ange_o
07-05-2013, 06:37 AM
Hi all,
Apologies if this is a bit of a long post, but I'm feeling like I need to write out my story and this seemed as good a place as any.
Ever since a young age I've been fascinated with womens clothing. My first recollection is secretly trying on my moms bra and heels when I was 7 or 8. I didn't know why at the time but can remember wondering why women had all this clothing that men didn't. Not a lot more came of things until I left home to go to university. Staying on campus my first year I had a private room and found myself collecting the odd piece of womens clothing from the laundry hamper where left behind items were put. At this time the womens clothing was purely a sexual thing as I think I associated the sexiness of wearing womens underwear with the sexual feelings associated with dating a lot of women at uni. This was also the beginning of the collect and purge cycles that continue to this day. Occasionally I'd throw all the underwear away as an attempt to stop myself from what I believed was deviant behaviour. I had a great girlfriend and relationship so why did I need this alternate stream of release.
For the next few years I rented rooms in a variety of houses and invariably found myself envying the underwear of my housemates. Sadly at this stage I was too scared to try going any buying my own that I started stealing from washing lines around the area at night. This was a real low point as I couldn't rationalise to myself why I was needing to do this. It was at this stage (after more than a few drinks) I made my first stop at a sex shop and left with a pair of fishnets. Eventually as I left university I moved to a new city and I vowed to myself I would stop and once again threw everything away.
Over the next 10 years, there were only a few incidences where I would get dressed. Usually they were associated with being drunk as that was when the urge to get into womens underwear presented. However now I didn't go and get any items and instead it was in girlfriends items they left at my place while they weren't there. This was also a partial turning point for me as it was at this stage I first tried on a dress over the underwear. This lead to trying on lipstick in an attempt to feel more feminine while I was in the. It was also where I first got partially caught. Not for dressing, but for forgetting to clean off the lipstick and going to sleep with it still on (again drinking had a hand in this). You should have seen me jump for the bathroom when the girlfriend (who got home from work late) noticed and commented in the morning. I just said no it wasn't and it was just lip balm. This scared me again and again I vowed to give up doing this sort of thing.
Little did I know that wasn't to last. In an odd twist, two strippers moved into the house I was renting a room in. I found myself overwhelmed with an obsession about their clothes. First it was that I found the girls hugely sexy, and then started thinking how sexy I might look in their gear. As they worked from 6pm - 3am everyday there was ample opportunity now for me to try. I knew I should be doing this as it was a huge invasion of privacy and I held off for a long time but succommed one evening (again drinking may have played a part in lowering inhibitions). Needless to say I found a 6'2" guy looks a little rediculous trying to fit into size 10 stripper outfits! This realization though bought about my first thoughts about maybe getting some clothes just for me. Now I noticed this feeling wasn't about sex, but about feeling sexy in the clothes.
So for the next few years I had periods where I'd pop out shopping for an item or two. Always around valentines day or Christmas and I would always get a roll of wrapping paper so as to justify to the shop assitant that it really was a present for my partner. Amongst the purchases I remember were a matching bra and panty set, a slinky dress, some stockings, and a pair of ankle boots. The feeling of nerviousness buying things when I knew they were for me was almost overwhelming. The fear of someone seeing me, or the assistent realising they were for me almost stopped me. But the happiness from having an outfit of my very own was worth it all. Seeing a girl at work wearing the same boots as I had also made me smile inwardly at my little secret. I also started to underdress at work occasionally, wearing panties and occasionally stockings under my suit. Why did no one tell me before how great stockings felt on your legs against the satin lining of my suilt pant leg?
A change of country let to another purge and another promise to myself that I would stop. I was living with a great girl now and rationalised that I would not need to do tuhis sort of thing again. Funny how keep trying to justify stopping to myslelf, it never seems to work. In this instance the girl I am seeing is a larger girl but has amazing style and taste in clothes. I have realised that as attracted to her as I am, I am also attracted to the thought of myself in her clothes. However I have sworn to myself that I will not dress in her stuff. This has led to this, the latest phase in my journey.
I have started accumulating clothing for myself again. With the introduction of self checkouts at several department stores the fear of a strange look from a checkout operator is now gone, although I still get that roll of happy birthday wrapping paper as if to indicate to anyone looking that I am just shopping for someone else. At first it started with some underwear, and then a dress. Then followed a little lipstick and mascara. My partner used to go away for work for a few days at a time so I found myself now getting dressed in the house when she was gone and just going about my normal activities. Jobs changes and there was little opportunity for dressing and so I purged once more.
