"Secrets"

[MysticLady]

Hello All

I hope my Title captured your attention for this is a subject of interest to me and possibly others.

I wonder if a secret to "peace of mind" w/ this phenomenon is first of all, embracing this and not fight it and, then learning how to utilize these "secrets" as a tool. I'm in the process of doing this and it has brought me peace. Another thing that I am also learning and have learn some already, is becoming fluid between both essences, roles, genders or whatever your preference is to call them. Now, I'm reaching a point where I feel I can accomplish anything because of the confidence that I have received from doing these things. What other "secrets" have you utilized to be at peace with this phenomenon. Please share w/ us. Please don't feel that you have nothing to contribute, for what you may think is minute and unimportant may be a treasure to someone else.

[Sarah Doepner]

Mystic or is it Victoria? If I were to share with someone new to their crossdressing it might go like this; It's unfortunate that the secret isn't the goal or the tool once you have it in your hand, but the secret is how to get there. MysticLady is correct in saying we need to embrace this and not fight it, but as much as we want to, it comes at it's own time. I guess that's the secret I want to share, be patient, don't rush things and don't be hard on yourself. The world is a hard and occasionally unforgiving place, so there is no need for someone with a new and poorly understood twist in life to beat themselves up. Be gentle with yourself and take the time to discover what this gender thing is before you judge and condem yourself. It's hard to do it alone, but that's why we are here, isn't it? We may not be with you at home as you struggle with issues, but we can be found. Be patient and in time clarity may follow. The other secret may be that there are no guarantees with this. It's not fair and will only be what you make of it, so make it good for you.

[Kate Simmons]

One thing I have come to realize is that the whole is much much greater than the sum of it's parts.:)

[Princess Grandpa]

Let me start by saying I really enjoy reading your posts. You seem to always contribute with thoughtfulness, compassion, and honesty to others posts. The threads you initiate are thought provoking and again show a compassion that is rarely seen in today's world.

I don't understand how I could have been secretly putting on women's garments all these years and not known I was a cross dresser. I thought crossdressers were gay. I had no attraction to men at all. All I knew was, occasionally I just had to put something on! When my wife painted my nails a few weeks back a sense of happiness and comfort like I had never known swept over me. At this point it occurred to me that despite my heterosexuality, I'm a cross dresser. Very quickly the realization came that I could accept this from any of my family and friends so it must be ok for me as well.

I have the benefit of my wife being there at the moment of realization. While perhaps I have been lying about it to her for the past 30 years, I was lying to myself as well. She is not only supportive but an active participant getting as much enjoyment from this as I. Initially I was cautioned not to press her with too much too fast. Very wise advise. As it turns out she is really challenging me to stretch my boundaries farther and faster than I would have thought possible.

I'm not sure how at peace I would be if she weren't so accepting and adventurous.

P.S. many years ago either just before or shortly after we were married, I was napping on the couch one day. My young bride thought it would be a fun practical joke to paint my nails. When I awoke I reacted horribly. Angry! "GET THIS SHIT OFF ME". Clearly it triggered the same emotions in me back then only I was too homophobic to accept it. Too bad really, back when I was young I might have pulled off actual beauty rather than just a fantasy of the pretty girl inside.

[mikiSJ]

I carried a secret with me for over 50 years and it wasn't that I crossdressed. But by allowing this new person, Miki, to emerge has allowed me to get the elephant off my chest that held Michael back in so many ways.

[Tracii G]

I harbored feelings of guilt at times and wondered why I had the propensity to wear womens clothes.Once I just let go and accepted fact it was just part of who I have always been the secret as you call it became clear.

[AllieSF]

I agree that once one embraces who they are, as Popeye would occasionally say, "I ams what I ams.", or something like that, they can stop asking why to an apparently unanswerable question, accept the situation that there is not really much one can do to change that and start worrying about things that one can actually do something about. As others have said, getting the elephant off your back really let's one see and do other things in a different and hopefully more positive way.

I wouldn't call it a secret, but rather one of life's harder lessons to learn and adapt.

[MysticLady]

Mystic or is it Victoria?

Whatever you would like to call me. Victoria is my middle name.:D


One thing I have come to realize is that the whole is much much greater than the sum of it's parts.:)

Kate, Your wisdom astonishes me:hugs:


Let me start by saying I really enjoy reading your posts. You seem to always contribute with thoughtfulness, compassion, and honesty to others posts. The threads you initiate are thought provoking and again show a compassion that is rarely seen in today's world.


:oThank You Princess, I'll take these Roses that you've given me and place them at the feet of my God, for their His Words, not mine.


I carried a secret with me for over 50 years and it wasn't that I crossdressed. But by allowing this new person, Miki, to emerge has allowed me to get the elephant off my chest that held Michael back in so many ways.

