Edging Closer to the Exit...

[GeminaRenee]

I'm writing this because this forum is really my only contact with people of a like mind. I don't know what I expect to get out of writing it, except maybe the cheap therapy of getting this off my chest. And so...

I'm about this close <----> to attempting to seal off the part of me that wants to crossdress. Again. I would like to say I'm quitting, but if I'm being honest - and that's the point of this exercise - I really just don't know if that's possible. I want to believe it is.

But the time I've spent chatting in here has done nothing to instill confidence in me. What's the old mantra? "Girl, don't purge! You'll be back!" Some souls will inevitably point to the fact that no-one has ever come back and reported successfully quitting. People say the same thing at AA meetings about drinking - no-one ever comes back with a success story about quitting who didn't use the program. Of course, that's a fallacy - people do it all the time. They get tired of the BS and just decide one day to cut the crap and stop. Of course they don't come back. Why would they? They're not under the spell anymore. Why is it so inconceivable to extrapolate that to crossdressing?

Here's why I want to stop:

-It makes it nearly impossible to have a dating life. There's the business of hiding all your business all the time, and the stress of having it one unfortunate search for a can of beans away from unbearable discovery. There's the anguish of having to reveal to someone you really care about. And for me, there's the thought that I'm going to grow old and lonely, dressing up in my studio apartment, taking selfies of my wrinkled, foundation-covered face to share on a website for comfort because I have no-one. And I'm not talking about some crappy DADT junk, or the whole "supportive, but not involved" pile of schlock. If someone's going to know about me, they can either want that part of me, or they can leave. I'm not compromising. If I can't have the whole banana, then I don't even want to look at the fruit. And I'm not willing to risk suffering such a high probability of ultimately being alone because I won't get rid of a bunch of high heels.

-I'm always only a couple of missteps away from being discovered. I realized this a couple of weeks ago. My dressing has been dormant for many months now, so everything's been packed in totes in my closet, and in the back of the closet in the guest room. My mom was guesting for a bit, and she was trying to be helpful by cleaning. I thought there's no way she'll want to lift a bunch of stuff to get to those totes. But I come home and she says she thought she'd clean my closet out for me, but she wanted to wait 'til I got there, and didn't want to go through my stuff. Well, I maintained calm while my bowels spontaneously evacuated, but it got the wheels turning. I mean, this is partly my fault for being unwilling to just up and come out of the closet so the fear of being outed isn't a blade I might accidentally fall on. But, I'm just not willing to do that. No. I'm not. People don't need to know this about me, and I'm not prepared for it to suddenly be the thing that defines me in the eyes of those who know, which it inevitably will be, knowing those people. Because...

-It's not that big of a part of me. "Well," you might say "it must be, if you are sitting here at 10:54 on a Tuesday writing this big thing about it." And I might not really have an answer for that, except maybe that I am sitting here writing this at 10:54 because the idea of quitting is a big idea. And it has failed before, to be perfectly honest. But the dressing... hell, it comes and it goes. And it seems like it comes when I am bored, or romantically unfulfilled. And I do it for a while, you know - the pink rush, or whatever - and then the wave subsides. There I am, dealing with the contradictory nature of it in relation to my guy-ness, which I don't want to give up. I want to lift weights, and ride my bike and run around in the woods like a lunatic, which inevitably leads to big muscles that don't fit into dresses, and skin that's shredded and looks terrible in anything. Nevermind the fact that I can't grow facial hair, which - shock and horror for one of us to admit - I like, and often actually prefer. Add that to my already dubious ability to look hot because of my natural male structure, and I'm dissatisfied with my efforts in the whole process. I can't have the best of both worlds, so I'm choosing the one that my heart is in 95% of the time.

-Speaking of time, I don't want to be a slave to this, not in terms of money, not in terms of time. The whole premise of crossdressing seems to be based on the notion that we accept that women must dress a certain way, must shave certain parts, yadda yadda. And if I subscribe to the notion that I want to look like some hottie walking down the street, I have to invest a black hole's worth of time and money into doing so. Well, eff that. I'm tired enough of being a slave to purchasing this and that which I need just to live in general. And to add this whole alternative identity composed almost entirely of minutiae that I have to buy and invest time into learning how to use, because I didn't learn it at age 6 like a GG would? I can't deal. I won't deal. I had the good fortune to live in remote Alaska for a long time, where simplicity was of the essence. Everything I needed to live I could pack up and carry in three bags. When I was there, I learned just how much I could do without. And now I can't forget that lesson, and it's very much at the fore of my mind at present.

