Am i Being too Critical?

[Sabrina133]

Last night, SO and I were out in the Crossroads district of Kansas City heading to a restaurant for dinner with my cousin, her wife, and her Mom. The Crossroads disctrict has lots of galleries, coffee shops, restaurants etc - its one of the many entertainment areas of KC. Last night was also First Friday. During summer months, the city hosts a food truck gathering, galleries are open late and bands set up in the streets -- its a huge street fest spread over a large area of the district. It draws huge crowds of all types to include couples with kids.

Anyway, as am driving, I see what is obviously a cross dresser wearing what could only be called boudoir attire - chain link stockings, some type of brief pantie with an obvious bulge, an under the bust corset with nothing else covering his upper torso so he was obviously not trying to hide the fact that he was male (hence why i use the male pronoun). I did notice that his make up was very well done. His partner was tastefully dressed for the evening. Needless to say, he was drawing a signficant amount of attention as he walked by people. When i saw him, i blurted out "what the %$#@?" My SO who is obviously very open started laughing when she saw him as well. I was really bothered by what i saw. What we had seen became a topic of dinner conversation.

Given the fact that i was dressed, my aunt asked me why it bothered me so much. Now, don't misunderstand me, my closet is full of very racy outfits but i wear them where its appropriate. What bothered me was the fact that he was dressed in completely inappropriate clothing for where he was. I dont know if he was doing it as a dare or was planning to head to Hamburger Mary (in the district) or Missy B's afterwards but my thoughts were that his inappropriate mode of dress only hurts the CD community and damages our attempt to get acceptance. While I believe the prejudice many of us feel for wearing women's clothing is unjustified, i do think we have a responsibility to present the most positive image we possibly can all the time.

Apologize for the rant but just had to get that off of my chest.

Bree

[Wildaboutheels]

Y E S, quite obviously. Unless of course he was breaking some law? No one made you look did they?

Of course, I seem to be one of the few folks here who never received The Crossdresser's Handbook.

[~Joanne~]

Maybe she was just being herself and yes, maybe your being a bit critical. Your dressing is apparently different from her dressing. It's said a lot around here that each girls needs are different and there is no solid right or wrong. Most girls while out like to blend and usually dress to match the GG's around the event or such but I have always believed that I should wear whatever it is I like when I go out. Most GG's don't wear 5" heels, pantyhose, skirts.....basically dressed to the nine's but why should that stop anyone who likes that look?

I think what caught you off guard was the fact that she didn't care about the attention or being noticed. Maybe you should have spoken with her a bit ;)

[Sabrina133]

Actually, Kansas City is a very tolerant city so except for possible violation of decency statutes, nope, not breaking the law at all. And you are certainly correct, no one made me look but, frankly, i would be just as a critical of a GG wearing a similar outfit. As i said, had he been wearing that outfit at Hamburger Mary's or Missy B's i wouldn't have said a word - it was simply the time and place he chose to do it.

Joanne

All great points. Cousin actually asked the same question vis a vis asking her. Had i been on the street, i probably would have but unfortunately, i was at a stop light and didn't get the chance.

[Nikki A.]

While I agree with you to a point. After all if that is how this person wants to present and is comfortable with it and they are not exposing themselves who are we to judge.
After all how would you feel if someone less tolerant critisized you for dressing as you do? I'm sure you dress well and try to project a positive image. Maybe in their mind they are dressed as they want also.

[linda allen]

I don't think you are being too critical. This guy obviously wanted to draw attention to himself and your reaction shows that he was successful.

Don't get me wrong, he has the right to wear whatever he wants as long as he has his "junk" covered, but I would have reacted much the same as you did. I think that's the reaction he wanted - shock.

I think someone like that hurts the crossdressers who try to pass, but again, he has the right. Others have the right to criticize and he needs to be thick skinned enough to take it.

[Kali]

Sounds like he was dressed like Dr. Frank N. Furter; any chance that was the case?

[Sarah Doepner]

I'd probably respond as you did. I wonder if it's a reflection of our own insecurity when we are out and see someone who is very comfortable with their image even when that image is way over the top for us. It would make me wonder if I was as obvious and exposed, even if I knew I was blending well. The other thing is that person, by default, becomes the visual example of crossdressing for the people who see him. But if the rest of us do our best to pass or blend or not stand out, we will never have that kind of impact on others images of what a crossdresser is. We can't have it both ways. Either be noticed and create a new, more acceptable image or sit and stew over something that doesn't reflect our sensibilities. Since I'm not going out much near my home, I guess I'm going to be on the sit and stew side of things until I'm ready to get out.

