questions about sexuality

[geri]

hello,

i don't know if this is the proper place to ask this question but i'll try.
i have crossdressed for several years and have become very passable. lately, however, i have been approached by men wanting a relationship. i began this crossdressing journey as hetrosexual but have now become bi-sexual. i have lost my desire to have sex with women and would perfer men instead.
are there any other girls in this position? i'm too old for transitioning so i would like some other girls who may have the same experiences to reply to this thread.

thanks,
geri

[deebra]

As we all know we change as we get older, it seems that having dressed for several years, got comfortable as a female and become very passable I think your mental state has become that of a heterosexual female. So it's just natural that you would be drawn to men. If men are approaching you for a relationship that says a lot about your female side. You lived the first part of your life as a heterosexual male, now enjoy the second half as a heterosexual female. Sounds like you know where you are and are comfortable both outward and inward as a woman. Enjoy going down this new road and it would not be abnormal to loose your desire for women when you have become one.

[mariehart]

From experience be very careful to differentiate between men who say they want a relationship but really want sex and those rare ones who genuinely want a relationship. You will get a tremendous insight into men if you go down this road, not always for the positive. You will also meet a lot of married men who are bisexual or gay but don't want to admit it. Being with a CD seems to allow them explore this side of themselves.

What I'll say is go into this with no illusions about the motivations of the men you meet.

[melissakozak]

Make no mistake, there are plenty of men out there interested in us simply as fetishistic objects, period. Some will promise the moon to get you into bed with them, right? Sex is the primary motivator, as most of us are not going to the family Thanksgiving dinner in a few months down the road....

[I Am Paula]

A transgender girl is a man in denial's way of trying gay sex. You may find the one who wants to settle down and have a house with a picket fence, and a dog. You may find out they just want to get into your skirt.
Why do so many 'straight' men who meet us think WE want to be tops?

[Kate Simmons]

A person is a person and feelings are feelings. A relationship of this type or any relationship has to be a personal decision, however. Only you know how you really feel about this.:)

[Lorileah]

Wow, so many here know men :) I agree, very very few want a relationship with a T girl. They want sex and usually nothing more. I have set standards now. They have to be willing to be seen with me in public...and I mean PUBLIC not a gay bar. So far 1-7 and the one is in a poly relationship with two other T's so he isn't a forever one.

[Beverley Sims]

Geri,
It is your changing attitude and feelings towards others that only you can wrestle with.
It is sometimes hard to come to the realization that your sexual orientation may have changed.

[steeve]

Wow, so many here know men :) I agree, very very few want a relationship with a T girl. They want sex and usually nothing more. I have set standards now. They have to be willing to be seen with me in public...and I mean PUBLIC not a gay bar. So far 1-7 and the one is in a poly relationship with two other T's so he isn't a forever one.

lorileah , you are spot on with your post, I could not agree more

[LilSissyStevie]

The only way my sexual orientation is changing is that as I grow older I tend toward asexuality in the sense that my libido is rapidly declining.



Make no mistake, there are plenty of men out there interested in us simply as fetishistic objects, period.

Interesting. According to the autogynephilia theory it's the other way around.

[Sabrina133]

Wow, so many here know men :) I agree, very very few want a relationship with a T girl. They want sex and usually nothing more. I have set standards now. They have to be willing to be seen with me in public...and I mean PUBLIC not a gay bar. So far 1-7 and the one is in a poly relationship with two other T's so he isn't a forever one.

You are right on. The last relationship i had with a guy was not good. He didn't mind me dressing but he complained every time we went out with me dressed - and am no dog. Prior to that, most men i met simply wanted to get into my panties and that was that.

[Tess]

For me, dressing and sexuality have always been separate. I've been bi-sexual almost as long as I've been sexual and the dressing was something apart from that. As I became more active sexually, first with women, the bi-sexuality seemed to recede but never left me. Later I became much more active with men and discovered I prefered them to women sexually. Now if I'm bi-sexual I lean far to the gay side. Discovery of my sexuality had nothing to do with how I was dressed...so, perhaps your bi-sexual activities have led you down the same path to preferring gay sex.

