How to introduce yourself to other cross dressers?

[Emogene]

I was out for breakfast this morning and saw a girl who was pretty clearly a CD. All dressed up, no wig, heavy eye brow ridge, advanced male pattern baldness, et al.

So is there a protocol or some customary way that you do a "cold" self introduction to another CD in a public setting?

Does one simply walk up, thrust out a hand and confidently say "Hi, I'm Emogene"?

I was not all pretty but thought that a genetic male with the name Emogene might convey my status fairly clearly without saying outright that I thought the other person was a CD. No harm, no foul! :D :o :doh:

Thanks ladies for your thoughts on the matter!

[Leona]

Having not been in that situation yet, I would like to think I'd walk up and say "Hi, my name is Dave, what's yours?" and then as soon as possible I'd try to put my lips near the ear where I can say "I also go by Leona in some places".

If I don't think that's possible, I'll just treat them like a woman, and that situation has come up a few times.

[Kalista Jameson]

Hi,

I personally would not do anything other than act normally.

Cheers,

Kalista

[Catherine Hopkins]

Sorry Emogene.

Whilst you may very well have recognised a girl SOMEWHERE on the gender spectrum, you have no way of knowing where.

She should very easily be transsexual and deeply offended by your inferences and completely disheartened by being read.

My advice would be to ignore her. Friends are best made by arrangement, not by chance meeting which is just as likely to hurt as to endear.

[noeleena]

Hi,

For years iv said unless they are your friend or friends , its a good way to out another person who may be struggleing with them selfs & trying the best they can to dress, iv met & seen many & no i would not make a point of going up & makeing myself known to them.

Try this well no dont. im very well known far & wide, two different countys. & know just too many people & more know who i am.

Now when or if its possible you can meet me your first reaction would be im a dresser. maybe a pretty poor one at that very masculine facial features, though if you look harder & pick up my manrisims youll find im a female sure not a good looking one still female / woman.

Now you see whats changed what you may think is a dresser. may not be , i know a few very much like myself very male looking yet we are female, for some thier voice is way low, mines quite good.

I have had to step inbetween a man & a woman who is trans, to stop abuse from the male till I had jos take her home & get the Police to take him away. now not once would i say any thing to that woman , i treated as such , now for all i know she could have been a dresser. i really did not care my job was to keep her safe at all cost. he thought i was a wimp. he'd walk over me , he backed off when i steped in & moved him away,

All im saying is it may sound nice to say hi what ever . just use common sence, & even if i do see a dresser in passing i may just say hi as i normaly do wherever i am. remember im just a woman , Id more than likely get away with it better than a male saying hi,

...noeleena...

[Cheryl123]

I would be against invading someone's space uninvited, no matter how well intentioned.

[DebbieL]

How would you introduce yourself to an attractive woman? With a complement on her jewelry? her wardrobe? her hair? or her make-up? Then to drive it home, something like; "I WISH I could look that good". This is the same kind of compliment a woman would give another woman.

Often, when I have my hair brushed out, earrings in, and a very close shave, I will see others who also have both earrings, plucked brows, and the other marks of a TG/CD. Often, there is a polite nod and smile, AND the tilted head of the courtsey. There are many subtle non-verbal signals that are tells that are you are TS/TG or CD, even when you are in DRAB (DRessed As Boy).

[Sabrina133]

I agree Debbie. I am a huge proponent of "personal space." I think a subtle acknowledgement without anything verbal is the best approach - especially in a non CD environment.

[Celeste]

I would think a direct approach with a simple "hi" would open the lines of communication without implying anything..I wouldn't speak of anything gender oriented right away but maybe compliment her briefly.If I perceive a favorable response from her ,I would then maybe elaborate on my own situation and dressing.It would depend on wheather I got the cold shoulder or not.

We have to remember,some girls do not want to be made...by anyone.So I guess the key would be not to pry but allow them to talk first.

[Kaz]

Good advice so far.. when I have been out I would have died by someone reading and telling me.. even if they were a 'sister'.... Complements always work well, and so does recognising the need for personal space. OK I would love it if you came up to me and we hit it off... but this is a very sensitive area.

My advice... smile, catch her eye... walk away... watch... and do something magic to make her day... sometimes all we want is for a smile?

Kaz xx

[Beverley Sims]

Make eye contact and play it from there.
Having said that, I think it is as about as far as I would go without a positive reaction from the other person.
Generally we are all on edge when out and do not wish to out ourselves to a stranger.

