Coming Out To My Parents Soon

[xdressed]

So currently I am out to most of my friends at university (which includes my housemates and my SO), my band mates, a few other people I see regularly and a few people I've met while out in girl mode, and I want to add my parents to that list. I did consider it last year but decided that it wasn't the right time (I wasn't out to any of the above at that point save for my SO) and I'm glad I didn't, as I now understand myself and particularly my bi-genderism much more. Also my sister, who I would be a bit less comfortable about coming out to just yet, has moved out now so I don't have to worry about her. My bands (unfortunately soon to be ex) guitarist is also a crossdresser and has been out for years now, and has been to my house and around my parents dressed a lot since he joined in December, thus the subject has been brought up between me and my parents a few times before. My Mum has been very supportive about it and said she actually finds it quite interesting. My Dad tends to make a few annoying jokes but that's just his sense of humor and he's also said 'good for him' about it so I know they have no problem with crossdressing in general (they're also both massive Eddie Izzard fans if that counts towards anything). This also means that they're very unlikely to ask the typical questions like 'are you gay' or 'do you want to become a woman' because they already know these things are generally untrue stereotypes about crossdressers.

Obviously it's different when it's your own son in a skirt and not a friend of his, but I know them well enough to know the worst case scenario would be that they just don't want to see or hear about it, which is both unlikely and no different to now anyway. I'm hoping that if things go really well I'll be able to be dressed around the house while they're there occasionally, but I'm being careful not to get ahead of myself. I'll be living with them for all of July and maybe parts of August/September before finally going back up to university in late September and not dressing during that time would be really hard, but the I am more concerned about this time next year when I am no longer at uni and will be living with them for an undetermined amount of time.

So what do you people think is the best way to go about it? I want to tell them both at the same time because I just feel it will be easier that way, but I'm not sure exactly what to say. Generally when I've come out to people I tell them I'm a crossdresser, but this normally means I have to later have another conversation or two with them to try and explain what Bi-Gender means. I don't want to be seen as a man who likes to dress up and be girly, I want to be seen as someone who is sometimes a man and sometimes a woman, but I think I will find that hard to explain well to my parents. I'm pretty sure they'll be accepting but not so sure if they'll understand. My current uni project (which starts properly at the end of September but is being planned at the moment with various sketches etc) is going to be an semi-autobiographical comic book about my feelings and experiences with being Bi-Gender, which is intended to be educational so I suppose I can always tell them I'm a crossdresser and use my project to better explain about my identity to them (I also have a blog that explains it pretty well that I could show them much sooner)

[jillcutie]

I think your best option is to just sit them down and tell them. They sound accepting, but your right as it could be different when its your own child. Your project could be a good way to explain the bi-genderism depending how complete it would be when you tell them, otherwise I think the blog may be your best option

[Khaleesi81]

Hey, I agree that I think your best option is to sit them down and have a chat and be honest. That you're going to do a project on it at Uni as well should count for something, not to mention your parents having previous knowledge of crossdressing.

[Rachelakld]

While I would never go down this path (although my mum new by accidently washing and folding my girl stuff and telling me to never tell my dad). I would - for me, start by asking what they understand about dual personalities and ask how they would feel if someone they knew had a dual personality, then ask what if 1 personality was male, the other a female. By this stage they will probably have an idea of what comes next

[xdressed]

I think your best option is to just sit them down and tell them. They sound accepting, but your right as it could be different when its your own child. Your project could be a good way to explain the bi-genderism depending how complete it would be when you tell them, otherwise I think the blog may be your best option

It won't be past the initial planning stage till September and isn't going to be complete till December/January time, and I kinda wanted them to know much sooner than that.


While I would never go down this path (although my mum new by accidently washing and folding my girl stuff and telling me to never tell my dad). I would - for me, start by asking what they understand about dual personalities and ask how they would feel if someone they knew had a dual personality, then ask what if 1 personality was male, the other a female. By this stage they will probably have an idea of what comes next

I'm not sure this would quite be the best way to go about it as on my blog on the subject I go out of my way to mention that I don't change personalities and make a very clear point to distance it from MPD.

I got a reply on Bigender.net that I feel is the best way to go. They said to avoid labels and say something along the lines of 'I sometimes wear womens clothes because sometimes I feel female inside and sometimes male'.

[reb.femme]

Hi Rea,

Your parents sound like good people so it probably won't be a bomb shell anyway. I know when my 'kids' have something to say, but haven't and would suspect that your parents are only waiting for the day you tell.

My parents were old school, who would put me in the murderers and child molester bracket. Sincerely hope all goes well for you.

Reb

[xdressed]

My mum at least must have some idea. Every now and then she would find some of my sisters clothes hidden somewhere in my room and just move them back to her room without saying anything. She must have thought something by the 3rd or 4th time but still never mentioned it, and when she found a small stash of female clothes that clearly weren't my sisters last summer and just left near the original hiding place something must have clicked (although she could have thought these belonged to my SO has they were in a Co-Op canvass bag and she used to work there, and some of the clothes used to belong to her before she gave them to me). Combine that with the fact that they've seen photos of me dressed up on facebook under the pretense of losing a bet as to what costume I would wear to the MCM Expo and I'm sure that a few things will fall in place when I tell them.


