I need to educate myself. First time dating CD.

[Sarah2770]

I've never written anything in a forum before, although I've been reading this one constantly for days now. I found out the other day the my boyfriend likes to crossdress and we had a really healthy conversation about it. I may have pulled it out of him a little and I feel a little bad about that but I'm glad we were able to be open with one another. I keep thinking I'm glad I found out only a few months into our relationship. I fell in love with him even more when he told me.

I am a very accepting person. I have dated both women and men and have been in a healthy and supportive relationship with a FTM trans. I feel like because of this I have become very sexually free and this is no bother to me. However, I do have some concerns (which I have voiced to him but still can't get out of my head, so I thought this would be a nice place to share and clear my mind).

I love him because he is a handsome, intelligent supporting and wonderful man. Our life intimately is unlike any other experience I've ever had, before and after he told me his secret (I think his more sensitive/feminine side makes him a great lover btw). At first I was worried I might not find it attractive, I was afraid. I have NEVER experienced this before so I couldn't rule out the slim chance that this would be a total turn off for me (gladly it wasn't). However, I am concerned that now that his secret it out he's going to want to do it all the time or something. I still love my man when he's manly. I love him no matter what. He tells me it's not important to him and that it's very infrequent but I know him and my heart is telling me otherwise. I can see it in his eyes. I know he wants to explore this more. Before he lived with me, he really couldn't. I want to know now so that we can continue with our healthy communication. Another thing is, he mentioned finding other CDs hot when they're dressed and they make it look really good but not because they are CDs but because they're hot women. I asked if he had any feelings for men and he says no. I believe him and to be honest, I wouldn't care if he did. I know he loves me. I just keep going back to my relationship with my trans gf. I remember how she worked up to telling me and once she did it wasn't long before she was my boyfriend and it was a compulsion for him. Once I accepted that my gf would one day be my bf and he finally had acceptance and love, everything changed so quickly. And no, I don't think my bf wants to actually become a girl, I just wonder if now that I know and he knows I like it, will it go to some sort of next level?

I guess I'm rambling on about nothing. Maybe I'm looking for some support. I'm not sure. But any advice anyone can give me about any of this would be great. I want to continue our healthy growing relationship on the great path it has embarked on. He is the most incredible man I have ever met. It's unfortunate that he suffered in silence and fear because this is so taboo. It pains me to know how he must have felt... People should really learn more about it growing up. It wouldn't be a big deal at all. Everyone deserves to be happy and loved for exactly who they are. Thanks for reading (:

[Nicole Erin]

Let's see how long this relationship lasts.
The problem is that a lot of women say they are accepting etc but eventually they decide they want a normal life and the fact that their B/F dresses up or wants to become a woman doesn't fit into the picture.

[Kate Simmons]

If you truly are compatible and care for one another I don't see a problem. Honest heart felt communication is the real key to working out the feelings. This is how a true partnership works.:)

[Greenie]

Well sarah. Unlike that unhelpful tidbit from Nicole. :/.... You will find a lot of great advice on the forum here. A lot of people have their opinions on what makes a relationship strong between a woman and a CD. Reine and Dawn (gg) have been extremely helpful to me in this journey. I am sure reine will make her presence in this thread sooner or later. :)

I think women who are open to "alternative" relationships take CDing better. I think that what Nicole was trying to get at, is that even for people who are accepting upfront, this is a hard journey. I think when a man finds a woman who accepts his CDing he often gets caught in a cloud of acceptance and things can get rocky. Sounds like this happened with your FtM gf/bf. As far as you concerned about him wanting to to it all the time. You sound a little like me. You are okay with the general principle of CDing.... But it now has come into your life and you are worried its going to take over. You fell in love with a specific man, and now that he has told you his "deep dark secret" you are worried that he is going to take your initial acceptance of it and run rampant. This DOES happen sometimes. It happened to me. Having conversations about what you both want/need and expect from a relationship is important. Each make a list of these things and compare. Hopefully your lists are compatible, if not, do not just break up create a plan to work on it together.

Hopefully this is easier for you than it was for me initially. All CDers are different and they all have different wants/needs. The finding other CDers attractive thing is not something I am personally well skilled in, but have some similar experience in the questioning of sexuality. Bi curiosity I think is normal. Just because a thought or a fantasy crosses someone's mind doesn't mean that defines them as bisexual.

Ahh. well so many things. Once you get 10 posts in the forum. feel free to PM me. :) I am pretty much always available. You also can join the FAB forum which is genetic females only. :)

[Sarah2770]

Let's see how long this relationship lasts.
The problem is that a lot of women say they are accepting etc but eventually they decide they want a normal life and the fact that their B/F dresses up or wants to become a woman doesn't fit into the picture.


Well that's not very supportive, I'm genuine in saying that sexual orientation or characteristics or personality traits really have never mattered to me. I know that already. I'm just wondering if I should prepare myself for more changed. I need education. I can read all I want but I was looking to people that understand the experience first hand.

And I'm kind of wondering if this will lead to him wanting to actually become a woman. When my gf transitioned it wasn't hard because of my lifestyle... I would have stayed with her no matter what. But the transition completely changed who I had fallen in love with. And I'm afraid of that happening again. That's all. If you want to bark out the "reality" of it, you could at least try and be helpful. I am a huge supporter of the trans community and have been heavily involved with my ex's transition and we remain very close. You shouldn't be so quick to pass judgement when I'm sure you don't like people judging you.