[Jana]

I guess different people dress for different reasons, and they are all equally valid. Some dress to blend in, some to shock. That's life, live and let live.

[Melissa Rose]

Critical might be too strong of a word. Perhaps dismay or disappointment would be more fitting for this case and probably would have been my reaction. I understand how you feel, but as already stated by others, I will defend his right to dress as he pleases (within legal guidelines) and to endure whatever attention, reaction or criticism it generates. This does not mean I like it or like the impression of cross dressers it may create in some minds, but I do not get to decide on what is acceptable or not. Not everyone would agree he is a projecting a totally negative impression. This is something any member of a group has to endure - bad impressions created by a few, stereotyping, profiling or assumptions based on extremes or limited knowledge. Not every young black male in an urban area is a gang member; not every Hispanic person is an illegal alien; not every Asian high school kid is super smart, etc.. It is something we just have to learn to live with as a member of an outside the norm group. It is always going to happen to some degree. While I try my best to create what I think is a positive image, but others may not agree with my assessment or would rather present a significantly different image.

[Sabrina133]

Thanks Melissa, yeah, dismayed is probably a better description. believe me, i fully support his right to dress anyway he wishes. I am simply dismayed at his decision to do it at such an event.

LOL Keli, I hadn't thought of that - certainly could have been his intent.

[Lynn Marie]

My politics lean towards liberal, but way down deep I'm quite conservative. Dressing for shock value was something I might have done shortly after puberty to cement my own liberation from my parents and the older generation. Now that I am the older generation, dressing with style and class seems so much more important.

[NicoleScott]

It seems that those who have responded have jumped on the OP's bandwagon by calling the crossdresser "he". And then get offended being called "sir" when read in public. If you want others to use the gender you present, do the same.
Lots of folks think it's inappropriate for men to wear women's clothes, but we do it anyway, claiming it's our right to do so and it's not hurting anyone. And then judge other CDers for dressing inappropriately, saying that its hurting OUR cause. Like WE are all the same. CDers have different drives and different styles.
It's not like CDers invented inappropriate wear for the occasion. Men and women do it all the time, but we don't call them out and chide them for hurting the image of "us respectable men and women".
Wear what you want, when and where you want, and deal with the consequences - good or bad - but place no expectations on me. Your cause may not be my cause.

[PaulaQ]

Honey, you mention that you have "boudoir attire" but "only wear it when it is appropriate."

Thing is, it is never appropriate for you to wear women's clothing, you are a man. Just ask the rest of the world if you don't believe me. If I had to guess, I'd guess she was trying to make a point about breaking the rules of society. As far as I know, there is no book of etiquette or decorum for the transgendered.

[Jenniferathome]

No, you are not too critical. Would your reaction be any different if you saw a woman in the same outfit? Appropriate, is just that. Anyone dressed like a ***** is dressed inappropriately. Now, the added insult is that such attire simply feeds the stereotype that cross dressers are a joke.

[Ressie]

Maybe it was our beloved, banned member, Purple Steph! OK, you were shocked, mission accomplished. But even appropriately dressed CDs are shocking in many neighborhoods and institutions. Guys are walking around with the top of their pants at the upper thigh, girls have the zipper down on their shorts exposing their swimsuit or underwear, so one must go further for (attention getting) shock value. Like the song says, "Kansas City here I come" haha.

[Stephanie47]

I think you are not being too critical. You described the attire as being inappropriate. I agree that it was. Some people do it for 'shock' value. or, maybe he saw nothing wrong about it. When a person has a bias or prejudice against anyone, then he or she will use the inappropriate behavior to justify their bias or prejudice. Yes, this guy will fuel somebody's intolerance towards cross dressers or transsexuals.

[kimdl93]

I don't think it's unfair. You did not do anything to harm or infringe on that person's freedom of self expression. You simply reacted to what, from your perspective, was an inappropriate mode of presentation.

I happen to agree with you. I don't think the more garish, sexualized appearance does anything positive for the image of CDrs...and reinforces the unfortunate stereotypes. That being said, while I wouldn't impose my views on this person, I reserve my right to feel its inappropriate.

