All is lost...

[Christie Camelle]

I lost her. The only one who "got" me. We broke up and I had no say so. It was cruel. It was sudden. It was unexpected. I was blindsided. I was crushed. And it had nothing to do with CD'ing. I tried to talk to her. I tried reasoning. I tried bargaining. I purged. Everything. Gone. Lost. I have cried for a month. Over losing her. Over losing "me". I have to start over. Alone. No support. No comfort. No peace. She helped me shop. She helped me choose things. She did my makeup. She loved both of "me". She was my best friend and lover. I have nothing now. Several hundred dollars worth of clothes, shoes, forms, wigs, makeup. Lost in a vain attempt to save something that was apparently doomed from the beginning. I'm tired. My soul is tired. My heart hurts. I feel like she and "Amber" have both died. *sighs deeply as a tear falls down my cheek*

[Tracii G]

Breaking up always hurts honey its happened to me plenty of times.
When its a very sudden thing like you described I tend to think she has found someone she likes better.
My two ex wives dropped bombs on me in the same fashion saying it wasn't me it was them and they felt bad about what they did and how they treated me.
Both had cheated on me with the other man many times before I wised up and saw what they were doing.
We seem to be the last to know sadly.
I hope you can work thru this sad time.

[Christie Camelle]

I've spoken to some of her family. It was not another person. She is alone. Her mother said she just wants it to be herself and her two kids. That makes it even sadder for me.

[prene]

Breakups are always bad.
I lost my last gf when I came out to her.

When she has two kids. You can never know.
I do not want to sound bad or heartless but before herself she needs to think of her kids first.
Was there any problems there?

[paulaprimo]

When its a very sudden thing like you described I tend to think she has found someone she likes better.


i couldn't agree more with tracii! we have all been there, some more than others, but none more than me.
as a professional "dumpee" i have learned a few things along the way.
one is, that nobody leaves a perfectly good relationship for no good reason,
and two is, don't ever beg for someone to comeback who doesn't want you!!

i am not trying to make light of the situation as i am truely sorry for what has happened to you and i also feel your pain.
time does heel and the sooner you can face reality the less damage you will do to yourself. don't tear yourself apart!!
try to stay busy so not to think about it. get out and mingle also, the best way to get over someone is to meet someone new...
i might sound cold and harsh, but the truth is that she left you. her loss and hopefully she will regret it some day...
i do wish you the very best and we are all here to support you :)

[Lady Panda]

Awws...I am so sorry ....:hugs::hugs:...In time things will get better....I know it sucks to say that but it is true.....One day some one special will come along and it will go fine. Don't give up .

[Maria in heels]

Amber...I'm so sorry that you had to go thru such a breakup. Sometimes people feel that they are just "overwhelmed" and just need to run away, which may be the case. All the love in the world cannot help if that is the situation, and as much as it pains you, just try to give it some time and if it is meant to be, things will return to some sort of previous stage. Its a sad thing, no matter what, and I hope that you feel better soon. Purging, unfortunately, doesn't ever seem to help...

[MysticLady]

I lost her. The only one who "got" me. We broke up and I had no say so. It was cruel. It was sudden. It was unexpected. I was blindsided. I was crushed. And it had nothing to do with CD'ing.

Hello Amber

I'm afraid it did have to do w/ CDing. Don't worry, what you lost were emotional nightmares later. What you lost, was a woman that was insecure about herself, a woman that......started analyzing her future w/ you. She was worried about herself and not the one you thought she loved. Right now it may not seem like it but later, you'll realize she did you a favor.:hugs:

[Karren H]

That sounds devastating...... but rather than wallowing in self pity and despair. how about getting out and starting all over again..... be the person you always wanted to be.... even if its alone for now.... remake yourself for you.... not for them.... I think a lot of us would love the chance to start fresh......

[linda allen]

Yes, breaking up can hurt quite a bit. I'm on my third marriage so I know a bit about it.

You'll never know the real reason she left and I doubt it was a single reason anyway, just a bunch of little things that added up to enough for her to leave the relationship.

Aftwer the end of my second marriage, I vowed never to love anyone again. I remained distant for quite a while and even when I started dating the woman who would end up as my third wife (it's been 34 years together now), I kept my distance.

Eventually, I let my guard down and began to love her and realized that she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

All you can do is get your life back together and see where it takes you. I wish you the best.


I've spoken to some of her family. It was not another person. She is alone. Her mother said she just wants it to be herself and her two kids. That makes it even sadder for me.

Even though you'll never know, it's quite a burden on a woman with children to be with a crossdresser. Women naturally want to protect their children and while they may be able to accept a crossdresser, they may not want to expose their children to one.

