Scared, Apprehensive, and wondering what to do!

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I recently found out from my sister-in-law that my wife's family knew all about me and my CDing even before we married about 20 years ago. I guess word travels fast in small towns. My daughters and my wife's daughter also know along with my 80-yr-old mother in law. Everyone seems to be fine with it and I have felt no repercussions.

Well, now we are going to have a family gathering soon. My sister-in-law is suggesting and just about insisting I come out dressed. Yikes! She tells me that my wife, her sister, always bordered on the wild side, for what that comment is worth. I don't want to embarass my conservative dressing wife either. Her other sister experimented with wife swapping. Maybe I'm blessed or cursed? I don't know what to do!

I'd love to come out as Cheryl and enjoy every moment, but I'm scared and apprehensive! My hair stylist knows Cheryl and has offered to do my makeup. I just talked to her about this.

This isn't easy! Do or die?

Cheryl Ann

[Deedee Skyblue]

That's an intimidating choice. If I were you, I'd start by asking my wife what she thought. If she's OK with it, then maybe she can help you make plans. And maybe talk to her sister about being a little less insistent...

Deedee

[Eryn]

Follow Deedee's advice! There is a huge difference between your in-laws knowing about your CDing and wanting to be with you dressed! It would be wonderful if you could go dressed and have everyone be OK with it, but you need to make sure that this will truly be the case and that starts with your spouse!

[Tracii G]

Yep ask your wife what she thinks and go from there.

[mikiSJ]

I agree with the girls above for asking you to discuss this with your wife.

I am curious though; your post only mentions the females in your family. What about the husbands and sons that will be there? Do you know if they will be okay with you showing up dressed?

[AmyGaleRT]

Cheryl hon, there's two different people you have to worry about here. Your wife is one, and others have covered that angle; this is her family, after all, and if you being Cheryl in front of them is going to cause her problems, then that's something to take into consideration.

The other person, though, is you. How is this going to make you feel? How will you feel if this totally changes the way your wife's family looks at you from now on? Careful not to let the pink fog rush in and drive you to do something you may not be ready for.

If you do decide to just go in drab, though, bring along some pictures of Cheryl, so if it gets brought up, you can show off a bit, and maybe get a better idea about whether Cheryl herself will be all right if she shows up on another day.

- Amy

[Hannah W.]

Not sure i'm experienced enough to give you a rational answer - but I would definitely, DEFINITELY liaise with my other half before making a big as decision as this. I'm sure you'll be fine, but conversation is the best preparation.

[Kate Simmons]

I probably wouldn't have a problem doing it, but you need to consider any potential "fallout" on the rest of the family. Have fun.:)

[Lynn Marie]

If everybody already knows, then why bother. What's it going to prove and it sure doesn't seem worth getting stressed out over. If your family wants to see you dressed, they can ask, and you can give them an en femme business card with you in all your glory looking fabulous. Otherwise leaving 'em guessing.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Thank you my friends, especially my closest friend Amy here. I have a LOT to consider. The first is my wife. I want her to be comfortable before me. The only other men are her sisters husbands. I don't know how they'd take it and I have a feeling they know. I have a few weeks to decide. Lots to think about!

Cheryl

EDIT: Lynn, all very good points! They know I am a CD. It might be a good time to confirm it? I just feel very nervous about it and/or embarassing my wife. I will again run this by her. She is 100% supportive but this is her family too.

[Cheryl123]

Definitely discuss it with you wife. Frankly I'm a little bothered by others trying to pressure you to come out. When, if and where you present in public should be your own decision. If you are scared and apprehensive, then you might consider presenting yourself on an occasion that seems more right ... Take care.

[AmyGaleRT]

Cheryl, this is about like that time when I FaceTimed my mother as Amy...it's one thing for me to tell her she has a "daughter" of sorts, it's another for that daughter to just call up on video out of the blue! Similarly, it's one thing for your family members to know about your dressing, but quite another for them to see Cheryl up close and personal.

My mom was a little taken aback by it, but she handled it OK. I just wonder if your family members might not have more negative reactions. That's why I suggested the "feel them out and maybe show them pictures" approach, it'll give you the opportunity to gauge reactions in advance.

- Amy

[Raychel]

I have to agree with the others, Let you wife decide if it is OK, She is the
one that will be most affected by this, and the one that is closest to your heart.

[kimdl93]

What does your wife think? If she's ok with it, and the cats out of the bag, then I'd say, go for it.

[linda allen]

It's pretty obvious that you should ask your wife and I have to wonder why you didn't ask her rather than ask a bunch of relative strangers on a web forum.

So for the advice you probably shouldn't have asked for, If your wife is not totally enthused about this, I recommend that you not do it. If she is enthused and really wants you to do it (I doubt this is the case), then it boils down to how comfortable you would be doing it. Remember, you'll be stuck the entire time dressed as a female, it's not like going out walking where you can just turn around and go home if you feel uncomfortable.

Another thing - There will be photos taken at a family gathering. Are you comfortable with them having photos of you dressed? Are you comfortable with the fact that they might show them to others or post them on the Internet (Facebook, etc.)?

We all have different levels of comfort with our dressing and I have no way of knowing your comfort level. Personally, I would not do it unless it was a costume party.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

Thanks everyone. Lots of great advice! I've decided to not do it and mostly out of respect for my wife. I also think it would be awkward for other people. And yes, I don't want pictures on the internet either. I haven't discussed this with my wife but I sense she would be uncomfortable with it. Thank you all for putting it into perspective in many ways.

Cheryl Ann

[linda allen]

Thanks everyone. Lots of great advice! I've decided to not do it and mostly out of respect for my wife. I also think it would be awkward for other people. And yes, I don't want pictures on the internet either. I haven't discussed this with my wife but I sense she would be uncomfortable with it. Thank you all for putting it into perspective in many ways.

Cheryl Ann

You're welcome, glad we could help.

[Beverley Sims]

Check this out with your wife and if she is OK..... Then get scared.
All the best with your situation.