I'm gonna tell my girlfriend...

[LoAna]

I really want to tell my girlfriend about my cross dressing. But I'm not sure how... We have a good relationship and I don't want her to just find out as a surprise. If I leave a size 12 high heel around somewhere. I had that happened once already didn't go so well. I have tried to suppress my secret hobby since then but what can I say I have been wanting to dress like a girl far back as I can remember. And I think anyone that I'm intimate with should know that. This girl is a good one and I don't want to lose and but I don't want to lie to her any more.... I will let you all know how it goes once i figure out how I'm going to break it to her. Any suggestions??

[Tracii G]

How long have you been together?
I have always been up front about myself with women before we get to the dating stage.
Some can't deal with it some can.

[LoAna]

we have been together a little over a year now. I just recently decided that I can't help this and hiding it is gonna hurt every one. She wants to go to the next level but We can't until all my skirts & heels are out of the closet.

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

I looked at your profile and being young, if your girlfriend is close in age, you might find her to be more enlightened about gender and sexuality issues and possibly more open with acceptance. I don't know---just guessing.

One thing that might work is to gauge her feelings first about diversity. You might even ask her what she thinks about various diversities. Once you can gauge her feelings then you might ask a question like, "What would you do if you met someone.......?"

This is difficult to give advice for because everyone is different. I'm NOT telling you what do do. You'll have to figure that out for yourself. I was in my 30's when after the second or third date I broached the subject with my second wife of today, and that was about 30 years ago. All is well and we enjoy a great marriage.

Again, think about ways to gauge her feelings first and then take things SLOWLY finding a best way to tell her as long as you feel she's a keeper and wish to establish a great relationship. Please don't come back saying things went wrong and blame anyone, but you did ask.

Cheryl

[LoAna]

Thanks Cheryl!! I know the responsibility and what ever the out come is all on me. That is good advice thank you!. Take it slow gauge her feelings and maybe do a couple what if situations. got it! I'll keep that in mind. That might be better than putting a pair of heels on right in front of her. Is your wife active you in your cross dressing?

[anonymousinmaryland]

Cheryl covered it. Go S-L-O-W. One year into the relationship is a lot to lose. Keep us posted.

[Sandra]

Do not tell her in bits and pieces, sit her down and talk to her tell her how you feel and what you like to do regarding dressing, what ever you do don't lie about anything because if you do it will be found out at some point. If and when she asks questions again tell the truth don't give an answer because you think it is what she wasn't to hear, she won't thank you for it later on.

I hope ti goes ok for you both.

[Jenniferathome]

How I came out to my wife is in my signature. Tell it all and tell it once. If you hold back and she finds out there is a second or third secret, you will have serious trust issues to deal with.

[Princess Grandpa]

I am proud of you! Hard call to make. Lots to lose if it doesn't go well. Better to deal with that a year into it rather than 10 years from now. You both deserve the honesty. I don't know how to advise you as far as delivery of you message. I'm pretty sure inviting her over and receiving her en femme would be a bad idea. There are several threads regarding telling your S/O.

Your generation is much more accepting of alternate lifestyles than mine. That doesn't necessarily mean she will be able to accept it in "her" boyfriend. But I have to believe it gives you an advantage.

I look forward to your update

Hug
Rita

[Sandra]

I'm pretty sure inviting her over and receiving her en femme would be a bad idea.

Yes it would be a very very bad idea.

[Tracii G]

Cheryl is spot on with her advice.Touch on a few subjects kind of randomly and gauge her reaction.
I can tell you a few situations that helped me before I got to the point of just being up front before the first date.
1. A date and I were going to dinner at an upscale Asian eatery.Two men obviously a gay couple and one transgender FtM transman were ahead of us on the waiting list.
As we were waiting she looked at me with an OMG look at the "queers" look.I said what they do is their business who am I to judge people?
During dinner she said you know you really surprised me with how open you were and I was wrong to act the way I did they are free to love who they want.
Later that night I told her my story and she was completely fine with it.We are still shopping buddies even tho we don't date anymore.
2. I asked a lady co worker out and she noticed a necklace I was wearing and said kind of girly don't you think? I mean guys don't wear things like that and started laughing.
This was in the shipping office with other ladies around too so wide out in the open for all to hear.
At that point I said you know what if you are that much of an ass hole I don't think I want to go out with you and walked off.I found out what she was like right there.

[LoAna]

Ok kool! Thx for all the advice every one I'm soaking it all in. I'm very nervous about the whole thing. And Jennifer I'll be reading your tell all here in a sec. Thx every one again for your kindness and inspiration.

Lo

[Tracii G]

Jennifer makes a good point trust is a huge thing and should never be breached in any way.

[LoAna]

Wow!! OMG Jennifer I'm so happy for you that seems like it went great! I'm so happy and relieved to hear that story. I hope mine is anything similar..!

