Is it OK to approach another closet CD?

[latitude45]

Hi All, I was hoping I could get some advice. I had a chance encounter this morning that has left me in a quandary. I guess you could call me an "Under Dresser" during the day, that is I wear panties and hose all the time under my regular clothes. This morning I was in the men's room in one of the stalls just minding my own business when I dropped my phone. (OK don't judge me, I was playing solitaire on my iPhone) When I picked it up I chanced a peak under the wall and noticed that the guy in the stall beside me was wearing pantyhose!

Now, I didn't say anything, but I did manage to see who it was - I waited at the coffee table in the hall and watched the men's room door until he came out.

I'm sure he is looking to keep this a secret just like me; but I know I would open up to another CDer if I was given the opportunity.

Question - should I approach him?

Thanks, Confused in the Office.

[Melisamy]

I once approached a CD out of the blue. I knew the guy before, and I wished I had never approached him with my knowledge that he dressed. It was a disaster. We never talk any more, in fact its got down right awkward. I can't say that your situation was the same, but I know I will let others open their own closet doors.

Melisa Amy Ellis

[Lisa Jeffreys]

They could also be compression hose for any number of ailments such as PAD, DVT, or flebitis (sp?). Many of us secretly wish or hope everyone was a closet dresser and we could all chat about it over coffee. Maybe he is and maybe he isn't but projecting your perception onto him might be a very bad idea.

Lisa

[Melissa Rose]

Without way more information, I would not approach this person or bring up the subject. You have no idea about their feelings concerning it or whether they are actually cross dressing. Them knowing someone else knows about their secret could be a very bad thing for them. Do not assume they want to meet anyone else or they are comfortable with anyone else knowing. This is a case of erring on the side of caution and keeping your mouth shut. Also, are you willing to take the chance of them outing you to someone else?

[Asp]

I wouldn't approach him and ask him him about it, simply because it could be another reason to be wearing them. Like, maybe they are some sort of compression wear to increase circulation in the legs for a person with diabetes, or even, I hear they make a type of pantyhose for men, called Mantyhose.

[Leona]

Were I in this situation, it would drive me into asking questions about why I was still closeted, to be honest. I should be the one who's so open that I wouldn't have to ask this question, the closet CD would have come to me already! At least, that's how I see myself, which is why if I were in this situation, I'd be asking questions about how I got there and how to fix it.

[docrobbysherry]

Why? What's the point? Compare underwear?

If u see an obvious dresser, who engages everyone she meets, go say hello. Otherwise, fogetaboutit!

[mikiSJ]

Sometimes, the closet door is left ajar on purpose. NOT THIS TIME! Leave it alone.

[Leona]

Sometimes, the closet door is left ajar on purpose. NOT THIS TIME! Leave it alone.

That reminds me when I was working at Jiffy Lube (a "manly man's" place of employment). I'd gone out dressed for Halloween and then went right back into the closet when the ex-wife pitched a fit about it, but I still had the panties with these cute lacey things (because they were garters, too), and they were oh so comfortable.

So I wore them to work.

Since we all changed in the same room, I changed in front of everybody. Proudly, for someone in the closet.

'twas fun. :)

[Genny B]

I wear compression hose myself to fight swelling. Not that uncommon really...

[SandraAbsent]

I've lived full time for two years now and I can say this. There is never a situation where i ever even remotely like to be outed. The people who know I am trans, know because I shared it with them. With that being said, I work in a gay bar. I get clocked and read all the time, intentionally, and sometimes maliciously. It never makes me happy. I cant imagine how someone would feel that was closeted and outed. To me iy would seem more horrific than what I have experienced.

[Tracii G]

An old friend I worked with for years had to wear compression hose for weak veins in his legs.
Some of the guys ribbed him about it which I though was in bad taste.
To answer your question no I would not say anything to him.

[Beverley Sims]

He may not have a fondness for hose, there may be a reason for it.
I would not approach anyone unless it was a LGBT type of convention/meeting.

[Wildaboutheels]

Clearly, you are one of the many who have no clue just how many men wear pantyhose. Do you know how long companies have been designing and making pantyhose specifically for men? Not much to base CDing on really.

But that is a whole other can of worms at this Forum. Exactly WHAT makes someone a CDer? That question [the answers to it] are an easy way to start a war here.

[gailprice]

I was approached once before I came out full time and it was awful to realise that i had been noticed as a cd when i had thought i looked good to pass.
I would leave well alone compression hose or not. Its none of your business.
Sorry to seem so blunt but it does bring back to mind some awkward moments. Xxxxxx :)

[Kate Simmons]

The question to ask yourself is how would I react if the roles were reversed? Would you appreciate someone asking you that? And go from there.:)

[Joanne f]

I would agree with kate plus you do not know that he is a CD but he would soon find out that you are and you are forgetting what the word " closet" means, they do not what anyone to know , so to be more direct to your question "NO" :)

[Ressie]

The question to ask yourself is how would I react if the roles were reversed? Would you appreciate someone asking you that? And go from there.:)

I would find it stressful to be approached and outed in the men's room. Many closet underdressers don't share their secret with anyone on this planet.

[linda allen]

Is it OK to approach another closet CD?

In a word, "no". If he is in the closet, he doesn't want anyone to know about his dressing. That's what "in the closet" means.

Also, and I know this doesn't apply to the situation you were in, but in general, approaching someone you suspect is a crossdresser is pretty risky. Suppose you approach what you believe is a crossdresser and she turns out to be a genetic female? How will you handle that? Wouldn't she view that as an insult?


I would find it stressful to be approached and outed in the men's room. Many closet underdressers don't share their secret with anyone on this planet.

The men's restroom is a special place. There are unwritten rules (up until now. ;) ) Don't stare, don't make eye contact, and if there's no reason to speak, don't except to maybe nod your head and say "hello".

In other words, get in, do your business, and get out.

[Jenny Doolittle]

If this person is a work mate, just offer a jesture of friendship, if it developes from that he wants to let you know about his intimate lifestyle fine, but I think it would be a bombshell if you opened the topic up of the get go.

[~Joanne~]

No. I wouldn't approach him at all. You should respect his privacy as you would want yours respected.

[JenniferR771]

The closet is lonely. But its private. Good comments above.
The only way to do this is to out yourself to him (her). If he is a cd he will respond...maybe. Take him out for coffee and wear a little subtle makeup. Or maybe some other girly sign--nails? Tights? Girly sneakers? Be reading a girly magazine? Take it slow. He is probably shy. Or may not be a cd.