HELP....Was outed......Need Advice........

[Jennifer72]

I'll just jump right in.......

My wife is out of town and my buddy across the street from me asked me to keep an eye on his house as he was taking his family out of town for a couple of days.

This afternoon I went and had a makeover, was only wearing a wig/makeup and mens clothing as I was going to change at home. I pulled into my driveway and made a beeline for my back gate. I opened it and was about half way through when I noticed my buddy and his kid (5 years old) were in my pool.

I slammed on the brakes, we made eye contact, he said in a surprised voice "What are you doing". I jumped back, slammed the gate and went in through my front door. I removed the wig and makeup and went outside to talk to him.

I asked him if he would forget what he had just seen? He was playing dumb and his kid asked who the lady was? I said it was a friend and went back to my buddy. He kept playing stupid and I opened the can of worms, I told him we both know what just happened.

I explained I would like to keep it between us as he is the only person in 30 years to know my secret. I explained I was not homosexual, it was kind of a fetish for lack of better words.

He is a good old boy and set in his ways. he said we would like to sit down with a beer sometime as he has a couple of questions. I said sure and once again pleaded that it would remain with us, not to mention it to his wife. He said we are good and to each his own yet I'm scared to death he will leak the info to his wife and it will get back to my wife.

I'm stressing like you wouldn't believe. Should I let it roll and see how it plays out? tell my wife? I'm panicking!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. we discussed this quietly while his kid kept running and jumping in the pool so he wasn't privy to the conversation. Hopefully, the lady friend comment was good and he has forgotten the whole issue.

[Alice Torn]

Bummer! There is nothing you can do now, but talk to a therapist or someone who may not be harsh. I feel for you. I think my older very redneckish brother has found out things about me, as he is giving lots of hints. I hope your buddy will not let the cat out of the bag more. One day at a time.

[STACY B]

Hell maybe he liked it or you that way an thats why he wants to talk some more ? Hell just be happy he didn't beat the crap outta you an tell everyone about right away or post it on face book ,, You are tripping to much ,, People don't care as much as you think ,, Just chill he might be your best friend after this ,, Hell he might be reading this right now right here on this board ? See what they ment about letting the Genie out ???

[MysticLady]

Wow............Lets see

The time has come to be open about this w/ your friend. Advise him to tell his kid not to say anything about the lady he saw. Tell you friend about you and let him know that you would appreciate him not saying anything. For all we know, he may be one also. Sit down w/ him over a couple of beers and tell him what feel about this. Maybe he'll understand and will keep this a secret. Also I would recommend putting a lock on your gate. I understand that your stressed out and that's natural in a situation like this. You must take control of it and handle it in conversation w/ your friend. I hope the best for you and your situation. Please advise us on how it goes.

[ME2.0]

1. Chill out. What is getting all crazy about it going to help now?
2. He said that he'd like to talk to you over a beer and ask a couple questions. He didn't run screaming down the block yelling out that you're a weirdo, personally, I think he took it pretty well.
3. I'm not so out of the closet that I dress in public or at work, but I've shown people pics and I don't deny it when people ask. I love the phrase "I'd rather be hated for what I am, than loved for something I am not." Embrace who you are.

You know, there's a lot worse things that you could be than a crossdresser, and the sooner we just start accepting it, other people will too.

Hugs,
Staci

[Jennifer72]

Thanks all,

I truly hope that he is the friend I believe him to be. I guess that I can take it as a good sign that he did not leave immediately or give me negative vibes. I'll cross my fingers, hope that all blows over and really consider a way of telling my wife so that she will not find out by accident one day.

[ME2.0]

Tell your wife tonight. If you think she will never find out, you're really in fairy land. She will find out someday. Better that she was told than she find out like your neighbor. In my post, the point I was trying to get out was, stop living a lie. Be proud. My wife helps me shop. The ladys and guys at work have seen pics of me dressed up. They can see that I'm having my beard removed with electrolysis. My cat's out of the bag, and I couldn't be happier. I'm not stressed out like you. You're putting yourself in this cage, let yourself out.

Staci

[Jennifer72]

Thanks for the advice Staci, it makes perfect sense but after a lifetime of hiding it is not so easy to just throw myself out in the open.

Hopefully one day I will be able to feel as free as yourself.

