I've dialed down my posting quite a bit (you're welcome, everyone! :)). I, like you, was having a hard time with all of this - trying to find a balance between what society would see as my "male" and my "female" sides to my personality. However, you and I know better. There is no "side" per se. There is just us. How that plays out in our daily lives, however? Ah, that's where the fun begins.

Like you, I found that as I got better and better, I seemed to desire it more and more. I craved acceptance of my "female" side's skills and appearance more than my "male" side (and I'm using the "side" term for contrast, and as a way to help in understanding). Result? Well, . . . basically, I screwed up. I lost sight of the balance between my two sides. I alienated my wife. I endangered my friendships. I allowed myself to become consumed with a positive-feedback loop that rewarded my dressing activities with acceptance and praise, which increased my desires to dress, and on and on. Does this sound at all familiar to you? :)

So, like you, I allowed myself to let dressing take over my life. Unlike you, it seems - as you mentioned living by yourself - I have a wife. A wife that was slowly watching me pull into myself. A wife that was watching her husband do temporary and even permanent things to his body that stripped the man she loved slowly away. Once I was able to pull my head out (of the pink fog or a bodily orifice - you decide), I realized that if I was going to walk this middle path that I proclaimed to be on, then I should return towards, . . . well, . . . the middle. :)

I decided to take a break. Not a permanent one, mind you, and not a total one. Since November of 2011, I have not gone out. I have done makeup once or twice, and practiced in heels every now and then at home - just to keep my skills up. If you knew me back then, you would see what a reduction this was for me. I was used to going shopping once or twice a month, it seemed, and playing at home during every opportunity.

So, why did I do it? Simple. To prove to my wife and myself who and what is most important to me. To prove that it is me who controlled the behavior, and not the other way around. I have always been a happy person, but now that I have a bit better perspective, I find myself even happier. Will I dress again? Sure! I'm planning to start in a few months, but at a rate that makes sense for me and for my family.

So, I'm sure you're thinking, "Hey - I gave you carte blanche, but not to make it all about you!" :) I told you this because I saw a lot of parallels between us, and saw you wrestling some of the same things I wrestled with. I hope this helps. Know that we're here for you.

:)

Kathi

[ReineD]

Hey Kathi, nice to see you again! :hello:


I guess if I have the freedom to be Sonia at anytime, then it doesn't always have to be NOW!

This was actually my SO's saving grace! We don't live together and he has no kids ... so after the initial "heightened interest" (I prefer this term to "Pink Fog", "high", "elation", or "euphoria") over getting used to being herself while out and about, she just knew that he could dress anytime she wanted to. This made things a lot easier to manage.

My heart goes out to the CDers who are hugely constrained by non-supportive wives. There are seldom any outlets to dress for these CDers that are free of marital stress, and the unfulfilled obsession (if you will) can become so great as to want to completely obscure their birth gender. Think of a hungry child whose face is pressed against the bakery window, and tell him that he can't have any so he shouldn't be hungry. It is difficult to reach a balance this way.



I prefer keeping boy and girl separate not because i have to but because i want to. The most I allow myself is painted toenails.

I understand the wish to do this. A person has to be brave indeed to go out as a male who is overtly wearing feminine things. I'm afraid there aren't many pockets of society that can accept this easily. Others may not say much to his face, but he may find that some doors will close to him. Still, there is a way to integrate your masculine and feminine selves and this is internally, no matter how you are presenting. You can allow yourself to feel feminine even when you're dressed as a guy. This trick might come in handy during the times when you will be feeling masculine even when you're dressed (this does happen). If you recognize that you are gender fluid and your femininity and masculinity will ebb and flow for most of your life, you will learn to live with this more easily, I think, than constantly splitting yourself up into two different personas. In other words, you can like and be interested in the same things no matter how you present and this will also make it easier to deal with the times when you feel like dressing but you can't (in the middle of a meeting with important clients, for example).

And since we don't live in a society that accepts someone switching genders back and forth as easily as they accept the concept of transsexualism (some time after someone has transitioned), it takes a creative spirit to figure out a way to always be the same internally ... all the while protecting the jobs and the relationships by finding places to go dressed, where people only know the girl self. If this makes sense.

I'm telling you this because this is how my SO dealt with it and I can't tell you how much I admire her for having managed to create a perfect balance for him/herself. S/he is never out of sorts and never on a surreal high ... but just always happy and balanced. :) S/he identifies as dualgender.


My assumption that maybe she is TS came from this one line: ...

I hope that I won't be stepping on anyone's toes when I say that a distinction needs to be made between needing to transition because a person is transsexual, or needing to engage in cross-gender expression all the time because he is like a pressure cooker who is in sore need of a steam vent. The abject need to dress can be just as strong and can be described the same way for both instances even though we know there is a difference between TSs and CDs.

