How to be okay with being a crossdresser?

[JuliaC]

I feel bad about myself! Help? I need tips on accepting myself!

[Jenniferathome]

I do not think there are "tips" that you follow and the result is acceptance. For me, it is what it is. ItCross dressing is odd but I am certain I was born this way. What's not to accept? This is no different than being gay, I think. You are what you are. You can deny it and be unhappy or accept it an be happy. Easy choice.

[mary something]

find someone or a group of people you can dress around that won't judge you. Then you can mirror the acceptance that they show you towards yourself.

[RADER]

You just enjoy wearing different clothes; Nothing wrong in doing that.
I still like girls only, so much that I like dressing like one.
Rader

[JenniferR771]

Be loving and kind to other people. Accept them. And realizing no one is entirely normal...accept yourself. God has a sense of humor, but He knows you can do this.

[sallyjones]

Ive struggled with this myself.What others think of me is none of my business.. Once you accept yourself it seems that others just follow suit. Get to where you ok with you and just be it. You cant expect other to instantly accept something you have been dealing with for a lifetime. Find someone you trust and if their cool with it , it helps you be cool with it.

[suzy1]

Society tells you its wrong, religion [sometimes] tells you it’s a sin, But tell me why is it really wrong?..........waiting for an answer…………still waiting?………..

There is no answer to that. Why? because there isn’t anything wrong with C.D.ing.

Think for yourself. And then slip into that dress girl.:)

[Princess Grandpa]

All my life I felt bad about myself for what I do. One day, not long ago, I had to ask myself "why is it ok for my lgbt friends but not me? After realized it was just as ok for me as my friends, I no longer felt so badly.

If you need to talk feel free to message me!

Hug
Rita

[Tracii G]

Are we talking shame about dressing here?
Tell us more about your situation.

[Stephanie47]

Before responding I checked your age (19), status (college kid) and read your other posts. If you are feeling badly about yourself, i.e., cross dressing, I would say at your age that is normal. There are societal norms and expectations. It is not normal or customary for a male to dress as a woman. That being said, there is nothing illegal about cross dressing. Sure, a DUI patrol could pull you over when en femme and you may feel embarrassed, but, appearing as a woman is not going to get you in trouble illegally. However, society is not so accepting. Sure, you can walk down the street and maybe not get a second look, or a comment, maybe a look of disapproval, etc. The challenge is how the people you interact with on a daily basis are going to view you. That includes school mates, friends and relatives, employers. That's the challenge.

Beware! Once the cat is out of the bag, the genie out of the bottle, she is not going to get back in. Obviously, you have a computer. You can find a lot of information that will validate the fact the is NOTHING wrong with you. Most cross dressers went through the exact same phase you're going through, and, frankly, for many, if not most, it is a lifelong struggle, balancing act.

My recommendation is to be discreet. Just throwing yourself out there in a dress is not the wisest thing to do. Why? Because there is no way you can undue the potential negative reactions for which you are prepared at age 19. How are you going to handle the non acceptance of others before you accept yourself?

In the other posts you asked whether you can or should limit your cross dressing to lingerie. I started that way. I wore nighties to bed with my wife's approval. My cross dressing developed slowly as I felt more comfortable with myself and my wife's reactions which was non acceptance. I tested the waters to see what may happen if I just throw myself out there. For me? Well, I thought it was not wise.

Start out slow. Wearing lingerie in privacy is a good way to start. Expand when you feel comfortable. Above all, moderation is the key to successful living. Don't act impulsively. Think before you act or commit yourself. That's good advice for cross dressing or anything else in life.

[Princess Grandpa]

find someone or a group of people you can dress around that won't judge you. Then you can mirror the acceptance that they show you towards yourself.

::flowers:: awesome advice. Being able to accept myself is much easier since my wife loves and accepts me!

[Lucy_Bella]

Think of your dressing desires like people look at modern art.. I see a sculpture of bend metal or a painting that looks like the artist just stood back and threw paint on the canvas..But the artist seen his /her work as beauty that only a certain part of society can understand and appreciate this can bring a hefty price in the end for the work created..But in the wrong part of society the work could also flop calling the work child's play or wonder what kind of drugs it takes a so called artist to create such work..

There is some acceptance but there will never be complete acceptance in a society you know what type of art you are displaying be wise enough to know what gallery to display it at..