Thank you!! I look forward to chatting with you. I really just need people to talk to so that I'm not all up in my own head... I look forward to my journey with him, whether it be rocky or not. I've been in a very eclectic variety of relationships and believe me they all came with their own sets of querks. Its never easy. And you're right, I fell in love with him. All of him. I'm open to new experiences, I just don't want to lose the man I initially fell in love with either.

[xdressed]

And I'm kind of wondering if this will lead to him wanting to actually become a woman.

This is a common worry, one we're slightly tired of hearing to be perfectly honest, but I think you have nothing to fear. People who want to transition generally know from a very early age and it plagues them until they finally make the decision to be themselves on the outside too, it's not something that develops. Recent research has shown that transwomens brain shape and size tends to strongly resemble that of GG's, the same goes for transmen and GM. They literally are 'trapped in the wrong body' as so many of them say, and it doesn't seem like your BF feels like that. He may go through times where he wants to dress very often now that he's out but it tends to calm down eventually to a more consistent level between dressing en femme and not.

[Tina B.]

Sarah, how far she will go, remains to be seen. No one can say why she dresses, so we can't tell you how far she will take it. Some of us spend most of our time dressed, others only now and then.
Honest dialog between the two of you, will give you a hint, I doubt she knows just yet. All you can really do, is keep talking about it, and keep your eyes open to what may or may not come about.
And there is always the chance, the more she dresses, the more you may learn to like it, and want her to dress more.

[MysticLady]

Hello Sarah

Forgive me, for I am a bit confused. You have a man that you love and a transman also that is your boyfriend? or are we talking about the same person?

[Sarah2770]

I'm trying to say informed. I don't mean to ask the tiresome questions I'm sure you're tired of. I just don't know about this and I'm really trying to learn as much as I can. I like when my bf dresses. I like the way it looks and I like the way I know it makes him feel.

We have an open dialog and I couldn't ask for more. There's a trust between us I've yet to experience. I am very lucky. My priority here and ensuring his happiness and making sure I stay open as well. I appreciate all the help, you're all very kind to help me with a little direction.

[Sarah2770]

Hello Sarah

Forgive me, for I am a bit confused. You have a man that you love and a transman also that is your boyfriend? or are we talking about the same person?

I am dating ONE man who CDs. In the past, I dated a woman who then came out as trans and transitioned and is now a man. And I was ok with that. We remain very close, however, our relationship ended because he was no longer the same person. It broke my heart that things changed so much and I'm worried about that happening now.

My partner now ensures me that he is the same man he always was and he always will be. I'm trying to take him for his word on that but I wasn't sure if maybe it's possible that he doesn't even know where this will take us. Either way, I'll be right there with him.

[Jane P]

Hi Sarah,

It sounds like you have had an interesting and diverse life so far and I wish you well in this new relationship. I don't have direct experience with what it is like to have the acceptance and support of my SO but I would imagine having it would lead to somewhat of an increase in , not so much desire , but freedom to dress a bit more than he has in the past. How far it goes , I think depends a lot on you . It is something the two of you will have to work on together as we are all different .

I would say that as you are able to discuss things now , just keep the communication open and let him know if and when you are uncomfortable about the way things are going , and hopefully he will be able to do the same . Have some fun . Best of luck.

Jonnie

[Di]

I am concerned that now that his secret it out he's going to want to do it all the time or something. I still love my man when he's manly. I love him no matter what. He tells me it's not important to him and that it's very infrequent but I know him and my heart is telling me otherwise. I can see it in his eyes. I know he wants to explore this more.

Hi hon very glad you are here! Come join us in FAB after you get your 10 posts:hugs:

I just wanted to tell you alot of the time when they get the first bit of freedom they can go into the pink fog as we call it and they want more and more. But things do calm down and a balance is maintained. In your case you both seem able to talk freely and that is a huge. Just keep talking and you both can work out something you both can live with.:hugs:

[Sarah2770]

Thanks Jonnie,

I have indeed had a very interesting life and am very fortunate to have had ample amounts of support from friends and family. I have some sort of non-limited SO. I don't know anyone else like me and sometimes I feel kind of like an odd person out. But I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything. Life has never been easy but it has always been beautiful. Your advice is much appreciated!! And we will certainly continue with our open communication and we certainly will have fun. (;

[Leah Lynn]

Sarah, this is something the two of you can explore together. Some CD's are content to dress on rare occasions, others want it 24/7. Does he go out dressed? If so, would you consider having a girls' day of it, lunch, shopping, etc.? Would you consider a girls' night out with him? My late wife and I had several fun nights out together. You can have your man and a bff, all in one sweet package. With open dialog and a willingness to explore, you both can enjoy a fulfilling relationship.

Best of luck,

Leah

[Sarah2770]

Sarah, this is something the two of you can explore together. Some CD's are content to dress on rare occasions, others want it 24/7. Does he go out dressed? If so, would you consider having a girls' day of it, lunch, shopping, etc.? Would you consider a girls' night out with him? My late wife and I had several fun nights out together. You can have your man and a bff, all in one sweet package. With open dialog and a willingness to explore, you both can enjoy a fulfilling relationship.