So here's why I think I can move on without dressing: This whole thing is a construct, anyways. Society defines what is male and female. Tights, skirts, long hair, makeup, pink, blue, etc - these have all been associated with masculinity and femininity at various points and times, and in different idioms. So there can't be a basic biological need to wear these things because these items don't exist as innately masculine or feminine in nature. The only conclusion left to draw is that my urge to look all hot in a pair of fuchsia pumps and a sweater dress is a manifestation of something else entirely.

Why can't I find other ways to express that underlying cause without being caught up in something that's a giant pain in my ass? Of course, that's the trick. And I don't really have any concrete theories about what that cause is. But I firmly believe that I can express my feminine side without being a slave to all of this flashy, material accessory stuff. How to unlock that box is the mystery.

Anyways, thanks for listening. And keep your eye out for my upcoming post in the classified section within the next couple of weeks. I'll be cataloguing my stuff and having something of a fire sale rather than tossing it all in a dumpster this time. At least I've learned something from the past. :thumbsup:

[Jenniferathome]

...Here's why I want to stop:

1) -It makes it nearly impossible to have a dating life.
2) -I'm always only a couple of missteps away from being discovered.
3) -It's not that big of a part of me.
4) -Speaking of time, I don't want to be a slave to this, not in terms of money, not in terms of time.



1) Total cop out. Multitudes date, marry and cross dress. You are not so unique as you may think. You don't date because you choose to not date. Take some responsibility.
2) So? If you really don't want to be discovered, DON'T LEAVE YOUR CRAP OUT. The corollary here is that if you tell people, you won't have this fear.
3) Maybe. If not a big part of you, then why can't you date? Why are you so close to being discovered? Seems odd.
4) So don't be a slave to this. Are you unable to control this part of you? If yes, then how will you quit? If no, then you are not a slave

I can't follow you logic

[Kandy Barr]

Just quit and see how it goes. Maybe you'll be successful. Its pretty cut and dry the way I see it. You won't know until you try, if you are not successful, then I would suggest you find a way to become comfortable with crossdressing or your life will be a wreck. Either way, I wish you success.

[Chickhe]

I didn't read all the details in your entire post, but I found by attempting to repress it, the need grows stronger. Accept it and go answer all your questions by doing it and in the end maybe you don't need to do it. I have this attitude now that I can do it if I want, but I don't need to. What I did was include CDing in my life in such a way to include everyone I know, just for fun though, on Halloween so the shock is gone should I even be discovered and the other thing was to erase the years of fear and conditioning against it...it is just clothes after all. Along the way, I also discovered, CDing is sometimes an escape from certain stresses in my life.

[heatherdress]

Kali - Why do you feel you need to explain your reasons to stop crossdressing? Thanks but just move on. If this has been a part of your life from which you have learned something, that is good for you. Best of luck and thank you for sharing almost 500 posts over the past year and a half.

[Beverley Sims]

Brooke, You are not likely to quit.
Dress as a guy and go out and meet chicks.
Keep your stash hidden from others.
When I was single I did not leave dresses lying around my room.
I might have a female visitor who did not understand.
Forget about masculinity and femininity just be a girl when you are alone for now.
Find yourself a girlfriend and you forget about dressing for a while.
It always worked for me.

[jennCD]

Your post sounds reasonably thought out and I wish you well. I've not dressed for about 5 years now and although I do login here periodically, there's really no other active outlet for something that started for me when I was a pre-teen, and I have to say, I'm not under any stress about it, I don't worry about when I may get the next chance to express this other side of myself. It never will go away for me. It's part of me. I accept that. And I also accept that it's importance fluctuates over time. I don't have to feel forced into being "connected" by dressing. It's always there inside my being regardless of what I wear.

I hope you have an easy path as I've had these last few years, Kali.

:)
jenn

[CherylFlint]

It’s no big deal and not the end of the world.
I dated a lot of women who freaked when I told them I was a CD, and dated some who were okay with it.
On the first date with my wife I explained that I dressed to relax, I enjoyed it, and had no intentions of quitting. I also told her I “purged” but finally realized that being a CD was a part of me, as much of me as my hands and legs.
Believe me, there are girls out there who like girls like us, you just have to take the time and make the effort.
Be honest, is my advice, from the very start.
There's nothing "wrong" about being a CD. I think of it as a heck of a lot of fun and enjoy every chance I get to be Cheryl, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Cheryl T]

To paraphrase Shakespeare..."Me thinks she doth protest too much".
If you are truly going to quit and move on... then do it. There's no need to tell us about it. Just do it.

