I Should Have Been a Girl

[Claire Cook]

I should have been a girl. There. I’ve said it. I don’t know how many of you feel this way, but I’ve thinking more and more about life when I was growing up, and I’ve come to this conclusion. I should have been a girl.

Some random thoughts:

My mother always wanted a daughter. I wish I could have been her.
When girls started developing breasts, I wondered why mine didn’t. So I made some with brightly painted nipple areas. Only wore them in my bedroom.
I was a slightly built, skinny kid who was physically a late bloomer. I somehow felt out of place in the gym locker room.
I’ve been looking at my high school yearbook, and was surprised at how often I was considered a sweet person. My wife has always called me “Sweet One”.
I was totally naïve about sex. Whatever dreams I can recall about this involved cuddling, not sexual acts.
My relationships with girls on dates were largely platonic. I really wanted to be with girls, and share whatever they were sharing.
But there certainly were guy things. I loved baseball. Maybe I was a tomboy?
I never dressed in public, but guys would hit on me. I never said yes …. Maybe I should have.

Yes, I should have been a girl. But I’m not.

Apologies for the psychological ramble, but this has been more and more on my mind. How many of you feel the same way, looking back?

[STACY B]

Never to late to fix it ? Better get started WE got a long way to GOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Paula DAngelo]

I'm starting to think the same way. All the time I was growing up I seemed to like/enjoy the things that were considered to be things that were for girls. I even went as far as to take the Home Economics class at a time when it was unheard of for a male (I was the first and at the time the only male in the school district to take the class). I loved that class and actually learned many useful things.

[kathyw]

i think i feel the same way. iv alays wanted to be a girl and have every thing they had .i wish god would let me have a minserl cycle and evey thng, here latly im moving leaning to the ts group.

[Dianne S]

I think it would have been nice to have been born female, but I'm not that unhappy with being genetically male. At this point in my life, I'd certainly never consider living full-time as a woman or transitioning.

I've always been very good at compartmentalizing, so when I was a boy I didn't particularly do or like "girlish" things... except for dressing up as a girl. :) Even now I keep my two sides reasonably separate; I don't have feminine mannerisms when in guy mode.

[noeleena]

Hi.

Claire.

Youll know what ill say, i just had to be different & be female as well as other, not sure about the girl part ,that never bothered me was nice being with or around girls i was never interested in girls as a boy girl detail did not interest me , as friends yes as sisters that was even better, yet never thought i should be dressed as a girl. i did wonder why only once why i was not like the girls fact is i was , just did not see it as they saw other girls, that was part of my long term issue hated how i looked no better now ether, there is one detail i never saw male or female as being different just how i was / am wired, so to me there was no difference okay i know im weird .

The i should have been a girl really means nothing to me because i know i was well female just did not have my womb a miner detail some of us are born with out, yes its hard, & more so when you cant give birth .........we dont all come with every thing so we use what we have we have to work through those handycaps or detail we lack .disabilitys,

Even though my body is of both im still female & have grown into a woman, so i belive over all its worked out pretty good, no use complaining it only distracts from who i am as a person & as a woman, oh yea my pet hate well cant change that, it gets to me a bit so long as im not dressed in too frilly wear im okay, make it plain it suits me better at least i dont look as silly, yea well thats me,

...noeleena...

[linda allen]

My mother always wanted a daughter.

My mother wanted a daughter also. She had already picked out the name "Linda" for me. In the end, she had three sons and no daughters.

Before she passed, she wrote about her life and sent it to her friends and all her family. In her writings, she admitted to wanting a daughter and admitted to dressing me in girl's clothing when I was very young (In those days, the gender of a baby wasn't known until he/she was actually born so people would give either boy or girl clothing at baby showers).

Apparently, I was a crossdresser at six months of age but I didn't know it.

Do I wish I had been born a girl? No. In those days, females weren't taken seriously, were expected to be secretaries or housewives, and had to put up with anything thrown their way including abusive husbands and bosses. To be born a female in 2013 would be much better but I'm still not convinced I would want to be born a girl today.

[Beverley Sims]

I have thought like this on occasions and when I was younger the yearning was much stronger.