He has NEVER ever shown anyone else. I am the only person in the world that knows. He's never gone out and I'm not sure that he would. We are still in the very early stages of exploration I think. The both of us. I would consider doing anything with him really, I'm just not sure I'll like it, you know? And that's the scariest thing for me and I make sure I tell him that I support him and I want to try whatever he wants but I'm honest in telling him that I may not like it and if I don't I would be honest (in the nicest way possible). He deserves my honesty. I just don't want to ever hurt him... I already have my man and my bff. He is just the greatest person to ever walk into my life. I'm willing to try new things
Should I encourage him to try things too? Or should I let him tell me on his own? I don't want to push him but I also want him to know that I'm not just doing it because he wants me to but because I want to... I don't want him thinking I'm just going along with it. But I don't want to make him uncomfortable either. He's very back and forth about what he wants to try. He talks about really going for it and shaving his beard and doing his hair and make up but then kind of pulls back, even if I am encouraging him or supporting the idea.

[bridget thronton]

Sarah welcome to the forum. I think the key is to keep talking to one another. Tell your SO when something she does bothers you. Your needs are important too. There are indeed some great folks to talk to in this forum.

[MysticLady]

I am dating ONE man who CDs. In the past, I dated a woman who then came out as trans and transitioned and is now a man. And I was ok with that. We remain very close, however, our relationship ended because he was no longer the same person. It broke my heart that things changed so much and I'm worried about that happening now.


I see, (still drinking my coffee and not quite mental yet:heehee:). You have got a different situation now. There is a big difference(in my opinion) between a man and a transman. Yes, the fog is overwhelming sometimes. My suggestion is let him go at it. Let him realize what he wants. If he wants to become a woman then, you'll know before you decide to marry him. If you still love him then, you must decide on the lesser of the 2 emotional strains. Letting him go or living w/ him as a her in a commitment. But, also throw in the fact that he may just like to express his feminine essence once in a while, like moi:hugs:

[~Joanne~]

Sarah, welcome to the forum :)

For a lot of us, it doesn't go much past the clothes and trying to present as a woman for a short period of time. So your BF may be telling you the truth, after all, only he knows where this road is going to lead him. Sometimes though while we think we know where the road leads,then it changes in time. I think that is the part your most worried about.

It sounds though as if your both off in the right direction having a good long healthy conversation about it but one conversation won't be enough. Talk to him in depth as many times as you need to. I am sure he will be more than willing to try to help you through this new discovery (though you are pretty well informed through your previous relationship) and you both can grow through the communications as a couple.

We are always here (sometimes more than we should be LOL) so feel free to ask any questions you may have. if you need a CD's opinion, my PM box is always open to you. There is a wealth of information here as you already know, the answers you seek may even be here but you'll have to sort through everything to find them. No two CD's are alike after all so opinions and such varies quite a bit. Good luck on your journey and I hope that both of you find the happiness you seek :)

[I Am Paula]

Nicole, That's mean, and not really even much of an opinion, based on the original post, it's just...well...mean. I like to be brutally honest, and all there is here is love and affection.

[Sarah2770]

Everyone here is so nice. I am overwhelmed with gratuity; I feel so lucky to be apart of something so special. I'm always going to allow him to freely express himself and I would never hold him back. And if my man wants to be a woman and we're still on the same pages and our feelings for one another don't change; I can live with that. Like I said, as long as we can make it work together. I love people for who they are and I don't think this is a definition of who he is, it's just apart of his personality. My love has never seen a gender, race, etc. This shouldn't be any different. I love everyone's involvement and support. As this is his secret and he has asked me not to, I would never share this with my friends or family (until/if he's ready) so having people to talk to is paramount. We will continue to talk and remain honest. And I'm looking forward to my journey with him. Thanks again for all the kind words. <3

[Kandy Barr]

Hi Sarah, Im not exactly experienced and up to date but felt compelled to give you a point if view from a cder. I had a wonderful relationship with my SO for over 25 yrs and she was very supportive. She taught me so many things about the female world and perspective, and helped me learn to live as a woman whenever I wanted. She and I were about the same height and size, even to the shoe size, which is amazing as I'm just over 6' tall. We would share clothes and even heels, omg we had fun, and the freedom was very liberating. I am writing this in past tense as I sadly lost her to cancer a few years ago. Anyway, I'm saying this because she gave me the freedom to take my cding to any level I wanted. I remember looking at other cders and would find them attractive ( or not ), and at times would wonder what " it would be like ". Like you she would have been ok with that as she was bi. Having said that, I never acted out on my curiosity. I read that most men who cd are heterosexual and beyond having curiosity, remain so, I know that was and still is the case for me, and I still wonder. Today I cd more than I did with her simply because I'm at a point in life and my situation allows me to do so. Back when I still had to function as a male for work and in society, I did what I needed to do, even with the freedom to live as a woman full time had I of chose to do so, even to the point of transitioning. I still do function for business purposes as a male, but live the majority of my time as female. I know each individual is different and what they will do can't be compared to what someone else has done, but I wanted you to know what I did and how I reacted when given freedom to be myself. I hope this in someway helps you and that your relationship works out ss wonderful as you hope. You remind me a lot of my SO in the way of your openness and liberated thinking. lol

[Ceri Anne]

Sarah, you sound like your very sincere and loving. That is awesome. Nobody can predict where your boyfriend will go in his journey, but with you by his/her side, it will be a wonderful journey, albeit challenging I'm sure at times.