Dating is not impossible, most of us have done it and many have married.
We are always a few inches from discovery, it's just a fact of life, deal with it or Quit!
A "slave to this"?....never. Nothing in my life controls me. I make a conscious decision to be me every day. For me this includes my feminine side and all that goes with that. I won't deny who I am.

So if this is such a giant pain for you then Quit, move on and good luck.

[CynthiaD]

If you want to change your life just do it! it isn't that hard, and you don't need anybody's permission. If you don't like your new life, you can always change back.

[Dawn cd]

It sounds like the only way you knew to crossdress is by going Full Monte—forms, wig, heels, makeup, etc., and now maybe you want to quit doing THAT. Okay, but there are many ways to nurture your femme side (and I think you must have a femme side) short of that. Genderfluid knows many degrees. Why can you live at a lower degree?

[Rebecca W.]

Hi Kali,
A word of advice from a friend. Ease yourself from the cross dressing one step at a time. Do not have a fire sale, just a thinning out of the unused items that you have not worn in quite a while. Cross dressing is not a curse or something that we should be banished from doing. Fashion and cross dressing are typically based on your preferences or influences from others.

Sometimes, I am just happy to have a calmer attitude with less macho influences than an average male. I still enjoy getting dirty and greasy and maybe I have a nice pedicure that makes me smile while getting dirty. I dress feminine to satisfy my cross dressing urges, and sometimes I am just wearing a nice pair of feminine shorts with a tee shirt on.

The definition of clothing being worn either by a man or a woman, it is how they as a person want to express their inner self. Take for an example, a woman that is happy wearing a mans jacket and old jeans, is she less of a woman by dressing this way? No, because she is still a female and the clothing is not a true indicator of who you really are. I am always going to be a cross dresser, whether I am wearing a gown or a filthy pair of jeans. Actually, my true gender classification, is a cross gender person, cross dressing is only an outward indicator of what is inside of me.

Take the slow road to toning down the cross dressing, resist the downward spiral temptation, it will cause more harm than good. Trust me I know the results of that route.

Your decision to post your thoughts on here is a step in the right direction. We have a gift that allows us to have different feelings than a average male. We need to find out, individually how to accept those feelings on our own. Asking for help is never a wrong turn, but a turn in the correct direction. I joined this forum to be able to express my inner feelings to fellow cross dressers. What a great decision on my part!

Expect the unexpected when posting a personal issue. All responses come from our life experiences and some are not going to be warm and fuzzy. Take to heart all of the advice and in the end, it is up to you on how you want handle the cross dressing.

Be safe, be real and be yourself.

I wish you all of the best and that you will choose to embrace the cross dressing, not banish it from your life forever.

Your friend,

Rebecca:)

[Ms. Laura]

If you wish to cast away the urge to crossdress then I really hope that you are able to do it. It would be nice to not WANT to, then I wouldn't miss it and I wouldn't have all those hassles that you mention. I can totally understand why you would want to share your manifesto of CD abstinence. Sometimes we need to articulate what we are thinking to make it real.

You can do anything that you put your mind to, at least in the realm of making choices. Speaking for myself though, I would fail because in my heart, I don't want to quit, it brings me joy. It's only the hassles that I don't like, but hey, EVERYTHING has hassles.

Best of Luck!

(You don't happen to be a 12-14 do you?) :)

[bobbimo]

Kali,
I'm afraid that you cannot stop this amazing thing we do.
Its hard most time to balance CD and anything else, but do give it a try.
Many of the other posters hear are right, let it rest and take things slowly. You can have the big fire sale, but save the money for some new things!
Bobbi

[Taylor Ray]

Thanks for sharing your in depth thought process, Kali. For me, fear of being alone is not a positive motivation for making a behavioral change.