Now here I am a year later. My partner was going away for a week and I found myself obsessing about getting things together to dress while she was gone. I was excited about the thought of having the plact to myself and what I could do. By obsess I mean my work suffered because I spent hours there thinking about what I could buy and what I would do. Lunchtimes were spent heading to the local mall and purchasing a piece or three, all hidden in boxes in the shed. All of a sudden I started needing to get some storage containers as I was collecting too much stuff. My bank balance was also going down quickly as all these little trips started adding up. Eventually I decided enough was enough and I didn't need any more for just this one week. I had way more clothes, makeup, jewellery, shoes and my very first cheap wigs, than I thought was reasonable. I started planning out what I could do and how I woudl put outfits together. I started thinking about how I could learn to do makeup better and looking up tutorials on Youtube. And then she left for her trip, and I found myself happy and here today.
Today is my second day fully dressed and fully made up. I have tried on dozens of outfits, found many things I thought would fit don't (try finding womes shoes in the departments store for a sz 11 mens foot!). In all cases I find myself now trying to dress and do my makeup so that I try to be closer to passable than a man in drag. I have also ventured outside at night and driven to a few places so I could experience the thrill of walking ouside en-femme (and try a few crossdressing dares I found online). The adreniline rush of possibly being seen dressed but maybe not being looked upon as a man was exhilerating. So far I have done the following, all at night dressed and made up, and wearing a wig:
- driven around and been stopped at lights next to another car who looked over and didn't stare
- parked the car and walked 10m backto a bus stop where I sat for 5 minutes as a few cars went by
- Taken a walk around the path in a park
- Taken a bag into a womens public toilet near the park and changed outfits
- Parked car in a carpark off a main road and walked back to an ATM and withdrawn some cash while cars were going past
- Put on womend workout gear and gone into the 24/7 gym I belong to in the middle of the night and walked/run on the treadmill (this one I was so afraid doing as when I swiped in at 2am the lights and loud music came on so I'd be visible from the road. I also got changed in the dressing room there back into a skirt, tank top, tights and heels before I walked out (and fulfilled one other dare I saw and had a quick walk on the treadmill in heels! what a rush that was - although if anyone monitors the cameras in those places they'd be in for a surprise).
And so there ends my tale for now. It's day two of my CD time alone. Finger and toenails are red, makeup is done, and I've been doing normal work around the house all day fully dressed. I am feeling completely relaxed and pondering where to from here. I know for a fact my partner would not be accepting of what I am doing so this leaves me with 3 more days to fill as I choose. It's 9pm and I'll be changing shortly to head out to see where I can go tonight. Maybe a walk along the waterfront, the tapping of the heels on the boardwalk would be intoxicating. I have a feeling that after yesterday there may be an elevated risk of 'accidentally' being seen involved, although quite frankly I'm happy enough just to be dressed nicely and out and about in the world.
Stay well,
Ange
Apologies if this is a bit of a long post, but I'm feeling like I need to write out my story and this seemed as good a place as any.
Ever since a young age I've been fascinated with womens clothing. My first recollection is secretly trying on my moms bra and heels when I was 7 or 8. I didn't know why at the time but can remember wondering why women had all this clothing that men didn't. Not a lot more came of things until I left home to go to university. Staying on campus my first year I had a private room and found myself collecting the odd piece of womens clothing from the laundry hamper where left behind items were put. At this time the womens clothing was purely a sexual thing as I think I associated the sexiness of wearing womens underwear with the sexual feelings associated with dating a lot of women at uni. This was also the beginning of the collect and purge cycles that continue to this day. Occasionally I'd throw all the underwear away as an attempt to stop myself from what I believed was deviant behaviour. I had a great girlfriend and relationship so why did I need this alternate stream of release.
For the next few years I rented rooms in a variety of houses and invariably found myself envying the underwear of my housemates. Sadly at this stage I was too scared to try going any buying my own that I started stealing from washing lines around the area at night. This was a real low point as I couldn't rationalise to myself why I was needing to do this. It was at this stage (after more than a few drinks) I made my first stop at a sex shop and left with a pair of fishnets. Eventually as I left university I moved to a new city and I vowed to myself I would stop and once again threw everything away.
Over the next 10 years, there were only a few incidences where I would get dressed. Usually they were associated with being drunk as that was when the urge to get into womens underwear presented. However now I didn't go and get any items and instead it was in girlfriends items they left at my place while they weren't there. This was also a partial turning point for me as it was at this stage I first tried on a dress over the underwear. This lead to trying on lipstick in an attempt to feel more feminine while I was in the. It was also where I first got partially caught. Not for dressing, but for forgetting to clean off the lipstick and going to sleep with it still on (again drinking had a hand in this). You should have seen me jump for the bathroom when the girlfriend (who got home from work late) noticed and commented in the morning. I just said no it wasn't and it was just lip balm. This scared me again and again I vowed to give up doing this sort of thing.
Little did I know that wasn't to last. In an odd twist, two strippers moved into the house I was renting a room in. I found myself overwhelmed with an obsession about their clothes. First it was that I found the girls hugely sexy, and then started thinking how sexy I might look in their gear. As they worked from 6pm - 3am everyday there was ample opportunity now for me to try. I knew I should be doing this as it was a huge invasion of privacy and I held off for a long time but succommed one evening (again drinking may have played a part in lowering inhibitions). Needless to say I found a 6'2" guy looks a little rediculous trying to fit into size 10 stripper outfits! This realization though bought about my first thoughts about maybe getting some clothes just for me. Now I noticed this feeling wasn't about sex, but about feeling sexy in the clothes.
