Out of the closet.

[suzy1]

No, it’s not another story of someone going out dressed.

As there is a bit of talk about going out dressed at the moment I just thought I would mention that some of us do not stay in the closet because we are scared….we are not! Nor do we necessarily believe it when we read ‘there is nothing to worry about’ or ‘you will get nothing but smiles as you walk down the road’ or ‘When the time is right for you to come out of the shadows you will.’. Nor do we all think we are ‘letting the side down’ [Your side is not necessarily my side]

What can be a bit irritating is, after you explain this to another member they come back with something like “one day you will want to” or “you think you don’t but you do really” Grrrrrrr

I have no need personally to go out dressed. I am a happy bunny just as I am.:)

Thanks for listening, have fun and………..”I am not hiding!” [Said in a loud voice with hands cupped to mouth]

Hugs and have a nice day.


Suzy

[janet54]

Suzy. As long as you are happy girl that is all that matters.

[Barbara Ella]

Suzy, yes dear, only you know just what you want/need. But, are you sure, maybe we could talk this over a bit. You seem uncertain, and I am sure if you just tried it............giggles girl.

(Ducks the screwdriver thrown her way, at least it was an empty glass, Suzy would never waste a full one)

Hugs

Barbara

[Majella St Gerard]

Just be who you want to be. Going out dressed is not for everybody, it took me a long time, now I do it all the time and don't even think about it most of the time. Whatever works for you. As the genie said to Aladdin "Beeeee yourself"
Peace and Love.

[2B Natasha]

Well then. Perhaps the time will never be right for you.

It's true thought what you say. It is not all sunshine and unicorns when you go out. Anybody telling you that is blowing smoke up your backside. The vast majority of people will never say anything to you or loud enough that you can hear them but they will talk. SOme good some bad some indifferent

But I think you misunderstand where they are coming from. Most of the people that are out said the same thing. " I am happy. I don't want or need to go out. " And you know what. Some of them never went out and they are as happy as a clam in fresh salt water. Others felt compelled at some point and left. If even for one spin around the block.

And Suzy I can understand your frustration with those who say " One day " Seems myself included.

As a way of why I explaining here is a story.

One of the first times I went out dressed up. looking quite trashy I suspect now that I look back. The person that help me get out of the house told me a little funny. Or at least she thought it was funny. It's stuck in my craw since she told me. Do you know the difference between a crossdresser and and a transsexual? About 3 years. ( add rim shot here ) She didn't mean any harm and I talk to her today still. But the inference was that I was headed down that road and in time I would realize it. But in fact. I was not then and am not now headed down that road. I am happy being a CD or whatever you want to call me. So I understand your frustration with the you'll go out crowd. Still never say never. That goes for me too. One of the reasons I am where I am today is because I had pneumonia so bad they thought it could be cancer. Scared the H&^% out of me. Made me realize that going out regularly just couldn't stay on the back burner any longer. If I wanted to go out I was darn well going to go out when I wanted.

Two last things.

First. No harm no foul

Second. Is there another Hampshire other then the one in the UK?

[Beverley Sims]

Now there's a new twist......
Declaring you are not out.
I am home too. :)
Hello Suzy.

[suzy1]

Well then. Perhaps the time will never be right for you.


First. No harm no foul

Second. Is there another Hampshire other then the one in the UK?


No, there is no perhaps. Thats the point I was making. But that's O.K.

The trouble with Suzy is sometimes she just goes off with a bang!
And I let this get under my skin sometimes.

No hard feelings Natasha.

There is a Hampshire somewhere in the U.S. I believe but its probably named after the proper one where I live.:heehee:

Al the best.

[Shananigans]

Preach it!

People on here always talk out their butts (sometimes, I'm one of them lol). But, a lot of people are sort of weirdly adamant about things like...you can NEVER stop...you WILL want to go outside...you MUST NEVER wear jeans...blah, blah...

This is a diverse group and people are all over the map with why they are doing what they are doing. And, Hell, most of y'all have no idea why you're doing what you're doing, so why would you listen to other people rule in absolutes about your life? Jus' sayin'...

Every day, I realize that few things in life are black or white. There seems to be a lot of bad literature out there concerning CDing in almost fatalistic terms. You know what I mean? It's almost like a death sentence sometimes...the CD is powerless to everything...this is HOW a CD must be. (It probably has something to do with association of CDing with submissiveness and inherent powerlessness of femininity or some bull crap<~~talking out my ass).