[flogo920]

Hi Kalibrooke-

Yours is an intelligent and thoughtful post. From my 50+ years of dressing, I can say when you have NO TIME and too many pressing other things to do, you will stop dressing and thinking about it.
Maslow posits a hierarchy of needs-SURVIVAL ALWAYS COMES FIRST- If earning a living, raising a family, being a husband , doing your career, etc. suck up the time, dressing is fairly painlessly put on a back burner.(for a while)
PLEASURE is also a need- BUT you do not sound like you are about to cross dress to the detriment of your career and desire to have a family. THAT causes trouble !!
Because it is a HARMLESS LOW COST STRESS REDUCING PLEASURE FOR WHICH NO ONE HAS FOUND AN ADEQUETE SUBSTITUTE, and because the pleasure is of the deep limbic lobe type, 86ing it totally only deprives YOU. There will ALWAYS be things you do not share with your mate- look upon cross dressing as something you can do privately or in a support group. A sense of BALANCE
is what is needed.
Yes there ARE women who want TG/CD spouses, but from all I have seen they are extremely rare. Some of the spouses on this forum who actively support and participate are even rarer- and their husbands are EXTRAORDINARILY FORTUNATE- you are more likely to win the lottery.
Good luck- most of us are hetero married family men with kids and some with grandkids- few of us have supportive and participating wives.

Hugs,

Flo

[Tracii G]

You sound determined so go for it I'm sure it can be done.
Sounds like you were a all or nothing dresser which is fine but in some cases for me just a few articles of clothing will do the job.
I don't let one part of me rule all the other parts we all live together as one.I can go months at a time and never dress 100% enfemme I do it when I have the time and the desire.
I wish you luck and I think if you can do it.

[Stephanie47]

Kali, hope you are successful. Whether you can "break" the habit, desire, or whatever term you may want to use may depend upon why you do what you do. That's always the issue. I've read many times that a compulsive consumer of chocolates can easily become an alcoholic. True? I don't know. After reading on this site for many years what I have seen is the possibility there may be too much encouragement by others to take cross dressing to heights another person may never have desired to go to. Many in home cross dressers are chastised for "just being themselves." Getting wrapped up with people who are like minded thinkers can get anyone deeper and deeper into the group mentality. It can happen with joining a sport club, car racing, anything.

If you get some sort of stress relief, feeling of warmth, feeling of exploring your inner more gentler traits by wearing a pair of lacy or plain nylon panties, then that may be all you need. There is no reason to get deeply into fully emulating a woman with attire, makeup, breast forms and wigs.

Yes, life would be a lot less complicated if this desire or compulsion did not exist. God speed on your journey. Just be careful! If you find your behavior is changing in a negative direction because you are unable to totally suppress this desire, please re-evaluate your decision.

[marlenesexton]

1) Total cop out. Multitudes date, marry and cross dress. You are not so unique as you may think. You don't date because you choose to not date. Take some responsibility.
2) So? If you really don't want to be discovered, DON'T LEAVE YOUR CRAP OUT. The corollary here is that if you tell people, you won't have this fear.
3) Maybe. If not a big part of you, then why can't you date? Why are you so close to being discovered? Seems odd.
4) So don't be a slave to this. Are you unable to control this part of you? If yes, then how will you quit? If no, then you are not a slave

I can't follow you logic

I'm with Jennifer. Sounds like you're looking for a bunch of men that dress up, and most quite happily, like women to talk you into not doing the same. Good luck! maybe you're looking for a reason not to quit. None of what you said is true. It's your perception and, therefore, your reality if you let it be. You speak as if you are trapped. Well if dressing is so unimportant to you, quit. It sounds like it is important though. Important enough to keep you from dating, worrying about being discovered, and fearing becoming a slave to it.

Instead of quitting, try embracing it. Walk up to a woman in a bar and tell her she's beautiful and that you'd love to show her your lingerie collection. Keep doing it until you find the one that throws herself at you. Leave your crap out. Let people see it an be proud. Spend all your discretionary income on shoes and dresses you'll probably never get around to wearing in this lifetime. Drastic? Probably. So how about just stop being afraid and just accept yourself for who you are, dress, date, have fun. There are no rules but the ones you make.

[mariehart]

Rarely have I read a more articulate post on the dilemma faced by this obsession/desire/compulsion/need.

I agree with a lot of what you say. This thing brought me close to suicide and to be frank that's never far away. Yes, OK I am essentially Transexual. I hate it, yet it's part of me. It is me.

I want to walk away from it. I want to let it go. But I can't. I got married, somehow, I purged it all and I tried to be the man I'm supposed to be. But it won't go.

In the end you have to make a grudging pact with it. You are what you are. In an ideal world, we would be accepted as just another aspect of the human experience. But this is not an ideal world.