As a crossdresser, I can tell you that many if not most crossdressers are straight. I myself am not attracted to men. While it would be nice to be able to dress more, and yes, I have fantasized about doing a complete transformation, but in reality, I like my male side as much as my female side, and know if I did fully transform, once I experienced being fully female, I'm sure I would miss some of my male side. So while a fantasy, I have no intentions of pursuing that. I hope this helps you understand that there are many shades of gray being a crossdresser/transgender person. So you bf may be happy just expressing sometimes, may go thru a period where she wants to be she a lot, and then may balance out. or may gradually wish to transform more fully. No definent answers here. Keep the communication open, let him know you concerns, desires and comfort level with various things and I'm sure it will work out well. Best wishes.

[Sarah2770]

I hope this in someway helps you and that your relationship works out ss wonderful as you hope. You remind me a lot of my SO in the way of your openness and liberated thinking. lol


Thank you for sharing this with me. All I want is for him to be himself and to feel comfortable within himself. This was very touching and heartwarming and I am so sorry for the loss of your faithful companion. I'm glad though that the two of you found each other and could enjoy the experience together. I can only hope I spend the next 25 years making my bf as happy as she clearly made you.

And yes, I am very well taken care of too. He is wonderful and thoughtful and I know how much he loves me. No matter what happens, nothing can erase that. He has my full support.

[MysticLady]

Everyone here is so nice. I am overwhelmed with gratuity; I feel so lucky to be apart of something so special.

:eek:.............................Ahh, do you have a sister?:heehee::hugs:

[docrobbysherry]

Hello Sarah

Forgive me, for I am a bit confused. You have a man that you love and a transman also that is your boyfriend? or are we talking about the same person?
I was thrown off, too, Vicky! She first described an earlier FtoM relationship using lots of "him" and "hers". So, when she began discussing her current SO using those same terms, my head began swimming!

I understand she is dating a MtoF trans dresser now!

[Sarah2770]

:eek:.............................Ahh, do you have a sister?:heehee::hugs:


Hahahaha. Love this.

Sorry, no sisters. There have to be more girls like me out there. I think it takes a special trait to be so open hearted and minded tho. Believe me, I've been told on a regular basis since I found out that he's never letting me go hahaha. I've cleared my mind of all preconceptions and misconceived notions I was taught growing up. Love is unconditional... or at least it should be.

[Sarah2770]

[QUOTE=docrobbysherry;3229158]I was thrown off, too, Vicky!

Awww, I'm sorry about the confusion. I'm trying to compile a lot of emotions and I may be a bit scattered. My apologies (:

[UNDERDRESSER]

Hi Sarah and welcome.

Where is it going to go? Nobody knows. Not even your SO.

Before I told my GF and started a relationship with her, I thought of myself as mostly a fetish CD, I had thought I wanted to dress fully, and try to pass. I still have plans to try that, but more to see what is possible than anything else. I'm sure I'll get a thrill out of it, but the urge just isn't there for the most part. I still wear panties, full time, I think they look better, it fits my self image, I much prefer the feel and comfort. And yes, I still get a little kick out of it. I change into a skirt as soon as i get home, and am working towards going out in public like that. I don't consider this crossdressing, I'm not wearing a wig, forms, bra, etc. I just want to be able to wear a skirt that looks good, and is comfortable. I've come to this point because I realize that I'm not a typical macho male, i still enjoy aspects of that, and can be the dominant one, as well as enjoying a very equal relationship, or being submissive when it suits. I want to express beauty, in my own way, I want to have warmer, closer relationships, it still feels weird to be that way with other men, but that is changing. Just to be clear, I'm not talking sexually, but more like the very close friendship that i have with several women already. I believe men are closed off from this by social pressures, and that some CDs are that way because they feel they can't, be like that as men.

The point of all this from your perspective, is that I didn't realize most of this until I was able to talk openly with my GF, her complete acceptance, allowed me to drop the guilt. I would bet that your BF is in the same situation. Don't fear it. it might not go where you want it to, but you can't force it. If you do, you'll never have a chance at the sort of relationship it sounds like you want. Your BF needs to spend time thinking about this, and talking with you about it, and maybe coming on here and talking with us. Hopefully, you'll both end up with a situation that allows you to be fully yourselves, it may be that you can do that together, it may be that one, or both of you, will need time to "do their own thing" That's fine, as long as you both agree and can live with it.

I have to say, that from your history so far, you have a good chance.

[Beverley Sims]

If you are really good friends it may be an acceptable way to go for both of you.
Play it slowly and do what you feel is right.

[Sabrina133]

Hi Sarah, welcome to the forum. As you can see from our collective answers, individual perspectives and experiences differ from person to person. I think i can safely say that as you seem to be open to different lifestyles, i think your period of adjustment will be shorter than many of us who told our SOs after many years of hiding it. I do think the fact that he told you means he didnt want to hide it from you. Frankly, that says a lot about being as honest as possible with you. I would also bet that CDing for him will be a journey of self discovery as well - who knows where it will take him. As Ceri said, you are embarking on this adventurer called life together and there is bound to be some rough roads - I wish you a smooth a journey as possible.

XOXO
Bree

[meganmartin]

Sarah,

I feel you both just communicate your needs.
But for me and just because i enjoy dressing that way I want to return to man land cause that stuff is too difficult to do daily.
This past week was my first time doing it on the road two days in a row and I had enough.

Best of luck!

[Lucy_Bella]

I dated a girl for awhile that was lesbian .. I asked her once why are you dating me if you like women sexually? She said it wasn't about that ...It was about companionship ..

[mikiSJ]

Sarah


Like I said, as long as we can make it work together.

