cut off

[johanna.kitten]

So,

One of my very best friends for the last 14 years totally cut me off today for being m2f ts. I am so unhappy it is not even funny. I really though this person would be more tolerant/accepting than most. Do one really have to get all new friends and all that jazz? Gonna home home and cry a bit now...

Hugs
/Giovanna

[larry]

I hope your day gets better.. It is a sad fact of life that a lot of people think (Only what THEY feel is important) . I always relate it to people who take the same wedding vows---"better-worse-sickness and health-richer-poorer-till death do we part" 3 or 4 times..

[Barbara Ella]

It is a sad fact that you never really know who is going to be accepting and understanding. Even worse, you never know when it will strike. Sorry about your friend. Hopefully you will make a new one. Cry a bit, but get right back out there.

Barbara

[JohnH]

What I have experienced is there are a few non-tolerant individuals who have cut me off for my m2f transitioning. I can count them on my fingers on one hand. On the other hand, I have been able to make a lot of friends with genetic women much more easily than before the transitioning.

So I guess the saying "time heals all wounds" is true in a sense provided there is forgiveness.

Johanna (John)

[RADER]

Giovanna;
Some times you do not know who your friends are until the chips are down.
A true friend would not walk out on you; The only reason I could think of is
that your transitioning is some how a threat to his own self being.
Maybe he himself has dabbled in wearing some other clothes at one time or another.
Or he is just worried he might find you attractive enough to want to "Date" a guy,
And the idea of that just sent him running for the hills.
Remember, you have many friends here.
Rader

[johanna.kitten]

Cheers you lot, I will head home now (being in a pub 3h away from home). I will have to have a good think about things. I could not set this one coming actually.

Hugs
/Giovanna

[groove67]

I have lost few friends as they can not handle the thought of one of their old buddies becoming a woman. Only three actually and all guys they just do not talk to me only at work . Women basically have accepted me with open arms , some of whom where friends even when i was trying to be a guy but most part they stick with you at least in my case. Here is the best though all the new friends you will find here and many other places.

[Bobbie Lee]

I guess I have been lucky so far, the only one not happy with my femme side is my wife. She is slowly coming around though. I never had a lot of friends to start with but the ones I have told said they were cool with it. I have one very old friend that I told and after two days with him he still didn't believe me, when he left he just said " your messing with me". Brother in law had no problems with it, almost all of my neighbors, who are elderly and a little red neck, have no problems either.
"Those that don't care about your felling's don't matter, those that do matter to you don't care if you are different". Friends are important but not as important as you happiness.

Hugs and best wishes, Bobbie

[geri]

tell that person to go suck on a carrot and put it where the sun don't shine. he/she was not a very best friend.

[johanna.kitten]

Well, I guess you win some and loose some.

I just got back to my neck of the woods and a landlady of one of my local hangouts just just shut down for the nite and was on her way home on here push bike and greeted me "Hellow Princess" as per usual and I am now at "The Fat Cat Cafe" and they play Madonna for me - lyrics "Don't go for second best". Soon time to get some kip as it is midnite over here in the UK, and I'll be busy in the morning.

Hugs you lot.
/Giovanna -- yes I wear a skit and yes you lot miss out on a lot

[mikiSJ]

Some friends will see you through whatever hell you are going through, and come right back to help you the next time.

Some friends won't help you if there is a football match on the telly.

Keep your spirits up and you will attract people who are true friends.

[Chickhe]

I discovered, most friends throughout my life are friends of opportunity. They are friends mostly for one reason, usually its something they want and when that no longer matches up they go... I used to think friends would be forever, but I learned and I ditched some friends that no longer fit my life and I'm a lot happier. The friends I kept are ones that don't really care too much, they just enjoy a few simple things in life and we are friends who meet up once or twice a year just to do something fun...we don't debate, we don't talk too much about each other's issues in life and it works. I think as you get older, you have less friends and more aquantences. Seems like its a lot less personal, you talk about one thing, hello, goodbye, nice weather etc. no heavy stuff. Nobody wants TMI.

[Nicole Erin]

Something else has to be going on. Casual friends may ditch and that is expected. A best friend of 14 years doesn't just bail though.

Here is the thing - us TS have problems with our old friends or family still calling us "he" or by our old name. That is cause the way people get to know you is how you stick in their minds. I mean this in a nice way and will say this; your friend should still be cool with you even if he still sees "John" through your female presentation.

I wish I could give better advice but yes sometimes our social circle must change. That doesn't give a good friend of several years any excuse to bail though. You need to find out what else is going on.

[johanna.kitten]

This all happened when I was in his neck of the woods, we both are very much into Cuban cigars and there is a little cigar club just nearby and I suggested we'd go there and his replay was and I quote "nah you'll turn up wearing a dress or something ridiculous. far too embarrassing for me sorry".

Hugs
/Giovanna

[noeleena]

Hi,

Its no easyer for us ether, iv had a few thought would remain friends yet one seems uncomforable around me so i dont push it , it all comes down to even though they are friends they dont understand & cant handle our changes ,

Do as iv done in a number of cases & are still doing give them time & let them see you & as you are friends with others he'll see you with them & see if others can accept you he may just come around .

Look at it this way whats some time apart from each other it can make the friendship stronger, i know it has in a few cases for myself . just needs a healing time .

...noeleena...

[Leah Lynn]

Fair weather friends. I often try to guage them. A good friend will bail you out of jail; a best friend will be in the cell with you. Where would this person be? At home not answering the phone.

Leah

[kimdl93]

One friend disappointed you. Others may surprise you in a positive way.