[Jenniferathome]

... i began this crossdressing journey as hetrosexual but have now become bi-sexual. i have lost my desire to have sex with women and would perfer men instead...

Geri, I don't buy into this at all. You were a gay man in denial when you started this journey. Somehow, cross dressing has allowed you to accept yourself. The notion that you went from straight to bi to gay, is simply incredible. Many a gay man has lived in denial, married, had kids, etc but didn't "turn" gay they were gay. We are born what we are. that can be suppressed or denied but no one "turns," they "accept" what they are. As you have, finally.

[kimdl93]

If you no longer desire sex with women, then you can confidently characterize your sofas gay...not that there is anything wrong with that...but I don't for a moment buy the idea that becoming passable changed your sexual orientation. Perhaps you allied yourself to express something denied, but not a change from one to the other.

Also, as said above, don't confuse men wanting sex with you with men interested in relationships.

[Princess Grandpa]

What an interesting thread. First I will agree with the other posters. Be wary. As I told my daughter when she started growing up, "boys want one thing! They all want it. If they seem to not be trying, that is merely to put you off guard in order to get into your panties". Obviously that's not accurate. I didn't want teen pregnancy and I wanted her better prepared to resist. The point is the same. Like any other girl, you don't want to give your heart (and other things) to someone who only considers you a booty call. I lke the suggestions made by lorileah. He should be willing to take you anywhere.

Now if you do find a man who loves you for you and isn't just trying to get his cookies, I hope you live happily ever after!

Hug Rita

[Leona]

Make no mistake, there are plenty of men out there interested in us simply as fetishistic objects, period. Some will promise the moon to get you into bed with them, right? Sex is the primary motivator, as most of us are not going to the family Thanksgiving dinner in a few months down the road....

I think most cis women would say this same thing.

I don't think it's us that's the problem here, I think it's the jerks out there that are the problem....

[melissakozak]

I am saying, specifically, that there are many men out there who are turned on specifically by T girls.....:)

[Emma500]

Hi, wish I was so convincing that men approached me! When dressed, I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I really was a woman

[TheMissus]

See, threads like this one make me wonder if there's not some weight behind the old theory that CD is just a way for a repressed gay man to have sex with another man without guilt because if they're dressed and acting like a girl they're not gay! Seems silly really. Surely being gay is easier than being a CD??

I also don't believe someone 'turns' gay. That's nonsense. It's always there you just didn't know it. I just hope my H isn't in denial too and that the old theories are BS :(

[docrobbysherry]

That's a bit strong, Jenn! But, in my experience I'm inclined to agree somewhat. Altho, I've read where hormones have changed straight men into straight women after transition!
Geri, I don't buy into this at all. You were a gay man in denial when you started this journey. Somehow, cross dressing has allowed you to accept yourself. The notion that you went from straight to bi to gay, is simply incredible. Many a gay man has lived in denial, married, had kids, etc but didn't "turn" gay they were gay. We are born what we are. that can be suppressed or denied but no one "turns," they "accept" what they are. As you have, finally.
It's one thing to have fantasies of being the woman with a man. It's quite another to be attracted to male parts! I'm thinking maybe geri has been bi all along. Just trying to be the man with women's parts until lately. But, has always been somewhat turned on by male parts.

But, I may be coming from being a straight man and am only projecting my experiences on geri!

[Leona]

I am saying, specifically, that there are many men out there who are turned on specifically by T girls.....:)

Just search m4t on craigslist.:heehee:

I also disagree with the gay thing being suggested here, primarily because being bi myself, I'm well aware that my interest in men or women is as fluid as my gender. I can often express it in percentages, like 99/1 (women/men), 54/46, etc.

And the various stages can take awhile to wrap back around, so I could be less than 1/2 for a few months, and it doesn't mean I've suddenly learned I was gay. It always comes back around.

But I lean straight, so it's usually higher than 1/2.