You and your SO have an interesting journey ahead for both of you. I wish you well and hope the journey lasts forever.

[TxKimberly]

I'm trying to say informed. I don't mean to ask the tiresome questions I'm sure you're tired of. . .


DON'T go there! This forum exists for the sole purpose of supporting those who need and want the support, and it seems that you definitely fit the bill.
You gotta question - ask it! You wanna rant - go for it! You just wanna bullshit with people and have fun - enjoy!
I wouldn't want anyone here to feel like maybe they shouldn't bring this or that up. What the heck is the point of a support forum if you're afraid to say things?

[melissakozak]

First, his honesty and your honesty is important. You have cleared the air a bit. Second, you are not married. No kids. Great. A clean slate. Now, the tough part. The two of you must sit down and discuss HIS needs and your needs and YOUR boundaries, etc. The problem with being with one of us, and I say it is a problem, is that your feelings and his needs may change over time. A lot of questions need to be asked and answered honestly.

Most importantly, HE will be what he will be. Your acceptance won't somehow make him TS, etc. Our state of mind is way beyond anyone else's influence. If you can afford it, get a few sessions of couples counseling to sort things out if you feel you need it. I am not suggesting you do, but a neutral third party can help you navigate some murky waters.

A few questions you must ask him. Does he plan on going out? Is there a sexual component to it? Does he want to fully dress with a femme name? How does he feel about being a CD? A tough question, but a fair question is this: has he ever thought about transition?

You see how these waters get tough to navigate. If he is happy dressing at home with or without makeup and doesn't want or desire to go out, etc., then I think you two can work out time for him to enjoy this. Peggy Rudd's book My Husband Wears My Clothes is a great little read. It is a bit dated now, as it was published over twenty years ago, but some of the concepts are important. The late Joann Roberts also wrote a tome Coping with Crossdressing. Check them out. This forum is filled with many great contributors with great advice as well.

You have found a great place to start.....hugs, Melissa.

[RADER]

Hi Sarah;
Welcome to the forum;
My wife and I where married for 19+ years before she recently passed on.
I love to dress, she knew it before we where married, and she was OK with it.
I still like girls and girls only; I just like girls so much that I enjoy wearing their
clothes. I did not want to be a girl, just dress like one.
I bet your BF is much the same as most CDers are Heterosexual.
Rader

[Leona]

I am dating ONE man who CDs. In the past, I dated a woman who then came out as trans and transitioned and is now a man. And I was ok with that. We remain very close, however, our relationship ended because he was no longer the same person. It broke my heart that things changed so much and I'm worried about that happening now.

There will be changes as he explores and feels free to express his feminine side. Period. But they won't be on the same level as your ex because THOSE changes were hormonal. I would say that you fell in love with your ex's girl facade built up as a defense mechanism, and then became his true self after transitioning. Would you agree or disagree with that, seeing as how you're still very close?

You may find whole weeks go by (sometimes into more than one week) when you have a girlfriend with a penis. You may also find whole weeks go by when he's the manliest man you've ever known. It takes real balls to be a man that wears women's clothing. I wonder if you'll find him feeling more masculine when he's in his male self?

You may also feel like you're in a polyamorous relationship. Where you fall in love with the girl and the boy you're with, and it feels like they're two people. My wife used to feel that way with me, but over the past year I've been able to more integrate the two sides. Still not quite a cohesive whole, but it has been a fun journey. Now she feels like she's with one person that has two names, heh.

Your fears are well founded, I think, but over time, with the attitude you're showing here, you will they are just fears. Facts always trump fears, and it will just take time. You now have a very unique bonding experience available to you, should you choose to take it when it comes (and sometimes you'll fail to take it, and sometimes you'll succeed).

I definitely think you're going into this with the right attitude, and seeing what you've written here already tells me you probably also have the strength to do this. I wonder if there's anything we can actually do to help you. :)

[MysticLady]

Most importantly, HE will be what he will be. Your acceptance won't somehow make him TS, etc. Our state of mind is way beyond anyone else's influence. If you can afford it, get a few sessions of couples counseling to sort things out if you feel you need it. I am not suggesting you do, but a neutral third party can help you navigate some murky waters.


This part I'm afraid troubles me for some reason. This is not directed as you Melissa. I don't understand why a woman would need a third party to give a reason to believe this is ok. It troubles me that when a man tells his woman that's how he feels and is, why does she wanted confirmed by someone else? Is not the words of her man enough for her. Does she not seek comfort from them. In other manly issues, a woman would not have any trouble w/ the decisions of her man. Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest. If you think this will help you, then by all means, have at it.

[Aly Cat]

Well, personally, i think you are on the right track and he is lucky to have you. You are a rare gem indeed. Think of trans as a thermometer. You have guys like me, who want to be identified as male and just simply love fashion and styles that women have and just simply want to take part in it. I rank somewhat on the cooler end of the thermometer (pun intended). The hotter you get on the thermometer, the closer you get to transsexuals who feel the need to transition. (Theyre cool too i guess ;) )