[deebra]

Now that you've said all that to him put it in the back of your mind, try not to worry over it and DON'T say any more about it. If he rats you out the he's no longer a friend, if he wants to talk about it then tell him lets pretend it never happened and let that end it, it's really none of his business and you aren't required to explain anything to him. If it gets back to your wife just tell her we all have our little ideosyncritices and secrets and you've had this compulsion since adolescent. Explain to her it's not unlawful and you were not cheating on her, you just didn't think she would understand. Hopefully she will and try to learn more and she just might give you some leeway. You can also tell her I do it and it's perfectly O.K. Is it really necessary to tell her, if he's a true friend she'll never know about it, you're call and that's a tough one; guess it depends on what your wife is like.

[Nikki A.]

What's done is done. You'd be surprised how people can be understanding, even the "good ole boys" , If he has questions answer them and if he's a friend he'll keep your confidence.

[Jennifer72]

Thanks all,

That's what makes this website so special. People willing to listen and give advice when it seems that there is no one else in the world that understands what you are going through.

[Rhonda Darling]

Take your friend and talk lots of guy stuff. At some point assure him: 1) you're not gay (assumption on my part, based on statistics), 2) that it's not something you choose to do, but something you're compelled to do, that it is part of you and has been so for your entire life, 3) and that you'd appreciate (wink wink wink) his discretion. Your mileage may differ.

Seriously, I think that you are panicking for no reason. Don't let your friend know that he can lord this over you. Just tell him that you'd prefer to keep it private, but that you're prepared to deal with the consequences if he doesn't value your friendship and chooses to blab like the girl he is.

Rhonda

[2B Natasha]

Hi Jennifer

For the most part I'm with Staci on this. I wouldn't say to you to go as far as outing yourself at work but you most tell your wife. If you think it's going to be hard. Your right. It's going to be hard. If you think you can hide this and your buddy will keep it a secret. Your wrong. She will find out, it's true. And if she does find out that your neighbor knew and you talked to him about it and kept that to a secret from her. You are in for a whole world of upside down hurt. She will be off the hook mad at you. Mad that you kept this from her. MAd that you confided in someone that is not her. Perceived that you didn't trust her. You need to tell her, no. HAVE to tell her. The whole thing may take some time to blow over it may never blow over after telling her. You may end up in a DADT policy or you may end up the best girlfriends. But that can only happen if you take the lead and tell her.

When you do tell her. Be honest. Be sincere. Be truthful. Answer all her questions. Even if she asked the same question 30 times. Answer it 30 times and each time answer it as if it was the first time she asked. get your facts straight about who you are. Do not pull out a bunch of pictures of yourself dressed, thrust them at her and try to explain.

I wish you the best of luck and the strength to do the right thing. It's never easy doing the right thing. But you most. You married her and promised to honor, cherish and be loyal to her and she to you. There was nothing in there about lying to her and keeping secrets.

Cheers

[CherylFlint]

You owe your wife the truth.
Keeping this a secret is the same as lying to her.

[docrobbysherry]

U know your wife better than we do, Jenn. What would happen if she heard u were a CD from your neighbor's wife?

Compared to her reaction to what she mite feel if u told her. Then, act accordingly!

[MysticLady]

U know your wife better than we do, Jenn. What would happen if she heard u were a CD from your neighbor's wife?


Then I guess he's not the "good ol boy" Jennifer thought. I would definitely confront him on this and advise him of my dissatisfaction of his supposed friendship. I suspect that Jennifer and the neighbor are good friends since he was in her pool w/o permission.

[giuseppina]

Hello Jennifer

I agree with the above posters. While your wife is likely to be unimpressed, it`s best if she hears it from you. This thread about how to disclose has the OP written by a respected genetic lady who no longer posts:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner&highlight=

Good luck.

[Erica2Sweet]

Consider these two sentences in parallel:

It makes perfect sense but after a lifetime of hiding it is not so easy to just throw myself out in the open.
It makes prefect sense but after a lifetime of drinking it is not so easy to just throw myself into sobriety.

In life, the decisions we are faced with are very much like forks in the road. The path that is the easiest one to take...usually winds up being the wrong one. I've learned this from experience.

[mikiSJ]

I truly hope that he is the friend I believe him to be.

I hope so, also! Better keep the big girl panties handy in case he turns out to be the neighbor/friend from hell!

If you have kept your 'secret' from your wife, I think you would prefer she hear about it from you, with all of the problems that will entail, than from your neighbor's wife.

