Acceptance is null

[kimberly36]

I know there is tons of threads like this but i decided i feel like sharing my experience. To start the story i live in a small town in the interior of british columbia canada. I am a tall nerdy/ outdoorsy guy. And a closeted crossdresser. So the other day i went to bootlegger in my town ( clothing store) to buy some swim shorts. I got there. Did the usual direct straight line to the guys shorts area. Started looking around and had a female sales associate mid age come and ask me if i need some help. So i get help try on some shorts and pick some. Then i decide that i want to step out of my comfort zone and look at the womens clothing. In this section is a younger female sales associate my age around 22. She notices me and smiles and just says if you need a hand just let me know and goes on her way. So im looking around and looking at the tops and jeans. When the older sales associate come up to me very loudly saying excuse me this is the ladies section if you follow me ill take you to the guys section. I said i know this is the ladies section i can look at whatever i want to look at. So she proceeded to lead me to the guys section and i ditched her and went and payed for my short with the younger worker and left her walking and talking to herself lol. Its funny how so many people seem to think its not ok for guys to go into the womens section. Maybe i was shopping for my girlfriend, im guessing because im a guy i dont know about clothing? Sorry if i make no sense im using my cell phone lol

[Beverley Sims]

There is a small town syndrome like you talk about just about everywhere you go.

[RADER]

You are correct; Men in the women section get escorted out,
while a GG in the men's section are welcomed with open arms.
I think we need to amend the constatution... What do you say.
Rader

[Leona]

When I was in Kansas (which is all small towns), I didn't have any troubles window shopping in ladies' clothing stores alone. And when I was with my wife, I think it was often obvious we were looking at stuff for both of us...

[Dianne S]

I have never been "escorted out" of the women's section in any store. Of course, I live in a medium-sized city (about a million people) rather than a small town, so maybe it's different.

[Joanne Davis]

As Beverley mentioned, the small town syndrome is ever present. I too am from a small town, in the southern interior of BC. But I have found that the local stores are somewhat more accepting than the larger city 30 miles to the north. I am not sure if it is the small town casualness compared to the "Big City" hustle and bustle and concern for reputation or what....?? One would think it would be reversed, with a small-mindedness of the smaller more conservative community over the open-mindedness of the larger one. Even so, most of the shops I visit in either location are happy to do business with me.....they appear more interested in my $$$ more than my shopping habits.

[kimberly36]

The funny thing is the other times i been there (she wasent there) i never had a problem. It kinda makes me just want to stick to online ordering. So much easier lol i have tried on clothes there before ( said they where for halloween) its just so funny that guys are seen as dont know what we are doing there. But i guess the same can be seen as women in hardware stores they are seen as they dont know what they are doing.

[Wildaboutheels]

Kimberly... I'll be blunt. You let ONE person ruin your day. The next time that happens you have numerous choices. Try something like M'am, I believe you need to review your own store policies. I'm not sure the store owner or manager would appreciate your misguided attempt to drive away business. And/or I have checked the state/district/whatever laws and believe i have every right to shop in this department unless you know otherwise?

If you pass 100 people on the street and 99 never bat an eye but person # 100 gives you a "bad look", you would not let that ruin your day I hope?

Also, members here DO NOT do themselves and all the newbies any favors by insisting that "I live in a small town, so therefore I cannot..." I have lived in a very small town.

Most CDers worst enemy is as close as their own mirror.

What you really need to do is go back to the store and go the the clerk in question and tell her that you are going to be shopping in the female department so if it bothers her, she should go get the manager so all 3 of you can discuss it.

And try to do it with your best smile. You have to remember you are NOT doing anything wrong unless you are stealing merchandise from them. They are open to sell stuff to anyone with money and you meet that criteria.

[PretzelGirl]

I think I would have shown her how stubborn I can be. You can only be led where you are willing to go. I would have shown her so and made her realize where I wanted to be. I am sorry she had a negative impact on your day. Next time consider letting her know that you don't need her assistance. Maybe she will get the message.

[kimberly36]

Thanks, sorry if i didnt seem clear i never said it ruined my day i just felt like sharing my experience. And also no where did i mention or say do not shop there. My apologies. Guess im just some damn "newbie"

[Joanne f]

Small towns can be very different in there attitudes , the town I live in I would get a similar reaction as you did yet in a town just a few miles away that is very cosmopolitan I was looking at a feminine top and the lady assistant actually asked me if I would like to try it on , I have experienced some very helpful assistants even letting me try on a dress while they temporary closed the females changing rooms but very few negative ones so do not give up as it is just a matter of finding the right town or shop or even just the right shop assistant ( which may be the young one) although I do appreciate that there is going to be a lot more small towns I can visit reasonably easy than you can .

[Lynn Marie]

So now you know this stuff can happen and now you will be better prepared and not "blindsided" by misguided clerks. Something like, "In my family, we have no fear of buying lingerie and underthings for ourselves and each other" should prove effective at putting her in her place.