[Kate Simmons]

The best way I see to do it in person is if we are at a CD function, a club that welcomes CDers, or at a TG Org. meeting. That way, it's more or less a "given" who everyone is in a non threatening situation.:battingeyelashes::)

[~Joanne~]

No wonder we never meet any sisters while out and about, let alone make any friends. I never understood this mentality myself. I understand the not wanting to be "made" while out but if that is the case, why not stay home? I am sure there are MANY sister's out there that are not part of this forum looking to make friends with similar interests but they'll always be thinking they are alone because of the "no approach" attitude.

I can see both the up side and the down side to approaching a sister but is this forum the only interaction we should have? I am sure there are plenty of civilized ways to approach a sister who is out without screaming "look everyone, a CD!" How about we try a few of these instead of the standard "by the book" answer which have plagued this question every time it comes up.

[Angela Campbell]

Sorry Emogene.

Whilst you may very well have recognised a girl SOMEWHERE on the gender spectrum, you have no way of knowing where.

She should very easily be transsexual and deeply offended by your inferences and completely disheartened by being read.

My advice would be to ignore her. Friends are best made by arrangement, not by chance meeting which is just as likely to hurt as to endear.

Although I agree with what you said, if she is completely disheartened by being read she is not being realistic. From the description she is clearly not convincing. It still would be rude to do something to point it out.

[Jenniferathome]

How would you introduce yourself to the average person? Yes, cross dressers are people.

[mikiSJ]

Offer a quick look and a smile and then get on with YOUR life. If the other person has an interest, they will let you know.

[Chari]

"What would YOU do?" if the moment was turned around and someone approached you in public, how and what would you accept as an opening line. Some of us can handle any situation, while others are just hoping to get through the moment without problems.

[STACY B]

Depends on how they act or looked ? Maybe say ,,, DAMMMMMMMM You better get some sunglasses on girl ,,lol,, DAMMMMM You friggen look great ,, Who did your makeup ? Hell I would have never pegged ya if not for that Adams Apple ,, You think that dress is short enough ? They didn't have any 7 inch heels ,, Little HOT for Pantyhose ,, On an On ,,,,, Depends on the person an how they act an look .

[arbon]

Does one simply walk up, thrust out a hand and confidently say "Hi, I'm Emogene"?



I had a guy do that to me, twice, same guy, different towns.

One time I was in gooding Id with a group for grilfriends, including my wife. Saw him approaching us, starting at me, introduced himself asked my name and he started talking, but only to me. He was completely oblivious to everyone else I was with. All his focus was on me. After a few minutes my friends intervened said were going now and ushered me back to the car. Then I had to explain to my wife I really don't know that guy I swear I don't know what his deal was!

The second time I saw the same guy in ketchum id, and the same thing happened again where he totally focused in on me with way way to much enthusiasm I figured he was really horny for a trans girl, and I must of been the trans girl of his dreams, or he was a closeted crossdresser or ts that was just overly excited to see a trans woman in idaho - cause there's not a lot of us.
I don't know. Either way it really creepped me out.

I think you have to be careful with how you approach a crossdresser or trans woman. I think transsexual women would be less likely to appreciate being approached then a crossdresser would. I don't think it would be so much about knowing you have been read, but - like for me if some guy came up and introduced himself and said he was a crossdresser I'd be sitting there thinking oh great now he is going to show me a picture of himself all dressed up and want to go hang out at the mall or go look at shoes with me. I did that once with a crossdresser that was in drab, it was so funny he we got to the stores and he was to afraid to actually look at anything! I decided never again!

[docrobbysherry]

I don't have this issue as I don't go out among civilians dressed! For me, that's pointless.
When I'm out in vanilla land in drab I'm going about my business just as everyone else is. I don't feel the need to chat with folks unless there's a reason for it. And, most others seem to feel that way, too. Including any possible Tgirls I may see.

Now, clubbing is an entirely different situation. Dressed there, I feel comfortable going up to ANY dresser or anyone else and starting a conversation. Isn't that why we r all there, after all!?

[alwayshave]

I have to believe that this is in the same realm as telling a women whom you believe to be pregnant, congratulations, only to find out she is not expecting. Meaning let her tell you/approach you and that way no one is offended.

[Lynn Marie]

I probably wouldn't introduce myself to a mixdresser, but to a well dressed CD in an appropriate setting, I'd just say "Hi, I'm Lynn, you look terrific". Whether she's a good looking CD or a slightly homely GG, she'll be pleased with the compliment. I always am.

[Rogina B]

Generally we are all on edge when out and do not wish to out ourselves to a stranger. Glad you aren't speaking for me! Pass? Come on,get real! How about noticing something nice they have on and commenting that you like it and asking where they bought it as you would also like one...? That works best!