[TheMissus]

But Leona you're bi so of course your sexuality is fluid. I just don't believe you can be straight as an arrow and then suddenly gay. How does that happen? They would have to be bi or gay in the first place and didn't realise. Otherwise, someone had better tell the LGBT community they weren't born that way after all. Somehow I doubt they'll be happy with the news.

I'll quit hogging this thread now. :)

[Jenniferathome]

See, threads like this one make me wonder if there's not some weight behind the old theory that CD is just a way for a repressed gay man to have sex with another man without guilt ...(

Missus, I am sure it is that way for "some" men. The vast majority of cross dressers are straight. But in no way do people "turn."

[TheMissus]

I don't think they 'turn' either. Otherwise all those hot gay guys we girls lust after in our youth (and even now, lol) would have been a possibility! But nope, they didn't turn straight as hoped :)

[DebbieL]

It's very hard to discuss sexuality, sexual identity, and sexual preferences without being a bit more descriptive than usual, but I will try to avoid being graphic as much as possible.

As a sponsor in 12 step programs for 33 years, I often help a wide variety of people address their sexuality issues, helping them to develop a "Safe and Sane Sex Ideal" in which they can have a wonderful relationship without having to be selfish, dishonest, self seeking, or hurting others.

Very often, I find that many bisexuals will have different desires based on different aspects of relationships. For example, they may want a man because he can be a protector, provider, and/or he is eager to enjoy lots of very interesting sexual activity. They realize that their male partners are much more likely to be interested in sexual activities more often and longer. The down side is that many men will lose interest shortly after they have satisfied their own desires, often leaving their partners frustrated.

On the flip side, women bring more intimacy, nurturing, emotional support, and are more likely to enjoy prolonged intimacy, including sexual adventures involving a variety of role playing, extended pleasure, and mutual satisfaction. On the other hand, once they are comfortable with the relationship, they often find that their desire for actual sexuality tends to wane. In addition, women are often seeking resources, this may include money, power, economic stability, security, and social interactions. If the resources become less available, or their partner becomes less willing to share those resources, women tend to shut down and/or look elsewhere.

Often, introducing a bisexual to the concept of transgender partners can create a whole new opening for them. Often, Tom-boys are more competitive, more likely to be self-reliant, and may even enjoy really intense experiences with many different types of fantasies, enjoying many different roles. They might enjoy dressing like a "****" one day, and dressing up in baggy jeans and a sweatshirt the next. They often value friendships and enjoy a partner who can enjoy both their feminine and their masculine side, even when the feminine side is mostly an act. It's fun to be Cinderella at the ball, even if it's only one or two nights a month.

The bisexual can also find the transgender MtF attractive as well. Often cross-dressers and transsexuals still have very healthy libido's. They enjoy being feminine, dressing even more sexy than natural women, and enjoy being in a more submissive role. When the bisexual is willing to seduce the transgender more like the gender she presents, she is much more likely to enjoy the whole fantasy, and enjoy forms of sexual expression that would be completely uncomfortable if they were presenting and being treated as their birth gender.

Personally, I have had some experiences with male partners, both as Rex and as Debbie. Even when participating as Rex, I would try to be Debbie in my head (of course, in those days, she didn't have a name). When participating as Debbie, it was far more pleasant and I might have even been able to really enjoy it. I would enjoy flirting, dancing with men, and being caressed and fondled. Unfortunately, my experiences with oral were very unpleasant so I didn't push it.

On the flip side, when I started seeking out tom-boys, women who were heavier, more masculine, and more aggressive, I found that I had MUCH better relationships. I found that I really enjoyed it when they started taking control, being very direct about what they wanted, even ordering me to "get dressed". I found that I was also more willing to experiment in other ways, even enjoying being pegged. What I liked best was that we could please each other until the one being pleasured was so totally satisfied that they couldn't even move. The term "quivering jello" comes to mind.

Because these women were bisexuals, a few even shared their lesbian lovers with me. That was, for me, always the most intense, satisfying, and exhausting experience. At the same time, it was clear that I was not what they were looking for, however, my bisexual partners often learned from the experience, as did I, and we were able to have similar experiences with each other as a result.