[Princess Grandpa]

Hug

I'm so sorry for what you have to deal with. It's hard it hurts and nothing but time will ease the pain. There is nothing anyone can say to make it better. Just know we love and support you. You are important as an individual. You matter.

Hug

[BRANDYJ]

Amber Lyn, I am so sorry to hear about your breakup. Only you have a clue as to why she decided to end it. You may never know the real reason. Only you know if she could have possibly met someone else causing her to rethink her relationship with you. So don't listen to those that suggest this is what happened. I went through the very same thing back in November. No clue, no warning and no idea how it went from a hug, a kiss and an "I love you" at the airport 3 days before she sent an email saying goodbye after 7 years...Most of it long distance. Today I can only think of possible reasons for it to have ended. Maria said, "Sometimes people feel that they are just "overwhelmed" and just need to run away, which may be the case". In my case I am pretty sure that's what happened. She had to take guardianship of 3 small granddaughters about 3 years ago. If that's not something to overwhelm her, nothing is. It was as hard on me, and probably harder for her to maintain a long distance relationship. She has so much on her plate. This might be the case with your GF since she has 2 children that have to come first.
This was not the first time in all the 7 years we were together. One break up was 6 months without any communication between us. Then one day I got an email saying that it took her 6 months and 1,200 miles apart to realize she loved me. So there is hope for you.

Sadly. I still love her, but am doing my best to meet another woman to love. Had a few dates and feel nothing special for any of them. I guess I still need time.
I wish you the best.

[Tara D. Rose]

We all have felt the pain of break ups in our lives. I have two very painful divorces behind me as well. I know that some will say that time heals the pain, but I have learned that love will heal your pain. The sooner you find new love in your life, the sooner that healing will take place. I know this,for I have lived it. I also agree with another poster here about do not beg her to come back, that will be a mistake. We all live by free will, she made her choice by free will, I say it was probably another man, and of course her family will tell you there is no one else, of course they will say that. Time marches on for all of us and it waits for no one. You lived so many years before you met her and life was good, you can live just as many years without her and life can still be good, find someone new. She already has, and you are the last to know. If you ever do find out that this break up was because of someone else, come back and let us know.

[Beverley Sims]

I certainly feel for your grief over your breakup.
It is hard when you can not resolve the issues.
I always remember a song I once heard.
"Breaking up is hard to do".
Chin up, take a deep breath and look to the future.

[MissTee]

That makes me so sad. Hugs!!

[NathalieX66]

So sorry to hear that. :sad:
Love takes two.
I've been on both sides of the heartbreak.
There will be another chance someday.

[Ocherylkscd]

My marriage ended with her saying, "I just can't be married to a crossdresser, I need a real man." 2 years later, I was going to a club and as I was getting out of my car totally en femme, in a black dress & heels. I heard a female voice say, "Oh my god, look at those legs!!". We've been married 7 years. Keep your chin up and love will find you.

[kathtx]

I'm terribly sorry to hear of the breakup. It's even more agonizing when you don't know the reason. But as hard as it seems right now, all is not lost. Take time to mourn and cry, and in time you'll find Amber again, and then maybe also find another love.

[docrobbysherry]

I too was devastated when my ex and I separated. I always thot we would get back together. A silly dream because love requires 2 to work. And, she lost hers!

The reasons(s) why my ex and your SO left r unimportant. Because when it's over, it's over! It just took me and now u, more time to end our relationships by ourselves.

Here's a prediction for u. I know u hurt terribly rite now. But, one day u may look back on your time together as a wonderful, magical time! And, you'll be thankful u were lucky enuff to experience a love and companionship few of us ever find in our lives!

[Christie Camelle]

First of all let me say thank you for the support and encouragement. Now let me explain the breakup was not because of cd'ing, her children, or another man in her life. These are the facts. Her ex was a factor. I am still close to her brother who, by the way, sides with me. She simply decided to be alone. I have realized she does that. Like a "runaway bride" kinda thing. Things become perfect, she runs. As simple as that. *sighs*

[Angie G]

That's not good news at all Amber. If it's of any help we are here for you girl.:hugs:
Angie

[Christie Camelle]

Thank you Angie.

[Alice Torn]

In 1985, I was told by a woman friend i loved, that she cold never love a man again, that no man is as strong as her dad was, and that i was too young for her. I drove off, nearly crashed into a big tree, did not go to work the next day, cried, and grieved a long time. I was not into dressing at that time. The girlfriend i had before that, died at 21 of an overdose of pills. I am 59 now, and no romances, but have had platonic women friends.. I gave a speech at a mens speech club, after the brekup, about how these things are among the hardest episode of life. I empathize with you. Grieve, and cry, but this too shall pass, and time will help heal. It is ok to walk alone.