[marlenesexton]

Tell the wife. It takes away a big worry and even if you're buddy stays quiet, you're always going to wonder if he'll slip up or change his mind. Your wife would rather hear about this from you. I don't know her or what she's like but I can't imagine a scenario where hearing it second hand is better. Besides, and I'm not judging here, you should tell her because she's your wife. She deserves to know who you are. It's scary but it's the right thing to do. Good luck!

[Julie Bender]

Hi everyone.genetic fem here. I just want to say a couple things. This won't be easy first of all
Also,you've observed your wife for years. You can do this. Show her a new adventure. I was so glad my husband came to me after some time(I dunno how much time)
In my experience it is best to just out with it in a place and time you feel is a comfort zone.
There are no guarantees. But this. If she is supportive. It gets soso fun!

P s break it down real simple and keep in mind...is she personal about her things?maybe don't start right off telling all just soften her up first.

[lingerieLiz]

First don't assume that your friend is going to tell anyone. For all you know he is curious and wants to know more about it. I was caught several times over the years. In every case all turned out OK. If I lost a friend I don't know it. I've had friends that wanted to understand more. Today I'm sure all the neighbors know and many friends know.

I did have a girl that knew tell my date one night about me. She and my date were both drunker than drunk. My date never told me what she said except that she didn't believe it. The girl who told went out with me several times and never mentioned it. We are friends today.

You do need to tell your wife. This incident may never get back to her, but someday she may well find out and feel betrayed.

[heatherdress]

Sorry Jennifer. What bad luck. But after 30 years, your luck ran out. It is good that you now have an excellent reason to tell your wife. Hopefully that will go well. It is difficult to predict how things will go with your wife or your neighbor. Maybe this discovery and your honest discussions with your wife and your neighbor will make your relationship and your friendship even better than it has been. Good luck.

[donnalee]

There is one issue that hasn't been addressed here. What the hell was he doing in your pool, particularly when he told you he was going out of town with his family?

[Kalista Jameson]

Hi,

Unfortunately, you are now in the worst case scenario: Damage Control.

I would not put any stock into the idea that your friend will keep this from his wife. That is crossing a boundary for some with marriages that are deeply committed to honesty with each other on all levels. He may or may not feel that way. You just don't know.

While you have some fleeting control over time and disclosure, I'd have that conversation with your wife now. It would be quite the gamble to think it will not get back to her. Being in a damage control situation unfortunately strips us of a lot of luxuries. If it gets back to her before you tell her, I'd count on the consequences being worse than not doing anything about it while you still have time.

Getting makeup and hair done, driving home and trying to get in the house was beyond risky and only a matter of time before getting nailed. It's happened. What's done is done. Try and breathe and get a plan going for sharing with your wife when she returns.

Hang in there,

Kalista

[linda allen]

If you're hiding your dressing from your wife, you will get caught at some point. I did. If you're running around your own neighborhood dressed, you will get caught at some point.

You took a chance and you got caught. The chances are, this will get back to your wife at some point so you probably need to tell her about your dressing. You don't need to tell her about your neighbor seeing you, she may find out eventually, she may not, but if she does, you have it covered by having already told her about the dressing.

Best of luck, I hope it goes well for you.

[Princess Grandpa]

Jennifer please let us know how you handle this and how it plays out

Hugs thinking about you
Rita

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Sorry this happened but you are caught..
xdressing will not be the same for you.

It's spilt milk, but the makeover in male mode and go home idea was beyond risky ..if you had a therapist they would ask you if you wanted to get caught.

The seed of this will grow and grow inside your head and it will be there for many years unless you come clean..
its a tough choice because only you know your wife and i'm sure you have a gut instinct about her reaction, but not knowing her the advice you are getting is good...only BAD things will happen every day you let go by w/o telling your wife..

and its probably best to tell her you were caught, is there anyone here that is married that honestly would not tell their wife or husband about this??

I am trying to keep a secret about my daughter right now from my EX wife and its driving me crazy

[stefan37]

What a tangled web of deceit in hopes of staying in the shadows. What is done is done. Pleading and carrying on is a sure way to raise suspicion. I would just tell him the truth. Your wife will be a whole other can of worms. The fact you have keep this hidden from her for so long will probably feel and I hope I am wrong a sense of betrayal. I am in the camp of full disclosure to our loved ones as early in the relationship as possible. However that is no longer an option. You really have no option but to put your big girl panties on and come clean. If for some reason your wife does find out through the grapevine, the fallout will be much worse. At least you have the opportunity to control the message. I do not envy you nor the anxiety you feel over such a disclosure. But the truth is really the more you can express yourself openly the better you will feel about yourself overall. If you want to go out in public, even if you think you are discreet, You really need to be prepared to be outed. That is just the way it is.