[Leona]

But Leona you're bi so of course your sexuality is fluid. I just don't believe you can be straight as an arrow and then suddenly gay. How does that happen? They would have to be bi or gay in the first place and didn't realise. Otherwise, someone had better tell the LGBT community they weren't born that way after all. Somehow I doubt they'll be happy with the news.

Maybe it's like the mixed-state bipolar people? They can cycle through mania and depression that quickly, why can't someone who's bi also do it? Also, what about guys who are bi and get into threesomes with a couple? They'd alternate between being with a man and being with a woman....

Of course, in the OP, what was described was definitely a process that happened over time...

[Annaliese2010]

No disrespect but to me 'men' are like Eww?! (yech).

I know it's difficult finding a GG who accepts M2F transgender's but have you ever considered being with other TG girls? I mean, assuming the girl is truly transgendered (is highly inwardly feminine identified) and assuming You are too i.e. not a self-identified 'man' but a woman. In which case the coupling would be girl-on-girl, even though both have male genitalia,

What I'm getting at is how the experience is day-to-night. Men. Bi's. Gays. Adventursome Straights. ANY male who poses i.e. wearing/looking/Acting like women but all the time self-identifying as the inward MALE they know/feel themselves to BE...are posers. Those who (not in all cases) are Users, perverts, disingenuous, aggressive (not soft, not tender) just fcn MEN who, when ya come right down to it, you realize how it doesn't matter the package, how HE's wrapped up.

FACT is a man is a MAN and you can tell this by how HE makes love (OMG...don't EVEN wanna THINK of it! Disgusting!).

Oh forget it....I lost my equanimity talking about this. Just don't want you to make the mistake I once did. Was like being raped by what I thought was a TG girl who turned out to be a (yech) MALE dressed as a girl i.e. transvestite i.e. MALE cross-dresser i.e. gay or bi...take your pick. Ugh... I do NOT like freaking MEN (disgusting brutes).

[Leona]

Annaliese: I'm going to go burn my eyes out, thank you very much. Then I'm going to put a hot iron on, well, let's just say I don't ever want to feel like that again.

Please, don't remind us how gross men are. We obviously need a safe word for that, so you can use the safe word and we'll just know what you mean.

[geri]

jennifer,
thanks for your reply to my post.
i find your analysis very interesting and i think you may be right.
although i dress, feel, smell, relate, etc, etc. to other women, the sexual attracton to men is present. however, if i had transitioned 30 years ago, wouldn't i be a hetrosexual female? AND wouldn't sex be the same?
i think that i was born as a female put into a male body but i'm too old now to change that. so i will go on with my life as a crossdresser hoping to meet someone to love, whether dressed or not.
by the way, i think labels suck..............

many thanks and hugs,
geri

emma500,
it's great. like i said previously, if i was 30 years younger, those ugly hanging things would be gone.

i think you're correct. i believe that i was born a women but put into a man's body. holy crap!!
however, if i had transitioned 30 years ago, wouldn't i be a hetrosexual woman and wouldn't the sex be the same? now i'm too old but i will live life to it's fullest and have sex dressed or not.

thanks, geri

very nice. thank you.

geri

[dutch-anita]

according to some here some of us (the late bloomers in gay or bi land) are born gay/bi but denial it, let me explain myself because I want to know what label you wil give me! because I don't believe a thing about that gay in denial thing! I have crossdressing memories from about 5 years old, up to my early 40's I have allways considered myself to be as straight as an arrow, (means I never ever looked ad men or fancied them in ANY way, now how straight can that be because to me if you don't fancy men your not gay/bi) but something has changed over the last 5 years, it started with just the lust for d**k then to cd's but evolved into fem looking men (I hate hairy men lol) I still fancy women but now men as well I would say 50-50 does this mean I have allways been bi but I have never known myself? (because I have never fancied them how can I know? stupid me!)

I have allways been a dog's man never ever liked cats but now I am getting older I like some cats as well does this mean I have allways liked cats as well but have been in denial? sorry I don't believe in that bs.

to me life is a mistery and things change if you like it or not! (sorry for my english, it is not my native language)

@ geri, your not the only one! it is not from one day to the other for me it was a few year

[TheMissus]

Dutch-Anita, I was one of those insisting you can't 'turn' gay but I'm a GG and probably not even meant to be here, lol. I was just curious about some theories on this.