Why does every CD have to go out? I'm a GG...there are looks I have only at home. I'm okay with that. You are happy staying at home? Good for you...I can't even blame you. Most days, I don't see the point...movies are $10, I can drink at home and not have to deal with bar people, it's hot outside, and heels are way more comfortable on the couch.

I'd say it's ruling in absolutes to say you'll never do something, but I think it's fine to stay at home if you want to stay at home. So, if people start bullying you, I'd just say, "Yep, maybe...but, not today!"

[Lorileah]

Suzy, seems like you have traveled this road before.

[suzy1]

Suzy, seems like you have traveled this road before.

Yep, I read about us all having to go out all the time and bang! Off I go again.

I must stop it.:eek:

[stephNE]

Yes, the world is made up of individuals. I am surprised that all the girls on this site do have so much in common, but not everything. What is right for one, may not be right for anyone else.

[Deedee Skyblue]

You know, Suzy Q, no matter how often it gets said, those people who expect us all to be evangelists and stand up for our rights and march for the cause will continue to expect us to do so. And those who think the rest of us are not brave enough to go out and that if we only would, nothing bad would happen and we will be happy and stress free forever are going to continue to preach to us. Those folks who have our entire life mapped out because we are crossdressers will continue to tell us what MUST happen next.

I just stopped reading that stuff. I am content dressing part time, in private, not attempting to pass, and not being an evangelist. And I know there are other people like me here.

Deedee

[suzy1]

I just stopped reading that stuff. I am content dressing part time, in private, not attempting to pass, and not being an evangelist. And I know there are other people like me here.

Deedee

Well that make too of us then.:heehee:

[kimdl93]

I have no investment in what anyone else decides to do or not do with regard to their dressing.

[shawnsheila]

Agreed,
Just do what makes you happy :) Suzy like what she likes :)

[Miriam-J]

Point well made, Suzy, and I'm sure it applies to a good many of us. If one finds sufficient satisfaction from staying in, then one should certainly do so.

I think the many threads that discuss going out come from a few valid perspectives, including:
- Celebrating one's own elation at escaping the bounds of home (for those who weren't satisfied inside)
- Promoting going out as an challenge to what is felt to be suppression of our civil rights, acting on behalf of the community
- Bragging about one's own accomplishments compared to those 'lesser folks' who choose otherwise

Thanks for bringing this up.

Miriam

[Kandy Barr]

:eek: Well now, I'm certainly glad that's settled!!! Love you Suzy...

Would my signature apply here?

[Chari]

We are all individuals with confidence and comfort at different points on the "gender" scale. Enjoy every day, for it will never come this way again.

[Wildaboutheels]

WHATTTTT? Yer kidding , right? You simply must PROGRESS. It's the only proper way to be a "good" CDer. You are not allowed to have free will and a mind of your own and know what you like and don't like. It WILL take over your life at some point and you WILL become helpless to stop it. It's as inevitable as the tides.

Next, you will be telling us that there IS NO CDers rule for skirt or dress length/age and you will wear whatever length floats your boat. You are going to really confuse all the newbies and get them thinking that THEY are in charge of their own destiny.

[Ressie]

Dressing in public has never been my goal either. I never considered it at all until seeing everyone on this site (and others) talk about it so much. But who knows what the future holds? Never say never, just say "It's not for me".

[docrobbysherry]

There is absolutely NO good reason for a closet dresser to go out dressed!

Unless it's to meet other girls for a nite out clubbing and dancing in heels!

[Michelle (Oz)]

I might be guilty of the 'go forth and have fun girl' message sometimes. It is fun to share experiences and I enjoy reading others experiences such as TxKimberley's travel blogs.

My underlying message is never to say "you must go out" but to encourage those who might want to. No one can or should force anyone to do something that they don't want to do.

[MysticLady]

I have no need personally to go out dressed.
Suzy

One Day you will really really really want too.:heehee: Trust me:doh:

[Jilmac]

Suzy, I was married twice, both spouses knew at the outset (before either marriage took place) of my dressing, and throughout each marriage neither one approved. I remained in the closet until the passing of my second wife, at which time I exited to a new found freedom and happiness. In reading what you said about yourself, I believe your freedom and happiness remains in the closet with you which gives you no reason to exit. I say good for you girl, enjoy your own freedom and happiness and don't let anybody speak badly of you.