[I Am Paula]

I lived in a small one intersection town, and I grab a handful of dresses, and head for the dressing rooms. They bring me other sizes and toss them over the door for me.

[STACY B]

Now that is Funny ,, I would have LOVED to have had that Happen to me !! I wonder why I never get those crack Pots ?
Talk about MAKE my day ,, There is Nothing Better than Ripping one of those Nuckle Head apart ,,lol,,,, Men's section ?? FOR WHAT !! Whatttttttttt Ya Think I can't READ ???

[TheMissus]

As a GG living in a small town I see this a little different. People are often of a smaller worldview but they're also kind and non confrontational and just getting about their day. So why go out of your way to make them feel uncomfortable? Why not shop online and save in-store shopping for the city?

And please don't put me before firing squad as it's a genuine question! :)

[STACY B]

Why not let them do there job an let you buy whatever you want they may need to do some more stocking of shelves or open another register so I don't have to wait in line FOREVER ? An you can't try stuff on when you buy it online ? Or get a good look at it ,,Just a picture .

[Tracii G]

I have had this happen a few times and at first it bothered me but I learned to say no this is the section I want to be in thank you.
Shopping online is a crap shoot at best because sizes vary form MFG to MFG.I would rather try the item on first.
Most stores are more than friendly in my area which is a mid sized city 250 k +.
I learned not to get all riled up over close minded people in stores.
I did recently shop a consignment store and picked out some cute flats and the young girl said you sure you found the right size? I said yeah they fit great cute too.
She said I think they are really cute too I hope you enjoy them.

[Leona]

As a GG living in a small town I see this a little different. People are often of a smaller worldview but they're also kind and non confrontational and just getting about their day. So why go out of your way to make them feel uncomfortable? Why not shop online and save in-store shopping for the city?

And please don't put me before firing squad as it's a genuine question! :)

Four words: Transgender Day of Remembrance.

[mikiSJ]

You let ONE person ruin your day.

Depending upon your confidence level (realizing you live in a small town) a short note to the store's management regarding the pleasant experience with the young SA and your rude experience with the older SA will go along way to helping everyone.

While I have never been escorted out of the female section of a store, I have had a lot of experiences shopping for Miki in drab. I had an exceptional experience at a local bareMinerals store and wrote a comment to the chain's CEO commending the exceptional help I got from the named SA. We should not hesitate to let managers know when we are well cared for and when we are not. It is not the SA's job to let their particular bias to get in the way of a sale for the store.


So why go out of your way to make them feel uncomfortable?

So, it is okay to let this one time slide knowing of course that this rude SA has only/will only be rude once.

[Ellie52]

What a mixed up crazy world we live in. Everyday you hear people say they are not racist or homophobic or anything else. But as soon as it hits them in the face you see their true ideals. Its so easy to have a no discrimination policy but people are human and not everyone is as accepting of our prefered dress sense as we are. We must stand up to these people and not back down. I had one instance where another customer said I was in the wrong department (Ladies underwear) and I said my wife has multiple sclerosis and cant shop for herself. She turned red faced and apologised but we shouldnt have to make excuses. My wife can go into the mens undies section and no one bats an eye. Crazy mixed up world.

[Emjay]

Wow, I've never actually had this happen to me but I've heard of a lot of girls who have shared this same experience. I've literally spent HOURS in the women's section of several stores and never had an issue though I'm sure my day is coming haha.

I guess my answer to her would be "no thanks, I'm good!" :)

[Seana Summer]

Hi Kimberly

Just the other day I had a conversation (by pm) about keeping CDing under wraps in the small town. While some may think you should boldly go where ever you please and do as you please (as the law allows) there may be good reason to use discretion. It is tough to find a good job in a small town, if you own a business in a small town, CDing (right or wrong) can affect your business. It isn't right...... but it is reality.

I once heard "When in Rome do as the Romans do"

I do think CDer's need to stand up for themselves if we are ever going to gain acceptance. But that does not mean you or I should charge the enemy lines alone. Even the Founding Fathers of the United States got together and signed the Declaration of Independence as a group.

Fellow newbie
Seana

[suzanne]

That's a rough shopping experience. Don't let it get you down, because you handled it well in just going back for more. I have had nothing but good experiences shopping in women's clothing stores. I hope you will try it sometime soon.

[TheMissus]

Four words: Transgender Day of Remembrance.

I guess I'm seeing this from my worldview where my H isn't a transgender CD. Shopping for a fetish is obviously different than everyday clothes. Still, it's a bit like the police making an example of that one speeding car over all the others. Why pick on this particular shop assistant? I know everyone here wants more acceptance but surely this is antagonistic and less likely to achieve anything but resentment? If a complaint is made this shop assistant won't walk away thinking CD are nice people yet I would assume that's the goal.

Just my two cents from the other side. It's ultimately up to all of you here how you fight this battle and my GG opinion is ultimately irrelevant. Good luck,

And for the record, I personally support Transgender Rights and would have happily shown any of you through the women's clothing racks :)

[Leona]

We don't have to be antagonistic. Simply stating "I know this is the women's section and I don't need assistance, thank you" would be fine. Then it would have been up to the SA to either become confrontational, or to leave the customer alone to do her shopping.