[nikitataylor0210]

Hang in there, life is a rollercoaster, and although I cannot imagine what you are going through, just remember you're still here and you're reaching out, which is already so many steps in the right direction! have a big tub of chocolate swirl vanilla ice cream on me! :)

[Brynna M]

I'm sorry you're hurting, Its supposed to suck. There is no way around it. (I know; I'm "princess obvious") The pain will take time to pass. It takes longer for some than others but it will mostly pass. I hope things get better for you quickly but you have to keep faith that they will get better. The human heart is an inhumanly resilient thing if you give it time and permission.

Best wishes and a little luck.

[CherylFlint]

“Purging” is the curse of the CD.
Purging has never accomplished its goal: to stop the inner desire to dress.
All purging has ever done for any of us girls is to cost us a lot of money.
There is no “cure” for dressing, and the whole concept of purging is about the dumbest thing any of us could ever do.
That said, I’ve purged about three, four times and wish I never did. What a colossal waste.
Other than your purging, that you’ll NEVER get over, I wish you find someone who really likes you for all of you.

[Barbara Ella]

Chin up, keep moving forward. Sucks now, but you are more resilient than you know. It sounds like she was doing a lot for you. My wife did that during her short time of total acceptance, and unfortunately I did many more things than I would have done if I had been learning them by myself (less than 2 years into this). It has taken me a long time to regain even a portion of the confidence she forced me to have, and then took away. But now I know it is me who is doing this, and it is my knowledge, it is my life. Please just take this as a sad opportunity for you to gain your own sense of self accomplishment, and really begin to flesh out yourself, by yourself. What you gain b yourself no one can ever take away from you.

Hugs,

Barbara

[mary something]

I'm sorry to hear about your recent break up. I agree with the poster who said that she was saving you from a lot more heartache later. Kids make the crossdressing situation a lot more complicated. It's true that the best way to get over a woman is to get over another one I suppose, but first take the time to learn what happened in the relationship that caused it to fail. Don't put all the blame on yourself, but learn something from the experience.

I got divorced a few years ago. At the time I was heartbroken and it was very fast. She told me that she needed to be alone, and her family told me the same thing. She said she needed some space to work on our relationship... I checked some cell phone records and read her text history and unfortunately there was someone else. I filed for divorce.

That was the best thing that ever happened to me! I'm with a fabulous gal now who is completely and unabashedly accepting of me. She is such a sweetheart that she goes to my laser apts with me and is my biggest supporter. We've been together almost two years now and are engaged. She bought me a women's engagement ring and popped the question to me :)

Sometimes changes might seem scary but they need to happen to get to a better place. Allow yourself to grieve some and then focus on finding who you are as an individual. Be the best you that is possible and everything will work out just fine.

[flatlander_48]

Like a "runaway bride" kinda thing. Things become perfect, she runs. As simple as that. *sighs*

That's a key piece of information and should reinforce the idea that this wasn't your fault. For whatever reason, some believe that they are not deserving of good relationships, a good life, etc. It's sad because it appears that things were good until this pre-existing condition bubbled to the surface. In any event, it sounds like this situation was in place long before you showed up.

[kimdl93]

As said earlier, it hurts to break up. And it takes time to heal. But all is not lost. Take the healing time and put it to good use, figuring out what went wrong and to what extent you can avoid whatever it is in the future.

[Annaliese2010]

What splendid epic drama!

NO! I am not being unsympathetic nor sarcastic by saying that. Just the opposite! While reading your passage I was MOVED. Totally drawn-in. The feelings you evoke by your words, the images they render in one's mind are transcending! I can so identify and understand your angst and soul deep emptiness. I may not be able to truly appreciate the exact shape & depth of your pain but I've walked the land of broken hearts..so many times. It's horrible! In fact there's truly nothing worse.

I feel for you Amber. Please don't let this crisis harden your heart. Don't steel yourself away from love. You're beautiful. Warm. Intelligent. Articulate. And by the poignancy with which you write I just gotta say... if you don't already, you should consider capitalizing on it. You don't need a college degree, you just need the in-born talent which so obviously possess! There are so many opportunities out there! You could become rich, kid you not.

'Cause baby, while $ can't buy you love nor eliminate all the sh*t life throws at us. It sure does help one deal with, get over & go forward. Forget the hurt. Turn the page. Regain happiness. Move on :battingeyelashes:

206018

Just remember. You're never alone!

[MysticLady]

I have realized she does that. Like a "runaway bride" kinda thing. Things become perfect, she runs. As simple as that. *sighs*

:straightface: that's very strange to me. I wonder why she does that.

[Jana]

Sorry to hear that Amber. There's not much to say at this time, except that there's nothing like a day after another. Hang in there.