[Leona]

Why not a mixdresser? Out of curiosity...

[Rogina B]

You mean "half baked"...lol!

[Seana Summer]

I have to believe that this is in the same realm as telling a women whom you believe to be pregnant, congratulations, only to find out she is not expecting. Meaning let her tell you/approach you and that way no one is offended.

I think this is a very good point. I had a secretary who suffered from thinning hair and if I had not known her for several years and just met her, I would have wondered if she was a gg or not.

I think treating a CD in public situation the same as you would anyone else is the best approach. I would have smiled and said Hi if the opportunity presented itself. If you would have seen her in the grocery store you could have done what some women do to me (I'm in guy mode) and bumped her shopping cart:)

[Leona]

I agree that treating a CD as the gender being presented is what you should do. That is the point of doing it, after all, and presumably how you'd want to be treated.

I also agree with these others saying that we should be able to meet CDs in public and find out somehow reasonably quickly that they're CDs without breaking the role for anybody.

Hence my suggestion to out yourself. If you're wrong and you're talking to a GG, she will probably be pleasantly surprised, and if you couple it with a genuine compliment directed at her, she will be happy. If you're talking to a CD, you've opened the door and let her decide whether to be outed at that moment, even if it's only to you, and hopefully done it with enough style that she doesn't realize you read her.

[Helen_Highwater]

As I walked into a local convenience store yesterday I passed the security guard who I took to to be male. It was only on my way out that I realised he was she. Physique, hair style and uniform combined to create an image but I also got the impression this wasn't someone who wanted to deliberately present as male. It's too easy to assume that looks = intent. What you saw could have been a masculine looking female doing her best to be womanly. A lot of hurt could result from even the most well intentioned contact.

[Emogene]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the comments!

The majority seem to go with how I decided to handle it, ie avoid the contact lest I offend!

We as a forum are so diverse in ourselves (how we self identify) and our individual confidence levels that no contact felt like the right way to handle the non-event.

Have a great day and thanks again for your thoughts! It helps me very much to have feedback from others!

[Badtranny]

this is really as simple as "Hi".

I would follow with "boy it's been hot lately"

By now I should know for sure, and then I would invite her to hang out with my friends sometime. That's IF I wanted to meet her or introduce her to my friends. If not, I would just say "Hi".

Sometimes I wonder if most of the people on this board ever meet ANY strangers.

[Nicole Erin]

Not talking to people is a great way to make friends. Riiiiight...

For real, just if you see someone and want to chat them up, just do so. Long as it is in a safe environment. Don;t be like that creepy chick who came up to me today at the car wash asking for money. It was a car wash in a shady part of town...

Hard to say how to start the conversation. If you would have had to walk across the place to approach it might be weird but if she were right there, maybe ask something about the restaurant's food (have you tried their...?)

The only real "protocol" is not to bring up the thing about being TG. That might come later if a more solid friendship develops.

[heatherdress]

When I detect a Cder or suspected CDer, I follow the Contact Rules posted within the official Forum Rules. First I ensure the suspect is safe to contact. That requires a visual check of the suspect for weapons or dangerous-looking acquaintances. The next step requires securing eye contact and winking twice at the suspect. They must respond with the appropriate acknowledgement - a wink and an ear tug. Step three requires that we show each other our Personal Crossdresser Forum ID Card. If, and only if, all steps are successfully accomplished, the suspect can be safely approached and spoken to.

[suchacutie]

I've long held the position that Tina wants to be treated as Tina. As such, when I meet what appears to be a MTF I treat her as I would any woman and this seems to work incredibly well. One example: I was in a long line in a Starbucks and, therefore, had a lot of time to notice the woman in front of me who appeared to be a very accomplished and comfortable CD. When she asked for her latte, the voice added to my conclusion, so after I ordered and we were waiting I started up a small-talk conversation. It turned out she was just passing through and needed directions, which I could provide. It was just a delightful conversation and I hope I made her even more comfortable with herself. Crossdressing never came up in the conversation. :)

[Lorileah]

What I usually get is "Can I ask you a personal question?". I usually say yes if you can handle the answer. But I would recommend not approaching a stranger just because you think they may be TG. If you have some other reason (could I borrow your salt? Hey how are you today. Great weather were having. How about the Broncos?) then you do what you do when you meet anyone.