We not only share thoughts but, names also:)


I harbored feelings of guilt at times and wondered why I had the propensity to wear womens clothes.Once I just let go and accepted fact it was just part of who I have always been the secret as you call it became clear.

Isn't it Wonderful, to be whole. It's pretty amazing too me. :battingeyelashes:


I agree that once one embraces who they are, as Popeye would occasionally say, "I ams what I ams.", or something like that, they can stop asking why to an apparently unanswerable question, accept the situation that there is not really much one can do to change that and start worrying about things that one can actually do something about.

Allie, I so agree w/ you............... Let's own it and Rock n Roll Baby:D


This is wonderful. I feel like its parade time............YAY.
Anybody else. Don't be shy Girls. Own Yourself....

[RebeccaLynne]

I hope my Title captured your attention for this is a subject of interest to me and possibly others.

Victoria, of course it did. Infidelity? Embezzlement? Treason? Nope...

We're crossdressers, on a crossdressing site... and probably our first thought is... Crossdressing!... being one of the most titillating of scandalous disclosures in a misogynistic, male-dominated society... how could it NOT? :heehee:

And we're all guilty as charged... and we're at least "out" enough to be on this site, many with identifiable pics... yep, that's me in my avatar!


I wonder if a secret to "peace of mind" w/ this phenomenon is first of all, embracing this and not fight it and, then learning how to utilize these "secrets" as a tool.

I think that "embracing" our absolute devotion to crossdressing is incredibly important to our state of contentment and well-being. I need CD'ing just to cope with the world's realities: In other words, it keeps me centered and grounded. It is a refuge unto itself. I can be ME, as I know I am.


What other "secrets" have you utilized to be at peace with this phenomenon. Please share w/ us. Please don't feel that you have nothing to contribute, for what you may think is minute and unimportant may be a treasure to someone else.

Honestly, I like to keep it (my crossdressing) a secret from almost everyone. Mine to enjoy, and mine to keep. Only my former spouse, my current GF, and her BFF (with my permission) know about Becky. Everybody else is on a "need to know" basis... and they don't need to know!


Be gentle with yourself...

Sarah, please forgive me for the abbreviated quote... but those are words to live by. I first heard them from my GF, she having heard them elsewhere... totally relevant to making sense of our own lives, and realizing that our lives are of our own making.

We make our choices, and take our chances... that's freedom. :)

I'll now step down from my soapbox... :D

[Beverley Sims]

Iam learning secrets all the time.
For me there are few secrets about this forum.

[MysticLady]

For me there are few secrets about this forum.

Do tell:daydreaming:...........................

[Jaymees22]

I think the biggest secret is how good this makes me feel, and how to explain it to someone who doesn't crossdress. It's such a relief just to be my other self for a few hours as often as I can. Yes it does give me peace of mind and an inner happiness that I've never had before. Thanks for getting my attention...Hugs Jaymee

[drushin703]

This afternoon in a social club here in Detroit, a stranger came up to me and asked if I was the person who doe's the
shows? And I asked, "what shows are you talking about"? "The shows where men dress up as women". she asked?
I have never appeared in a drag show but I did go on to tell her, that yes, I am a crossdresser and no, I am not a
female impersonator. It is the first time in my life I did not deny my female side. So the secrets out I guess. But
I guess it's only a secret if you want to keep hiding it........dana
"

[Leona]

I find as I embrace both sides and integrate them in a way that they don't exist as separate sides, I've become faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!

More seriously, I never wanted this. I'm something of a fighter, and the last thing I wanted was to embrace trans rights as a personal cause. I wanted to be an ally, not a member. You know, someone who didn't have to send angry emails to grocery stores, or stare down haters, or force small talk on the poor cashier who has no idea how to handle me. So I tried and tried to work myself into a position where I would be happy to vote my conscience on the subject, or be the random stranger that tells a lady she's pretty, you know, be a supportive person. An ally. My "cause" was supposed to be Free Software! I don't have enough energy or time to take on every reasonably noble cause and pursue it with a passion, nobody does! So you pick the ones that matter most to you, or are the most interesting.

I want so much for everyone to be free, I reached a point where I realized I couldn't be free while denying an entire half of my personal makeup to myself and the world around me. So, for better or for worse, I had to accept. Really had no choice in the matter.

So here I am.

[MysticLady]

I find as I embrace both sides and integrate them in a way that they don't exist as separate sides, I've become faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!
So here I am.

Wonder, wonder...............wonder woman:heehee:

[Annaliese2010]

Not sure what you mean. What 'secrets'? Don't understand. Except by what you seem to indicate by the word 'fluid'. Yes, if what I think you're saying is accurate i.e. that You as a woman + You as a male, thus have a broadened appreciation of seeing, comprehending, and reacting to life issues in general i.e. from both points of view, simultaneously? Uh huh, I agree like totally. And as far as 'secrets' are concerned, I would add sexually too. Sorry if I didn't get you right. Anyways, that's my 2 cents baby doll.