By all means leave it behind for a while. Perhaps it will do you good. We all have our own way of dealing with it. Just be careful what you replace it with. Drink, drugs, they are not the way to go.

But remember this: Is there anybody really normal? Really normal?

[Paula_56]

Im on my phone so i need to to be short

SEE A COUNSLER OR THERAPIST

THE FOURM HERE IS GREAT BUT YOU NEED MORE TO SOLVE THIS morning

[Tina B.]

I wish you the best of luck on your endeavor!

[Cheryl123]

Hey Kali ... I suspect your post was directed to yourself as much as it was to the forum. I want to tell you that it is perfectly OK to take a vacation from crossdressing, and if that vacation because permanent that's OK too as long as there are not ill effects. Research has told us that crossdressing is not like an addiction to a drug. Breaking an addiction to cigarettes is a good thing. Stopping crossdreessing can have harmful effects, because crossdressing is a way of expressing bottled up feelings. Dressing is not the important issue, but finding an outlet for those bottled up feelings is.

If you feel that crossdressing is standing in your way of having an active social life then I would certainly set the dressing aside, but understand you may in the future feel a strong need to return. And most importantly, see if you can find a counselor. Gender identity involves very deep psychological feelings which simply cannot be treated with logic. That's not my opinion. That's the conclusion of all reputable psychologists. Good luck to you and be kind to yourself.

[Jennifer in CO]

Dating - my wife thought I was a girl the first time she met me. She said she wasn't attracted to girls, but was to me and couldn't figure out why. She was ecstatic when she found out I was a boy.

Discovery - early disclosure makes discovery no big deal. If she loves you or is adventurous (or both) the shirt (or blouse) on your back is again no big deal. On cleaning with your Mom - I had a similar problem. Long story short, we never did discuss it, but she kept waiting for me to open up - she never said a word but many of her actions spoke volumes of love and support.

There is no AA for CD's... it is a part of you forever. You might quit now, but someday down the road you'll brush up against a charmeuse blouse or satin pantie and BOOM...your back with an uncontrolled vengeance. Best to not quit and just control it.

You don't need dresses and makeup to enjoy cross dressing. Currently I have 2 dresses...neither have been on my back for years so my guess is they don't fit anymore. Heck, I'll bet most of my skirts that don't have elastic waists don't either. But ya know what?...I cross dress every day and still present as a male. Its not hard, and it makes the day soooo much more enjoyable.

don't give up on yourself or your wardrobe...

[Lynn Marie]

Hi Kali. I found your post to be extraordinarily well thought out and I also understand your reason for writing it being an attempt to get your thoughts down on paper so they become clear to yourself. It's sort of like not really understanding something until you "teach" it.

I have no doubt whatsoever that you can quit successfully. I'm quite sure thousands have. One of my favorite CD girlfriends just disappeared about a year ago. So many of us are simply emulating our "dream girl". When you find your "dream girl", why dress? Then again, you may never find her or think you've found her only to have things change. Then you're older, retired, financially secure, and not interested in getting married again. Who knows what might happen? You are always the master of your own universe.

[toni_62]

Your reasons for giving it up are thought out and valid. I'm kind of in the same boat as you except my GF knows and does not want me to CD. It's been ten agonizing months since I purged. The thing is I had only been seriously CDing for about a year and it's still very difficult for me not to repurchase stuff. To be honest I regret the purge! I have stuff in my ebay shopping cart right now. I have just not hit the purchase button. At least for me I am coming to the realization I could at any time start again.

You may well be able to stop, but for me it's really frustrating. I was happier when I CDed than I am now. I love my GF, but there is always a moodiness about me that was not there before I quit. Only time will tell, and I wish you luck.

[Brynna M]

I genuinely wish you good luck. While I have neither experience fully stopping crossdressing I'm told that, like the conventional wisdom on alcoholism, one never truely escapes the desire crossdress. They simply develop mechanisms for controlling that desire because the consequences are too severe to give in to the urge. It would probably be worth looking at the behavior modifications used in AA.

In any event I genuinely hope we never see you again here. :)

[AndrewJenny]

Yeah, Kali really sums it up well. I even identify with the simplicity fixation, and hating how much effort all this takes. I'm lazy and low maintenance. If I was a gg, I'd shave my legs once a month and wear dirty sweats. But I'm not, so even though femininity is pretty much 100% social construction, the only way I can be happy is to be a part of that construction.

Everyone makes their own choices. Choose what works for you. Like sex in general, cross-dressing is a very small part of my life when it's going well and the only thing I think about when it isn't.