[Kate Simmons]

Perhaps Hon but the bottom line is that when I'm out en femme doing my thing, I'm pretty much being the woman I would have been had I been born that way. Being a Gemini has it's "perks" ya know.;):battingeyelashes::)

[Becky Adams]

I, too, was raised by my mother and two older sisters as a girl till I was about 5 (born in'38 and they were 10 and 14 years older than I was) ...Dad was working 12/7 on the railroad during WWII but when the stress settled out he put a stop to it...but when he wan't around Mom would give me panties and nighties to wear claiming my regular clothes were in the wash...I never complained. My sisters before they passed on both quietly apologized to me for doing what they did...they were apparently afraid I would be gay as a result but I assured them I wasn't (and am not) but I did learn from them to enjoy crossdressing.

[kimdl93]

I'm hardly a physical candidate to be a girl...always taller than average, always heavier boned and muscular, and I was very interested in girls...and not in a platonic way. But somehow, from the earliest memories, I felt different in some undefined ways...somehow, my interests and behaviors didn't match my gender exactly right and I learned to suppress those things that didn't fit the standard male mode.

Should I have been a girl? Nah. I wouldn't be who I am. And I've come to embrace that odd mix over the years.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Claire, If I was born a girl I would've probably been a FTM Crosdresser.

[NathalieX66]

Gender dysphoria takes many forms. It's not one size fits all. Some people are more severe than others. Some are less. I have a number of friends who say they are in the wrong body. It's the real deal with them.

With me, since I was age six, I was just simply jealous of how girls dressed and expressed themselves. I didn't necessarily need to be female, I just wanted to dress that way. Guess what? Even to this day, I felt the same way. It's only the last 3 years that I acted on it, and now here I am.

[Leah Lynn]

I had a great aunt that was an "Old Maid". She lived with another woman, outwardly as friends. This gal was a fiery redhead that took crap from no one! I thought she was beautiful and such a great dresser. I wanted to grow up being just like her. When I discovered that little boys don't naturally grow up to be ladies, I was heartbroken. Then I finally discovered what Christine Jorgenson did, and my hopes arose again. That was in the fifties, and in blue collar mid-America, a boy got his backside whipped for saying anything like that.
Yes, I always wanted to be a girl. I jumped rope with the girls, played jacks (won a school tournament!), hopscotch. Anything to be amongst "my own kind".

Leah

[Aly Cat]

I look back over the years of my childhood and i definitely see a lot of feminine tendencies like playing dressup with my sisters, playing pretty pretty princess with neighborhood GG friends, wanting to have feminine cycles when i was 9, didnt like sports, and the list goes on and on and on.

On the flip side, i was a very outdoorsy person who would dress up like american indians and went on survival trips at age 12, hunted with spears, lived on a small ranch, was fully attracted to girls etc etc. Im pretty much a perfectly balanced unisex individual when comes to masculine and feminine. If i had the chance to do it all over again, i would love to be the 4th sister in the group of girls. I would love to experience being a GG, but im fairly happy where i am right now.

[Lynn Marie]

Don't think the thought of wanting to be a girl ever entered my head. I've always enjoyed manhood as an adult and my adolescence especially from the 6th grade onward. I like women a lot and have been thought of as a bit of a "ladies man" by my peers especially as I have gotten older. My self confidence has soared in my 60's as has both my wardrobes! On the sliding scale of transgenderdom, I seem to be right smack dab in the middle. I love to dress up, either as boy or girl!

[RebeccaLynne]

I should have been a girl. There. I’ve said it. I don’t know how many of you feel this way, but I’ve thinking more and more about life when I was growing up, and I’ve come to this conclusion. I should have been a girl.

Me too. I'll say it now as well, just as I've always known it to be true. The major impediment was the plumbing... really didn't coincide with my innermost thoughts of who I felt I should be.


Yes, I should have been a girl. But I’m not.

Therein lies the dilemma... short of rather drastic surgical procedures, how best to achieve that state of being in which we can be comfortable in our own minds with who we believe we are. We were born genetically male, and we just have to deal with it.


Apologies for the psychological ramble, but this has been more and more on my mind. How many of you feel the same way, looking back?