[BRANDYJ]

:straightface: that's very strange to me. I wonder why she does that.

The reason may be due to her being very badly hurt or abused in her past. From what I understand and have read, it's common for an abused person to run when they fear a closer bond.
My last heartbreak was from such a woman. Very badly abused from early childhood up until early adulthood. Abused children have a choice of either "fight" or "flight". Most chose to take flight.
As strange as in might sound, I think she still loves me but can't face risk being hurt again. This last breakup was 7 months ago. One prior than that went 6 months with no contact from her. That was about 3 years ago. After 6 months she sent an email. I will never forget her words. She wrote, "It has taken me 6 months and 1,200 miles to realize that I love you". Things were fine for about 3 years and then out of the blue, comes a letter of goodbye with no reason given.

[MysticLady]

The reason may be due to her being very badly hurt or abused in her past. From what I understand and have read, it's common for an abused person to run when they fear a closer bond.

Things were fine for about 3 years and then out of the blue, comes a letter of goodbye with no reason given.

That is odd to me. GG's unfortunately are wired w/ a heavy emotional burden which are their emotions. My wife is like that and AARRGGHH, that really ticks me off. It seems to me that the older she gets the more emotional and cranky she gets.
I can now understand that adding another burden like child abuse or other trauma would a heavy cross for them. I feel for them.:sad: Thanks Brandi for your info.:hugs:

[Tara D. Rose]

Like I said before, it is not that time will heal you, it will be a new love, waste no time, find someone new, and you will feel so much better. When she left you, she left a void and empty vacancy in your heart, fill that vacancy with a new love, and you will heal.

[BRANDYJ]

Tara, I agree with you. I know I have a strong capacity to love. I know I am not happy being single. Fact is I hate it. So I am looking for someone else to fill that void. I hate the process, but know I will be fine when and if I find her. But still...It's hard to let go of someone you love or loved so deeply.
Then I find sayings like this that holds me back to some degree....

If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worth it. Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for ~~ Bob Marley

[Christie Camelle]

What splendid epic drama!

NO! I am not being unsympathetic nor sarcastic by saying that. Just the opposite! While reading your passage I was MOVED. Totally drawn-in. The feelings you evoke by your words, the images they render in one's mind are transcending! I can so identify and understand your angst and soul deep emptiness. I may not be able to truly appreciate the exact shape & depth of your pain but I've walked the land of broken hearts..so many times. It's horrible! In fact there's truly nothing worse.

I feel for you Amber. Please don't let this crisis harden your heart. Don't steel yourself away from love. You're beautiful. Warm. Intelligent. Articulate. And by the poignancy with which you write I just gotta say... if you don't already, you should consider capitalizing on it. You don't need a college degree, you just need the in-born talent which so obviously possess! There are so many opportunities out there! You could become rich, kid you not.

'Cause baby, while $ can't buy you love nor eliminate all the sh*t life throws at us. It sure does help one deal with, get over & go forward. Forget the hurt. Turn the page. Regain happiness. Move on :battingeyelashes:

206018

Just remember. You're never alone!

This... moved me. I was left without words to explain, I was suddenly outside of me and feeling agony for the girl you were writing to. Then I realized it was me. I cried. Loud... Hard... Soul breakingly, to the point I thought I may be having a panic attack. I took a breath and read it over and over. And then again. Thank you all so much for the kind and uplifting words. Thank you, Annaliese. Thank you for Making me feel myself from outside myself.

[Ceri Anne]

That sounds devastating...... but rather than wallowing in self pity and despair. how about getting out and starting all over again..... be the person you always wanted to be.... even if its alone for now.... remake yourself for you.... not for them.... I think a lot of us would love the chance to start fresh......

Well said Karren. There is a time of grieving, but to be hurt and then build a wall around your heart to keep it from getting hurt again, also prevents if from achieving happiness when it comes your way again. Be who you are, love who you are, and when the time is right, open the door to your heart again and something even better may come along. Until then, hugs from a sister.

[Cheryl123]

So sorry Amber ... I feel your pain because your words bring back the hurt I've endured. But all is not lost! And Amber is not lost. I know this. Time heals all broken hearts and there will come a day (not too distant, I pray) when a woman will walk into your life who will be even more accepting and loving of Amber. She will be the love of your life, she will be your best friend (and she will have a terrific sense of fashion!). She's out there waiting for you, but you won't see her until you get beyond your present pain. Clean breaks are the best .. give thanks you don't have to die a thousand times over as you would in a slowly crumbling relationship. A big hug for you. Dry the tears. Put on your big girl pants and move on. Lots of love.

[TeresaCD]

Never easy, Amber honey, Hang in there.