Katie (Kat)

[Princess Grandpa]

Kali I understand your feelings. I don't know hy I need to dress. Until a few weeks ago I couldn't even admit to myself that I needed too. All I know is for some 30 odd years I would occasionally,not often, sneak and put something feminine on. I would then feel amazing remorse, guilt and shame that would last until my denial became strong enough that I could forget it happened. Of course some time would pass and the cycle would begin anew. They say every cross dresser is unique in h needs and desires. For your sake I hope you can walk away and never think about doing it again.


I can respect all the points you make as to why you should quit. Yes there are women put there who can not only be tolerant of this but accepting and take joy in it *glances lovingly at his wife* there are a lot of sad girls here to show how hard it is to find that girl. You do have the advantage in that you get to address this with a prospective mate earlier in the relationship thus avoiding the hiding and lying. Lets be honest though, this drastically reduces the pool of women who would consider being with you.

If you walk away and never dress up again I would be very happy for you. Possibly a little jealous. Despite the fun my wife and I are having learning about this side of me, I fear for the future. There is so much sadness in the pages of these forums. I caution you to be very self aware. Watch for patterns of self destructive behaviors in yourself. As you begin new romantic relationships please remember this is exactly how so many people wind up lying and sneaking around behind their spouses back. He doesn't disclose this about himself because "he's done with it". Then one day the need is back. Again nothing is said about it because.. I don't know because he's just scared or maybe in denial. Years go by and one day lives are torn apart.

Good luck to you! I hope you find peace.

Hug
Rita
P.S. when you get rid of it there is plenty of room in my closet if the fit a fat girl. *giggle*

[busker]

Kali, it is possible to pack it away. If you have a feminine part of your nature, you can still let that be--it doesn't have to be forced if it is a natural part of you. Maybe it is reflected in the things you like to do.Don't stress. Leaving this behind can be just like graduation. The "safety" of school is over, real life is now going to begin and since it hasn't been experienced before it is a bit stressful. Well, you can handle the stress just as you did after graduation. I do think that there is something genetic that disposes us to do this--otherwise EVERYBODY would be crossdressing. Be that as it may, if you haven't felt like a woman in a man's body from your early years, you can safely lock this part up with your HS cap and gown--I think. There is a compulsive nature to dressing and a myriad rationalizations for doing so but your femme side can exist without having to put a dress on to sustain it.
Best to your in all your coming endeavors.

[Leona]

-I'm always only a couple of missteps away from being discovered. I realized this a couple of weeks ago. My dressing has been dormant for many months now, so everything's been packed in totes in my closet, and in the back of the closet in the guest room. My mom was guesting for a bit, and she was trying to be helpful by cleaning. I thought there's no way she'll want to lift a bunch of stuff to get to those totes. But I come home and she says she thought she'd clean my closet out for me, but she wanted to wait 'til I got there, and didn't want to go through my stuff. Well, I maintained calm while my bowels spontaneously evacuated, but it got the wheels turning. I mean, this is partly my fault for being unwilling to just up and come out of the closet so the fear of being outed isn't a blade I might accidentally fall on. But, I'm just not willing to do that. No. I'm not. People don't need to know this about me, and I'm not prepared for it to suddenly be the thing that defines me in the eyes of those who know, which it inevitably will be, knowing those people. Because...

When your mother visits and cleans your closet, she's SPYING. In fact, cleaning up is the most common form of spying you will encounter, because cleaning up hides the snooping.

It looks like your mother was being respectful and giving you room to keep your secrets and you were never in any danger. That means your perceived danger was entirely in your mind.

And using this as a reason to stop is one example of you letting your fear get the best of you. Who runs your life, you or your fear?

[GeminaRenee]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses.

Ultimately, I really just wrote this to get how I was feeling off my chest. Over a month later, I still feel that I'm making the right move. Keep in mind that I don't feel that there's anything wrong with dressing, it's just not working for me at this time in my life. So, let's see what I'm made of, eh?

Will I be able to do it, ultimately? I really don't know, but I'd like to think so. It's a chance I'm willing to take.

Good news, though! I finally got around to compiling things for my "Girl's Got to Go" sale. Please check in the classified section if interested. I'd love to make a deal.

Best wishes! (:

[MysticLady]

Good Luck Kali........................You gotta do what you gotta do.