[prissyparis]

Take her to a drag show. If she starts having fun and commenting on the girls, just be like, "I look better than her" :)

[Cheryl Ann Owens]

LoAna, I'm glad you're listening to the voices of experience here! Hopefully this will all work out! I believe at some point you will feel comfortable to fully disclose your feelings. Now there's a key word---"feelings." Your's and her"s. Always remember to emphasize the many positives of your relationship in any discussion. I wouldn't dump everything upon her all at once, but take a little ata a time. BTW, my wife had a key to my apartment after a few dates. One day I came home and found a beautiful robe and a stack of panties on my bed and was in tears! I couldn't hug her any tighter! I sincerely hope you can find the same happiness. Just DO treat her like a queen and listen to, and do your damndest to try to fulfill HER needs! I can't stress that enough. Today she'll come home from shopping and surprize me with new things to wear. I have every liberty! But I won't selfishly neglect her needs. Once you get enough posts you can message me for more to the story.

Now if it were me, and I while I don't know your whole situation, I might take things in this direction with this kind of dialogue:

"You know "Mary", I really love our relationship and the fun times we spend together! We've enjoyed A, B, C, D and that time we went to ----, and how your family, brother, mother, father, sister are cool and about that time we went to ---. I love being with you because------! I believe that a completely honest relationship starts with just that--honesty. I will always want to be truthful with you and keep no secrets, because you wouldn't deserve that. I want to make your life the best that it can be because that is what love is all about. There is something that you need to know about me and I hope you can accept me the way I am and understand. I have little control over it---it's just me. I don't want to hurt you but instead respect your feelings because you have been so good to me. I .......(you fill in the words)

I won't guarantee anything and you could lose her. But if it were me, that's how I would handle it by accentuating the positives and if I lose? Best wishes dear!

Cheryl Ann

[Tracii G]

Take her to a drag show. If she starts having fun and commenting on the girls, just be like, "I look better than her" :)

Not a bad idea really Prissyparis. Its the little opportunities like this that you can use to gauge her reaction.

Cheryl those are very wise words its not about one or the other in a relationship its about both.

[Jenn A116]

Try for a "quiet" time. Maybe while relaxing at home after a very nice meal (after all the cleanup is over) and you are just being together. Go slow and just tell her. First tell her that you love her. Admit its difficult for you to even bring it up, but its something she needs/deserves to know about you. Then tell her you love her again. Keep telling her while you discuss the ramifications.

[~Joanne~]

First you have to take some long time to think about if this is what you really want to do. Is this going to be a long term relationship that you think will lead to marriage? Because once you let that cat out of the bag, there is no way to put it back in. Are you personally ready to handle the fallout? If she does go running, how much damage can she do with your secret? after all, you know what kind of person she is and we don't. That should also be taken into consideration.

This a GF after all. While I am sure that a lot of others will disagree with me, I don't think you owe her your biggest secret just yet, you most certainly do if this is going to lead to marriage and you should before walking down that isle and forming a commitment but right now? you have time to think about it and make sure this is the right move for YOU and her.

If your positive that it is, be prepared to answer all questions to the best you can, have time for a long deep meaningful talk, and leave nothing out. This is far from easy so I wish you the best.

[Princess Grandpa]

How I came out to my wife is in my signature. Tell it all and tell it once. If you hold back and she finds out there is a second or third secret, you will have serious trust issues to deal with.

I just read your post. Your speech to your wife brought tears to my eyes. Her response to you caused them to overflow. Thank you for sharing that

[Beverley Sims]

There have been various ways to break the bad news provided on the forum over the years, I find being forthright is about the best, it can be risky though.

[sarahcrossed]

Just be honest, she will appreciate that. I don't know if there is any thing women hate more than lying. I told my girlfriend before things got serious, it was the best thing i ever did. When ever she had questions for me i answered them as best i could. I also try to still keep communication open while being careful not to overwhelm her. Every one, and every situation is different, but i hope it works out for the best for both of you.

Keep us posted.

[LoAna]

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you all so much for your input. I have taken every comment to heart. And I will try my best to see this situation through. As you all may know it can be unnerving and I am So thrilled that there are like minded folks out there that can help me with this. I think what I will do is take her out some where nice just to extra butter her up. Then when the moment is right break it to her. She is very open minded and I have witnessed her change her views on things before. We have an over all good relationship and I just want to be honest with her. I hope and praythat she will be accepting...

Lo

[Ellie52]

Go to the video store and get the movie Kinky boots. If she likes that movie (who doesnt) then you may find a way to make conversation about crossdressing. Just mention it might be fun to try and see how she reacts.

Whatever you do, however you do it dont put it off till it too late. Good luck - Eloise

[giuseppina]

Hello LoAna

After a year in a relationship, it`s probably time she was informed. It`s better to find out now than after you`re married and she feels betrayed because she didn`t sign up for a crossdresser.

This is a relevant but long-closed thread by a respected genetic lady who no longer posts:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner&highlight=