So for the next few years I had periods where I'd pop out shopping for an item or two. Always around valentines day or Christmas and I would always get a roll of wrapping paper so as to justify to the shop assitant that it really was a present for my partner. Amongst the purchases I remember were a matching bra and panty set, a slinky dress, some stockings, and a pair of ankle boots. The feeling of nerviousness buying things when I knew they were for me was almost overwhelming. The fear of someone seeing me, or the assistent realising they were for me almost stopped me. But the happiness from having an outfit of my very own was worth it all. Seeing a girl at work wearing the same boots as I had also made me smile inwardly at my little secret. I also started to underdress at work occasionally, wearing panties and occasionally stockings under my suit. Why did no one tell me before how great stockings felt on your legs against the satin lining of my suilt pant leg?
A change of country let to another purge and another promise to myself that I would stop. I was living with a great girl now and rationalised that I would not need to do tuhis sort of thing again. Funny how keep trying to justify stopping to myslelf, it never seems to work. In this instance the girl I am seeing is a larger girl but has amazing style and taste in clothes. I have realised that as attracted to her as I am, I am also attracted to the thought of myself in her clothes. However I have sworn to myself that I will not dress in her stuff. This has led to this, the latest phase in my journey.
I have started accumulating clothing for myself again. With the introduction of self checkouts at several department stores the fear of a strange look from a checkout operator is now gone, although I still get that roll of happy birthday wrapping paper as if to indicate to anyone looking that I am just shopping for someone else. At first it started with some underwear, and then a dress. Then followed a little lipstick and mascara. My partner used to go away for work for a few days at a time so I found myself now getting dressed in the house when she was gone and just going about my normal activities. Jobs changes and there was little opportunity for dressing and so I purged once more.
Now here I am a year later. My partner was going away for a week and I found myself obsessing about getting things together to dress while she was gone. I was excited about the thought of having the plact to myself and what I could do. By obsess I mean my work suffered because I spent hours there thinking about what I could buy and what I would do. Lunchtimes were spent heading to the local mall and purchasing a piece or three, all hidden in boxes in the shed. All of a sudden I started needing to get some storage containers as I was collecting too much stuff. My bank balance was also going down quickly as all these little trips started adding up. Eventually I decided enough was enough and I didn't need any more for just this one week. I had way more clothes, makeup, jewellery, shoes and my very first cheap wigs, than I thought was reasonable. I started planning out what I could do and how I woudl put outfits together. I started thinking about how I could learn to do makeup better and looking up tutorials on Youtube. And then she left for her trip, and I found myself happy and here today.
Today is my second day fully dressed and fully made up. I have tried on dozens of outfits, found many things I thought would fit don't (try finding womes shoes in the departments store for a sz 11 mens foot!). In all cases I find myself now trying to dress and do my makeup so that I try to be closer to passable than a man in drag. I have also ventured outside at night and driven to a few places so I could experience the thrill of walking ouside en-femme (and try a few crossdressing dares I found online). The adreniline rush of possibly being seen dressed but maybe not being looked upon as a man was exhilerating. So far I have done the following, all at night dressed and made up, and wearing a wig:
- driven around and been stopped at lights next to another car who looked over and didn't stare
- parked the car and walked 10m backto a bus stop where I sat for 5 minutes as a few cars went by
- Taken a walk around the path in a park
- Taken a bag into a womens public toilet near the park and changed outfits
- Parked car in a carpark off a main road and walked back to an ATM and withdrawn some cash while cars were going past
- Put on womend workout gear and gone into the 24/7 gym I belong to in the middle of the night and walked/run on the treadmill (this one I was so afraid doing as when I swiped in at 2am the lights and loud music came on so I'd be visible from the road. I also got changed in the dressing room there back into a skirt, tank top, tights and heels before I walked out (and fulfilled one other dare I saw and had a quick walk on the treadmill in heels! what a rush that was - although if anyone monitors the cameras in those places they'd be in for a surprise).
And so there ends my tale for now. It's day two of my CD time alone. Finger and toenails are red, makeup is done, and I've been doing normal work around the house all day fully dressed. I am feeling completely relaxed and pondering where to from here. I know for a fact my partner would not be accepting of what I am doing so this leaves me with 3 more days to fill as I choose. It's 9pm and I'll be changing shortly to head out to see where I can go tonight. Maybe a walk along the waterfront, the tapping of the heels on the boardwalk would be intoxicating. I have a feeling that after yesterday there may be an elevated risk of 'accidentally' being seen involved, although quite frankly I'm happy enough just to be dressed nicely and out and about in the world.
Stay well,
Ange