[ReineD]

The only conclusion left to draw is that my urge to look all hot in a pair of fuchsia pumps and a sweater dress is a manifestation of something else entirely.

Wanting to look hot, as opposed to just wanting to express a feminine gender ID without all the bells and whistles could be a fetish even if it is no longer as sexual as it once was, especially if it is has a negative impact on relationships, finance, your general focus, and your peace of mind. So since you seem quite determined, I found an article about how to stop an obsession. Don't know if it will be helpful though, but you could read it and see. And if, after having given it a serious try, you find that it hasn't worked, then you'll need to ask yourself some deeper questions.

http://www.howtogetridofstuff.com/love-relationships/how-to-get-rid-of-a-fetish/


... minutiae that I have to buy and invest time into learning how to use, because I didn't learn it at age 6 like a GG would?

FYI I didn't learn this at 6. I was too busy playing. Nor did I learn it as a teenager. I was too busy doing art, photography, skiing, doing stuff with friends, (getting high occasionally). I did learn this stuff briefly in my 20s when I was working, but there weren't many improvements to make on a young woman in her 20s. lol. At any rate, I stopped paying attention to fashion and what little makeup I knew about once kids came into the picture and my priorities went elsewhere. This means that I finally started paying attention to myself and learining how to put myself together in my 40s, not unlike many of the CDers. :)

I should think that many GGs are like me. Yes, there are some young girls who think of nothing else than makeup and boys, but honestly none of my friends were like that. We were just regular teenage girls.

[MysticLady]

. I was too busy doing art, photography, skiing, doing stuff with friends, (getting high occasionally).

Ms Reine, I'm surprised at this. I always figured you a straight laced woman. Hmm...We need too party, sometime:D

[edith]

More power to you if you feel you will be happier without crossdressing in your life. I would say be cautious about dropping it mainly to please others though, that usually leads to suppression and resentment. And don't underestimate the power of socialization. Just because it's arbitrary that women wear tights and men don't doesn't make it meaningless, and it won't make it easier to not wear the tights.

[Jorja]

KaliBrook, sweetie, I have a secret to tell you. As we are of a like mind here I will even say it out loud so everyone can hear it:

It does not matter what we or anyone else thinks. If you want to quit dressing, that is your decision and your decision only to make.

However, there are some things to consider and you should know before going into it. Do not make the mistake of dumping your stash in a dumpster and walking away from it. In reports of literally thousands of stories like yours, there is one recurring problem in those stories. Almost everyone who tries to quit, can’t. Some make it one day, some a week, a month, or a year. I even saw one that claimed they went 20 years. The urge, desire, need to dress usually comes back and most report it comes back with a vengeance. If you are really serious about quitting dressing, seek some professional help.

So, what will we here in the forums think of you if you do quit? I for one would be proud to know you. You will have taken responsibility for your own life and had the conviction to see it through. Do you know how rare that is these days?

This is a journey of learning and discovery not a race to the finish line. KaliBrook, you do whatever you think is the right thing for you to do.

[Sonya]

Hi KaliBrooke,

I pretty much agree with all of your reasons wanting to quit and they are all valid, and wish you the best of luck. Like many members here, I also did many purges and many promises to myself to quit but for me it didn't work. I mean I stopped for long periods of time, many months of not dressing but it was always with me.

You might successfully quit for a long time, get a girlfriend, get married and maybe start a family but please think very seriously what if the desire to CD comes back so strong that you cannot ignore. I know that it is a big "BUT" but if it happens your life will be a lot more complicated and stressful then now, this has been my experience and frankly as much as I loved my wife and love being a father, these days I wish that I never got married and became a father. It makes me so sad writing this, I love my son much but I cannot give up CD even for him. Even if you quit, I think if you go into a serious romantic relationship without disclosing your CD past, you will be taking a big risk because if it ever becomes an issue you will be left at a very difficult position.

I am not sure if you are looking for any advise here, but my advise will be this: By all means quit if that is what you want and try to live your life as you please but think twice about trying to keep your past CD as a big secret from a potential SO. Try to be honest and tell you made a decision to stop CD for good and proceed with the relationship and see what happens. And also please be vary of making big bold promises that this will never be an issue in the future.

Good luck again.

[jessicapaige]

I don't have time to read ALL the posts right now, so someone might have suggested this... but why not box everything up, seal the box with packing tape, write something uninteresting on the box, and stick it in the attic or closet for a while?

It seems like people flip flop more when they have an all-or-nothing mindset.