Acceptance...ebb and flow?

[SandraInHose]

How ironic it is that just several days ago I replied to thread where I referred to my wife's acceptance as '3 steps forward, 2 steps backward'. Everything had been going fine for a while, and with the weather turning colder, I was wearing my pantyhose 24/7, including sleeping in them. She hadn't said a word about it for the last two months. Here come the 2 giant steps backward...

All of a sudden, two days ago, after getting home from dropping the kids off at their friends, I changed into my sweatpants and was watching TV. I usually have sweats and socks over them. This time, I left the socks off, and my feet were exposed. She's seen my legs and feet in hose before, and although she doesn't care for it, she would always tolerate it in the past.

Well, I wake up the next morning to find a letter addressed to me, calling me every name you can think of: pansy, fairy, wuss, girly-man, bitch, etc. She says she can't stand the thought, after the kids move out, of having me lounge around the house dressed in my pantyhose only. I was floored by the hatefulness in her letter, and told her that she was full of misconceptions. I quickly pointed out my 'manly' activities (weightlifting, playing hockey, involved in my son's sports, etc.), and reminded her that the only thing I do differently than most men is that I like to wear pantyhose. To me, it's no big deal...to her, it's the end of the world.

We've sort of made up, and she sort of admitted she overreacted, but it's still another bump in the long road of acceptance. Eventually, things will smooth over, but these differences will never be resolved completely. Perhaps I overdid it by sleeping in them, but I knew she would eventually ask me to wear them less.

How do you deal with these types of setbacks with your wife?

[Joanne_2003]

My SO and I have had similar discussions, luckily our lines of communication are such that we don't fight or scream. My wife has the same concerns as I dress more since I came out to her and she doesn't like it 24/7.

Although I wear female panties exclusively I still have several pair of the "manly" underwear she likes on me and I will dress as a "total man for her on the occassional weekend. This seams to alleviate her concern that she is losing the male me. At these times I don't even wear the nightgowns that I would normally wear at bedtime, I sleep in the buff to give her a break from Joanne.

She needs this time away from Joanne because Joanne is my need not hers, just as pantyhose are your need your wife can do without them. Give herthe occassional break from seeing you in them and she will have an easier time when you need her to be supportive.

Good Luck
Joanne

[Katrina]

Thats terrible. A letter with all those hateful words??? My GF is not thrilled at my CDing but the most I get is the disappointed look when I walk downstairs wearing heels or something. I'm afraid it is chipping away at her well being every time I do it and that chips away at mine. Not good either way. Some days she is fine with it and others I can tell it really bothers her.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Sandra,

Gosh that letter did seem a bit harsh to me, but a least your wife has admitted that she perhaps overreacted. I'm pleased that you are able to talk things through with one another. I think that's the secret to finding common ground.

My wife Marla posted a thread about the the ebs and flows of acceptance in GGs, she called it "Now I Like it Now I Don't". Here's the link if you're interested.

Good luck.

http://crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12890

[Wendy me]

going throught some things at home myselfe and true we get to one place then it's like what happened here but over all i think things are getting better....hang in there girlfreind.......

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I changed into my sweatpants and was watching TV. I usually have sweats and socks over them. This time, I left the socks off, and my feet were exposed. She's seen my legs and feet in hose before, and although she doesn't care for it, she would always tolerate it in the past.

She might be having a more negative reaction because the majority of GW's don't wear pantyhose under sweatpants. For her sake she might think:

Pantyhose under skirts: normal
Pantyhose under sweatpants: not normal, icky fetish

Not much you can do about that, if that's the case I'm afraid. But at least you've got lines of communication going and that's a good thing.


Veronica

[Nikki Dee]

Hi. Sandra...common scenario methinks...but sad about the letter. I have a very supportive wife who sees me dressed as Nikki regularly...but it is still all about balance...and that's never easy...I still work hard not to overdo the femme...sometimes I get it right and sometimes not so right...but we always get back to a balance. Always remember that our dressing is seen as a gender issue....so it reallly doesn't matter how many times we quote what other people wear for all sorts of reasons..they are not gender issues...when we dress in our best femme stuff and really try to look the part...THAT is a gender issue...understandably some people are confused with that. It takes time for all this to be even part way understood and accepted...and a lot of patience and communication on both parts.. Hope it all works out for you love,
.
Love Nikki. xx

[JennyCD]

To be honest, it sounds pretty normal to me. Not the nasty words, but the off and on acceptance. How many of us go through exactly that same sort of on again off again acceptance of ourselves?

[Rachel_740]

How do you deal with these types of setbacks with your wife?

Setbacks? What setbacks - what wife? She threw me out 2 1/2 years ago now (without having the slightest clue about Anne). To this day I've no idea what I did (or didn't) do for her to do that but she did me the biggest favour she could have. I was on the verge of walking out anyway - I'd had a real gut-ful of her & her kids.

Anyway, since then I've been able to progress and become myself. I've been Anne nearly a year now and I've never been happier :)

Anne

She knows about Anne now because we work at the same place and the name I chose is the same as her sisters (not to get at her, I'd used it to myself for years before) - I'm told she took that VERY personally - revenge is sweet :) even if it is by chance

[Jakie_Rose]

Dear Sandra

This is good , venting will prevent fatal blowout . But on the other end give her something .

1)
No 24/7 on the pantyhose , make a compromise like the weekend is her time . Like no sandra on weekend .

2)
Make sure you give her something for her effort in this . Nice diner , a gift .

3)
You must above all show her you love her . Do not take her for granted . A simple word , a gesture , you make her diner anything to make her understand you care . And above all understand this is a long time commitement just not until she calm down .

Love

Jakie

[SandraInHose]

Hey, thanks to everybody who responded. Most answers were along the same lines...back off a little, and don't push it. I guess I already knew the answer, but it's nice to hear it confirmed by all of you.

Hopefully I won't be starting another thread like this one for a while! :)

[Dayna]

Many are the times I have heard, "It really isn't that big a deal for me." I only wish it weren't.

When it comes to Dayna at my house, we have a 'Don't Ask / Don't Tell" policy that we can both live with.

Of course I want more--we will never go shopping as GFs and I will never get a makeover from her, but I accept that. What I really crave from my wife is acknowledgement and validation... you know, all the things I get here!

Someday, perhaps...we have nothing but time!

[Jillian310]

My SO (wife) is OK with my panties 24/7, and my shaving (I broke her in on it too ). When I got my ears pierced - a surprise to her although I softened her up a litle in advance - she responded by having a pair custom made for me. Now I am letting my hair grow, which of course is very obvious. I have had it styled twice so far, and now am letting it grow to my shoulders. I am not a big wig fan. Lately because of the cold weather I have been hinting that i need to wear tights for warmth. Of course I wear them most of the time, but she doesn't know. Of course, I don't know if I can get the entire package out before I die from old age! Lol!