[Wildaboutheels]

Would it help to know that almost EVERYone at this Forum started just like you and/or went through "your" phase at some point? 596 views and 11 replies should tell you something. It's natural for a man's vision to easily help him get to the "promised land". It's our most basic programming and a "trait" that very few females will ever be "subjected to" for their own benefit. [Thinking with the little head]

Rather silly to feel bad about about it isn't it?

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?196912-This-word-NEVER...&highlight=

[Beverley Sims]

Julia,
There are no be all end all tips to give, ask a specific question and everyone will answer to the best of their ability.

[ambigendrous]

Since crossdressing is no different than being left-handed, or tall, or blonde, or "hefty" just think of it in those terms. There are people who will ridicule, or bully, others for ANY reason if you are at ease with being tall, or red-headed, or left-handed then just accept that crossdressing is no big deal.

[Barbara Jo]

FWIW....

Many people can not accept themselves no mater what their life stye/ interests etc.

One either likes themselves in spite of their perceive flaws or not . I'm referring to liking one's self not to be confused with being conceited or self centered.

If one does not really like themselves they can never be really happy.:)

[suzy1]

If one does not really like themselves they can never be really happy.:)

Words of wisdom!
You are so right Barbara.

[Angie G]

I'm 65 years old, Years ago when I was maybe 7or 8 I would get the urge to put om something that belonged to a girl as my aunts shoes. Anything I would wind if no one was around I'd have it on. It's not something I just one day said I'm going to dress like a girl.I have been hiding it for all this time. About 7 years ago I told my wife (long story). What I'm trying to say is It was alway in me to dress it's something I need to do not just something I want to do.Lots of us tryed to NOT DRESS ever again only to come back to it. Just relax and enjoy youself it will make life a lot easyer trust me, I've been in this life a few years.I sure your a really good person :hugs:
Angie

[I Am Paula]

Spend some time at walmart. You will feel soooo normal afterwards.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I was a guilt-ridden TV when I was your age too. Oh, was I ever...!

Unfortunately, there is no easy way to overcome your guilt. It is something you will have to work though in your own mind, take all of the facts on both sides of the argument and weigh it out and come to a conclusion for yourself.

[Lynn Marie]

Growing older and avoiding attachments can do wonders for your sense of well being and self confidence.

You might have set a forum record for threads started in the shortest time. 8 already!

[Leona]

You may as well ask how to accept that you have your ex's name tattooed on your forearm.

Um, start by googling up the video to Madonna's "What it feels like for a girl". I'd link it, but I've had so many posts edited lately because I inadvertently broke the rules here that I'm trying really hard to stay out of trouble (hard to believe, I know).

Second, work on figuring out that there's nothing wrong with being a girl. I wrote up an article on my website about a culture of abuse that runs somewhat counter to the r*** culture being discussed by feminists and other people who care about women, here's a quote:



men grow up in a culture that teaches them men are dominant and need to always prove their strength and sexual prowess. A man's healthy libido is judged by how often he gets laid, and how many different partners he has. He is always under pressure to sleep around more, to accept any random sex offered to him. He is also always warned of the consequences should he get someone pregnant. This is what it means to be a man.

Add to it that a man can NEVER adopt any habits, interests, or feelings that might be even remotely considered feminine. For reference, check out the brony community and their haters.

YOU have to eliminate those attitudes within you. Become a feminist, basically. Understand that there's nothing wrong with being a girl, period. No exceptions. Women aren't automatically submissive nor inferior. When you understand that, you will hopefully be able to understand that having a woman inside you doesn't mean you're automatically submissive or inferior, and that there's nothing wrong with THAT woman inside you.

Third, find a way to internalize what Iggy Pop said: "I'm not ashamed to dress like a woman because I don't think it's shameful to be a woman."

I truly believe that the fundamental reason nobody wants to be a crossdresser is because of this ultra-hyper view of men and masculinity. That's the biggest barrier, I think. "I don't want people to think I'm gay" (what you wear says nothing about sexual orientation, not that being gay is bad either), "I don't want to look ridiculous" (but you want to express yourself), etc.

[CarolynO]

Not sure what tips to give someone with guilt and/or shame but me,never had guilt etc.I always fully accepted it even when very young.I never "purged".It made me feel so good about myself that I thought of it as a gift.And a gift I'd never want to lose.

Maybe you should try looking at it that way?