When I bought my first (so far only, and long lost) pair of heels, the shopkeeper really didn't want me to try them on. It was the same with the first dress. He ended up agreeing only because it was a Halloween costume. I think if I had that sort of response now, I'd say "Ok, I won't buy anything here again. Thanks for not helping." I don't have a reputation for tact. :)

And don't sell yourself short on your opinions as a GG. Those are the opinions we need changed. Well, not yours, obviously. :) I'm considering finishing the switch to zazzle for my web comic (like anybody buys merchandise for it anyway) and making shirts and tank tops with slogans like "Real men wear skirts" and "I love a man in a skirt" (meant for people who are attracted to men to wear). Then I have to come up with my own money to order one, heh. GGs wearing shirts that say that could make quite a bit of difference just by being out in public and being seen in them.

[TheMissus]

GGs wearing shirts that say that could make quite a bit of difference just by being out in public and being seen in them.

Now that's the sort of battle I could get on board with. The gay community have always fought discrimination with style and I think the CD community could do the same. The day CD is seen by most as strong and sexy and not secretive and strange is the day this battle is won :)

[Leona]

Well, if I needed motivation.... :)

The process isn't so easy for me, but I'll see what I can do. I need to actually draw something, not just throw together something in inkscape, so I'll think about it. I've already got several comics lined up that need to be drawn, and more to scan, and oh boy is it a lot of work to maintain a web comic, haha. :)

But I'll get something up soon. Promise.

[TheMissus]

But I'll get something up soon. Promise.

And we GG's never forget a promise, lol.

[Majella St Gerard]

I just recently went to the mall in Myrtle Beach SC. I don't go to the mall in full femme attire, I don't feel comfortable doing that, but I do go wearing girl shorts. I stand out anyway, I guess I appear as a feminine man. Anyway, wife and I went to several shops and I tried on a few dresses, the SA's were very helpful, not a word was said. Most people don't give a #%&*!

[sandra-leigh]

If you are comfortable in giving your name, I would recommend complaining to the manager. British Columbia has laws against discrimination based on gender identity.

I have been trained in legal obligations under the Canada Human Rights Act. Every manager in Canada must act on every instance of discrimination the manager witnesses or which is brought to the manager's attention.

Going away and restricting one's shopping to online in order to avoid offending anyone is to give in to institutionalized discrimination. The woman continues to do such things because no-one tells her that it is wrong.

[docrobbysherry]

Thanks, sorry if i didnt seem clear i never said it ruined my day i just felt like sharing my experience. And also no where did i mention or say do not shop there. My apologies. Guess im just some damn "newbie"
Kimberly, welcome aboard!
U seem to have an attitude in your OP and in the post above. So, let me mention a few things I've learned here:
1. People don't know u personally. They don't know exactly what happens between u and other folks in your stories because we only get your side of it. And, unless u rite a volume about it, we're left to ASSUME some things on our own! The fact that u posted this and made this comment, "---Its funny how so many people seem to think its not ok for guys to go into the womens section---", caused me to ASSUME that u were bothered by the incident, too.

2. People often skim thru posts and skew things around in their haste.

3. Many readers don't read the posts ahead of theirs.

4. People with attitudes, misguided or not, r quite common here. And, they r what keeps this site fresh and interesting, in my opinion!

[Gretchen_To_Be]

I live near Milwaukee which is a decent size city. I was purchasing some pantyhose...various brands, shades...but all in a size that would fit me. The checkout clerk said something like, "aren't you brave?". While I knew exactly what she meant, I played it off, asking in return, "brave for doing what"? Then she just rang up my purchases and seemed to be embarrassed more than I was.

[Rebecca Watson]

Seems like an atypical encounter; I wouldn't read too much into it. Nothing even remotely like this has happened to me before. I could understand her attempting to be helpful, but it seems strange that she insisted on you leaving.

When I've shopped in guy mode, I think the shop assistants can usually figure out that what I'm buying is for me anyway (as I'm usually wearing some kind of feminine item).

Nowadays, I shop fully en femme, and do what any other girl would do. I try the clothes on and see how they suit me, ask for their opinion and suggestions for other items. Nobody's pretending it's for someone else, and I end up purchasing something that fits and I like. It's so much simpler that way. (The clever shop assistants say things like "I think this would look very pretty on you", which often leads me to buy more than I would otherwise.)

I've bought lots of items online; the majority of which quickly end up at the nearest thrift store when I discover how ill-suited they are for me.

- Becky

[suchacutie]

I'm simply amazed that any SA would not first and foremost be interested in making a sale! The last time I bought a new set of heels (black 5.5in!) the SA at the checkout made a number of suggestions about how to keep the suade looking terrific. He said nothing about "your wife" or "your girlfriend", but was making it clear that I would be the one taking care of these shoes. He wanted me to come back, and I surely will.