The OP said that he recently has found full freedom to CD and having the desire to dress all the time is rather normal for CDers after a period of constraint. And the longer or more severe the constraint, the more dire the need. One may think of it as a need to express a feminine side, but since every intensely pleasurable experience causes a massive release of dopamine in our systems, it can also begin a chain reaction that is not dissimilar to the brain chemical reactions to behavioral addictions or compulsions. The trick is to manage it as described above ... just like people can and do prevent themselves from being overeaters, alcoholics, gambling or shopping addicts, etc, by constantly seeking balance.

I hope that people reading this will understand what I'm trying to say, and not take it that I am comparing all CDers to alcoholics or drug addicts. :p

[docrobbysherry]

Sonia, I must disagree with most of the previous posts. I suffered exactly what u r when I came out of my closet on line here 5+ years ago. I was completely consumed with dressing related thots all day and after going to bed! I was losing sleep and "F"ing up my work. So, how did I cure my problem?

I dressed whenever I felt the urge. Mornings, lunches, evenings if necessary, the middle of the nite! And, I shopped for Sherry whenever the mood struck. After over 2 months of O'ding on dressing and related things, I'd had it! I had no urge to dress again for over 3 months. Since then, twice a month seems to work out perfect for me.

Not saying this will work for u or anyone else. But, it did for me!

[AllisontheGoddess]

Why not do both??? Have you ever tried doing subtle things to tide the urg til you get home? --Why not leave toenail polish, keep your eyebrows done, wear panties or other clothing under your work clothes?

[Jorja]

Girls, girls, girls, we cannot afford all the pretty cloths, the new living quarters and all that goes with it if we do not exercise some discipline and self control. We must get our beauty sleep lest bags an wrinkles will start to appear upon our pretty face and we cannot have that.

Of course...... I transitioned and have been 24/7 for many years. Hummmm..... Nah, that can have anything to do with it, I was TS. ;)

[MissTee]

I travel a lot on my job, and just recently got a small apartment in a distant city to be able to focus on that segment of the business. This also means I can dress more often, and I do. Anymore though, I dress simply. Wig and sometimes forms, flats or sandals, jeans simple skirt, tunic combo. On rare occasion I'll do nail polish. Years ago, though, I would have been foaming at the mouth to go all out with full makeup, nail polish, eyelashes, heels, jewelry, etc. I attribute my moderation to time and the opportunity to have relieved some pent up demand to dress.

I also try to give myself regular opportunity to dress so the demand does not build up anymore. I've learned it's not healthy for me. I would think you could set some boundaries for yourself until you come back to center -- which will happen eventually. Good luck.

[MysticLady]

But I've got my own place recently and with it has come the security that I will not be disturbed in whatever state of dress I choose to be. This has caused a pink fog of gargantuan proportions that is wrecking havoc with my sleep patterns, diet, and work discipline. The vicious cycle of insufficient rest causing drowsiness through the day at work causing me to take work home where I dress with makeup almost every time. I find myself not wanting to get undressed and compel myself to get to the office in the morning without conveniently working from home.


Hi Sonia
Let me ask you this. If you were in Love, would you be worried about it?

This is like it's a new found Love. It completely mesmerizes you. Don't worry, its a normal feeling and not something that will be a problem later for you'll get to a point where you won't feel like that anymore. It'll become a more natural feeling:hugs:

[Sometimes Steffi]

Thank you all!! Really helpful suggestions there. As for sleeping in sexy nightwear, I love the comfort of my boxers too much :D
But yes, I've resolved to earn my sonia time and dedicate the focus and time that work needs; just a case of doing both in the time that each deserve. I guess if I have the freedom to be Sonia at anytime, then it doesn't always have to be NOW!
Tracii, I do make sure I go to the office everyday irrespective of the workload for the day. This keeps the lines clear.
Nethiker55, I prefer keeping boy and girl separate not because i have to but because i want to. The most I allow myself is painted toenails.

I'm going to extract each reply and keep a print out handy to give me perspective every time I waver :) big hug to each and everyone of you :)

Xoxo....Sonia

I don't think this will help your problem, but if you prefer boxers over sexy nightwear, I don't think your nightwear of choice is sexy enough. Boxers? Sheesh! ;-)

[Sonia_cd]

This was actually my SO's saving grace! We don't live together and he has no kids ... so after the initial "heightened interest" (I prefer this term to "Pink Fog", "high", "elation", or "euphoria") over getting used to being herself while out and about, she just knew that he could dress anytime she wanted to. This made things a lot easier to manage.

I understand the wish to do this. A person has to be brave indeed to go out as a male who is overtly wearing feminine things. I'm afraid there aren't many pockets of society that can accept this easily. Others may not say much to his face, but he may find that some doors will close to him. Still, there is a way to integrate your masculine and feminine selves and this is internally, no matter how you are presenting. You can allow yourself to feel feminine even when you're dressed as a guy. This trick might come in handy during the times when you will be feeling masculine even when you're dressed (this does happen). If you recognize that you are gender fluid and your femininity and masculinity will ebb and flow for most of your life, you will learn to live with this more easily, I think, than constantly splitting yourself up into two different personas. In other words, you can like and be interested in the same things no matter how you present and this will also make it easier to deal with the times when you feel like dressing but you can't (in the middle of a meeting with important clients, for example).