No need to apologize, Claire. If it's in any way beneficial, you're not alone. I think about my own gender dysphoria daily, and really don't expect it to somehow be reconciled... it's the burden we bear. Afterall, those are the cards we were dealt, and we just have to play out the hand.

Looking back... playing "dress up" with my best friend (male) in his older sister's clothes... the pretty dresses and lacy underwear... too young for brassieres at that age... those would come later.

Caught by the aforementioned sister... she thought it was fine, and encouraged us to have fun and play as little girls... such lovely memories of an innocent time!

Flash forward to my early teens... trying on my girlfriend's mom's blonde wig with said girlfriend saying I looked pretty... we never even kissed, we were just learning about how to interact at that young age.

Later on, age 18, new girlfriend, wearing her clothes; bra, panties, pantyhose, everything , and having her apply my eyeshadow, mascara, and lipstick... no wonder I married her! We were together for eighteen years, before our divorce.... and I'll always love her. She gave me two daughters, and the happiest years of my life.

Moving on to today... girlfriend I've been with for six years, knows I crossdress, but she prefers I do it on my own, without her participation... I'm distressed that she is uncomfortable with it in her presence, so we don't live together. If she were accepting, I'd probably marry her... I love her, but my love for dressing as an expression of my true self is so important to me that we may never marry. I cannot, and will not, deny such an integral part of my being who I know I am and need to be.

Claire, thanks for generating this thread. I hope I haven't bored anyone with my outpouring... I just think many here have similar experiences, and may find consolation in knowing they're not alone.

[Deborah Kaye]

Short Answer: YES! I wish I were a complete Woman through and through!

[Claire Cook]

I just wanted to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread so far. I didn't realize how many of you have been having the same feelings. I would love to hear from more of you.


Never to late to fix it ? Better get started WE got a long way to GOOOOOOOOOOOO

Stacy hon, if I were not as happily married as I am, I'd probably be considering "fixing it". For now I'll do the best I can being me. I have such admiration for those of you who have starting transitioning.

[STACY B]

Hell I am Happily Married to ,, That's the main reason to do it ,,, Stay Happy ,,, For me an her ,, If your not happy there not happy ,,, So lets Go ,,,,

[Claire Cook]

Hell I am Happily Married to ,, That's the main reason to do it ,,, Stay Happy ,,, For me an her ,, If your not happy there not happy ,,, So lets Go ,,,,

Yes yes yes! :cheer: I just wish others were as lucky as we are.

[Diane Edwards]

I should have been a girl. There. I’ve said it. I don’t know how many of you feel this way, but I’ve thinking more and more about life when I was growing up, and I’ve come to this conclusion. I should have been a girl.

Yes, I should have been a girl. But I’m not.

Apologies for the psychological ramble, but this has been more and more on my mind. How many of you feel the same way, looking back?

Like you, Claire, I feel I should have been female. I have to admit that while I was growing up I had wished I could have spent more time with girls my own age doing some of the things they did. If I had been born a girl it's likely I would have been something of a tomboy because I also liked many of the sports and games played by boys. I am going to assume I would have looked much like my sisters or my cousin Gail, meaning I would have been good looking average girl, but by no means a 'knockout'.

Since my teens I have felt more comfortable in Diane mode rather than Dave mode and if given the opportunity to do it all again I'd rather have been Diane from birth.

Would things have been better if I'd been born Diane? Maybe, but probably not. But they would have been different, and that in itself may have made it a little bit better. Not that my life is bad. It's had its ups and downs, but then that's life. I just would have preferred to have lived it as 'GG' Diane.

[MysticLady]

Apologies for the psychological ramble, but this has been more and more on my mind. How many of you feel the same way, looking back?

