My SO knows and accepts my CDing- what now?

[Khaleesi81]

Hey,

Just looking for some advice. I'm a 31 year old, been dressing since my teens, though I've only worked out how to get my eyeliner on evenly within the past few months!

I've been with my gf for over a year now, things are great and she's moving in next month. I told her about my crossdressing a few months into our relationship, and she said it didn't bother her as long as it made me happy. Since then we've had a few shopping trips, she's helped me learn about makeup and how to walk in heels. As much as I enjoy this, I don't want to push things too far and make her feel like she has to do all this for more, I've told her I'd never make her do anything she's uncomfortable with. So far she's seen me fully dressed with makeup but no wig.

Ideally I'd like to be able to go out in a safe environment dressed, just not quite sure how to discuss these things with my gf without it seeming like a bit too much?

Thanks :)

[Sabrina133]

Congratulations Khalee. I think your idea not to push it too much is a good one. Having said that, if she's willing to discuss it as it seems she is, then she might be open to it. If she isn't, i think you should respect that boundary.

Bree

[Melissa Rose]

Everyone has different acceptance or tolerance levels. Do not assume anything and everything is fine based on what already seems to be okay. Your moving in together changes the relationship dynamics. The key is communication and not to assume too much. Find a pace she is comfortable with and realize some things may take more time than others for her to understand or accept. It may not always seem logical. I have a friend whose SO if fine with their wearing of women's clothing around the house, but accessories like jewelry are off limits. Respecting her limits goes a long way towards peace and future expansion of your dressing activities. Try to understand her fears and concerns then try to address them in a nonjudgmental and open manner. It is very easy to get enveloped by pink fog and lose sight of the impact on and feelings of others close to you.

[Cheryl T]

Just continue to be open and honest with her. Discuss everything and let nature take it's course.
Seems you're on a good path...don't stray.

[MysticLady]

Ideally I'd like to be able to go out in a safe environment dressed, just not quite sure how to discuss these things with my gf without it seeming like a bit too much?

Thanks :)

Hello Khaleesi

With all due respect to your GF and you. Stop acting as if your in a commitment. She's moving in, You will be in one and things may be viewed differently than if you were in one that is bound. You may experience different feelings and views regarding you and your girlfriends participation and feelings. Right now, is the time to find out about you before you attach someone else to you. Discuss this w/ your girlfriend. You may decide than you prefer to become a woman and not know it yet. Once attached, the emotions are very different and you make decisions based on a false pretense. Be careful treading this ground. Becoming emotionally hurt is a high probability. Only a strong Love will overshadow these feelings IMHO. Good Luck.:hugs:

[RADER]

Remember to GO SLOW, don't push it and it should work out.
Try not to forget you are a man, and should act like it at times.
Try to give her extra attention and some small gifts for just
because.
Rader

[Beverley Sims]

Get used to each other, do not dress more than is acceptable to your GF.
Go slowly and do not embellish any situations that you find yourself in.
If possible let your GF take the lead in suggestions as to what she wants you to do.
Do not prompt her to do anything that she may find unacceptable.
All the best in your endeavours.
It can be rewarding if you play it slowly.
Things do gather speed.

[Lynn Marie]

I've been with my gf for over a year now, things are great and she's moving in next month.

You stated that your GF will be moving in with you next month. I'm thinking that she needs to see you as you will be presenting to the world on the other side of your front door. She needs to be fully aware of how often you plan to get dressed, how far you will dressing, and when and where you will be wanting to go when dressed. Also crossdressing seems to be a progressive obsession. Is she going to be ready for this too?

[bobbimo]

I fully agree with Lynn!
As long as she is helping your femme side come to life, let her spend a lot of time with Khalee, and then ask, do you think I am ready to go out into the world, and would you go with me? The more she is comfortable with you being Khalee, the easier it will be for her to decide if your ready to go or if you need a little more practice.
Enjoy the ride and keep us abreast :-), of what happens.
Bobbi

[Rachelakld]

My house full tend to stay in bed until about 10.30am at weekends, so my wife lets me go out early (normally Sunday as that's her sleep in and do nothing if possible day).
I normally go out with another CDer for brunch and shopping, or if I'm out alone, just a coffee, read paper, visit art gallery, gardens etc and home again by 12 or 1pm.
Every 6 months, on a Saturday I get dressed up nice and take the car to the mechanics for it's 6 monthly, and often still home before anyone wakes.
If your SO has similar sleep patterns, just ask her if you could pop out for a couple of hours for a bit of girl time.
While my kids say they would like to join me for a girls brunch (they never wake up early), wife says only if we are away from home.