Anyway, I have no idea why you are feeling changes in your sexuality other than age related hormones? Or maybe it's that old familiarity issue where anything done too often leads to boundary pushing? This is well known in porn addiction. Plenty of straight men start off watching straight porn and how many years later they're watching gay dwarf porn and convinced they're gay dwarf lovers. Sex and fantasy can literally rewire the brain.

But really, I have no idea so maybe just embrace this new you? :)

[Angela Campbell]

I think my life has been shaped so severely by the effects of trying to present and be accepted as the gender my body had, that at this point I can never know what my sexual preference would have been if It had been different for me. The abuse I suffered as a child and teen by the other boys made me avoid any contact with males that I could. It made me fearful of males and I really haven't even liked them much. That left me with fewer choices. The effects of living in the wrong body in a world where no one even thinks it is possible to be this way kind of skews everything.

[dutch-anita]

@ TheMissus, neather do I have an idea, it just happend, slowly over time. I think it got triggered after reading stories about cd's dating men and how they explained the female feelings they had about it,

I have a few gay members in the family (two) and believe me al of us knew before they knew themself! so if I had been born gay/bi.....

[Sabrina133]

But Leona you're bi so of course your sexuality is fluid. I just don't believe you can be straight as an arrow and then suddenly gay. How does that happen? They would have to be bi or gay in the first place and didn't realise. Otherwise, someone had better tell the LGBT community they weren't born that way after all. Somehow I doubt they'll be happy with the news.

I'll quit hogging this thread now. :)

Hog away. I agree - you just don't suddenly turn one way or the other. You are gay, you simply either denied it or didn't recognize it. It happens.

[mary something]

Plenty of straight men start off watching straight porn and how many years later they're watching gay dwarf porn and convinced they're gay dwarf lovers.

Thank you for this TheMissus! :)

[DanielleT]

Since I made the transition to womanhood a few years ago, while I am still bi-sexual, I find myself very drawn to men and in the encounters that I have had with them, came away very satisfied and fulfilled. For me, I cannot imagine not doing that, it seems so very un-natural for the woman I really am.

[Ciara09]

I think for people like myself who are motivated to crossdress by sexual impulses, it's confusing to describe your sexuality. But one thing I've come to believe very strongly is that crossdressing doesn't determine or have anything to do with who you are attracted to. It's purely autoerotic, and I think when a crossdresser is in girl mode or fantasizing about crossdressing, almost all of the sexual stimulation originates from their own appearance, behavior, etc.

I think a crossdressing man is just as likely to be gay, bisexual, or straight as a non-crossdressing man. Which means most crossdressers are straight, but some are decidedly gay and some are bisexual.

To determine whether you are straight gay or bisexual, I think you have to think about what turns you on outside of crossdressing. Because you're sexual orientation has to do with who you're attracted to externally and whether that person is male, female, or could be either.

For me personally, I like women. I've only ever been physically attracted to the female form. I don't think men are gross or anything, they just don't get me going. I don't really watch porno but I do like seeing beautiful women naked. I think that's a pretty good indication that I'm straight.

When I fantasize about crossdressing, I usually don't fantasize about being with someone else sexually, I usually just fantasize about walking like a woman, sitting like a woman, acting like a woman and dressing like a woman. Sometimes I do fantasize about having sex as woman, but my "partner" in the fantasy is basically ambiguous, shapeless entity, there just to make me feel more like my sexually-idealized vision of femininity.

[flatlander_48]

But Leona you're bi so of course your sexuality is fluid.

Fluidity to some degree, but I don't think there is necessarily a major swing. I doubt if it's 90/10 one week and 3 weeks later it 10/90. I think if you're 70/30 (whichever way and whatever you may choose for a number) that you'll hover around that as a long term average. I would liken it to mood swings. Unless there is something medical going on, we don't stray very much for long periods or time.