journey of a thousand miles...

[Lorileah]

begins with a single step.

This is when I get my yearly routine physical. My doctor has known about my GID for the last 7 years. I have broached the subject of starting hormones and transitioning several times. Her stock answer was "you would not like it." and I let it go at that. I fully understand that it isn't covered under my health insurance but still...I thought I needed her in my corner for this.

This year I was adamant on it. I had emailed her last month on another subject (a medication for dry eye...turns out it will cost 300$ a month...funny it isn't covered under the insurance unless I see their inept optometrists who last time sent me away with a RX that was so far off I had to get another doctor to redo the whole thing...but I digress.) and told her we need to talk about my transitioning. Wednesday was the day. No new health issues (in case you wanted to know...I am healthy...:)) and then I brought it up. I asked what I needed to do to continue. Her honest answer was she did not know. Evidently I was her first TS patient. She asked me if I was sure. Of course I said yes. I have felt I was in the wrong vessel since I was 4 years old. I explained my feelings and how I was ready now after years of putting it off to go ahead. Her next question threw me, She knows my sexual history. She knows everything (I think a doctor needs to know everything to get you right care). I have talked to her about STD testing and why. So she knows I have dated men. But what she said was unexpected.

"What if you change your mind and want to start seeing girls again?"

I sort of thought that MDs kinda knew what GID was and what a TS is. I thought they knew that sexual preference and gender were not the same. It took me a second but my answer was "I guess I would be a lesbian then." Then I rethought a moment and said "No I would still be bisexual like now." Nothing would change in that manner except MY genitalia.

She accepted that and started to look in her data base about what to do next. She entered Gender Identity issue (it was what the computer said not her choice of words) adolescent or adult. Evidently that led to the psychology counseling because she asked where I would like to go (which Kaiser clinic). We chose one that was closest and she asked if they could call me. I said yes but leave a message because I don't answer numbers I don't recognize. She then left to get my paperwork for the day and while she was out of the room my cell rang. I didn't answer (2 reasons, I was in a doctors office and the number thing). When I checked the message it was the counseling department. They had called to set up my first session...all within 10 minutes. I didn't expect that fast a result. So now I have to set the appointment in the near future when I can get there.

So the journey is started. I hope I get someone with background in gender issues.(HMO :idontknow:). Will keep everyone informed. Sort of scary and exciting at once. I don't intend to rush this.

[Angela Campbell]

The trick is to find someone who is familiar with the subject. Most MD's are not, and most therapists and counselors are not. When you go ask if they routinely work with transsexual issues and if not ask to be referred to one that does. This is what I did. The first therapist I went to was very good as an overall therapist but when these issues came up she immediately gave me the contact info for one who specializes in not only GD but in transitions. Anything else will be a waste of time and money. Don't "hope" to find someone with gender issue experience, FIND someone who does.

Save talking to a medical Doctor until you have a letter for HRT. Then seek someone who specializes in that as well.

[Miranda09]

Wow Sis...this is a big step. Good luck on your journey, and take it one step at a time...you know you have my support. :)

[mary something]

Good for you! Seeing a gender therapist is a great idea, even if your hmo doesn't provide one. Many therapists will offer a sliding scale based off of household income if you have to go the private route, that's what I did.

[KellyJameson]

Sometimes I get nervous when some people start talking about transitioning but with you I got goose bumps (The good kind)

I'm sure you are well loved and supported by those in your life.

It is a terrible thing to be fighting yourself and others at the same time and I admire those that are able to do it, but I also worry for them and whether they will survive.

It is like being faced with the choice of who lives and who dies.

I isolated myself so I only had myself to overcome but this has its own dangers as well.

This is an extremely intense emotional experience that will test you in ways unimaginable until you are in it.

You have an innate strength that was lacking in me that I had to find and nurture so I think in many ways it will be easier for you.

I think transitioning changes you more on the inside than on the outside and at times I would get very scared about how it was changing me because it feels like you are losing yourself but yet finding yourself.

Now I see how I have gone back to the beginning and merged with my lost self. When you hear the phrase becoming whole again in my opinion it has as much to do with the mind as the body.

Transitioning is an act of self love to heal what has been harmed by birth and by not being able to live the dance of life.

It is so nice to be free of that constant longing to "be" that was making me crazy.

I hate obsessive behavior and my life has been one long drawn out obsession looking for something I had lost without understanding what I was looking for.

I do not care so much how I look I just want to know what it feels like to have peace of mind at least once in my life before I die.

You are smart, strong and practical. This will keep you safe and carry you through.

[Jorja]

Good luck, Lorileah. Fasten your seatbelt!

Most doctors cannot spell GID let alone know what it is. You will find yourself teaching them and still paying them for their services.