[marlenesexton]

First off, Party! ;)

Seriously, be open and honest. Victoria is correct. You aren't committed...yet. Sounds like things are getting serious, however. Be gentle and go slow but you need to let her know your desires and see how tolerant she is of them. Sounds promising so far. If she's fully supportive, let's get you dressed up and we'll go out for a night on the town, I think this is fun and exciting, I even think you're a serious hottie all dressed up supportive, woohoo! If not, what level of support are you willing to live with or worse case, what limits on your dressing are you willing to live with? Is she worth it to you to limit yourself or dress without her?

Some people would have you believe that love is all you need. You need more. You have to do that math. No two people are completely compatible. There are compromises on both side in any relationship. Can you live with those? If not, better to find out now than to discover it after a marriage or kids and decide you can't live with the compromises then. Nothing wrong with any answer. If you are willing to give up something to have her, so be it. If not and she can't deal with it, that's life. Better to wait and find the woman that can accept you completely than rush into a relationship with a woman that can't.

But it does sound like you have a good one. Communicate and make sure she knows where you stand and I'd bet things will work out.

[Stephanie47]

Ideally I'd like to be able to go out in a safe environment dressed, just not quite sure how to discuss these things with my gf without it seeming like a bit too much?

Thanks :)

Sooner than later you're going to have to approach the subject. Since she is aware of your cross dressing, and, participates in it, it may be a safe bet that she has run this through her mind already. She may very well have rehearsed a response to the question. Maybe, she does not want to push you to do something that she feels you may not be ready for.

I will say you appear to be very attractive. I looked at your picture postings. I'm sure the thought of "Oh my God, everyone will say he's a guy in a dress!" is not in her mind. Frankly, if I were passing you and your gf, I'd see two girls out for dinner, a movie, a stroll.

Maybe, a stroll with your gf would be the way to venture forth and see how it goes for you and her.

[Jenniferathome]

... Ideally I'd like to be able to go out in a safe environment dressed, just not quite sure how to discuss these things with my gf without it seeming like a bit too much?

You have it much easier than you know. How about start the conversation with a simple question: "Hey sweetie, do you think you could ever go out with me in girl mode?" It really is that simple.

[reb.femme]

Having read all the replies, I think Jennifer scores top marks for simplicity and I couldn't agree more.

Sounds like you have a diamond of a gf so far, so treat her gently and keep her well polished :battingeyelashes:

Reb

[kimdl93]

Tell her what you would like, but keep your conditions the same...always ask if she's comfortable with what you are doing.

[I Am Paula]

Tell her you want to get a boyfriend, and change sex. Then say 'Just kidding, I want to wear a dress to Walmart'. She'll be glad to take you.

[jennyday]

Most all the replies to your post seem to be right on target. Slow and easy seems to work the best and letting her get involved helped me a lot with my wife. When my wife first found out about my dressing, she had the common misconception that I was gay. Once she talked to her girlfriend/hairdresser that was more knowlegeable she was OK. She even started shopping for me too.

[Khaleesi81]

Hey all, thanks for the advice!
Had a chat with my gf yesterday about her moving in and my crossdressing. She says she's pretty used to the idea as she's known for so long, the only thing she did say was that it's a lot more interesting and fun for me than it is for her! She said I was making a bigger deal out of it than I needed to, and likened it to if I were watching football all the time- She doesn't mind me doing it, but it'd be a bit boring for her if I expected her to sit there and watch it with me! Asked about dressing round the house, no problem with that, I said I'd give her a heads up if I felt like doing that which she appreciated.
I mentioned that I'd joined here as well, and asked for advice, she thought that seemed a good idea, and was supportive of my idea of finding a local support group with people around my own age.
As for going out, she didn't have a problem with me doing that at some stage, though whether she joined me would depend on context, and might take a while of her getting used to the idea. That's fine with me, the go slow approach has worked well so far.

Overall pretty happy, nothing she hadn't thought about already. It's only one aspect of my personality as well, there's plenty of other stuff we love doing together like going to see bands, theatre, visiting new places, cooking nice food etc that we aren't going to stop doing. We had a really nice evening tidying up bookshelves and organising record collections ahead of her moving in afterwards, so I think I was worrying about things more than I needed to.
Once again, thanks for the advice!

[jillleanne]

If there is something you want to experience, rather than say to her, " I'd like to do that.", say, " What do you think if I wanted to ......". This way you are involving her in the decision-making process and keeping her actively involved.

[marlenesexton]

Overall pretty happy, nothing she hadn't thought about already. It's only one aspect of my personality as well, there's plenty of other stuff we love doing together like going to see bands, theatre, visiting new places, cooking nice food etc that we aren't going to stop doing.

First off, congrats. Second, I think you hit the mark with this. We all talk about CDing so much but those of us with successful relationships with women that know have so much more with our SOs that crossdressing. Glad things are working out.