[linda allen]

It seems that those who have responded have jumped on the OP's bandwagon by calling the crossdresser "he". And then get offended being called "sir" when read in public. If you want others to use the gender you present, do the same............. .
If I read the original post correctly, he (yes, "he") was not presenting as a female, he was wearing a combination of clothes, apparently for shock value. It's great if we are identified as "she" or "her" if that's the look we are going for, that's not the case here.

Once you leave the privacy of your own home, you have to be prepared to take what is given out. I'm certain this guy did what he did for shock value and it seems it worked or there would have been no thread in the first place.

[Sabrina133]

Wow, what an amazing range of responses. I want to thank every single one of you for responding whether you agreed with me or not. This really is an amazing site....

Hugs to all.

[Kali]

Apparently, no one here is actually familiar with The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

While it is possible that Bree saw someone partially crossdressed for shock value, this is a much more likely answer.

http://www.kansascity.com/2013/07/03/4324382/a-40th-anniversary-toast-to-the.html

Occam's Razor, kids

[Sabrina133]

Apparently, no one here is actually familiar with The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

While it is possible that Bree saw someone partially crossdressed for shock value, this is a much more likely answer.

http://www.kansascity.com/2013/07/03/4324382/a-40th-anniversary-toast-to-the.html

Occam's Razor, kids

Man, I've been working way too hard. Didn't even realize the production was presenting. That certainly could explain it and frankly, the Crossroads Disctrict is fairly close to Crown Center. Given the way he was dressed - yup, could be.

[Wildaboutheels]

It's almost as IF...

Certainly it couldn't be...

Could it? That some of you have decided, IFFFFFF he had a good reason to "dress that way", then it would be OK?

Maybe we could simplify this whole CDing thing? Why don't we put the word out that every man and woman who wears at least some of the wrong clothes out in public, should carry a sign around with them explaining WHY they are dressed differently. That way those of us who CAN"T READ MINDS would not have to wonder? And worry.

[Beverley Sims]

Are you sure it was not a poor representation of a silly costume, and you jumped to a silly conclusion over it.
It obviously worked, you all gagged and were shocked.
He is probably laughing at his success in the masquerade.

[NicoleScott]

Anyone dressed like a ***** is dressed inappropriately.

Maybe the person was a *****, and then would be dressed appropriately.

[Julogden]

I'd suggest that you might want to work on being less insecure, Bree. ;)

Stop and think about what you did, it was quite judgmental, and you would be upset if people reacted like that to you. She/he was a stranger to you, you don't have to interact with them or befriend them, so their manner of dress was really none of your business. Live and let live.

Carol

[Leona]

This is a really entertaining thread.

I reacted the same as Kali, the Goddess of Strangling People. I figured he was trying to be a transvestite from Transylvania. On a related note, I worked with a Physics professor who was from Transylvania, and he told me several times that he appreciated I always immediately referred to him as a vampire. It took me about a year and a half before I realized he was tired of being asked if he was a transvestite.

Now, assuming your original assumption was correct, that he was dressing purely for shock value, why does that matter? There's a punk couple that walks by the shop every now and then, and the man often wears a skirt. I want to run out and talk to them, but they always come by at a time when I can't. I think it's awesome they do that. And I realize that being a punk and dressing like a punk means doing it at some level for shock value, even when there are plenty of other reasons. Nothing wrong with that.

"And if I offended you? Oh I'm sorry, but maybe you need to be offended..." (I'll give a cookie to whoever quotes the next line from memory)

[docrobbysherry]

I'm SO SORRY if I embarrassed u, Sabrina! And, any others that may have seen me walking the block from my car to the T girl friendly club I attended last weekend. Yes, I was wearing lingerie. It was "lingerie nite". But, unknown to me, I was the only one wearing it!

Funny, tho. I am now pretty sure all the girls must have felt like I was tearing down their respectable image. Yet, many T girls I didn't know came over to tell me how much they liked my outfit! (In my avatar pic)

How do u explain that?

[Sabrina133]

No, you are not too critical. Would your reaction be any different if you saw a woman in the same outfit? Appropriate, is just that. Anyone dressed like a ***** is dressed inappropriately. Now, the added insult is that such attire simply feeds the stereotype that cross dressers are a joke.

Nope, my reaction would have been the exact same.

[DonniDarkness]

Be nice to people even if you dont understand them. I learn the most about myself from people i neither agree with nor understand.

-Donni-

Edited because i misread the OP, My apologies sabrina.

[Sabrina133]

You misunderstand, i did not publicly redicule anyone --- i was in my car with my SO.