[Lorileah]

I didn't expect my MD to have any background in GD issues, she is a GP, but the statement "what if you change your mind and you like girls again?" took me aback. It was almost the same as when a member of the TG community (a good friend actually) said "_________Can't be a transsexual...she still wears wigs." :facepalm: Then I am in deep trouble, I don't have enough hair for even a half transplant :)

Thanks for the support. I have an appointment in three weeks, since I already told them why I wanted one I am going to assume (wrongly of course) this person has background in GID. :idontknow: If not, I believe the Gender Center here has counselors Funny I am not scared or even worried.

[Angela Campbell]

There are some (like in FL) that will work with you over skype or even phone, and all they do is help those who are like us. You are not limited to just the ones in your town.

There is so much more to it than just the psychotherapy, a lot more. Ask them about the WPATH SOC.

[steftoday]

best of luck, Lorileah! I hope things go well for you.

I had my first appointment with a gender therapist this week. I'm still sorting through all the stuff we hit upon in that first conversation...

[Jorja]

Funny I am not scared or even worried.

There is no reason to be either scared or worried. It is what it is, transition. There will be things you will need to work out but you have always seemed to be a bright girl. Find the solutions to the problems as they arise and don't over think it.

[I Am Paula]

Your Dr. said a few scary, and blissfully ignorant things, but I think ultimately sent you on the right course. I wish you the best. I was extremely lucky that all my Drs. just fell into place. Each one, more by coincidence than by good management, knew what to do, and who to send me to. I'm still convinced I was 'fast tracked' because I have lived full time now for quite a while. In my opinion, go to all you appts. and meetings en femme, to impress upon them your seriousness, and maybe speed things up a bit. I sometimes read about TS girls that don't present femme in public, and I scratch my head. Whatever works. Good luck!

[stefan37]

This link might be helpful. My GP did not feel comfortable with administering hormones but I supplied him with this pdf and he told me he better understood the medical monitoring. My endocrinologist administered the hormones and does my monitoring
http://transhealth.vch.ca/resources/library/tcpdocs/guidelines-primcare.pdf. for general health effects and side effects and this one for monitoring http://transhealth.vch.ca/resources/library/tcpdocs/guidelines-endocrine.pdf.

Hope you find these helpful

[Angela Campbell]

I still think....a thousand miles? You are a lot closer than I am I guess. I am seeing at least a million miles ahead of me.

[sandra-leigh]

I sometimes read about TS girls that don't present femme in public, and I scratch my head. Whatever works. Good luck!

Jeggings are close enough in appearance to jeans that they are not "femme". but jeggings are a lot cooler on a humid summer day than a long denim skirt is. If one is living to be oneself rather than the very image of a modern major transsexual, then not being strict on being "femme" can potentially give more nuance to the idea that Yes, you really are in RLE, since RLE will very likely at some point involve you being "read" by people. Always being a proper "femme" to those appointments might come to appear like a bit of a "disguise" or "uniform", something "put on" for the sake of the appointment; occasional more casual (less "femme") wear can give the impression that what you are wearing to the appointments is more "authentic" to how you live day to day.

[Princess Grandpa]

Hug

I hope all your dreams come true

[I Am Paula]

Sandra-Leigh, by my comment about going to appts 'femme', I wasn't implying dressed like june Cleaver, just normal female presentation. If I were a healthcare worker, I would have a hard time believing someone dressed in 100% guy mode when they said 'Honest...I'm a girl'.

[groove67]

Best to you my sister it is not a easy travel you are starting but i have to say it is well worth all the struggles as i have been there over 5 years and in october my surgeey and my dream come true. Hang in there it will happen

[Barbara Ella]

Lori, congratulations on this next step. You have not been stagnant, that is for sure. You have reached that decision point, and have recognized it, and acted. that is important. Standing still just doesn't work for one's sanity. Move at your speed dear. i know you will be rewarded........Just that sometimes the reward is a bitch...lol. Stay safe.

Barbara

[Bree Wagner]

Good luck as you move on with the second, and third, and every other step Lori. You know we're all here with you.

-Bree

[Badtranny]

Why don't you make another journey and come hang out with me and my nutty friends. You will meet plenty of girls to inspire you (in one way or another).

[Marleena]

Welcome to the club Lorileah! What took you so long? :)

[PretzelGirl]

Good luck Lorileah! I don't see why you should have fear. Fear is borne from a lack of knowledge and you certainly don't have that. Plus you have the confidence to control your situation, so I am sure you will keep those professionals on track. :)

[Lorileah]

Why don't you make another journey and come hang out with me and my nutty friends. You will meet plenty of girls to inspire you (in one way or another).

I would love to come out. My cats would not like it :) My Mom would tho if I took a side trip to Sacramento