[ArleneRaquel]

After a very long time, I have been dressing almost 60 years. I just accept my blessing and live my life to the fullest. Best Wishes !

[NathalieX66]

A long time ago, I used to feel ashamed that I was not like every other guy. .........Thankfully, now I'm glad that I'm not like every other guy.

And to tell you the truth, I wouldn't change a thing.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Julia, Get a full length mirror if you like what you see , Great if not then get new hobby.

[giuseppina]

I feel bad about myself! Help? I need tips on accepting myself!

I haven't read all the posts, but there is no magic formula for self-acceptance. Other than saying crossdressing is extremely harmless, if you're really troubled about this, a session or two with a qualified, licensed, and nonjudgemental mental health practitioner may help. Constantly beating yourself up over this or anything else is an excellent recipe for clinical depression.

[renee elizabeth]

i've tried to deny this part of me for over 35+ years, i have finally decided that if i want to dress up and be feminine, so be it, i enjoy it and i am not doing anyone any harm whatsoever, the only down side to me is that it becomes very hard to find a decent woman that is ok with her man dressing up, a lot of women are really not open to having a crossdressing boyfriend / husband

[Celeste]

Guilt got the better of me too.What helped me get over it was the realization that dressing doesn't necessarily have to classify me.That's only in other peoples minds,not mine.You never have to feel bad about who you are..be proud and know you are special.

[CherylFlint]

You can make it easy on yourself and accept it or you can worry and become a nervous wreck, it’s your free choice of how you view yourself.
First, being a CD is not something you grow-out of or is a disease that can be cured.
Simply put, your ‘X’ and ‘Y’ chromosomes didn’t line up perfectly and here you are, and me too, and thousands of others. That said, we’re a very, very small percentage of the population.
Being a CD is definitely a psychological need, and some of us take it to many different levels, but the goal is to feel good about yourself, and have others see you that the woman you should’ve been if one ‘Y’ was added, or in a different place, who knows?
So you’re a CD. My advice? Have fun with it, because with the right attitude it can be a lot of fun, or a major curse that you’ll unsuccessfully fight all your life if you deny the woman in you.
Dress up so you can pass and go on out there and have some fun, because being a guy treated as a girl is a real trip.

[AmyGaleRT]

Julia, I think you may just need to look at it from a different angle!

When you dress as a woman, you are not doing anything "bad" or "immoral." They're just clothes, after all. You are not "sick" or "deviant," you can see there are a lot of guys out there like you...and for each one you see, there may be several you don't see, because they're not going out and not on sites like this, they're just dressing in private and minding their own business.

Instead, look at it this way...you have been given a gift, the ability to appreciate sensations and experiences that most men would either dismiss out of hand or just wouldn't understand. To give a couple of examples from my own life, getting my hair done at a salon was an experience I loved, and I doubt most cisgender men could even comprehend the depth of sensual delight involved. Or, not too long ago, I was out shopping en femme, leaving a store to go back to my car. The day was warm, and a nice warm breeze had picked up, blowing back my long hair, playing with the flyaway sides of my top under my bust, and blowing around and under my skirt. It was a stimulating experience, in a way I wouldn't have had if I were in guy mode, in an ordinary shirt and pants and with my hair tied back. Even if you don't go out, for instance, you know the way those fine fabrics feel against your skin, you can see the warmth of those lovely colors and patterns, you can see how the right accessories can enhance an outfit. Most guys wouldn't "get it." You do. (And I bet you have a lot more sympathy for ladies who have trouble figuring out what to wear, or take so long to get ready to go out!)

Don't put yourself down because you dress. Realize that you have a gift most people do not. Revel in that fact. Keep dressing and perfecting your feminine presentation, and see where it takes you.

- Amy

[Hannah W.]

When you dress as a woman, you are not doing anything "bad" or "immoral." They're just clothes, after all. You are not "sick" or "deviant," you can see there are a lot of guys out there like you...and for each one you see, there may be several you don't see, because they're not going out and not on sites like this, they're just dressing in private and minding their own business.
- Amy

Very, very wise words - thanks Amy!

[heatherdress]

Julia - A lot of good inputs already. I would just add - find a CD group in the Boston area and go to a meeting. When you meet other Crossdressers you may feel much better. You might learn a lot and enjoy yourself. Look at Tri-Ess web site or maybe Meetup. Meetings are confidential and attendees are welcoming.