I wish you luck and hopefully things will turn out just fine. Fear is a powerful emotion and usually our fears are unfounded when truth is disclosed. My situation is a bit different as I am actively transitioning, but I kept it hidden for a long time. I started being more open a couple of years ago and found that my fears of people finding out were for the most part a non issue. You may find yourself your biggest fears about disclosure to be nothing to fret about.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Jennifer, I can understand your reaction to the panic of being sprung. The risks we take makes dressing exciting but has consequences. Too late now but my guess is that the more we express concern when outed the more likely it is to be a continuing issue. I hope not for your sake.

One observation on some of the replies to your post. Telling your wife is not something to be done without a great deal of care and thought. Yes, it can be liberating but disclosure threatens relationships. At the least, be prepared for your wife to find out and think through the sort of things you might say. Again, saying less is often better than overreacting.

[2B Natasha]

There is one issue that hasn't been addressed here. What the hell was he doing in your pool, particularly when he told you he was going out of town with his family?

Really?! With his marriage potentially on the line ( we all hope not ) and in a probable near panic attack of what to do next. You think this issue should be a topic of discussion. WOW.

[kimdl93]

I think you'll be surprised at his response. he could have stormed out immediately or reacted viscerally. Despite being a good ol boy and being set in his ways, it seems he's more open minded than you expected.

For now, take a breath, invite him over for a beer and talk it through.

As for your wife, wouldn't life be a lot easier if you could come out to her?

[Barbra P]

I saw a sign in a hospital years ago that said “Worry does you about as much good as sticking a pin in your navel to relieve gas.” You can wring your hands, sweat, lose sleep, and get indigestion over whether or not your neighbor will say anything, or you can actually take control and do something about the situation.

Your neighbor may actually be your friend and your friendship may mean a lot to him, or it may not; you are in a far better position to tell that than anyone here on the forum. But he is married and I would suspect that his feelings for his wife run much deeper than his feelings for you. Let’s not forget that things get said during those playful moments of passion that might otherwise never get said. While rollicking in the boudoir she breathlessly utters something to which he replies with “Well I saw our neighbor … ” and the cat is out of the bag. Husbands and wives talk and many husbands don’t keep secrets from their wives, regardless of what you see in the TV sitcoms; funny how those secrets always come to light during the show. I’d have to assume that the neighbor’s wife gains access to your secret sooner or later and I see her as your greatest danger – she tells your wife or she tells her best friend down the block, who tells her best friend, ad infinitum, until someone tells your wife.

Plus there is a child involved here and your neighbor may feel it is important to discuss what he saw with his wife. The child may also be the one to bring it up with his mother, and I seriously doubt if your neighbor is going to cya if that happens, even if he is your buddy. The boy asked who the lady was, have you thought about what your answer is going to be if it gets back to your wife that a lady entered your house while she was away?

I’d take Kalista’s advice and initiate some sort of damage control. I’d also sit down with your neighbor and answer his questions truthfully; I don’t see that you have anything to lose at this point.

I wish you luck, but I think you are in for a bumpy ride.

[Chickhe]

Do not attempt to explain how you feel, you won't communicate it properly... just tell your friend/wife that you find it fascinating and its sort of a social experiment that you tried and found it enjoyable (you want to appear to be joyful, happy, not scared, you need to be proud of what you did and accept no shame for it, just brush off any negativity, laugh with them about it, be bold and open) Don't let your friend hold it over you (recount something that he did that he would not want the world to know), I think you need to somehow tell your wife (maybe start with...'you know how crazy guys are... well, I was watching youtube's Jessica Who and it looked like fun, so I tried it...anyway...I scared the heck out of ....who was in our pool!). My advice would be to get her involved in your CDing before anything like this happens. I think you want to minimize any shock and surprise in advance, but if not in advance, then cushion the impact, make it appear like fun to everyone. You will loose if you accept any shame, it was just a 'stupid guy trick'....

[famousunknown]

Take your friend and talk lots of guy stuff. At some point assure him: 1) you're not gay (assumption on my part, based on statistics), 2) that it's not something you choose to do, but something you're compelled to do, that it is part of you and has been so for your entire life, 3) and that you'd appreciate (wink wink wink) his discretion. Your mileage may differ.