You guys have some good communication going so its just a matter of figuring out where he falls in on the line. You guys will have to talk that out and explore things as you go along. If its something you are comfortable doing, then set some guidelines and agreements that you both think is fair. You started dating a man because you want a man...or the perfect one came along and you snatched him up. Good for you! Lucky *******!...him! Not you! :)
The biggest thing is going to be comfortability. Make it casual and as low stress as possible. If its been a secret for him for oh so many years, you can expect a bit of shyness and hesitation. Be like...listen, im cool with exploring the different sides of you, we just have to be there for each other and when i need a man, youve gotta be that man. (Its the different sides of a diamond that make it sparkle) thats true with people too. You seem really cool and open with him and that is super awesome. Keep going on your path and try and keep it as stress free as possible. Be the woman and keep him grounded firmly on the ground so he doesnt float away. I wouldnt worry so much about him being TS. I dont have any statistics for you, but i think that its a smaller percentage of the trans community that actually want to transition to be a woman. Be true to yourself and be honest with him and encourage him to do the same. Keep that communication going, thats the biggest thing you two have going for you. ;)

[giuseppina]

I'm trying to say informed. I don't mean to ask the tiresome questions I'm sure you're tired of. ...

There is only one kind of tiresome question: those that don't get asked. Questions are expected from genetic ladies who come here to get answers. Never assume anything, as we're all different with different goals from CDing.


... I just don't know about this and I'm really trying to learn as much as I can. I like when my bf dresses. I like the way it looks and I like the way I know it makes him feel.

We have an open dialog and I couldn't ask for more. There's a trust between us I've yet to experience. I am very lucky. My priority here and ensuring his happiness and making sure I stay open as well. I appreciate all the help, you're all very kind to help me with a little direction.

I've never been in a relationship, so you can take this as you see fit: Trust, honesty, and open communication are the backbone of a healthy relationship. It looks like you two have a good foundation built already.

[CD_blue]

The tiresome questions bit that was brought up... Is very annoying. My future wife just started posting here and that is pretty disrespectful. It would made me pretty upset actually if she had questions and got that response. Far as I am concerned anyone within our society new to the whole cross dressing scene coming and asking questions is a good thing. Mostly coming from someone being open to the idea of dating someone who cross dresses. Far as woman leaving to find a "normal" life... Well that maybe another's personal experience but I can safely say if I get left it won't be because I like make up, skirts, and high heels.

I think if your ok with alternative lifestyles coming in your going to have an easier time than those who have a more conservative mindset on what is a proper relationship. I personally love to completely cross dress but I have no intentions or desire to become a woman nor do I want to be with another man sexually. That isn't of course the case with all here, but if that is what he is telling you and you have no reason to believe otherwise I say go with it. We got a honesty policy in my relationship and she told me if we run into anything she doesn't like she will just tell me. Thus far we haven't ran into anything. :)

Since he is new to moving along with doing hair, shaving, etc etc he maybe like myself and just needs to take it in his own steps. The support she gave me did/does help "a lot" even though I might not have jumped right in actually doing it. It was very comforting knowing her support/love was there

Welcome to the forum :) Sounds like you two are on the right track and good luck!

[Tracii G]

Welcome Sarah nice to have you with us. :)

[kathtx]

Welcome, Sarah! I'm happy you're trying to understand and support your bf. Don't be afraid to ask any questions.

Others have already given some good advice, so mainly I wanted to add one thing. As you read this forum, and other transgender related sites, remember that we MTF transgendered folks are a pretty diverse bunch. Some are fetish crossdressers, some crossdress for non-sexual reasons; some are heterosexual, some bisexual, some homosexual; some think of themselves as male at all times, some think of themselves as having dual personas, some fantasize about becoming women but never take any real steps toward transition, some identify as women and may or may not fully transition depending on any number of factors. You'll read posts from people throughout that spectrum, and some of it may frighten you; what if your bf will want to be with men, or want to transition, or want to have a lesbian relationship with you, etc? Just keep in mind that there's no reason at this point to think your bf is anything other than what he says he is: a heterosexual CD'er. Most CD'ers are heterosexual, and most will not want to transition. So don't panic!

[Kalista Jameson]

Hi Sarah,

I think it's great you have an open dialog with your man on this. Both of you just need to take things slow and keep talking. A lot of what he is going through is very new to him and he won't be able to answer everything about what he wants to do. It's all uncharted territory for him now that he has finally shared with someone. A lot of it will be experimental until he figures things out. It's great that he has someone like you to explore with.

Cheers,

Kalista

[Raychel]

She said it wasn't about that ...It was about companionship ..

Personally, I think all relationships should go by this rule. Just enjoy the person you are with.

[Sarah2770]

Firstly, thank you to everyone who reached out to help expand my understanding if all this. I find comfort in all this support. I told my bf about what I was writing here and we read through it together. What a great experience, I love how open and honest we can be together. My experiences so far have proven to be so profound in my life and I'm very proud to be the woman he is able to share this with. It truly isn't about the person, it's the companionshiop. It's an added bonus that I have found myself to really enjoy this side of himself. It's an intense feeling. I love how good it makes him feel.

I have always been attracted to women and enjoyedmy lesbian relationships. However, at the end of the day, I wanted a mans arms wrapped around me. This is almost like having everything I had ever wanted. I just had never thought about it like that before my bf came along. I feel so lucky. I don't even care where this takes us. I found so much comfort in his words and the words of those here, that do long as our relationship grows and remains healthy, I'm the happiest I have ever been. Thank you all so much for sharing with me. The intimate details you all so selflessly shared with me mean the world to me. This was very helpful. I look forward to continuing on this journey. And I hope our strong bond lasts our liftime. Happy Independence Day!!

