A Plan and Looking for Advice

[Paula DAngelo]

Recently I posted about some changes going on in my life (SO no longer accepting and finding a new place to live) and that I felt that it was starting to feel like this was more than just dressing to me. I'm in the process of finding a new place to live, and I've been doing a lot of thinking lately (it can be scary when I start to think). I've come to realize that I really don't like the male me, I don't think I see the real me when I'm looking in a mirror and I don't really feel right. When I'm dressed everything looks and feels right so I came up with a plan.

I've decided that I'm no longer going to hide behind the male me. I've already starting telling people that matter to me about my female side so that they know what to expect in the future. Once I get moved, I plan on letting Paula come to life in that I plan on living as Paula completely with the exception of work for now (no point in messing up a job until I know for sure where I'm going). My feeling is that by doing this I'm going to realize that Paula is who I really am, or that Paula just a portion of the whole me and that I'm somewhere in the middle, neither male or female but parts of both.

I know this isn't going to be easy and I expect to run into some problems and hardships along the way but no one ever said life is easy. I feel that this will help me find out who I really am, and finding out who I am is important for my sanity. Regardless of what I find out about myself, Paula is here to stay in one form or another.

So after reading all of this I'm asking if you have any advice on my plan or things that I need to watch out for.

Thanks in advance

[Kalista Jameson]

Hi Paula,

The only thing I can think to offer you in terms of advice would be to not make up your mind and commit to how you feel about your male side just yet. Live out your plan and evaluate things naturally after a period of time living en femme. You may find there are periods of time when living as a male has its place in your life. If you decide ahead of time to remove that aspect from your life you may be short changing yourself. I'd say, live day to day in the way that makes you feel good with no pressure from yourself to be either male or female. Just live and see what emerges naturally.

That's all I got.

Cheers!

Kalista

[kimdl93]

It seems like a good time to try this out. Your starting out in a new residence, leaving behind a non accepting SO and keeping your employment intact. I'd try to keep work and private life as separate as possible, but definitely start checking into company policies to see that you're protected in the event that you are eventually outed by accident, or if/when you choose to come out by design.

[Beverley Sims]

Now is the time for a change of character, but not in the workplace.
Keep both separate until you can strengthen your position as Paula, if that is your intention.

[Tracii G]

Good advice so far Keep your private life and work life separate.

[Paula DAngelo]

Thanks to everyone so far for the advice.

The whole purpose of this plan is to see where I'm headed, be it female, male, or some combination of the two. At this point I no longer know, I just know that I need to find out who I really am. This is going to be a big change for me and I won't deny that I'm nervous about it, but if you don't take chances you can't better yourself so I think it's time to just do it and see the results.

I have every intention of keeping my personal and work lives separate at this point, in fact that's pretty much the way I've always done it. I've found there's a lot less hassle if the two are separate from each other. In fact generally the people I work with are not the type of people that I want to relax with, so I don't expect there to be any problems there, but if there are I guess I'll deal with them as they occur.

[daviolin]

Good luck on your venture Paula. You received a lot of good advice. Real women don't have to deal with this. Why do the men have to?

[linda allen]

Just remember that whatever you do at this point can come back to hurt you in the future. And there's no guarantee that whatever you do won't get back to your place of employement.

I'm not a big fan of therapists, I've done it (long ago) and didn't see the results, but I think you might benefit from seeing one who specializes in gender issues just to help you understand why you feel the way you do and what you can do about it.

Best wishes.

[Karren H]

Maybe move out of Steubenville...... though I've been there enfemme a few times it never impressed me as being the most accepting place in the area....

[Lynn Marie]

I'm thinking that you might be over reacting to a pretty traumatic experience. Going to live alone, in your own place, and free to do and dress as you please. My advice? Do well at your job, get a nice apartment with a private entrance, improve your en femme wardrobe, and get out and make a bunch of CD girlfriends. Hanging out with friends of your own ilk is just way too much fun. You may also find that when you can dress anytime you like it won't be such an obsession.

[Paula DAngelo]

Maybe move out of Steubenville...... though I've been there enfemme a few times it never impressed me as being the most accepting place in the area....

I'm already planning on leaving Steubenville, it's time to head back to the Burg (I'm sure you know where I mean).