Help!

[JuliaC]

I am having trouble accepting that I like to crossdress. I love feeling feminine and wearing girls clothes...but I don't want it to affect the rest of my life. I love being a guy and want a girlfriend really badly. I only find women attractive. But sometimes I have fantasies about men while crossdressed. I just want to be a "normal" guy who doesn't have this desire to crossdress....it isn't constant but when it is it is strong. Help please!

[Kate Simmons]

One size doesn't fit all my friend. You may need professional help to sort out all of your feelings.:)

[Beverley Sims]

You have similar feelings to a lot of us here but you may need some professional advice to guide you and sort yourself out.

[Majella St Gerard]

What's "normal"? There is nothing wrong with you, it's just the way you are. I'm straight and I cross-dress, I like, no, I LOVE women. And I'm sure, if we are all being HONEST, that most of us have fantasies about being with a man especially when dressed. I think straight men that don't cross-dress have the same fantasies. There is nothing wrong with a fantasy, I have several, some I've actually done. It don't mean a thing. The cross-dressing might come and go, but I don't think it will ever go away. I used to be afraid that people would find out, now I don't give a hoot. I dress all the time and go out while dressed. Just be yourself or you will never be happy.

[Jenniferathome]

I am having trouble accepting that I like to crossdress. I love feeling feminine and wearing girls clothes...

Isn't sentence two "accepting" that you like to cross dress? I might add that I am just a normal guy...who likes to cross dress. You are born with it.

[Wildaboutheels]

You ARE confused. Your profile says: "19 yr old crossdresser in college. Trying to explore my crossdressing and become more feminine." The first thing you need to do is make a decision one way or the other. It would appear that you MAY be Bi or have Bi tendencies and dressing as a female, is possibly a way to make you more attractive? [to guys]

Do you even know IF you want to go out in public dressed?

[Julie Bender]

[QUOTE=JuliaC;3231465]I am having trouble accepting that I like to crossdress. I love feeling feminine and wearing girls clothes...but I don't want it to affect the rest of my life. I love being a guy and want a girlfriend really badly. I only find women attractive. But sometimes I have fantasies about men while crossdressed.
Seems normal confusion to me.
Look you live life once and you have to love you. Find a happy compromise.
If you like women all the time but sometimes while feeling pretty you like guys....also normal to me heh I am gg I am bi but been married 29 yrs. my hubby is a cd ...gg who "get it" are out there Hun. But first love yourself and the rest follows
I believe.
And you have come to a good place to get answers and support *hugs*

[JuliaC]

Thanks...that really helped :)

[MysticLady]

I am having trouble accepting that I like to crossdress. I love feeling feminine and wearing girls clothes...but I don't want it to affect the rest of my life. !

Hi Julia, Don't worry. You're single and the pros of this are in your favor. Handle your cross-dressing issues first. Find out where you are in this. Once that's done and are accepting this of yourself then, you can concentrate on the Girlfriend.



I love being a guy and want a girlfriend really badly. I only find women attractive. But sometimes I have fantasies about men while crossdressed.!

The fantasies that you have about men is Lust. Lust is a powerful (emotion?) w/ this. You feel beautiful and you want someone else to also see you that way. Be careful treading this ground.



I just want to be a "normal" guy who doesn't have this desire to crossdress....it isn't constant but when it is it is strong. Help please!

You are normal. What you're feeling are normal human feelings and emotions. Don't worry, just embrace this and morph into your life.

[Princess Grandpa]

Julia I know exactly what your saying. Seeking a therapist is a good idea. You need to evaluate what's going on in your life and come to terms with it. This would be helped by therapy.

There's nothing wrong with you! It occurred to me one day that if any of my friends came put to me they were a crossdresser or transgendered, it would in no way impact how I felt about him/her. So if its ok for others, I'm ok too. I have never been so happy since accepting this.

Hug
Rita

[Leona]

At a certain level, you don't really have a choice. Not accepting means you'll be risking a higher suicide risk (and anybody who thinks suicide is a choice hasn't stared that one down), multiple bouts with depression, unstable relationships, and in the event you DO get a girlfriend, the high likelihood she will be abusive.