I'm telling you this because this is how my SO dealt with it and I can't tell you how much I admire her for having managed to create a perfect balance for him/herself. S/he is never out of sorts and never on a surreal high ... but just always happy and balanced. :) S/he identifies as dualgender.

I hope that I won't be stepping on anyone's toes when I say that a distinction needs to be made between needing to transition because a person is transsexual, or needing to engage in cross-gender expression all the time because he is like a pressure cooker who is in sore need of a steam vent. The abject need to dress can be just as strong and can be described the same way for both instances even though we know there is a difference between TSs and CDs.

I hope that people reading this will understand what I'm trying to say, and not take it that I am comparing all CDers to alcoholics or drug addicts. :p

Reine, a lot of what you said in your posts makes perfect sense. Since the first post I've had time to reflect and the clarity that penning one's thoughts brings is quite marvelous. First, I've stopped battling the blending of persona's and over the years I've focussed on bringing harmony between the two. Whilst clothes are a more outward expression; a harmony between the masculine and feminine thoughts brings more peace and stability to oneself. I may have initially cared about things like using hand gestures or personal grooming but have now stopped caring. Having to bottle what comes naturally was more challenging and self-defeating than allowing myself to express me. It dawned upon me that my conflicts within will almost always result in conflict around me and that was not on my list of most wanted things in life :)

As for the TS/CD/TG/whatever debate, let me clear this up for good. I have no desire/wish/intention to transition, in whole or in part or to any extent whatsoever. I am perfectly happy with my gender. But I have moments when I seek extended periods of expression (cross-gender expression as Reine phrased it so brilliantly), which I must learn to balance with the demands of what is my reality. My CD'ing is and will always be an escape, a hobby, an art, an inexplicable desire, call it what you will; but my everyday life is my reality and it is one in which I have responsibilities, most fundamentally to myself and then to everyone else.


Hi Sonia
Let me ask you this. If you were in Love, would you be worried about it?

This is like it's a new found Love. It completely mesmerizes you. Don't worry, its a normal feeling and not something that will be a problem later for you'll get to a point where you won't feel like that anymore. It'll become a more natural feeling:hugs:
I love this analogy :) thank you!! I get the feeling it already has ;))


I don't think this will help your problem, but if you prefer boxers over sexy nightwear, I don't think your nightwear of choice is sexy enough. Boxers? Sheesh! ;-)

BOO to you too :P way too troublesome to keep fussing all night over a sexy satin negligee that keeps riding up to my chest instead of staying near my thighs :D

UPDATE: Writing has always been a release for me. Writing has also almost always given me clarity and shown me the answers. Interestingly enough within 30 hours of writing the original post I quickly settled down into a happy routine and am fully back up to speed at work. My biggest take away from all of this was how easy it was to be distracted by a freedom not previously experienced. I feel this has helped me grow, evolve as a person and has given me a little more self-awareness, something I am always working towards.

Thank you all for your comments, suggestions and feedback. That you would take the time to read, understand and then offer valuable advice is touching. I hope I am able to do the same for you one day.

xoxo....Sonia

[Lexi_83]

I went through this when I got my first apartment. That phase lasted about two or three weeks, then I settled down again. Warm weather made dressing to go out less appealing for a number of reasons.

[Valerie1973]

Take a Break! Grow a beard and take on some other hobby. To get your mind right. I've been there and I lost sleep, time, money, friends, case I wanted to be a woman 24/7. I got into an old car. Find something else to do.

[GroovyChristy]

I think you've tasted a bit of freedom by having your own place and naturally want to extend that freedom elsewhere. Unfortunately, you'll have to restrict your dressing to certain times. When you're at home, or if you go out somewhere (be safe and choose your venue wisely). Maybe you could do something fun in order to quell the "pink fog." When you are in boy mode doing your business and what-not, just think of it as what you need to do before going home where you can safely transform. That's my two cents, for what it's worth.

[ChrisP]

Great question, but please do not think this applies only to the pink fog of dressing....similar things happen to all kinds of people in life (men and women), and it can range from mild disruption of one's lifestyle to total havoc on a family.

I don't mean to sound like a one-trick pony, but I'm a physician, and see patients with issues like this often.
Speak to your family physician. You don't need to tell her that it's your pink fog that is the issue, you can use something like more stress at work, deadlines looming, feeling overpowered, etc.
Ask if you can be prescribed an anti-depressant of SSRI type.

You are not depressed, and I don't mean to imply that you are.
Also, you are not mentally ill, and again that's not my point.

As a specialist in the neurological sciences, I see people get stuck in a particular mood (and most commonly it is depression), and it can become exceedingly difficult (if not impossible) to get out of.
It's not a "power-of-positive-thinking" sort of thing....it's the physiology of the brain.

The SSRI's break up the cycle, and help you get back to your more normal routine.
I'd recommend a course of 6 months on the medication, longer if you like it.

It won't "cure" your dressing, or anything else. It lets you experience a more full range of moods and emotions than what you're currently going through.

Good luck....most of us have been there.

Chris