Seriously, I think that you are panicking for no reason. Don't let your friend know that he can lord this over you. Just tell him that you'd prefer to keep it private, but that you're prepared to deal with the consequences if he doesn't value your friendship and chooses to blab like the girl he is.

Rhonda

Not something you choose to do, but something you're compelled to do ???
Right. Tell him you were forced to do it a gunpoint. I'm sure he'll buy that.

[Beverley Sims]

Jut keep the man to man thing going with him and self denial might take over.
If you keep asking him to keep it secret he is more likely to blurt it out.
Just rely on him and hope he does not betray a confidence.
If he asks you questions just reply honestly and don't embellish your statements.

[MarinaKirax]

You have to believe he will tell his wife. He will. No one can hold in a secret that is so relevant and immediate, and so titillating (bad word here?)

Therefore you must contain the knowledge about your dressing to the couple, and hope they have no other super-best-ultimate-forever friends that they simply cant not tell.. That is at least a bit more likely than a husband keeping it from his wife. But to control the story at the couple, you will need to approach them as a couple, and therefore you need to tell your wife.

You dont need to tell anyone else at work, but you need your wife on side. You will have to present it to her and have her quickly decide that she prefers presenting a united front with you at the neighbours, to potentially having your secret known to her friends and your kids. If it were me, I'd suggest you and your wife go and speak with the other couple and explain what your neighbour saw, and say that this is an issue which your wife has known about, and which is deeply personal, and changes nothing about the person you are. You need the support of your wife, I think, so the other wife wont keep her kids away from the 'strange man' on the street, then questions will be raised, rumors will start. Come painfully and wholesomely clean couple to couple, and you have a chance of containment. But get your wife in the frame, like now. My 2 cents. MK

[Angela Campbell]

Well you made the choice to do something very risky to start with. You go and get a makeover then drive into your neighborhood like that, well....you will be seen eventually. No question at all.

Ok you have been seen. He has already told his wife. No two ways about it. The child saw too I am sure. He may not have known exactly what he saw but he saw something. Either way it is just a matter of time until your wife knows. It may be worse if the child tells about you being there with some strange lady when the wife is away.

Tell her now. You made the choice to risk being outed and now you are. Don't try to cover it up it will just be harder.

[Jean 103]

Tuff break, but you were a little careless. I disagree with most of the posts. I would advice you to not say anything and this will most likely be forgotten. Your friend will problem not tell his wife. Men as you know do not tell all. You know your wife, do not rush this. She probably knows. If you want to continue you secret be more careful. If it is your wish to be out then tell her. I have been seen driving and caught by my wife. This will blow over if you let it be. Sorry life is not always easy or fair.

[Ressie]

For right now he probably doesn't wanna lose his pool privileges. I mean if he betrays you, your friendship will be strained. It's too bad you weren't able to pretend you were a woman that lost her dog or something. Maybe this happened for a reason, since you took such a big risk. Try not to get too stressed out Jennifer.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jenn, Please keep us advised on your little predicament , One thing that I do know is that you CAN'T unring a bell.

[Aly Cat]

See, this is the difference between most guys and most girls. Most(not all) guys have a very laid back mentality and when they have friendships, those friendships last through most things. Obviously not extreme things like cheating and whatnot, but average things that would shock average public, male friends take in stride. They may make a few snide remarks or some little jabs, but if youre friends with them, its mostly in fun. Women are a different story. The closer of a relationship you have with them, the higher potential for them to take it personally, even though they have more to gain from it lol.

I wouldnt lay the burden of your secret on your friend for keeping it from his wife and inevitably your wife. Thats just not right for anyone to have to shoulder. But if you let him know you aren't quite ready to let the whole world know, I'm sure hell be fine with it.
My advice though is like most others here. If its a secret from your wife, you need to tell her. Your secret from your wife shouldnt be his secret from his wife. Thats not fair to him.
This coming from someone who just told his wife 6 months ago after ten years, its not fair for her not to know. Yes, you have the potential of having your world turned upside down, but at least you will be transparent to the one who truly cares for you. And that is the most important thing.

[Jennifer72]

Thanks everyone,

I agree that I will have to be honest with my wife as she deserves this.

It may appear that I was careless and maybe I was but I know my neighborhood, and that time of day is 99% empty. Previously I have only gone out at night. The only neighbor who is home early in the day is my buddy across the street and he was supposed to be taking his family out of town and postponed it for a day unexpectedly.