[Maureen]

I am the opposite. I started out thinking dressing in private was all I would need. Then it was subtle make up and shopping. Then driving at night completely dressed. Then a total makeover and acrylic nails and a walk through the Cosmo in Vegas. Now the "what's the difference between a cd and a ts?" doesn't seem so funny. It seems a distinct possibility except for my inability to ruin my wife's life.

[Jenniferathome]

Suzy, I think there is a personality aspect here. There are some that love being a lone wolf and others that find it boring. I'm int he latter group. I hate sitting at home unless I'm watching American football. For me, it's just boring. For you, it may be calming or peaceful or whatever. So the "you'll go out crowd" can be right but it applies to the non-loan wolf crowd.

[suzy1]

Suzy, I think there is a personality aspect here. There are some that love being a lone wolf and others that find it boring. I'm int he latter group. I hate sitting at home unless I'm watching American football. For me, it's just boring. For you, it may be calming or peaceful or whatever. So the "you'll go out crowd" can be right but it applies to the non-loan wolf crowd.

Thank you Jennifer.

I am not a lone wolf. I just don’t need to go out dressed.

I think it comes down to several things. I am transgender. I am just me [a mix of female/male in my head] and I am very comfortable out and about without dressing.
I am totally happy.:)
I do have someone that I have a sort of occasional relationship with as Suzy but that’s private.:straightface:
I do get a bit irritated by some that say we should all be ‘out there’ but I am working on it. :eek:

And life is fun but I think I have said that to death by now:heehee:

[Lynn Marie]

Hi Suzy, I enjoy dressing at home too.

[CherylFlint]

Well, whatever floats your boat, as they say.
But, really, boring, staying home all dressed and no place to go.
Most of us took baby steps to go out into the world, like get in the car and just drive around at night.
And then maybe drive in the day.
And the more we put on the makeup, the better we got, and the better we got, the more confident we became until: MALL TIME! Or…maybe a gay bar where other TV’s go, which is what I did.
Then you learn tricks of going to the ladies room without getting ‘made’, like go to the mall in the morning to get makeovers, and use department store restrooms.
Look, there is no better feeling in the world than to get out there and pass. You’re at a department store looking at slips and the SA comes up and says “May I help you, Miss” and REALLY mean it, that you did such a good job of passing that you fooled her, that’s real satisfaction when you know you’re doing it right. Best feeling in the world, better than staying at home by yourself.
Get out, have some fun. Life’s too short to spend it behind closed doors.
Just my opinion, just trying to help. You won’t regret it.
Matter of fact, don’t pay any attention to what I wrote. If staying at home makes you happy, then I’m happy for you. Could you ever be happier? You’ll never know.

[AmyGaleRT]

Suzy, I'm not about to push you out of the closet.

But, then again, I don't think anyone pushed me out of the closet. Ultimately, I pushed myself out. True, it was inspired by all the successes I'd read about, here and elsewhere...but no words on a computer screen could make me open the door and step out. I had to do that for myself.

Be happy with your situation, and enjoy staying in. Just don't be surprised if, one day, you change your mind. It is a woman's prerogative, after all. :)

- Amy

[PaulaQ]

Hi Suzy, I think being CD /TG or what have you is hard. I respect anyone who does whatever they need to do to express their feminine side and be happy. There is no 'right' way to do this, only what's right for YOU.

FWIW, I love going out, but think it is just silly to assume you or anyone else will feel the same way.

My only other comment is that you are pretty, so it is the outside world's loss that you aren't out and about in it, but please just take that as a compliment rather than a call to action!

[suzy1]

Just don't be surprised if, one day, you change your mind.

I know you meen well Amy but you don’t listen do you.

Let me quote what I said in my thread ‘What can be a bit irritating is, after you explain this to another member they come back with something like “one day you will want to” or “you think you don’t but you do really” Grrrrrrr’
I’m typing this with a smile on my face Amy.:)




Well, whatever floats your boat, as they say.

Get out, have some fun. Life’s too short to spend it behind closed doors.
. If staying at home makes you happy, then I’m happy for you. Could you ever be happier? You’ll never know.

So I spend all my days behind closed doors then do I?, a sort of hermit. I am not having any fun, I am not really happy because I haven’t worked out that by going out I will then be happy and have some fun according to you. I must be dim.:straightface:

But you start by saying “whatever floats your boat”

My boat is floating very well thank you and it has a very intelligent and happy skipper at the helm.