[Rebecca Watson]

I've been greeted with "Are those your real tits?" and "What the ****?" So, if it were me, if someone says hi (thereby implying they've found out), I'm hardly going to think it's a big deal. However, watch out for some traps: e.g. cancer treatment can result in hairloss, leading to wearing wigs, which is suggestive of transgenderism (in which case, would be a disaster to implicitly say "I bet you're a dude in disguise").

Actually, I'm in this kind of situation at the moment. There's a security guard at a nearby shop who's gender identity is not particularly apparent (to me, at least). The security guard appears to be genetically female, but appears to present in a primarily masculine way. I'm thinking about saying hi, but wouldn't want to leave the wrong impression.

- Becky

[Melissa Rose]

For some reason there seems to be the impression that engaging a trans person of any variety is different than engaging anyone else. While it is nice to find someone like yourself or give them encouragement and support, why would you lead off a conversion with such a potentially personal topic? Starting with a simple "hi" or finding an appropriate generic opening comment is all that is necessary. If you saw someone with a prominent scar or prosthetic limb, would you go over and say "Hey, I noticed your scar (or limb), I got one of those too."? Probably not. You have no idea how they feel about their situation or if they are comfortable with talking to a stranger about it even if you may be empathetic or similar to them. You would start off with a generic opening, see where it goes then perhaps take advantage of an obvious opening if one appears. Some people are more open and engaging and others are more shy. Let them decide and follow their cues. This does not mean to ignore others, not to talk to anyone or to be afraid of any potential touchy subjects, but to use common sense, respect personal space (physical and informational), and back off if you are getting bad or please leave me alone vibes. Just say "hi" or "I like your shoes". If you are in drab make sure it is not coming across as creepy, pervy or like you are hitting on them as an admirer. Err on the side of caution, but don't be afraid.

If you want to meet other trans folk, join a suitable meet up group or trans organization. You will not have to deal with an awkward first encounter concerning yours or someone else's trans status.


Sometimes I wonder if most of the people on this board ever meet ANY strangers.
I have met a lot of strange people including Melissa H.. Oh.....never mind. I need to read more carefully.

Seriously, I frequent one of the big shopping malls and have made a number of friends and acquaintances in the process. A few of my friends tease me about knowing everyone at the mall (it's not true). I do not recall a single time where my "transness" was part of a conversation with a sales associate or anyone else I engaged while there. I have been treated like any other repeat, good customer or fellow shopper. I would not want it any other way. Am I remembered or more likely to be engaged in some cases because I am trans? Definitely, yes. However, it is not part of our conversations because I do not bring it up and the vast majority of times it is irrelevant. Treat me as a person first and everything else will fall into place as appropriate.

[Nikki A.]

If I'm dressed I shouldn't be spoken to? Then why bother going out.
Saying Hi and offering a complement on a part of her outfit seems to be an icebreaker. I know I wouldn't be put off if someone came up to me and offered a complement. How they react is the key to carry on or just keep going.

[Emogene]

Thanks again everyone!

As suggested, a simply hello appears to be the best approach. Nice and ambiguous without the chance of unintentionally offending.

[Maria 60]

Last year we were out in a small town and my wife had noticed before i did, she said a couple of your friends are coming toward us, I looked up and one was very tall and the other one was much shorter and by the look of the amount of bags they had it looked like they did some serious shopping. My first instinct was to run up to them and cheer them on for there great courage and then lift my top and drop my pants to show them my bra and panties and pantyhose that I was wearing under, but then thought it was a bad idea. I tried not to stare at them but I was dying to see what they were wearing, so I took little glaces to see there cloths and shoes and try to get look at there make-up. I really wanted to do more but felt just like you I didn't know what to do, almost just frozen.

[SheriM]

When I am out dressed completely, I often have women, usually SA's, come up to me and say Hi, Finding everything OK, etc. They almost always have a smile on their face to present a friendly approach. I like the contact, as long as it is friendly. If it is a male that approaches, it certainly makes me nervous, but if he presents a friendly smile, it makes it easier. I do think we can make that contact as long as it is with a smile.

[linda allen]

I think the biggest risk to walking up to what you think is a crossdresser and saying something is, it might just be a homely woman. That would be awkward at best.

Now ask yourself this; Do you normally walk up to strangers and engage them in conversation? If not, why would you do this to a suspected crossdresser?

[Nikki A.]

My first instinct was to run up to them and cheer them on for there great courage and then lift my top and drop my pants to show them my bra and panties and pantyhose that I was wearing under, but then thought it was a bad idea.

Definitely not a good way to greet anyone LOL. Besides I bet your wife would have killed you right then and there.

[Tracii G]

Myself I just smile and say hello if eye contact is made.