[Cheryl T]

True friends are rare and very hard to find. They are the ones that will be there Always.
I recently lost the friendship of someone who I thought was a real friend for over 30 years over something unrelated to this subject. It happens to all of us and it hurts, but we have to move on and keep our eyes open for those that are REAL friends.
Don't give up the search and don't lose too many tears over that person who turned away from you.

[TxKimberly]

I'm so sorry! I haven't lost any friends over it, but that's pretty much because none of the very few friends I have know about it. Can't imagine how bad that must hurt. . .

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Sorry it happened. It is a risk of transition and frankly a risk even if you are not transitioning but living in female mode for part of your life.

You have t o accept that what we do is outside the normal box of life and some people just won't handle it well. Especially fin
They invested their friendship in you and feel betrayed confused or scared. It challenges people. Some aren't up to it

I dont blame anyone I just live and let live.

[Nicole Brown]

I have learned a very important lesson since I began transitioning to Nicole. There are different degrees of friendship, and one of these degrees is acquaintance. I have also learned that people do not remain in a single category for life. We change, they change and things just change.

I have been truly fortunate as during my entire journey, I have only lost one acquaintance. This was someone who I always truly thought of an a close and very dear friend. We had known each other for over 30 years and were always there for each other. We cried on each others shoulders when our parents passed away, we hugged at the birth of his children, you know, just truly best of friends.

I had been slowly telling my friends about my new life as Nicole and just hadn't reached out to him as yet. All of a sudden he called me one day and asked me if I was making any changes in my life and to myself. Suspecting that he had heard something, I said that yes I was making a change and asked him what he had heard. He launched into a tirade of name calling and demeaning statements which was enough to bring me to tears.

That was the end of it, we never spoke again and the only time I have seen him since then was when I passes him in a store, as Nicole. He looked me up and down and smiled at me making it obvious he had no idea who I was.

[johanna.kitten]

Yeah, I think I have to give this person some time to deal with it, I have only been Gio for so long after all. It is kinda strange in the way that I thought of him as being quite tolerant towards any type of things, environments etc. Many others have cut me off as well but then again, I have now lived and worked in 9 countries so I have lost many friends just moving to a new country so I'm getting used to it.

Hugs
/Giovanna

[KellyJameson]

My own experience with friends is the men seem to have a much more difficult time remaining friends, particularly if they are strongly invested in projecting a masculine image of strength and have any homophobia that transitioning seems to provoke because they still think in terms of a man who is transitioning but is still a man.

They sexually experience a woman but this clashes with their memory of a man (homophobia) or they worry about their social standing built around their gender identity.

What is interesting is that some homosexual men are also invested in projecting a strong masculine image (gender identity) so can react just as negatively as a heterosexual man to a transsexual but with the heterosexual it is sexual identity that is threatened and with the homosexual it is gender identity.

It is important to understand for your own safety that a transsexual triggers identity conflicts in other people, whether it is sexual identity, gender identity or both.

This is why hate or rage is often directed at transsexuals along with the religious influences of what is defined in nature as natural or unnatural that extends out into the mental health community as what is healthy or unhealthy.

I leave the door open to my life and do what I can to protect them from these conflicts. Some come back into my life but the relationship is different but many do not.

Better to be comfortable in your own skin than trying to make sure others are not uncomfortable in theirs.

[johanna.kitten]

Kelly, it seems to me that many see a male gay person in me instead of a TS.

Also, when it comes to that part with religion... the pastor over at the church I used to attend called me in and pretty much asked me to stop what I'm doing and not dress accordingly, another representative informed me that "I'm upsetting God". Needless to say I don't attend no more as I was cut off there too. God does not make mistakes they kept telling me.

Hugs
/Giovanna

[Leona]

I have to say, I have some lifelong male friends that would love for me to transition, because we've already agreed that if one of us ever becomes a woman...... (One of them's been asking, and I keep telling him "Nope, still have a penis that I don't want to give up")

[BOBBI G.]

I have really never identified with the male portion of this world, and have really never fit into the male bonding thing. I have always been more comfortable around females. As a result I count with three fingers my friends, all women. One doesn't understand at all, but she is here because I have always been me. Then my ex-sister-in-law said it is about time and has been there for me all the way on this journey. Last is my hair stylist. A lot could be not wanting to lose a customer, but she and I have always been very open with each other, and I trust her judgement on everything. Only three, but they are still with me. I'm really kinda lucky.

Bobbi

[MysticLady]

I just got back to my neck of the woods and a landlady of one of my local hangouts just just shut down for the nite and was on her way home on here push bike and greeted me "Hellow Princess" as per usual and I am now at "The Fat Cat Cafe" and they play Madonna for me - lyrics "Don't go for second best". Soon time to get some kip as it is midnite over here in the UK, and I'll be busy in the morning.


Hi Johanna, You know, you just gave me a thought. All these other folks just adore you for you being you. Your friend maybe couldn't handle you being you. He was jealous but, can't understand why.(maybe)


Something else has to be going on. Casual friends may ditch and that is expected. A best friend of 14 years doesn't just bail though.


Well Nicole, If he is insecure about himself then, Whatever years you may know someone, fear becomes very real IMHO.



You have t o accept that what we do is outside the normal box of life and some people just won't handle it well. Especially fin
They invested their friendship in you and feel betrayed confused or scared. It challenges people. Some aren't up to it
I dont blame anyone I just live and let live.

I totally agree Kaitlyn, My thoughts mimic yours.



That was the end of it, we never spoke again and the only time I have seen him since then was when I passes him in a store, as Nicole. He looked me up and down and smiled at me making it obvious he had no idea who I was.

I'm so sorry this happened Nicole. It forges the thoughts I'm having.