If this is a part of you, you MUST accept it. You don't really have a choice. Want to have a healthy life? Want a girlfriend/wife? Want kids? You can have a fake version of all of that by denying this part of yourself, but you will always risk ruining it on a compulsive urge.

So you have to accept it. You have to embrace it. Only then can you control it and let it impact your life in a positive way.

[Alice Torn]

The trouble with therapy, is its very expensive, and unless you are a veteran, and go to the VA, or have a high income, you may have to go to a sliding scale low income clinic.

[marlenesexton]

I'm a normal guy that likes to crossdress. I'm not gay, maybe a little bi (I like transwomen but consider them women and enjoy musicals;) ), sometimes I could care less about dressing, most of the time pantyhose or lingerie and heels is enough, sometimes I get the urge for more. It's not a big deal. Told my wife before I got married. She had the normal, OMG he's gay and/or he's going to want to transition noise but that passed quickly. She loves me for me and for the last 20 years, she's generally been cool with it, very supportive. Besides dressing, I fish, drink beer, scratch, fart, etc. Normal guy ;) Dressing is just another "hobby."

I agree, pin down the dressing first. I think about men when I'm dressed. That's normal. You have a desire to be feminine, if only for a while, and liking men is part of that. Or maybe you're bi. So what? IMHO, most people are but either not enough to act on it or in denial. There are women out there for you, full on crossdressing every weekend, dating men, diva or occasional dressing when the mood strikes and everything in between. Some might tolerate. Some might learn to enjoy. Some might find it the most exciting thing they've ever seen.

Be open and honest, accept rejection as she wasn't right for you (not you are a weirdo), and be patient. You have an advantage many of us didn't. You know what you are and are trying to deal with it before you get into a relationship. If you're open and lucky, you'll never have to deal with a wife that rejects that part of you or is deeply hurt by your betrayal. You'll find the right girl and who knows what kind of "trouble" the two of you will get into :)

[Brooklyn]

How lucky for you to be dealing with this at 19, and not 39! Maybe you will come to see it as a gift, and not a shameful secret. As for a girlfriend, like Rupaul says, "If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?"

[kimdl93]

Fantasies are meaningless in terms of defining ones sexual orientation. And a large percentage boys experiment with same sex encounters of some kind before settling in as hetero...so don't worry about that.

Now, remember this. Cross dressing is an expression of gender identification, not sexual orientation. Repeat that. Now repeat it again. Don't confuse the two.

And now, if you like girls, get out and mingle. Meet people, make friends and try not to get too serious. Let nature run its course.

And finally, dont make a mountain out of a mole hill.. There are lots of 'normal' guys out there with the same desire to dress. It's not a crime. It's not a perversion. It's just an interesting added facet of your personality. Stop viewing yourself as defective. You're not.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Just go with the flow, and do not make a big thing out of it. Just integrate it as a part of you and your life. For example- Today you need to head out to Wal-Mart. While there you buy milk, bread, a DVD or 2, bra, panties, batteries, cat or dog food, a wrench set etc. The point being that your CD-ing items are just thought of as normal every day items with no special signifigance. Or change concerns to financial ones. Do you go on a shopping spree for clothes, or buy that 60' TV on sale? If you feel nervous about looking for or sitting in the check out line, either take advantage of self checkout, or practice by purchasing depends, feminine hygeine products, etc. preferably on Sat morning during a holiday weekend so you get lots of experience buying those items in front of large groups of people.

Fantasies are just that, fantasies. Again let them go or run however you want them as opposed to fighting them and making yourself miserable in the process, because they are your personal fantasies. For example I might have a fantasy about the bank teller I saw last week. Instead of thinking to myself "no I'm married that's cheating" and continuing to stress over it, I will just keep it at the fantasy level and that's it. (Note I'm already preparing my sleeping arrangement on the couch for the next week or 2 once my wife reads this!)

After a period of time the fantasy goes away and life goes on. Or just keep them at a common sense level meaning don't act on them, unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences.:2c: