been away cooling off

[Jenniferathome]

Well, I got into a bit of a disagreement with a member here. The absurdity of her inane comment and ridiculous explanation caused me to rethink my value here. I took a few weeks and decided that I can not allow her to rule me or anyone on this forum. Thank you to those who reached out to me personally. So, I am back.

Let me add that I am back with a vengeance.

I have always been honest in my replies but now I'll be moving to brutal honesty. What does this mean? Well, if you dress like a ***** and post a picture asking how you look, I will tell you you look like a *****, for example. I'll never have been nor will be vindictive. But I won't let absurdity slide. I can see the fireworks....

[RenneB]

Welcome back girl. You've been an inspiration to me in getting my 'blend' on. I too would tend to agree that when some says "oh be honest" they're pretty much going to get honesty. I'm to a point now that if I do post, I'm not asking for coments, I more trying to show some of the others that it's okay to be a day walker.....

Hope to see more of your posts....

Renne.....

[Beverley Sims]

Jennifer,
I did not realise you had taken a sabbatical. :)
I got lambasted for using smileys by someone once so I used (smileys omitted) as my form of protest.
I think we are a moody lot in our own ways and are easily offended bu the stupidest things.
I have a thick skin, I think but that does not mean my feelings are not hurt sometimes.
You can be as rude and brutal as you like but honesty does shine through all the time.
I get PM's from some I have told that they have not made the cut and they ask me how to improve their appearance.
It is gratifying that some appreciate subtle but honest comments because they want to know for sure.
Oh! well welcome back to the absurdity slide and fireworks show. :)

[arbon]

Glad your back lol brutal honesty it should be interesting

[Jenniferathome]

Glad your back lol brutal honesty it should be interesting

Indeed... Stay well

[Joni T]

I love brutal honesty. I'll cover your back. Bring on the fight!!
Joni

[PaulaQ]

Welcome back, Jennifer. I'd sincerely wondered where you'd been. Missed your posts.

[AmyGaleRT]

Non illegitimi carborundum, Jennifer! Don't worry about the comments; just be yourself, do what you do, and do it well! :)

- Amy

[CherylFlint]

I’m with you 110%.
I’d rather know the truth about anything.
One thing I can say is mirrors lie, but photographs never do, well, not as much.
Anyway, truth these days is actually kind of refreshing.

[jaleecd]

sometimes it is more satisfying to wish someone that their mother comes out from under the porch and bites them on the ankle, than calling them a S>O>B> heh heh

[Deedee Skyblue]

I missed your pictures - you always look great and have a great smile. I encourage you to be honest - but I really don't see the need to be brutal. I think polite and honest is a much better combination.

Deedee

[Jolene Robertson]

Welcome back.
IMHO if you don't want an honest answer.... Don't ask the question.

So bring it on.

Hugs
Jolene

[Raychel]

As with any location where this is large numbers of people, there will be conflicts.
Don't let it rule your life, Enjoy the forum. Just stay away from the conflicts.
If one certain member is a problem, then don't post for that member to reply to.

I have had a few that rubbed me the wrong way over the years. I just stayed away from them.
and sooner or later, they all left.

[linda allen]

I'm glad you're back and I value honesty.

Some people here can't accept honesty or perhaps I should say "reality". Too bad, I think most folks understand and accept it.

[Rhonda Darling]

Jennifer. Brutal honesty? Obviously you'll never make it in politics. :-)

[MsRenee]

Welcome back girl.
Myself I will never sugar coat anything either.
Im gonna give you the truth , it may hurt but its all a part of life.
We all deal with that.
Hugs
Renee

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jenn, Glad that you are back , If you give up then they win and we don't want some @$$ #0!3 like that to win.

[daviolin]

Bring it on girl. We should all have that mentality. Daviolin

[reb.femme]

Non illegitimi carborundum, Jennifer!

An old classic this side of the water too but also very apt.
Sorry to hear you had issues Jennifer but your coming out letter was a life saver to me. So good to hear you've returned with a renewed passion :)

Rebecca

[Michelle (Oz)]

This forum is about a few things. One of those is to share part of our often hidden selves with our sisters by posting photos. Maybe those doing so are looking for honest appraisal, maybe they're not.

I like to look at photos posted but very rarely comment. Sometimes a photo makes me feel pretty good about my presentation (but I don't like to hurt someone's feelings) and other times I realise my skills need to improve. We all have mirrors (and cameras) and it isn't hard to make an honest assessment about our appearance. We all know what GGs of equivalent age wear and therefore how best to blend - but I missed my younger years as a female so blending is not my objective. I must remember not to ask for comments on any photo I post :o

I do not agree there is a need for brutal honesty in general. We are sharing our different approaches and stages to dressing, and as a community there is considerable diversity. That said, there is no place for members to take exception when they seek comments.

There is another more serious and in my view more important purpose of the forum - helping and supporting CDs and their SOs. I have gained so much from posts to now accept myself, to be confident out dressed and to understand and deal with my wife's position. It is so helpful in this connected age to find that we are not alone and to tap the experience of others.

In this Jennifer, I have always found your posts spot on and personally helpful. Please continue to share your experiences and don't sweat the small stuff.

Michelle (and aren't you lucky we sent our nice warm weather your way)

[Wildaboutheels]

Without bothering to do a head count, I am guessing close to 100 people water here on a "regular" basis?

If I am reading your OP correctly, ["I took a few weeks and decided that I can not allow her to rule me or anyone on this forum".] you allowed just ONE person stop you from posting simply because you had a difference of opinions? Airing opinions/giving "advice" ARE the purpose of Forums.

Arguing with/disagreeing with other Forum participants is a losing proposition at best and a complete waste of time at worst IMO. Sincere apologies at Forums or admissions of simply being wrong/didn't bother to read etc., are about as common as 2 headed snakes. Very, VERY few folks ever change their minds at any Forum I have ever participated at.

You are "back with a vengeance" because of ONE person? I certainly hope that is not the case.

It's not all that difficult to be honest with folks without resorting to "brutal honesty".

Private emails are an excellent method/means to help people.

At least the ones actually looking for help or willing to accept constructive criticism.

[Greenie]

Welcome back my dear.

I do think that there is a little bit of a interesting turn of events on this forum some times. I have not posted much in the last couple weeks because as a GG, I don't find a lot of what is going on here super helpful to me. I can only read so many posts about wigs and shoes and hair and boobs. Lol. I also don't really want to write "nice top" or "cute hair" as my only contributions to this site. I feel it underutilizes my intelligence. Lol. :)

However its when those thought inspiring posts come around that the claws come out. People attack one another on their opinions and often times the way they expressed them. We all get in disagreements with one another. You can never allow the way someone responds to you to dictate you. You are one of the people I have found overwhelmingly helpful on my journey and I am pretty sure I read each and every post of yours.

We also have to remember that we are on a public forum. Moderators have the ability to edit and delete posts as they see fit. That's what makes them the moderators. Even if the removal of a post seems unjust, rude, or whatever its best just to move on and keep trucking. One person making one decision should not rule you. I am glad you realized that and came back.

I understand why you were mad. But remember the rest of us who LOVE you and what you have to offer us. :)

[rachaelsloane]

Jen,
Great that you are back but more importantly, it's your honesty in replying to posts that make this forum better and I hope everyone will do the same.
Rach

[Ms. Laura]

I don't know what happened but I'm glad that you're back. I love reading your comments.

You put things out there, you take the good with the bad. I've never seen you say anything that wasn't true in my opinion or be mean for the fun of it.

(Oh crap, I have pictures up -cringe)

[Debra Russell]

YIKES !! ............ :dom::hiding:.......................Debra

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Welcome back, I will use the same philosophy I have in the outside world as far disagreements and arguments I have with people. I will not change who or what I am, or avoid the things things, places, and activities I enjoy because of those who don't like me or just outright hate my guts. If I don't accept any of that in the outside world, I sure am not going to accept here being that here is the place I do consider my safe zone and healing area.

As for asking for specific opinions on pictures it's fair game. If ask a question about a pic I postED such as "Do my arms and shoulders look petite small and feminine and do they help me to pass" I would have to be able to accept the answers given (in this case no, no, and no:o) no matter how much I would like to receive nothing but compliments and be told that they do help me to pass.

In short Jennifer, KEEP TELLING THE BRUTAL TRUTH!!:thumbsup:

[ReineD]

I always tell the truth as I see it, although I try to keep in mind that my truth might differ from someone else's truth. This means that I don't behave (or I try to not behave) as if my truth is the only valid truth.

So I use a lot of "IMO"s and ":2c:".

I do say things at times that are unpopular but I hope that most readers recognize the objectivity in what I say rather than read personal agendas.

[carhill2mn]

I agree with some other members that a person should not let someone else's opinion determine whether or not to continue to participate on a forum. An opinion is, after all, just an opinion and everyone has them.

However, I respond to people asking me for an opinion on a photo that they have posted only if I feel that I can say something positive about it. My experience has been that most of the time that someone asks for an opinion they really do not want a crtique. If I know someone very well and know that they are truely asking for my opinion, I may give it to them.

"Constructive criticism" is rarely taken well by others.

[MssHyde]

Well, I got into a bit of a disagreement with a member here. The absurdity of her inane comment and ridiculous explanation caused me to rethink my value here. I took a few weeks and decided that I can not allow her to rule me or anyone on this forum. Thank you to those who reached out to me personally. So, I am back.

Let me add that I am back with a vengeanc

I have always been honest in my replies but now I'll be moving to brutal honesty. What does this mean? Well, if you dress like a ***** and post a picture asking how you look, I will tell you you look like a *****, for example. I'll never have been nor will be vindictive. But I won't let absurdity slide. I can see the fireworks....

I'm glad your back! I really love what you wrote your wife, when you came out to her.
hugs Cheyenne

[suchacutie]

Honesty is the goal for all of us here, I hope, but we should also be supportive. It is possible to be both.

[sheilagirl]

Honesty is Great but do No harm.

[happyallie]

I love reading your comments. There is a lot of logic in your words and they keep me grounded.

[kimdl93]

As I mentioned to a few moments ago, a few months ago I took a sabbatical at the 10000 post level, finishing with my 10000 post...asking what color are your panties. Anyone here who knew me could see the apparent irony and frustration.

But I got over it and came back as a semi regular again. My protest didn't change anything, but I did become more discriminating about what I read,and what topic I respond to.

I try to be honest to, but not brutal.

[Patty]

Welcome back Girl!! Lookin forward to more of your posts!

[Annette Todd]

I considered leaving and not coming back today. That has to do with what I view as suppression of ideas that don't conform to the acceptable norm of being sickeningly sweet and lovable. Which means, not voicing my opinion for fear of being censored. (case in point the interesting threads last night) But, I resolved that I am not going to be ruled by tyrants.

Glad you are here Jennifer. We non conformists have to stick together. I agree. Call the spades what they are with maybe just a sprinkling of tact so the bruises don't show. :devil: :angel:

Annette

ps On second thought I think I am thoroughly fed up with this B S

[steftoday]

Welcome back Jennifer. Glad you've returned.

[Chickhe]

Honesty is great as long as the person you are giving feedback to can do something about it and can handle the truth.

[ReineD]

... and can handle the truth.

I couldn't resist:

PWSx0bBiNIs

[Annette Todd]

Thanks ReineD I needed that. It has been a tough day.

Annette

[Jenni Yumiko]

Your not holding back and way of dealing with stupidity is the reason I started pming you in the first place! I personally prefer honest and blunt over sugar coating and think stupidity should be met with either a kick to the head or or a tongue lashing, so be yourself!

[Kate Simmons]

I always enjoy reading your postings Jennifer. It is what it is, you know?:)

[LeaP]

I guess my philosophy is "plain truth" as opposed to brutal truth. Facts maybe stated as such. That is, plainly laid out with no particular bias or emphasis. If that is received as brutal, that's on the hearer. Opinion is a different animal. If I'm asked for my opinion, I try to give it short and to the point. That – again, when asked for – is what it is, as a previous poster wrote. But if I indulge myself and turn it into an exposition or, heaven help me, a rant, that's judgmental and uncalled for.

The other caution I often give myself is to try to show more compassion than is sometimes extended to me. Sometimes the right thing to do is to hold back the truth until people are capable of taking it in.

What ever the incident was that prompted your leaving, I'm glad you're back. It sounds like it was an unpleasant exchange.

[Sandra]

I would have left this thread open but it seems that some members can't help but just have a dig at the staff here....well let me say this, you have any problems with any staff then you either pm them or one of the administrators.

Thread closed