My good pal has confided some of his infidelities to me over the years and I certainly don't plan on using this as a bargaining chip but I am hoping that this knowledge will keep his silence at least until I can get the right moment to tell my wife.

Thanks again for all your great advice and I am going to take baby steps as I try to figure out the best way to approach my wife. You are all so wonderful and I'm glad to be part of this family.

[Nicole Erin]

I am guessing you are probably CD and have no intentions of living full time as a woman. Well I mean after 30 years of this, you would not be in the closet otherwise...

ANYways... here is what I see being the case -
He will tell his wife, your own wife will find out either by you or your friend's wife. You will get asked all these stupid questions; Are you gay, do you want to be a woman, how long have you done this, Who else knows, AND they each will probably mention how they know this one CD/TS who REALLY looks good and you could never tell etc...
then the ol lady will say she doesn't want to see it, then soon after, everyone will find something else to gossip about.

[flatlander_48]

Thanks everyone,

I agree that I will have to be honest with my wife as she deserves this.

Yes, do that. The problem is that is you don't try to get in front of this and it blows up, that's a very hard position to come back from. The is not an easy thought process and people sometimes act in unpredictable ways. Consider what you would think if you were on the other side...

[Kate T]

As you have been almost universally told my personal opinion is the best option for you is to tell your wife. She will be FAR FAR more likely to be accepting if you tell her vs her finding out.
Your friend will be fine, don't worry.
One thing though. If that child gets into trouble / is accused of not telling the truth because he / she maybe says something and you try to deny it that would be unforgivable in my book. Children should NEVER have to worry about getting in to trouble because of our "mistakes".

[Jaylyn]

I would tell her and then hug and say I love you and thought you should know. My wife knows because I told her. She said that was one of the most personal feelings and loving her that much to let her in on my deepest feelings. She said she thinks more of me for letting her know. My dressing has gotten way more relaxed and better now. As someone else has said read up and have your answers ready. Tell her your deepest feelings on the issue but do so in love for her.

[Megan Thomas]

Just don't be surprised if you get a little backlash from her for only telling her after being caught. She might levy at you, fairly I might add, that were it not for being caught you'd not be telling her. Be prepared for this possibility... And good luck. :)

[daviolin]

This is one of the reasons I told my wife of my dressing. Now if anyone sees me, I don't care what the think. Daviolin

[linda allen]

It may appear that I was careless and maybe I was but I know my neighborhood, and that time of day is 99% empty.................

99% empty means that the odds are you will be seen one out of every one hundred times you do something that you don't want to be seen doing.

It's important for those of us who are in the closet or partially in the closet to realize that there is always a chance of being caught. Always a chance.

So, hopefully, we figure the odds beforehand and then roll the dice.

[susan lewis]

I am so sorry it happened to you that way. Let me know if there is anything this Houston area girl can do for you

[Leona]

So apparently everyone knows what you should do. :) So I'll tell you what I'd do instead.

I'd go have those beers with him, and we'd have that conversation. I'd remind him of all the secrets about him that I know and have kept, and he'd probably say something like "I know, I'm not telling anybody". Then I'd suggest it'd be fun if we could hang out with me dressed, and I'd basically try to involve him. If he refused, I'd point out he wasn't supposed to be at my pool, and that if this were to come to public knowledge, I'd say I saw a woman going to the pool where you were and you shooed her away when you realized I was home. After we did hang out with me as a lady, then he'd be bonded to me in a way that I could tell HIS wife he was having an affair.

You know, I'd just be a total dick about it all, because I'm good at that.

But I wouldn't have been in that situation in the first place. I'd have already told my wife, and if he was the kind of friend that could bring his kid over randomly to use my pool, both him and his kid would already know, or they wouldn't be that kind of friend. I don't let people get close to me without knowing me for who I am, and recently that has included my peculiar style of dress. So you'll forgive me if I have absolutely no idea how you should deal with this.

It's easy to stand where you're at and point at your beautiful life and say "Why should I give up all of this because I like to wear makeup?" And it sounds totally reasonable on the outside. But that's the wrong question. The right question is "Can I have all of this and wear makeup openly?" The answer to that is "yes", but it's harder to accomplish than what you've done so far.

In any case, this is a chance to enlist one of your friends to help cover up for you, so at the very least it's an opportunity for you to find more safety in dressing. If you intend to keep it a secret, don't squander this opportunity. A boy's weekend fishing could easily give you an opportunity to be you, since what happens on a boy's weekend stays on a boy's weekend.