You just can’t tell some people.:eek:

But no hard feelings.:)

I just find it amusing sometimes thats all.:heehee:

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Suzy, Your story sounds a whole lot like my story.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

I'm like the two marriage post (#24 here). It just cannot fly with my wife who I love. I was ratted on to my by a relative whom I confided in, a resentment that won't go away soon.

The main reason I can't go out is that there is nobody to do it with. If I just had one or two friends who were like me here, I would do it at a drop of a hat. But then there are the consequences of hurtful people harming the ones I love.

I wait for vacations. If I'm in a hostel, so much the better. People in hostels (who are usually young) could not care less. Let me have a week in a hostel in New Orleans with a musical instrument and I'm in heaven.

In the key of B girls, "Do you know what it means, to be feelin' like a queen, sippin' succulent flavors of sweet New Or Leans...."

[linda allen]

[QUOTE=Robbin_Sinclair;3226821........... In the key of B girls, "Do you know what it means, to be feelin' like a queen, sippin' succulent flavors of sweet New Or Leans...."[/QUOTE]

Who plays in the key of B unless they have to?

[Sara Jessica]

My underlying message is never to say "you must go out" but to encourage those who might want to. No one can or should force anyone to do something that they don't want to do.

Nicely said Michelle, that would be my mantra as well.

Suzy, you are part of a majority rather than a minority. While there is no way to determine a percentage of us who go out & about, by my own observations I would say that number if rather low. If I were to venture a guess, it'd be in the 10-20% range and that'd be a very generous guesstimate (which includes those who are part of the club scene only). There just aren't all that many of us running around. Ask any SA and they'll tell you we are a once-in-a-blue-moon occurrence.

There is no inevitable progression with this whole thing. Anyone who says there is doesn't understand human nature, let alone what this can mean for many in our community. The only thing I take exception to in your original point is the implication that the real world is not an overtly positive place to be. While in the past I have had a few mildly unpleasant experiences, of late I have encountered nothing but positivity. What happens in my wake? I really don't care. Going out is something that I will never give up on and it carries with it a richness of experience (not to mention the absolute fulfillment of building true & lasting friendships) that cannot be duplicated elsewhere. Those who choose to stay inside find their fulfillment in other ways. Who are any of us to suggest any sort of need to do it differently?

[Michelle (Oz)]

While in the past I have had a few mildly unpleasant experiences, of late I have encountered nothing but positivity. What happens in my wake? I really don't care. Going out is something that I will never give up on and it carries with it a richness of experience (not to mention the absolute fulfillment of building true & lasting friendships) that cannot be duplicated elsewhere.

Totally accurate from my experiences on the other side of the world Sara. And thankfully I'm not a mind reader so no concerns about what people are thinking either.

[melissakozak]

For me, going out is not optional. It is a necessity because I strongly identify with the femme spirit. It is fun, validating and gives me a chance to be 'me.'

[Ressie]

Who plays in the key of B unless they have to?

The Rolling Stones?

[AmandaJean]

Personally, I'm with you Suzy... I've no interest in going out and it has nothing to do with being afraid to do so.

It's true, I do get a "kick" out of those who do go out and share their experiences. I get to "experience" that aspect through their eyes. Sort of how I appreciate reading a book (or watch the movie) like the Bourne Identity and have no interest in killing people in real life, but for that period of time, I get to "live" vicariously through that expereince.

Besides at 6' 4" and slim, there is no chance of me not standing out in a crowd. I'm alright with that, because I already stand out in normal life.

If not going out in public means I'm not a proper CD, so be it. Call me something else! LOL

Amanda

[AmyGaleRT]

I know you meen well Amy but you don’t listen do you.

Let me quote what I said in my thread ‘What can be a bit irritating is, after you explain this to another member they come back with something like “one day you will want to” or “you think you don’t but you do really” Grrrrrrr’
I’m typing this with a smile on my face Amy.:)

I didn't say you would, or wouldn't change your mind. I just said you shouldn't be surprised if you do. If even that sounds wrongheaded, mea maxima culpa.

I don't think you will change your mind...but, two years ago, or even one year ago, I didn't think I would change my mind, either. If the "me" of two years ago saw what I'm doing now, I would be positively shocked at myself and think I was crazy!

I cannot presume to speak for you. I can only speak from my own experience.

I'm going to let you be now. :)

- Amy

[Deedee Skyblue]

Amanda, you're really something else! ;)

Deedee

[MissTee]

I'm happy staying in, too. I dress for me, and I dress up with and for my wife. We have lots of fun with it. My needs are met and I'm not looking for anything else.