Hi Claire

At this moment, I don't feel the way you do. If I did, based on my situation, I would jump at the chance if that was the case. But, since being alone now, I don't really dress as much as I thought I would have if given the chance. Actually tonight, would have been a stellar weekend to do it. My wife took the kiddo's camping(we'll see how that goes:heehee:) and left this morning and I have the opportunity to utilize the big house for being total femme. I would go swimming in a swim suit, then shower and dress elegantly for some pictures, then dress casually and be in and out around the grounds because of the secluded area of the place. Yet, I sit here in drab, on the computer, rough bearded as a little dog is chewing on my toe(Sorry Corrine). Little sh*t has already tore up a flip flop. It's my wife and kids dog and I was volunteered by "my wife" to watch it for them while away. (get away dog). Anyway back to what I was saying, I actually tried to force myself into dressing earlier and to no avail. I guess I really don't want to be a girl. Or maybe like a girl, I've learned to hate getting dolled up because of the hassle of it and just lounge around. Just a thought..........(Yelling at dog)

[Sammy]

Wow. What variety.
I'm a 50 year old married man. I stared dressing when I was very young, eight or nine. I don't know why. My brother nearly caught me one wearing my mothers bra. I don't understand it. Now I am married - I've been secretly crossdressing for years. I've purged many times. I now have a 4yr old daugher, thanks to a sperm donor.
I love my wife and daughter sooooo much - they are everything to me.I'm crying as I type this. Really. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anyone, but can't seem to change. Please help me.

Ignore me!

[KateSpade83]

I had great times when I was young being a DUDE. It was only later in life maybe after college that I started to want to be a woman.

[Julie Gaum]

Sammy, this is Claire's thread but we should not, though you wrote otherwise, ignore you. You obviously have several serious issues that are frequently expressed --- and addressed by members--- on this Forum; so please start your own thread. I can almost promise you a large response. You do need to consider the options before more unhappy time passes.
Julie

[Norah_joy]

To the question: "Should I have been a girl?", I can only say, Yes!

[Claire Cook]

Sammy,

I agree with Julie. You need to start your own thread so that others might help you deal with your situation. It sounds as though you have serious issues.

[TGMarla]

I should have been female, too. Maybe it's just that were I female, I wouldn't have this gender dysphoria. I love all the trappings of womanhood, right down to the long, pretty hair. I love wearing skirts and dresses, hosiery, high heels, jewelry, and makeup. I often imagine myself having female genitalia, and it seems right for me. I often wish that I was encountering the world on a daily basis as a woman instead.

LIke you, Claire, I am very happily married, though. I have carved out a live as a male, and I'm not going to go and do anything to change that. But I still find my time en femme to be very special.

[MysticLady]

LIke you, Claire, I am very happily married, though. I have carved out a live as a male, and I'm not going to go and do anything to change that. But I still find my time en femme to be very special.

Marla, this already proves that you are a "woman" IMHO.:)

[JamieTG]

Yes Claire I identify with a lot you said. I always enjoyed being around girls but never had a strong sex drive. The older I got the more uncomfortable I felt with male bonding and wanted to hang out with women and feel like "one of the girls". My personality traits are much more suited for a woman than a man. I've always felt that I was a failure at being a masculine man and that it was forced. I wish I had been born female but I realize at this late stage of my life there is nothing I can do about it.

[Sarah Doepner]

I have no idea what it would be like to actually be female. I've spent way too much time being a guy and learning that role while attempting to explore the feminity that I believe is part of me as well. What I should have been was about 6 inches shorter with a smaller build and better features so I could do a better job of exploring both the male and what I imagine to be my female side of life.

[mariehart]

I don't necessarily think I should have been a girl. Probably I supposed to be a boy but for some reason or other my brain, my mind remained female. I should also add that my body has aspects that are more feminine than male. No Adam's apple for one, a soft voice, facial shape and small hands and feet.

But I couldn't say I knew this as a child. I did begin crossdressing as a 12 year old but wasn't sure why. Eventually I decided I was a transvestite but now I realise that I didn't actually fit the profile. It wasn't so much the clothes and dressing that was important but the being a girl, being myself.

I never stressed to much about it. I was after all simply being myself. I did become stressed though when I finally accepted that I was probably TS. But I knew I would never transition because I lack the strength of personality, male or female to stand up and declare that. I planned suicide, had it all worked out when I met my future wife. I never intended to get married. It just kind of happened.

The irony of it though is that in fact my role in life is now close to that of my Mother. I do work, but most of my life is that of the traditional housewife. Staying at home cooking, cleaning and bringing up the children while my wife has the tough job with long hours. The job I have, is often considered a dream job and I can often bring the kids with me.

So I can't be a woman full time. But life closely resembles that of many women. It's an odd compromise.