[Chickhe]

My recommendation... follow your gut... you see it, he is shy to admit it. What you need to do is go full out. Help him experience everything he needs to in order to understand where he needs to go... My own experience, was once I admitted to myself that I needed to do all I could to explore I accepted myself, I learned I can live a pretty much average life and CDing is just the icing on the cake if I choose... before, I was hiding too much, felt like I was holding back, was scared, etc etc... it impacts everything in your life to repress something. The way I felt, if I died tomorrow, would I not have done what I needed to do in my life...so I did it and now I feel great.

[Nicole Erin]

OK so my first response was not so nice so here are some other things that should help -
Just talk to him about if he wants to become a woman. You already knows he CD's so it is not like the cat isn't out of the bag. He is more likely to be truthful.
He probably doesn't want to. Figure like this - Take all the males who dress as women either sometimes or all the time. Most of them don't actually want to be women.
You do have a few who want to become women but then reality sets in with possible costs or the fact that living as a woman changes one's life. They decide their career, family, etc are more important so they never act on it.

So ultimately, it is unlikely that you will lose your man.
Moreover - the only TS who really pass well naked are the ones who started young and had really strong feminine traits to begin with. If "natural feminine traits" doesn't describe your man, you have next to nothing to worry about

[Annette Todd]

Sarah,
I would also like to say welcome to this little corner of the net.
There isn't really much else I can offer that hasn't already been said. You have as much right to bring topics to the table as anyone else. Yes, we may have seen similar topics before but you wouldn't have. We all need to remember that. Frankly, I was appalled at some of the responses you received. I remember a thread complaining that we don't treat GGs all that well. Until this thread I hadn't
seen anything like that. We are all very diverse in how we view our individual journeys. I would reiterate that the key for you and your bf is to communicate. It sounds as though you are doing marvelous on that area. I understand your worries about too many changes. I would suggest that you not worry about somethings that may not happen. The best way to keep from being surprised is keeping the lines of communication open. Secrets happen when there is a perception that a topic is out of bounds.
Your level of support for your bf is something a number of members here dream of.
I wish you success and happiness.

Happy Independence day

Annette

[Sarah2770]

OK so my first response was not so nice so here are some other things that should help -

Thank you Nicole, it was nice of you to come back and offer me some constructive advice. If anything, I hope my relationships lasts my lifetime. He is it for me. No matter where life takes us. My lifestyle is meant to include him always.

I know my bf does not want to be a girl and he's not interested in men. And I have become very tenacious in exploring other avenues. My mind is at ease and I'm just enjoying all the special moments we share together. I feel that I am just the luckiest right now (:

[MysticLady]

The tiresome questions bit that was brought up... Is very annoying. My future wife just started posting here and that is pretty disrespectful. It would made me pretty upset actually if she had questions and got that response.

Hi Blue, I'm sorry, but I believe I lost you somehow, Nicole may have been a little rough but she really is nice. Other than that, I see nothing but support and respect for Sarah. Please elaborate on your thoughts.


Firstly, thank you to everyone who reached out to help expand my understanding if all this.

Sarah, believe it or not, it is you that has "allowed" yourself to be at peace w/ this. You have decided that you will not be "afraid" of yourself which in turn makes you "not afraid" of the man that you Love. Congratulate Yourself Sweetie.:)


OK so my first response was not so nice so here are some other things that should help

You See, She really is a kitty even though she may roar like a lioness.:heehee::hugs:


My mind is at ease and I'm just enjoying all the special moments we share together. I feel that I am just the luckiest right now (:

I'm very happy that you feel this way. Isn't it wonderful too be in Love w/o trying to analyze it.

[Sarah2770]

[QUOTE=MysticLady;3230565]Hi Blue, I'm sorry, but I believe I lost you somehow, Nicole may have been a little rough but she really is nice. Other than that, I see nothing but support and respect for Sarah. Please elaborate on your thoughts.

I agree... I feel that there was TREMENDOUS support and love here. I was so touched by that in fact. When I told my boyfriend I only had one "mean response" he read it and said "that's not mean, it's just their opinion." hahaha. But Nicole came back with some information and clearly has been redeemed (;

I have absolutely no complaints!!

And unconditional love without over analysis is something I've been waiting all my life for. That's how I know this time is the real thing. Thanks again everyone!

[ThiHi]

What a fabulous thread. With true, unselfish Love, all things are possible. To those that doubt a real relationship is possible, i'm here to tell you it is. Good for both of you, Sarah, for finding each other. I'm smiling to see such happiness.

[Sometimes Steffi]

My recommendation... follow your gut... you see it, he is shy to admit it. What you need to do is go full out. Help him experience everything he needs to in order to understand where he needs to go... My own experience, was once I admitted to myself that I needed to do all I could to explore I accepted myself, I learned I can live a pretty much average life and CDing is just the icing on the cake if I choose... before, I was hiding too much, felt like I was holding back, was scared, etc etc... it impacts everything in your life to repress something. The way I felt, if I died tomorrow, would I not have done what I needed to do in my life...so I did it and now I feel great.

I guess I'd like to second this. He may be shy or unsure of himself and would love some help. Or he may be disturbed in some way by this part of his personality, and want or need to go slow.

One easy thing to do is to buy something appropriate for him, either lingerie, or a dress, but something appropriate. Then leave it somewhere he'll find it, but let him choose if he wants to wear it without any pressure from you.

If you don't have a sister, do you have a like-thinking cousin?