Ah don't worry, thankfully my parents are a bit more open minded about things. Even if they ever said something that sounded like they were starting to put crossdressers in the 'weirdo' or 'monster' category I could come out with that old Eddie Izzard line, 'no I'm an executive transvestite'.

[Beverley Sims]

Ria,
Reading through all this I think it is time to tell.
I think they are waiting out there with bated breath.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Ria

I suggest you read the ink in my signature on "how to tell your partner"

Although you are telling your parents a lot of the information still applies.

Good luck

[reb.femme]

My mum at least must have some idea. Every now and then she would find some of my sisters clothes hidden somewhere in my room and just move them back to her room without saying anything. She must have thought something by the 3rd or 4th time but still never mentioned it, and when she found a small stash of female clothes that clearly weren't my sisters last summer and just left near the original hiding place something must have clicked (although she could have thought these belonged to my SO has they were in a Co-Op canvass bag and she used to work there, and some of the clothes used to belong to her before she gave them to me). Combine that with the fact that they've seen photos of me dressed up on facebook under the pretense of losing a bet as to what costume I would wear to the MCM Expo and I'm sure that a few things will fall in place when I tell them.

Basically, with this info in hand, I would say you were busted long ago my friend :heehee:

Reb

[xdressed]

Quite possibly, at the very least these things should make telling them a bit easier


Ah Shelley if only I had this site and that info 3 years ago when I came out to my SO, I could have avoided so many stupid mistakes. Still at least in the last year I've picked up a lot of good advice on coming out and generally dealing with being bi-gendered and I feel I am ready to tell my parents in a calm manner.

[Cheryl123]

Well Ria, I also suspect your Mum knows .. they often do ... and you're so lucky that they are understanding. Only you know the best way to proceed .. but these suggestions might help. Make some tea, gather them together, sit them down and say you have something important to tell them. Referencing your friend might be a good way to introduce the subject ... "You know my friend who dresses as a woman? Well, I am also like him. I feel I was born this way. I love you both very much and I hope you will still love and accept me." Keep everything short and simple. It's not necessary to explain what Bi-Gender means in your first remarks. Your parents will have lots of questions to ask so there will be plenty of time for that. If you are not living with them now, you might also consider simply writing them a short note, since this will allow them time and space to digest your revelation .. but only you would know if that would be a good approach.

Anyway Ria, best luck. Your are a beautiful and talented young woman. Lots of love.

[xdressed]

I think knowing my parents and my poor tea making skills maybe a glass of wine might be better lol ^_^

I agree with everyone that there's not a need to go in depth about being bi-gender yet. I can tell them that I wear women's clothing and that I sometimes feel female inside and sometimes male, and then I can use my art project to further explain it to them, as I'll be seeing them fairly regularly but not overly once I go back to uni in September, so as the project develops so hopefully will their understanding. I'm currently living with them till the end of this month and then will probably come back for another week or two before starting uni again in mid-late September, so I feel telling them in person fairly soon is the best way to go.

[xdressed]

Planning on telling them this weekend, maybe even tomorrow. Wish me luck everyone ^_^

[Princess Grandpa]

I really look forward to happy news Monday!

For what it's worth, the best suggestion I read was your own. Talk about your feelings and emotions rather than using labels. It sounds as if you have a decent relationship with you parents. I wouldn't use the blog. I would prepare what I wanted to say but I think talking with them is much better than giving them something to read. Harder perhaps, but in this age we like to avoid that human contact for awkward issues. Maybe offer the blog as a means of inviting them into this part of your life.

I wish you all the best here
Hug
Rita

[xdressed]

Yeah that is actually what I meant by showing them the blog lol, sorry if that wasn't clear. At no point was I just going to go, 'could you read this please', that wouldn't be a very good way of coming out at all I think

[Princess Grandpa]

I'm guessing you are about my sons age. Your generation has a much better grasp on the realities of life than I did at your age. Gives me hope for the future. I really hope this goes as I expect it will. Anxious to hear from you afterwards.

Hug
Rita

[Sabrina133]

Yeah that is actually what I meant by showing them the blog lol, sorry if that wasn't clear. At no point was I just going to go, 'could you read this please', that wouldn't be a very good way of coming out at all I think

I can only relate to my own experience on coming out to my parents. i came out to my Mom and Dad after i left the Army and was halfway through law school (it was also at that point that i went 24/7 for the remainer of school). I also added fire to the smoke of the situation because when they asked me if i was gay, i said i told them i was Bi. When they asked if i wanted to become a woman i told them i didn't know. My mom readily accepted it with "I knew it a long time ago but didn't want to say anything." My father, a retired senior Army officer, didn't accept it as well. We were estranged for a few years. He fully accepts it now and we've returned to being very close. Of my two sisters, one - my older sister whose clothes I regularly wore when i was at home - accepted it without condition. My younger sister, married to an Army officer as well, did not. We still don't speak.

I just want to wish you good luck. From the way you've described things, i think you'll have acceptance - cherish it - even if its begrudging.

Please keep us updated as to what happens.

[xdressed]

I told them tonight, gonna write a new thread about it now