:battingeyelashes:

[MysticLady]

Not sure what you mean. What 'secrets'? Don't understand. Except by what you seem to indicate by the word 'fluid'. Yes, if what I think you're saying is accurate i.e. that You as a woman + You as a male, thus have a broadened appreciation of seeing, comprehending, and reacting to life issues in general i.e. from both points of view, simultaneously?

I would add sexually too.

:battingeyelashes:

Yes and yes. I consider this a secret since most have a lot of trouble accepting this of themselves causing much anguish and self mental torture. :battingeyelashes: back to you

[Annaliese2010]

My life's course has followed a very circuitous path that led me from the man I was to the person I was to become: a preternatural being.

The price paid for this transition, this conversion, this turning is to be in a forever state of self doubt. I do not reflect light but bend it. My step leaves no footprint. I don't pass through the world it passes through me. I go sight unseen, yet see everything. I am as if Invisible. Unchanging. Immortal.

Everything is in a state of flux but everything remains the same. I never grow old. Never get sick. Never miss a day inch by inch. Moment by moment day bleeds into night. Frozen in time as if standing still, the world accelerates, becomes a blur of color a river of light.

As it is now is how it's always been. Countries rise and fall history goes on. And yet still....there is nothing in this world that doesn't hold some fascination!

[MysticLady]

My life's course has followed a very circuitous path that led me from the man I was to the person I was to become: a preternatural being..

It's like moving yourself outside the box and seeing that the box is within another box. What would be like to move beyond the next box? I wonder.:straightface:




The price paid for this transition, this conversion, this turning is to be in a forever state of self doubt.

You self doubt is because of the lack of faith in yourself. Have faith in yourself and you'll see things "differently". IMHO.

[marlenesexton]

My "secret" is to just be. I've never been one to worry too much about what others think and I've never struggled with my desires. It's a lot of self esteem issues that make us resist or hate what we are. I never had those feelings. Maybe I'm lucky, wired differently, whatever. But if you don't love yourself, faults, quirks, kinks and all, who will? Honestly, I think of my dressing and my odd sexuality as something special, something that makes me unique and different, interesting maybe. I wish I knew how to show others to feel the same way, but I can't. But that's the secret. Just be and be OK with who you are, even if you're weird or strange or a freak. Wear it like a badge of honor.

[Laura912]

This "secrete" has been the equivalent of Sisyphus' boulder but was a wonderful asset in my career of caring and working with women.

[Kandy Barr]

Thought provoking thread Victoria. For me the key to my secret is to not keep it hidden like its something to be ashamed of, acceptance if you will. After accepting the "secret" woman within me I'm able to embrace her, and with that I'm able to nourish her and let her grow. As she grows she gains confidence and freedom, and with that she develops a personality all her own, one that I'm learning to love and not keep a secret anymore. Thanks for the thread, I've enjoyed what everyone had shared.

[Annaliese2010]

It's like moving yourself outside the box and seeing that the box is within another box. What would be like to move beyond the next box? I wonder.:straightface: Yeah...would love to be just outside your 'box' ;)


Your self doubt is because of the lack of faith in yourself. Have faith in yourself and you'll see things "differently". IMHO. Oh I have 'Faith' in me honey. But thanks for your helpful intentions. I just have an overly dramatic streak in me (it's in-born, can't help it) - so please don't ever take what I say all too serious honey. You're sweet. :battingeyelashes:

[MysticLady]

My "secret" is to just be.

Very Good Marlene, I'm very happy for you.:hugs:


After accepting the "secret" woman within me I'm able to embrace her, and with that I'm able to nourish her and let her grow.

Kandy, I believe you have got it down pat, Girlfriend. Kudos too you:)


Yeah...would love to be just outside your 'box' ;)
:

Annaliese, you're so sweet, I'm embarrassed:o




Oh I have 'Faith' in me honey. But thanks for your helpful intentions. I just have an overly dramatic streak in me (it's in-born, can't help it)

That's what we love about you. Thank You for being here with us.:hugs:

[TeresaCD]

I am learning to always remember what is my 'centre', if that makes sense.
Otherwise, could (I am learning) easily get caught up in the girl, and get lost in a wave of femininity.
Part of me is best expressed in Teresa, that's me though I suppose

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Joining in the feeling of the posts. I love that we can take crossdressing to a different level. Who I am and who I would like to be are merged when I dress. I feel that I transcend my gender(s) and this is good for everybody.

[MysticLady]

I agree, Thank You all who've responded and shared your "Secrets". It seems for some reason or another, now that I've embraced this, in taking pleasure from it and not feeling low about it, I've have gained a confidence, that I must say I really enjoy. To me that's another secret. A secret that I would have never known of, if I was afraid of taking that "leap of faith". A faith in myself.:)