[Sarah2770]

Unfortunately, I don't really know any like minded humans at this given moment. Although, I wish I did. My bf and I just got back from a nice get away in the woods. Really roughing it. It was awesome and we got to do a lot of talking. I got to clear my head without the stress of everyday life and I finally feel like my mind has completely wrapped around the information I've been getting. I am so grateful for our honesty and how it seems to never falter. It's unfortunate that not everyone can open their hearts like this. Love comes into your life in very unexpected ways, embracing the opportunity is rly the only way to find that one person that really is meant for you. And people wonder why they're so lonely.

I'm glad that everyone seemed to enjoy this thread and my experience has sparked such an interest. It makes me hopeful that my relationship with him will withstand whatever may lie ahead. We work so well together and your encouragement for open communication and honesty has proven to be the best advice. Thanks again everyone!!

[MissTee]

Hey Sarah,

Welcome to the forum. Always glad to read stories of supporting SO's and loving couples who have learned to stay positive about CDing. For what it's worth, my wife and I have been together for 35 years. She supports my CDing. Sees it as just a part of the whole me. For all these years I've not shared it with anyone but her, and want to keep it that way. I like being a man and am in man mode most of the time. I do love to "get my girl on" and dress on occasion (few times a month.) Usually it's with the wife's support and help and we love, love getting away for a week or so dress up when we can. Again, always just us (private mountain retreat.) We enjoy shopping together both in person and on-line, and she appreciates what she calls my fashion sense.

Anyway, things can and do work out. Good luck to you two!

[Sarah2770]

It's been a while since I visited this forum. All due to good things that have been happening. My bf and I have really been enjoying our time together and getting to know each other on many different levels. All is as well (if not better) as it was. I continue to learn more and more about his wants and desires and I just hope he isn't holding back.

I am not a lesbian Lucy, per say... I like to think of myself as sexually fluid. It's not about gender or race, etc. It's about the person I have found a connection with. So long as that's there I believe anyone can have a healthy and happy relationship. Our biggest thing has been communication and honesty. Still going strong on that front and I couldn't be happier.

I too hope our journey lasts forever, after this, no man could live up to my expectations. He's a perfect match for me. *Swoon*

I hope there are other women who have read this that may be going through similar experiences. Id like to think that maybe our story will help other couples that may be struggling throughout this learning process.

Anyway, thanks again everyone!! (:

[sherri]

OK so my first response was not so nice so here are some other things that should help -
Just talk to him about if he wants to become a woman. You already knows he CD's so it is not like the cat isn't out of the bag. He is more likely to be truthful.
He probably doesn't want to. Figure like this - Take all the males who dress as women either sometimes or all the time. Most of them don't actually want to be women.
You do have a few who want to become women but then reality sets in with possible costs or the fact that living as a woman changes one's life. They decide their career, family, etc are more important so they never act on it.

So ultimately, it is unlikely that you will lose your man.
Moreover - the only TS who really pass well naked are the ones who started young and had really strong feminine traits to begin with. If "natural feminine traits" doesn't describe your man, you have next to nothing to worry aboutI want to second this. I'm not trying to speak for your bf, but I think it's important to stress that for me -- and many others, I suspect -- I have no desire to become a woman (HRT, SRS, etc), but at the same time feminine expression is very important to me because it's part of who I am, inside and outside. Not only am I not interested in tricking people, I actually want them to know and understand that I am blended gender person.

And while we're all susceptible to pink fog, it stabilizes after awhile. That said, I also have a deep-seated need to escape the confines of the closet and interact with the world as a femme person in carefully selected ways. But -- and this is a big but -- I am realistic about our society and the realities of life, so I have no interest in jeopardizing job, family relationships, community standing, etc. These constraints tend to keep the femme thing in check to some extent, and that can help in keeping it under control within a relationship.

Also, I'm single and thus free to explore sexual interests across genders, but I would have no problem shelving all that in exchange for a meaningful monogamous relationship if that's what one or both of us needed. It's really no different than the faithfulness normally committed to by couples, regardless of genders.

[Tracii G]

I'm happy for you both Sarah.

[MysticLady]

It's been a while since I visited this forum. All due to good things that have been happening. My bf and I have really been enjoying our time together and getting to know each other on many different levels. All is as well (if not better) as it was. I continue to learn more and more about his wants and desires and I just hope he isn't holding back.

Hi Sarah, I'm so happy for you in that everything is working fine. I'm a little concerned of the latter part of your statement. You hope that he does not hold back. Be Careful. First, you're being intimate w/ him w/o a commitment. He's getting free milk. Second, He's young I believe as you are and He may not be mature enough to handle his feelings regarding this. He may decide that He needs a CD partner for sex, just to "amplify" his feelings regarding this. That's where you need to draw the line. My first suggestion may be difficult already because he's already tasted you. Stop giving him free milk. Men, enjoy that and unfortunately some men use that to their advantage. Second, Set your boundaries regarding others to fulfill a fantasy. He must learn to fulfill all his fantasies w/ you and you only if he is serious about you. Just looking out for you, kiddo. :hugs:

[vanitysumers]

I am glad you are here and have fun exploring all the things you will learn from him.

there are many women who love this

and then there is this incident
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?198435-you-might-get-mad-at-this-one&p=3248931#post3248931


Let's see how long this relationship lasts.
The problem is that a lot of women say they are accepting etc but eventually they decide they want a normal life and the fact that their B/F dresses up or wants to become a woman doesn't fit into the picture.